[CONTENTID1]CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]

It took a while for the pain to ease from my heart, yet a throb still remained- a small little thing reminding me of my own faults at every step I took. It was annoying, to be reminded of what needs to be done by my own body, by my own pain, yet at the same time it was guilt crawling in my stomach.

JeongGuk’s phone number still lay on the table where YoonGi had left it a couple of days ago, crumpled from the numerous times where I nearly dialled the digits into my phone and called the younger to cry and apologize and beg to be forgiven for being such a poor friend.

Were we friends anymore?

Were we ever friends at all?

Avoiding the boys in school seemed like an easier task each day, no longer a chore. Yet there was one that always managed to find me anyway, claiming it was unintentional- that Min YoonGi. It was clear he had a lot to say, yet each time he saw me he settled for silence, and as time passed, just as I was better at avoiding the confrontation, the silence between us was becoming less and less awkward.

The tension that settled between JeongGuk and JiMin I found out from Kim Tan, the younger being scared to even talk about two of his older friends. “They became enemies in a span of a day, really,” he had claimed, his eyes sad and downcast. It broke my heart to know that I must have been the reason for that.

I really did need to call JeongGuk. I really did. Yet my hands and insides were shaking and quivering in fear of being yelled at and rejected. It was pathetic, really. I was pathetic.

The day came to night, and as the sky was painted a deep blue and my nerves finally frayed from all the forceful studying I tried to put myself against to avoid more important things, I stepped out into the small, clustered balcony, cigarettes in hand and lighter in another.

My foot tapped anxiously against the concrete and my face was strained as I thought that right now would be a great time to call the number and say all I wanted to say. It was late, though, and Gods knew where JeongGuk was, anyway. Maybe he was sleeping. Maybe he couldn’t answer. Maybe he won’t bother answering, even if he could.

My head shook without me even realizing, and the pack of cigarettes was suddenly on the ground, my hands slapping my cheeks to the point where my eyes watered.

Excuses won’t make your life better, MiRan. Take your phone and call him. It will be easier to live with a free conscience no matter what he says. Do. It.

With a sudden rush of anger my hand slipped to my shorts’ back pocket and took out the phone, dialling the number without the sheet- I had seen the number one too many times already, memorized it a hundred times more.

It took barely three rings to get through, and as soon as I heard the call being picked up, I spoke, “Jeon JeongGuk, I am so sorry for being a horrible friend. I am so sorry for not helping you when you were beaten up. I am so sorry for being here. I am terribly, so ing sorry…” my voice faded more and more towards the end of my sentences, the anger rushing out as soon as it came, leaving me bare and vulnerable.

“MiRan, it’s fine.” His voice, airy and full of some kind of relief, rung in my ears. He sounded so close, yet was so far. “It shouldn’t be you apologizing, but JiMin. I was never angry. Well maybe I was because you left, but that shouldn’t put you into a position where you should apologize for being here.”

My breath was knocked out of me as I stared at the sky. “What?”

“Nobody is angry with you, Hwang MiRan. We miss you. Or at least I do. I’m sure HoSeok misses you, too. And SeokJin.” He was controlling his voice, I realized up