How long has it been since the last time we spent our very late midnight conversation like this, Song Mino? Now, I am wondering.

A guy who I really want to avoid at all costs is here with me now. His face is a bit smaller than the last time I’ve seen him, three years ago, exactly. He has gotten more taller than before, his natural black hair has now changed—Mino dyed his hair gold. He has changed a lot, and the funny part above all—I am the one who doesn’t change. I still love him quite too much.

“When did you come back, Seul? Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks as he puts a cigarette between his lips and lits it up. I watch the smoke rises straight up and disappears into the darkness of the night.

“I didn't know you smoke before, Mino.” 

He chuckles afterwards and moves an inch closer to me before he gently pats my head. I'm flustered. “People change, Kang Seulgi.” Says him.

Yeah, you've changed too much, Mino. To put it in a nutshell, you look messed up.

“Yeah, they do.” I smile at him as I take one of his cigarettes from his pocket. Following suit, I lit up the cigarette and let the nicotine get inside my throat. He looks at me in disbelief. What now, Mino? We’re looking pretty much ed up, aren’t we?

He grabs my arm, preventing me from smoking. His eyes direct to me, looking at me only and I always love the way he exercises control over me entirely.

“What now, Mino?” I daringly ask.

“You used to hate cigarette and everything related to it.”

“People change, I suppose?”

“How much you ed up yourself in London, Seul?”

My throat dries all of a sudden. Well, if he really wants to know and if I could really tell you the truth, Song Mino—how much I ed up everything in my life—is as much as I  really want you. We will never have this kind of conversation under the starry night skies like we used to. I can’t cross the line by letting him know about my feelings with a highly chance of possibility of me losing him entirely—meaning it's slowly killing me. So, having you here by my side is enough. This is more than enough.

“And how much you ed up yourself here, Mino?” I whisper, trying not to break in tears as much as I can.

“Seul…” Mino leans forward and rests his forehead on my shoulder. I strive not to touch his head and his hair, but I'm not that self-assertive for that, I'm too greedy to take him in my arms. I am too greedy for being his shelter even it will bleed me to death.

“It’s nice to see you back.” He continued speaking.

“Mino-ya…”

“It’s been a long time since I heard that coming through your lips. Actually, I’ve missed your voice quite too much.”

No, Mino. Don’t do this to me.

“Song Mino…”

“Stay here, Seulgi.”

“Mino-ya…”

“I need you.”

That night, Mino tells me everything about his relationship with Irene Unnie and his crashed world, his pain and despair upon their breakup. I know everything and I can understand it better than anyone about losing someone whom you truly love. But what would you do Mino, if you were to lose someone who's not even yours?

But there will always be one or two questions in this life that will remain unanswered. And here I am, doing this thing again—no matter how far I've ran away, I will constantly go back to where you at, when you need me, when you call my name hopelessly, when I should’ve gotten you out of my life. Five years I’ve wasted my life for loving you, it took three years to keep myself away from you and a day to crush it all into tiniest pieces, but I just can’t care less since I'm addicted to this excruciating pain called loving Song Mino.

*

Today is my first day of working as a Public Relation in one of the largest advertising firm in this town. Working as a Public Relation is kind of fun and challenging at the same time. The entire focus on the PR specialist’s work is to build relationship with the people who buy the products or use the service of the company they represent. It’s quite funny, how I work to build a good relationship with others meanwhile my own relationship is remained a mess.

After a little introduction to Mr. Lee or I can call him now as my new boss—he leads me out of his office room to a big and solid sandstone desk across his office room. Behind that solid sandstone desk, a very attractive woman with a blonde hair smiles pleasantly at me, which surprises me because she is none other than Bae Irene.

“Kang Seulgi!”

“Do you know each other?” Mr. Lee asks me and I just nods to him. Well, I still can’t find a way to hide this sudden coincidence. This means I will work in the same place as Irene Unnie.

“It’s great if you do know each other.” Mr. Lee continues. Yeah, it is great. “Irene, would you please accompany Miss Kang to look around our office building?”

“Sure, Mr. Lee.”

“Thank you, Irene and please reminder me about today's meeting.” Mr. Lee says as he goes back to his room.

Irene Unnie still looks astonished and I feel kind of awkward by the way she stares at me. “Unnie… I’m not a ghost. Stop looking at me like that.”

“I am sorry, Seulgi. I was so surprised to see you come back and now you’re working at the same place as me. It's just… how could you?!”

Well, Irene Unnie still looks the same. Pretty and elegantly stunning—she has that aura that will make any girl in world envies of her, including me.

“I am sorry, Unnie. I lost all my contact list when I got here.” Lying, of course. What would happen if I told you I’m sick of you, Unnie?

“I see, but it doesn’t matter anyway. We can see each other every day from now on, does it sound good?” She says excitedly and I just—once again, putting a fake smile on.

Actually, saying that I am sick of her is the only thing that I’ve made up to make me feel better because the truth and the actual part is, I am sick of myself who can’t stand between this circle of mess—Irene who has never been serious about Mino, Mino who is desperately in love with Irene and I, someone who's clued in everything about this mess but still devotes her whole world to him.

This whole mess won’t come to an end.

Sadly, I know this, but I can’t seem to find a way how to stop and I really do wonder now—is being selfish really okay for once?

“Come on, Seul! I will show you about our workplace.”

And that is it, she takes me along and accompanies me to do a little tour at our workplace and I can’t really remember how much I’ve been saying and mentioning my name over and over again. Remembering all new faces and names of my soon-to-be coworkers—and if you think of going through the first day of a new job is pretty much the same as the first day you attend school, you’re wrong