The first time he didn´t hear his voice for longer than a day came seven years after their debut. As much as Ryeowook had tried to deny it, the day that Yesung would enlist into social service was finally there. As their oldest main vocal wanted to leave without much attention or publicity they had decided to just have a simple dinner in their dorms. Even though the other members had told him they would just order take-out Ryeowook had spent the whole day in the kitchen preparing each one of Yesung´s favorite dishes, ones in a while having to shoo Donghae out of the kitchen who was trying to pinch a bit of everything.

After dinner he had regretted to not have taken the other´s offer to order take-out as he was left to clean innumerous dishes by himself. To his surprise Yesung had followed him into the kitchen, assisting by drying the dishes. When they had finally retreated to their room and gone to bed Ryeowook hadn´t been able to stop the tears that rolled down his face. It had been hard enough on him when Kangin, Heechul and Leeteuk had enlisted but having his best friend, he still carried a secret crush on as well, go had been something else.

Even though he was sure he hadn´t made any sound it didn´t take long until he felt the familiar dip on his mattress. Seconds later he had been wrapped into a warm embrace and his Hyung´s deep voice singing a slow ballade had reached his ears. All his thoughts about the next day had left his brain and sleepiness had taken hold of his body. He had tried his best to keep himself awake so he could enjoy the moment as long as possible but the older´s voice had slowly lulled him into sleep. For a moment he had thought he had felt something wet, like tears, on his neck, but before could have verified it, he had fallen asleep.

When he had woken up the next morning Yesung had already left, only leaving a small note for all the members on the kitchen table telling them, that he would come back safely.

It had been two months since then and he hadn´t heard much from their oldest main vocal so far, except a few short messages telling him that he himself was doing find and reminding the younger to take care of himself.

Plopping down on his bed, exhausted after a long day of schedules, Ryeowook kept staring at his phone, considering whether he should send the older a message or not. He didn´t want to seem clingy but on the other hand he already missed the other. Deciding against it he instead went over to their youngest´s room, a place he had spent a lot of time these weeks. After Yesung had gone, he just couldn´t take it to spend too much time in what used to be their shared room and so he had settled for spending most of his free time in either the kitchen or their Maknae´s room.

Being the Evil Maknae, Kyuhyun had made fun of him a few times but he didn´t seem troubled by the older´s presence and so Ryeowook caught himself spending more and more time in the youngest main vocal´s room, even if he did nothing more than watching said man play his games for hours.

»KyuKyu? « He knocked softly as to not startle the other who was obviously observed in his game, if the sounds of the keyboard were anything to go by. Receiving a mumbled yes he quickly entered the room, plopping down on the younger´s bed immediately. They had done this too many times in this past weeks for them to need any words as Ryeowook watched Kyuhyun send his units into combat. Letting his thoughts fly free he didn´t notice the youngest pausing the game and sitting down beside him.

»Ryeonggu« being addressed directly Ryeowook sat up abruptly in surprise.

»Kyu? « it wasn´t something common for their Maknae to pause his game like this, so the older suspected it to be something important Kyuhyun had on his mind.

»Ryeonggu, you need to forget him! « Ryeowook didn´t need to ask who the younger was talking about. Their Maknae was the one who knew about his crush on their oldest main vocal. He had told him one day when Kyuhyun had confessed his own crush on one of the new trainees to him.

They hadn´t talked much about it after that day so the older was quite surprised by the Kyuhyun bringing it up all of a sudden and so he didn´t know how to reply. Of course he knew Kyuhyun was probably right but it just sounded easier than it really was. The Maknae didn´t seem bothered by his silence though and just continued.

»You are crushing on him for years and didn´t tell him ones «

»But…« Ryeowook tried to defend himself but was interrupted by the younger.

»Ryeonggu, he will be gone for almost two years! You can´t spend the whole time avoiding everything that reminds you of him «

»I can´t help it. I just miss him « the older admitted, receiving a nod in response.

»I know. That´s why there are only two things to do «

»What? « The Eternal Maknae asked carefully. Kyuhyun was seldom this serious and it made him a little afraid of what the younger was going to suggest.

