WANG JACKSON

I ended up taking Seulgi to my place, she was totally wasted last night and since I don’t have a clue about where her place was, I thought the only option left was to bring her here. Bright early morning light floods in the room, such a lovely and warm morning. I check my alarm clock; it’s six in the morning. I stretch out my arm and stare at the white ceilings over me, thinking about what I did last night then I sit and look at Seulgi. She’s been sleeping soundlessly—don’t get me wrong, because we didn’t do anything after we kissed.

The strange thing is, I know that the kiss last night was just a kiss to get her mind distracted. The fact that I didn’t even bother by that kiss really made me wonder. It seems like I have gotten away with the devils inside me. I should have not let myself go along with her games. I should have put my guard up because the more I see her; the more I notice the resemblances between us.  It feels like I am staring into my own reflection.

Behind every mask, there’s a face and behind that face, there’s a story. Maybe I can’t fully predict what’s gotten inside her mind since I am not a ing mind reader, nevertheless I know she’s broken, she’s frightened and she’s dying to run away.

The kiss that she asked for, was just a kiss that she used to play with every other guy and sadly, Wang Jackson, someone who should have known this better, has been successfully fallen into the game that he used to be engaged with other women—I secretly curse myself internally.

But, why did I let her be?

I always wonder, how can some people look like pretty much alike, despite of all the differences that we’ve got? And the most interesting part is; sometimes someone who can easily notice the resemblances between them is the one that has been feeling the exact same way as they are.

I believe many people are doing a different thing in their life in order to get the better of a goddamn heartbreak. Some will get their asses really busy as much as they can, some will let their selves in grief for years, some will just try to find a new one, but do you know between all those things, as much as time can heal your heartache, a heartbreak will always leave a bruise—some are invisible, some are not.

In my case, I’ve been doing too many meaningless things in my life just to make me forget about the excruciating pain that used to haunt me all these years. Just like her.

If I can describe it, falling in love feels like we’re learning to ride a bicycle. We’re going to fall countless times before we get steady. At the end, some of us will get excited and keep riding, but some will be frightened to go on.

I’ve never taken any woman seriously because I am not very sure if I’m ready to lose someone once again. But deep down here, I secretly wish I can be brave enough to fall in love again.

And for the first time in forever, I really want to give another try.

KANG SEULGI

A really bright morning light greets me for the first time as I wake up. I stretch out in bed, I feel so tired and my head starts spinning so badly. I sit up and throw a gaze around this unfamiliar room. A very distinct scent of the wooden fills the air.

“This is not my room…”

“Bingo,” I automatically gaze at the source of the voice. “Welcome to my room.” I stare at Jackson, still trying to recall what I did last night or maybe what we did last night.

Secretly, I glance at my upper body under the blanket, I’m still perfectly wearing the same clothes like yesterday.

“Don’t worry, we didn’t do anything.” Jackson reassures me as he brings me a pancake for breakfast. My stomach faintly growls.

“Why don’t you just take me home instead?”

“As if I know where the your place is.”

“As if you can’t ing ask at all?”

Jackson seems irritated as I accidentally hear him silently curses.

“So, I should’ve asked Song Mino? Because he was the only person you mentioned throughout the night.”

I run pass him instantly, searching for my iPhone to do a quick check, just in case I really did something stupid like calling him and saying something even more stupid that would turn out to be a total chaos but annoyingly, I can’t check it because my phone ran out of battery.

“I didn’t do something stupid, did I?” I ask Jackson.

“No, you didn’t but we did something stupid.”

Sweats drench my head as soon as Jackson states that. I try to recall anything but it seems like I can’t even remember a thing. Screw the alcohol.

 I stare at Jackson impassively; he smirks and takes a few steps closer to me. Now, we’re having a staring competition, none of us trying to say a word until our lips meet each other. I don’t give him any response in advance.

“We kissed last night and I know what that kiss meant.”

I still stare impassively at him. “Tell me.”

“You just wanted to get yourself distracted, if my guesses were true, letting yourself to get wasted is one of your ways to get distracted as well.” He says as he put his hands around my hips and I let him be. Up till now, all his guesses are all true.

“Why should I act like that?” Now, I gently push him away but he catches my wrist before I can make a proper space between us.

His eyes are examining me. “Because people wants to feel happy even it is not real.”

His words have successfully struck me and I can’t seem to find the right word to respond, even worse I can’t face him in the eye.

“Song Mino—” Jackson starts to speak again. “Do you love him?”

“I do love him, so much I can’t even tell how much it is.” I sigh bitterly and let my head rest on his chest. He wraps me and pulls me into his arm. “I was thinking, maybe one day he would end up liking me, but yesterday I realized that I was wrong—he can’t love me and he will never be.”

