(A/N): Hello everyone!! Did you think I wouldn't write anymore? Don't be silly~ While I battle my writer's block for the other stories; I decided to do this and hopefully it'll help me. So this is based on that tragic day. What's 930? I've never heard of this. What happened that day? (This is my way of trying to forget that day) I hope you guys like it and I work harder whenever anyone comments so until next time~~ Bye~~

---

 

The first few weeks were definitely the hardest for her -- for all of them really. Not only was it difficult to explain the situation that they were all in but how was she suppose to explain to the others that it was different for her.

 

That her sudden departure took a toll on her and that it felt as if her whole world was crashing -- how was she suppose to explain that feeling without breaking down in tears at the realization that she wasn't coming back; no matter how many times they've -- she's apologized... it wouldn't bring her back and it hurt.

 

How was Tiffany suppose to explain the pain when everyone else around her thinks she's breaking down just because she's Jessica's best friend.

 

Was that ever true though?

 

Was that why she felt this way?

 

She knew that that wasn't really the reason why her whole world has been turned upside down. She would laugh at anyone who dared to tell her that what she was feeling at the moment was simply because she was her friend; because Tiffany knew better than that.

 

It wasn't just friendship between them and Tiffany knew it well.

 

She just doesn't know how Jessica feels about it, much less about her and although it hurt, Tiffany knew that Jessica felt something -- otherwise the older girl had a lot to explain.

 

Especially that one night after their many practices. Tiffany's never been one to forget things like that.

 

Jessica should know better.

 

---

 

"I told you I don't really know, unnie."

 

Tiffany sighed as she leaned further back into the chair, her drink had alreally begun to cool as the steam began reducing itself little by little. She watched as the snow outside the window continuously falls at a steady pace and she wonders if it compares to how fast she had fallen -- she tries to ignore the way her heart suddenly feels heavier and instead eyes the younger girl sitting in front of her.

 

"Do you honestly expect me to believe that, Soojung? I know she tells you everything."

 

The younger girl sighs before her hands reach out to cup the hot drink -- trying to absorb the minimal warmth onto her cold fingertips. Her dark hair was pushed to the side and her eyes drooped as if she were tired, with their schedual Tiffany wouldn't expect anything else -- but the way her familiar brown coloured eyes shift up to meet hers only intensified the want to see Soojungs's older sister.

 

"Maybe my sister doesn't want to be found right now."

 

Tiffany just grew more impatient and although she loved the younger girl as if she were her own sister, the need to find jessica was far greater, "Was that what Jessica told you to tell me when I asked about her whereabouts?"

 

"Honestly! Is it not enough that some of her groupmates agreed to let her go?" Soojung was growing even more irritated as she continued speaking, using her native tongue to get through to the older girl, "And you know -- that's putting it lightly. All I know is that Jessica wants to be left alone right now and no matter how many times you seek me out, I won't tell you anything unless she wants to speak to you."

 

Tiffany just remained quiet as she watched the steam from her cup rise before sighing, "Well, your sister doesn't want to talk to me. Do you think it was easy for us to let her go? It's always been nine and yeah, some members might not agree with Jessica but who are we to stop her from chasing her dreams -- even if it's different from what we dreamt about together."

 

"It doesn't matter anymore though," she stands up before giving the younger girl a smile that didn't reach her eyes but sometime in the past few months she'd grown tired of faking her smiles, "Just let her know how much I miss her and that I'm sorry."

 

---

 

"Do you ever regret going along with the fans assuptions of us?"

 

Taeyeon looked up from her phone and spotted the taller girl making her way around the sofa before sitting down while facing her. Taeyeon noticed the bags under her eyes and how red they are but like every other time that Tiffany's gone out of her way to talk to her -- Taeyeon no longer questions her appearance and she knows that Tiffany apreciates it.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

Tiffany eyes her before her gaze drops to the band around her finger and Taeyeon feels a tug on her heart at the sight of the familiar promise ring -- the ones Tiffany shares with Jessica, Taeyeon hasn't seen Tiffany wear those rings in so long.

 

Taeyeon watches the younger girl fiddle with the ring before Tiffany speaks up quietly between them, "You know... the whole Taeny thing."

 

Taeyeon remains quiet for quite a long time before she tries to speak, her voice heavy with a knot in , "I don't think -- do you regret it?"

 

Tiffany simply stares at the ring on her finger and Taeyeon tries to quench the feeling rising in her chest, she tries so hard but it hurts. They've never mentioned it before, well, at least not like this; with Jessica's presence lingering long after the other girl has left and Taeyeon knows she shouldn't be feeling like this but she's neglected her feelings for so long and it hurts.