»You can either tell him…«

»No! I can´t do that «Ryeowook interrupted immediately »It´s too risky! What if he gets disgusted? «

»Then you need to forget him! «

»I don´t know if I can « the older mumbled quietly while placing his head on the younger´s shoulder who wrapped his arm around him in return. It didn´t have the effect on him as Yesung´s hugs but it still comforted him a little. There was a small moment of silence before the Maknae spoke up again.

»It´s for your own good! Why don´t you try going out with someone else? What about Dongwoon? He has asked you out a few times and he is a really nice guy «

»I don´t know. I don´t want to give him false hope « Ryeowook was hesitant. He didn´t think it would be that easy but he had to admit that their Maknae was right. He couldn´t spend the next 20 months avoiding everything that reminded him of the oldest main vocal.

»Just give it a try «Kyuhyun squeezed his shoulder comfortingly. Receiving a small nod the younger seemed to be satisfied as he stood up again to resume his game.

Lying down again Ryeowook thought about what their youngest said until sleepiness wash over him. He didn´t bother to stand up and go back to his own room. In the past weeks he had fallen asleep in the Maknae´s bed a few times and Kyuhyun had never complained and instead just gone to the older´s room to sleep.

It was about two weeks after his talk with the Maknae that Ryeowook decided to give it a try. Dongwoon had asked him out again and Kyuhyun was right when he said he was a good guy, the Eternal Maknae knew as well. They had met at shows a before and even though their little they had a few nice talks with each other. Still he felt like it wasn´t right. He felt like he was betraying Yesung and before he knew he had dialed the older´s number. When he noticed what he was doing he intended to hang up immediately, but the other had already picked up the phone.

»Wookie? « Yesung sounded surprised but there was obvious happiness in his voice as well and it made the younger´s heart jump restlessly.

»Hyung, I…I…« he tried to say more but no words left his mouth as all the suppressed feelings of missing the older bubbled up causing his throat to tighten and tears to form in this eyes. Yesung seemed to sense his discomfort and just continued as if nothing happened.

»So how are the members doing? « Being thankful for Yesung´s thoughtfulness Ryeowook gladly filled the oldest main vocal in on the happenings in the dorm and around the other members. They chatted about nothing and everything for a while until Yesung suddenly turned serious.

»And you Wookie? How are you doing? « The sudden change in the older´s attitude surprised the younger and he hesitated for a moment before pressing out a quick “I am fine”. The oldest main vocal didn´t seem satisfied with the answer though.

»So what are you up to these days? «

»Dongwoon asked me out again. « The words left his mouth before he could stop them and Ryeowook silently face palmed himself.

»And? « Yesung´s voice suddenly sounded tense and Ryeowook didn´t know what to say. He didn´t want to lie to the older but he was scared how he would react. On the other hand they had been friends for so long and the other deserved to know that he kind of preferred guys over girls. Taking a deep breath he decided to just hope for the best.

»He´s gonna pick me up tomorrow after his schedule. «

»Why? «

»I…He…He is a nice guy « Ryeowook had expected a lot of reactions but not something like that and it left him pretty unprepared.

»Mhmm…« there was no other reaction from the older and an uncomfortable silence started to fill the like causing Ryeowook to nervously fondle with his blanket. Just as he was sure it couldn´t get any more awkward, the oldest main vocal finally spoke up again.

»Do you have to go, Wookie? « The question surprised the younger to no end and his heart started to beat wildly. Was he just imagining the sadness in his best friend´s voice? Could it be that Yesung didn´t want him to go? Scolding himself inwardly at this irrational thought, he shook his head slightly, before answering.

»Of course. I haven´t been going out since I joined the company. I deserve to find someone to love me « the words hurt his heart to moment they left his lips, but the Eternal Maknae suppressed the tears that welled up in his eyes again. Realization that what he had said himself was right hit him. He deserved to be loved and just because the one he wanted to love him would never do so didn´t mean he couldn´t find someone else.

»Ok, just…just be careful, Wookie! «The sadness in the older´s voice was undeniable now as he quickly said his good byes, leaving Ryeowook to stare at his phone in surprise.

Choosing not to think too much about it, the young Korean placed his phone on the nightstand and snuggled into his blankets. As he closed his eyes the image of his Hyung appeared in front of his inner eye but he quickly pushed it to the back of his mind as he decided it was time to forget about his crush on his best friend.