SONG MINO

The almost invisible autumn rain hasn’t stopped a bit since last night. I can sense the smell of the green grass and wet soil, what a strange thing—it calms me better than all these cans of beer.

I haven’t slept since the last night I took Seulgi to her rooftop apartment, our favorite place in the middle of our chaotic days. I thought of Irene throughout the night as always, but not as much as I thought about her in the previous night or any other night. Surprisingly, my mind has slowly directed only to Seulgi. I didn’t know if she was holding too much feeling. I did wonder who that bastard guy was.

The room seems dark when suddenly a light comes from the front door, followed by the sound of the footsteps coming after me.

“Oh, you’re home already.” Lee Seunghoon has returned from wherever he's been. He turns on the light and takes an empty can of beer which he probably doesn't expect it to be empty. “. It’s empty.” He curses under his breath.

I laugh. Lee Seunghoon is my roommate and we’ve been renting this flat together since our university days.

“Where have you been?”

“Where do you think I was? And why are you here?”

“Ah... Who’s your victim now? Baek Ayeon? The girl from the Dentistry department?”

Seunghoon jokingly punches my shoulder. “Yah! That is far better than you. I won’t be crying because of that motherer known as heartbreak.”

“Can you just chill, hyung?”

“Why did you comeback so early?” Seunghoon says as he gulps down his water.

“I’ve met Seulgi.”

Seunghoon widens his narrow eyes at the moment I mention Seulgi's name.

“Kang Seulgi? Kang freaking Seulgi? That beautiful Kang Seulgi?”

“Cut the off, hyung.” I glare. “Do not touch Seulgi.”

 “Whoa, chill man.” He giggles. “She’s back already?”

I just nod to him. Seunghoon lits up his cigarettes and watches me, he will probably say that I look like a perfect mess.

“Hey, Song Mino, why don’t you just date Seulgi instead?” His remarks have successfully made taken me by surprise. What now? Dating Seulgi? That was such a bad joke if I could say.

“I pretend that I didn’t hear anything, hyung.”

“I’m not saying , Mino. I meant it. Like seriously, Seulgi is beautiful, you do know her in a long time, she’s perfect after all, don't you agree?”

“She is and for your information, she’s my best friend.”

“So what? If she can make you forget about Irene, why don’t you just give a try?”

“Hyung, honestly, your idea was kind of a bad joke. How can I date a girl whom I don’t even love at all and more importantly, my freaking best friend?”

Seunghoon inhales the smoke and exhales it through his lips. He watches the smoke rising up to the air.

“I know my idea will sound so ridiculous, but if I were you, maybe I would try to forget her by finding a new one. I mean, you need to see the world, Mino. This way, by locking yourself up in your despair of heartbreak won’t bring you out of nowhere and maybe, just maybe, the person who's able to save you is the person you're closest to.” He smokes half of his cigarette, then crushes it down to the ashtray beside him. “Dating your best friend isn't a bad idea after all—you see, Seungyoon and Eunji?” Seunghoon continues.

I remain silent for a moment. Strangely, my mind starts to imagine the most impossible thing in my life—dating Kang Seulgi, I wonder how strange it would be. But on the other hand, Seunghoon is right, Seulgi is beautiful and she has always been beautiful, she has everything that can make every normal guy in this world head over heels with her instantly. However, there is one guy—a guy who's probably blind not to notice Seulgi. It really makes me curious about this guy—for the very first time I've felt curious about Kang Seulgi and the world inside her mind.

“But, Seulgi, she loves someone. She even suffered a lot because of this guy.” I begin to speak.

“Oh, don’t you think it’s good? You’re both in the same boat. She can be your savior and you can be hers.”

“That's not what I meant, hyung.” I let out a small sigh before I continue. “I'm just curious about this guy.”

Seunghoon shows his irritated look for all to see. “How am I supposed to know? I’m not Kang Seulgi, you go ask her on your own!”

“She wouldn’t tell me.”

“Say it Mino, what if, what if that guy is you?” I turn my gaze, facing Seunghoon in disbelief.

“Hyung, I told you not to joke around.”

“It was just a freaking ‘what if’ question Mino, you don’t need to be so pressed.” He murmurs, he flipps his Esse packet over and over in his hand.

We keep quiet for a moment. I know Seunghoon is still waiting for my answer and the sound of the ticking clock makes me feel as if he will point a gun to my head in next to no time, if I stay in silence.

“I don’t know, hyung. If I were the guy, maybe I wouldn’t be able to take those facts easily that I made Seulgi suffered a lot after all this time.”

He sighs, disappointed with my answer. “I don’t understand you at all.”

*

On Sunday afternoon, right after I have had enough of locking myself up in my own studio for the whole night, I take a five-minute walk to the nearby restaurant around my studio. I’m working as a musician, making music and such things, but these past three months, everything has turned upside down.

For a moment I let my mind drown into my own world and I remember what Hugh Jackman, my favorite actor said on his interview, ‘there’s some dysfunction of needing to be liked or noticed or to feel part of things.’ That words have successfully struck into me, I suddenly look back on how I've turned into a different person with emotional dysfunction. For all these years, I’ve been struggling so much to get noticed, to be someone Irene could rely on and be the part of her world—however I’ve never been close to her heart.

I let out a small sigh as I reach the entrance door. The place is located on the backstreet, so it is rather quiet and not really packed, you can relax here which is good for me. I throw my gaze around the entire place of this small restaurant through the window. The place is really quiet as I expected, there are only a group of students and an old couple sitting in the corner there. I know that old couple, they’ve been regular visitors since ten years ago and they even said this restaurant have the most delicious scramble eggs.

Finally, I enter the restaurant and take a seat near the window. A young waitress comes a couple minute after. She’s Youngji, I’ve known her name since I've become a regular visitor here as well, but the reason why I became the regular visitor here is not because of the scramble eggs. I love the view of this place and I hope, well just hoping, I could take a break from my own hell, just for a moment.

Just for a moment let me escape from the thought of you, Irene.

“Hello, Mino.” Youngji warmly greets me. She doesn't give me any menu book whatsoever because I’ll always order the same meal and drink, chicken fried rice and black coffee. “As usual?” She continues.

“Yes.” I smiles back.

“Seriously, you need to bring someone. You looks like a perfect loner here.”

“You can sit here and join me.”

“No, thank you. I don’t want to get fired.”

I silently laugh.

“Please wait a moment, your order will be ready in ten minutes. Have a good day, Sir.” Say Youngji politely as she takes her leave.

I sigh once again. Before the memories of Irene begin to haunt me. I take out my notebook and plug my headphone into my ears and turn on my iPod, the first song comes from Debussy 'Prelude to the afternoon of a faun'. I know, it is very classic and maybe it doesn't suit me at all since I've always known forn leaning toward hip hop more but no one actually knows I’ve been so into classical music since I was young.

Maybe, all of you will be considered me as a lucky person for having v