 

"It's not like I regret it per se, " Tiffany begins, "but I just never understood why people loved it so much -- we never did anything. And it's dumb but I can't help but feel like this started after Jessica and you stopped getting along..."

 

Taeyeon looked up before answering her, "It's not like we stopped getting along, Fany-ah. I guess we just drifted apart."

 

"Yeah, but neither you nor Jessica explained it to the girls -- to me, we were all so close back then."

 

Taeyeon never wanted the girls and especially Tiffany to know that the reason they drifted apart -- as Taeyeon had put it -- was because one day Jessica had confronted Taeyeon about her feelings for Tiffany and the older girl couldn't deny it, she just never expected Jessica to tell her that she felt something for Tiffany as well.

 

She guessed they stopped getting along after that, knowing that your friend has feelings for the same person you do isn't always a good thing well, it never is. Since that day forward it's been an underlying rivalry between them.

 

"We're entitled to some privacy though, right?"

 

Tiffany sighed before standing up, "I dont regret it Taeyeon, it just wasn't what I wanted."

 

Taeyeon couldnt help but register Tiffany's words differently: "You just weren't what I wanted."

 

Taeyeon's eyes never drifted from that ring as Tiffany proceeded to return to her room and she guesses it probably never really was a rivalry between them.

 

Maybe just maybe Jessica already had a hold of Tiffany's heart.

 

Knowing that it still hurt.

 

---

 

"This is quite a good change, isn't it, Soojung-ah?"

 

Tiffany had said as she removed her jacket and draped it behind the chair before she took a seat in front of the younger girl. Soojung simply gave her a small smile and took a sip from her drink, her hair as dyed a different colour and Tiffany guessed it was for their next comback.

 

How long has it been since then, Tiffany no longer knows.

 

"How have you been, Tiffany unnie?" Soojung questions her as the older girl removed her glasses and orders a drink, "I'm not here to tell you things you probably already know."

 

Tiffany layed her head upon her hand as she questioned the younger girl, "Yes, why are we here then Soojung?"

 

Soojung laughed and it's the first time Tiffany has heard her do that since the news of her sister leaving and it was nice, she welcomed it, "Suddenly I'm being treated like the messenger."

 

Tiffany cocked her head to the side before inquiring, "What exactly do you mean by that?"

 

Soojung dropped her smile before reaching into her purse and pulling out a white envelope, "Jessica unnie asked me to give this to you, she says she's sorry for being late and that she expects you to go"

 

"Wait--" Tiffany couldn't find any words before she sees the younger girl stand up and head out but not before giving her a smile and waving good bye. Tiffany simply stared at her incredulously before her eyes shifted towards the white envelope resting atop the table's covered surface.

 

She reached out and opened it slowly, her heart pounding against her chest in anticipation, this would be the first time in two and a half months of not hearing anything from Jessica to actually having the slightly older girl seek her out.

 

She pulled out the carefully folded card and read it over curious as to why a white napkin was placed inside.

 

Meet me at our usual place by the Han river whenever you're ready.

 

Tiffany smiled as she remembered and her smile widen as she wrapped her hand around the white napkin.

 

---

 

Their usual place consisted of a bench overlooking the Han river. It wasn't anything special but to Tiffany that insignificant bench held most of her heart and for Jessica to tell her to meet her there just made her heart race at the possibilities.

That insignificant bench was where they held their first kiss and at that moment Tiffany never dared to question the way her heart had increased rapidly, at the time Tiffany had pegged it on the adrenaline coursing through her body long after their shared dance practice was over -- she should have known better than that.

 

That night wasn't any different from the ones they'd usually spent together but at the same time it didn't compare to the other times and Tiffany had been scared about the slight change that had taken place. Even so, Tiffany didn't reject it.

 

They had gotten ice cream from a store around the corner before they had settled on the bench and laughed at the many things that had seemed fun to them back then. Tiffany had been so busy listening to Jessica talk, admiring her voice that she had forgotten to eat her ice cream.

 

The older girl had noticed the ice cream melting and had given Tiffany a napkin before wiping on the corner of where a bit of the soft dessert lingered and all Tiffany had done at the moment was stare at the way Jessica's eyes had lingered on her lips long after she had wiped it off.

 

"Do you think we'll ever debut?" Jessica had asked after looking away from Tiffany and instead focused on the calming water in front of her, occasionally eating her own vanilla flavoured ice cream.

