Airport, one of the most fascinating place I've ever known. Have you ever seen how fascinating an Airport can be? This Airport hall has seen more sincere kisses than a wedding hall, an effort of waiting someone you love to come back, to feel their warm hug back to your arms.

One thing that I find really fascinating is, everybody here has a destination. You can look at the departure board hanging on the wall, three words to describe where you  will go, your destination. JFK, ICN, SIN, CGK, DPS, LHR, DXB, LAX, CDG, HND and so on. Those three words are printed on your boarding pass as well. Everybody has a destination, except for me.

I hold my boarding pass and stare at it for a while. ICN is printed on that tiny paper—Incheon Int'l Airport, the gateway to bring me back to my hometown, Seoul. Finally, the time I have to come back has come. I am coming back to my hometown, the place that is supposed to be my home. However, the word 'home' has a different meaning to me. Home isn't only a place you're staying at but the place where you belong, the place where you should go, the place where your destination should be. Home is a long hug and thousand kisses with someone you love. Home is a person you're really missing. And, I don't have a place like home because I am homeless.

The announcer has already announced the boarding time as I wake up from my daydreaming about home. I get up from my seat and check my belonging over  before I head off to the boarding gate.

This is it. I am coming back home after three years. In three years that I really hope I've changed.

*

It's been a week since I've returned to Seoul. It’s finally passed summer in Seoul, the green tree leaves have turned into reddish yellow, rainy clouds have also cleared off, revealing the clear blue sky, leaving the gloomy weather behind. Some people call it fall foliage, or better known as autumn. But I would rather refer it to the season of smelly seeds, somehow the smell of the seeds will give you a calm feeling. Just take a deep breath, inhale and exhale it and let that smell stream down on every cells of your body.

Seoul always looks lovely when autumn comes. One of the reason why I've missed and been crazily in love with this city way too much. Back when I stayed in London, I had been missing how beautiful autumn in Seoul could be. Autumn in London and Seoul are totally different. London weather , big time. Rain will fall intensely when autumn comes, you will never see this deep beautiful autumn hues of the fallen red maple leaves as lovely as Seoul offers.

But, on the contrary, no one hates Seoul as much as I do. This city knows too much about something I wish I didn't remember, because this city holds too many memories about him—and I still can’t figure out how to keep myself sane enough whenever I catch sight of every corner of this city without imagining his face on my mind.

From our usual bus line that we used to take together to his favorite coffee shop in Hongdae, his favorite street food stand around Myeongdong, his favorite restaurant, the convenience store that he used to go whenever he felt hungry in the middle of the night. Call me crazy, because maybe—I really am. Even worse, when everybody seems to enjoy this pleasant afternoon around Han River, I can’t see Han River the same way as before without feeling bitter and almost choked up.

I can’t see anything but him, Song Mino.

And I don’t know what’s more tragic than to keep looking for him to wherever I go or to become aware of the fact that he's never here with me and will never be.

Five ing years I've wasted my time for loving the one whom doesn’t even love me back.

“Ah… Having a meal around Han River isn’t really a bad idea.” Wendy, my long-time best friend who already knows me inside out asked me to come along with her and we just finished our decent early dinner.

I throw a smile at her as I open my second beer. “I really missed Korea.”

“You said you missed Korea but you didn’t even come back for three ing years.”

I chuckle at her remarks, not even giving her any proper answer. I bet she already knew the answer why—why I didn’t come back for three years, why I ran away from this place.

“Why did you come back, Seul?” Wendy asks, she fixates her eyes on me.

“Didn’t you miss me, Son Seungwan?”

“I did, pabo. But…” Wendy looks hesitated before continuing her words. “Have you met Mino?”

Guess,