“Then quit it, Kang Seulgi.”

“If I could, I would, Jackson.”

Jackson turns his gaze to me. His gaze is looking intense and very serious. “It’s okay to walk out of someone’s life if you don’t feel like you belong in it anymore, because I’ve been done that.”

And I don’t know what was the thing that gotten inside my head, but I let him kiss me for the third time and this time, I kiss him back. I know, I am crazy.

*

At 9 in the morning, Jackson drives me home. It takes only ten-minutes for us to reach my apartment building. Well, I don’t expect that his place is located just a couple blocks away from mine.

Jackson insists on accompanying me. He says that he will go after he makes sure I reach my place safely. But before we can reach the front door of my apartment, I can see a very familiar person whom I can easily recognize instantly. Yes, Song Mino. Our eyes meet and I can barely move an inch as soon as he runs after me.

His sweaty hands are the first things that touch my arms. “Kang Seulgi! Where the hell have you been?!” He asks, his breathe seems unsteady, anxiousness is written very clearly on his expression.

“I have something I need to do last night.” I lie.

“Why don’t you just tell me?!” Mino hisses and it is made me a bit startled. I never expected he would be getting this worried.

At that time, I secretly glance at Jackson. He’s about to grab Mino by arm, but I’m in time to pull him away. I give a sign to Mino; it is enough to make him understand I need a time to talk to Jackson.

“I think you can go home now, Jackson. Thanks for letting me stay at your place.” I say softly.

“Are you sure you can face him alone?” He looks anxiously at me.

“Yeah, I’m sure I can face him. Just let me fix this on my own.” I try to convince him. Sadly, that line I spoke a moment ago couldn’t give me any significant effect.

Jackson then smiles warmly as he pats my head gently. His finger traces over my jaw line before he plants a kiss on my right cheek and I secretly glance at Mino, my blood chills. He watches me there, standing still with an unreadable expression.

“Alright, just tell me if anything happens.” He says before left.

 “Is he Wang Jackson?” Mino suddenly asks me.

I gaze at him. “Do you know each other?”

“I just happened to know him.” Mino answers shortly, then he faces me in the eyes. “Are you two dating?”

We remain silent for a moment. Mino is still waiting for my answer, his eyes demands for an explanation. However, in any other way, do I need to give him any explanation? And if I did, he had nothing to do with that.

“No, he’s just my friend and we just happened to have the same advertising project.” I give him an explanation, not entirely a lie though.

Mino still remains silent as I walk to the front door and unlock the door. The ‘click’ sound which is coming from the door is the thing that brought Mino back from his own thoughts. He stares deeply at me.

“A friend don’t kiss like that.”

I blink at him. Is he jealous?

“How’s Irene unnie?”

He sighs and gives me chills down my spine because of his intense gaze on me. “We’re not talking about Irene here.”

I don’t know if I have any obligation to tell him or not, but I insist not to give him another explanation. I walk inside, Mino tails behind me.

“I know Jackson isn’t a good guy.” He states.

I spin around and face him. “It’s none of your business, Mino.”

The situation around us has turned to be ridiculously tense and absurd. Mino walks closer to me. His eyes soften as he puts his hands around my cheek. He gently caresses it.

“I am really curious, I really am, Seul. Is Jackson the guy we were talking about?”

I don’t know what should I do with this absurd situation. Seeing Mino acts this way has successfully made my shameless mind think about the entire ty possibilities between us.

Get your ing mind straight, Kang Seulgi.

He can’t love me and I’ve known it better than anyone else. However, the devils inside me softly whisper.

 “What? Are you jealous?” I blurt it out without any hesitation anymore.

I keep waiting for his answer. I don’t even realize when my heartbeat races rapidly and once again, Mino gives me that kind of an unreadable expression. The more he stares at me the more I feel an emotional pain inside my chest.

“I don’t want you to get hurt, Seul. You’re my dear friend.”

Wrong answer, Mino. Wrong answer.

I hug him briefly before I let him go, or I won’t be able to hold back my tears.

“I will be okay and he’s not the guy we were talking about.” I force a smile.

“Promise me you will take care of yourself? And promise you won’t be running away from me anymore?”

I nod and smile. Oh it, at any rate, I will break in tears at any moment. So, I just turn around and walk straight to my kitchen as I try to compose myself.

“Have you had breakfast? I can make you some toasts.” I ask, still manage to speak casually.

“Kang Seulgi…” His voice echoes into the air.

“Do you want a strawberry jam or nutella?”

“Kang Seulgi, please promise me.”

Tears begin to ooze out from my eyes. I secretly wipe my tears away with the back of my hand before I turn around to look at him in the eye. Just put your mask on, Kang Seulgi.

“I promise you. I will take care of myself and I won’t—” I inhale so