 

Tiffany spared her a glance, quietly taking in the sight of the way Jessica's pink tongue darted out as she continuously ate her ice cream, "Yeah, I have faith that we will."

 

Tiffany heard Jessica hum lightly beside her before she continued speaking, "It be nice if we debut together don't you think?"

 

"Yeah it would. Who else would be able to keep up with you?" Jessica laughed silently and although the older girl wasn't singing at all, the younger couldn't help but hope for Jessica to keep that note forever.

 

"But you know," Jessica started once more, "there are others among us who've trained equally as hard as us, if not more. How are we any more especial than them?"

Tiffany hummed before looking away from Jessica and looking up at the stars, "Well, you're right. We're just another star among countless other stars in the sky. But you know, some stars shine brighter than others, Jessi. We can only have faith in the way things will work out."

 

"Don't you ever want to go home?" Jessica questioned as she wipes her hands with her own napkin, the ice cream has long been eaten as she stood up and threw the remnants away, "Don't you ever feel like giving up?"

"Don't we all have those moments of doubt, though?" Tiffany had asked as she too, threw away her cup before seating back down and facing the slightly older girl, "Why do you ask, have you given up?"

 

"It's just," Jessica paused before turning away from Tiffany, "I've been training for almost six and a half years, Tiff. Maybe I'm not cut out for this."

 

"You know, I do get homesick. I do miss my dad a lot during hard times but I guess I can put up with this because it's something I've always wanted. You can't just give up because of how long it's taking you to get where you want to be, Jessi. Anyway, you promised we would debut together, remember?"

 

Jessica nodded.

 

Tiffany looked away and looked up at the stars, no matter how far she was from her family she found comfort looking at the sky, knowing that her family was under the same sky as her, no matter how far they were from each other.

 

She heard Jessica moving around but she didn't bother to look back at her and instead focused on the way the city lights reflected on the water's surface.

 

"Stephanie."

 

Tiffany glanced at Jessica curiously and the older girl gave her a smile she couldn't quite read, "Let's do something you've always wanted to do."

 

She stared at Jessica before looking away and looking at the stars, "What are you talking about, don't be weird." She heard Jessica laugh before Tiffany spoke up again, "Anything I want?"

 

Jessica nodded in confirmation and Tiffany smiled, "Okay, then... dance with me."

 

The other girl stared at her dumbfounded, "Dance with you?"

 

Tiffany nodded, "You said anything I wanted and I want to dance. Besides I could use the practice since in a few weeks we'll be going to prom."

 

"Then... can't you ask any others?"

 

"Well, I want to dance with you, Jessi."

 

Jessica shook her head before chuckling and standing up, "Okay, okay. Just one dance... am I leading?"

 

Tiffany laughed along before answering her with a nod.

 

It wasn't the best dance. It was awkward and Jessica couldn't meet her eyes but it was everything Tiffany had wanted back then. She had stepped on Jessica's feet a few times and they almost stumbled and fell but it was fun and they were both laughing and at that moment, it was just them.

 

"Have you ever been kissed while slow dancing?"

 

Tiffany eyes Jessica as she shook her head and the older girl looked down, "It's suppose to be romantic, or so I've heard."

 

Jessica smiled before spinning her gently and Tiffany giggled as she steadied herself by holding onto Jessica's shoulder and their eyes collided for a split second before Jessica looked away.

 

"Besides," Tiffany started, "I don't think I'd want to kiss my date during a slow dance. I mean he's cute but I don't like him that way."

 

"Are you sure? I mean boy crazy Tiffany would jump at the chance to date him." Jessica teased before smiling kindly at her.

 

"You know perfectly well that I'm not boy crazy around you." It had been supposed to come out in a teasing manner but her eyes had locked with Jessica's and maybe she wasn't lying at all.

 

"What's that suppose to mean?" Jessica asked.

 

"It doesn't mean anything, Jessi, you were suppose to laugh." Tiffany replied, trying to mask the way her voice changed in tone.

 

"What if I don't want to laugh it off?"

 

Tiffany had looked up then and Jessica had come near her and Tiffany's heart raced. Jessica's gaze shifted from her eyes downward to her lips and Tiffany's breath hitched in her thoat causing Jessica to meet her eyes once more, "Would it be romantic if I kissed you right now?"

 

Tiffany shook her head slowly, "Of course not, you'd be doing me a favor after all, I wouldn't want to kiss my date at the dance anyway."

 

Jessica smiled before she leaned further and Tiffany could feel her lips graze hers as the older girl spoke softly, "I don't think he's a good candidate anyway. Boy crazy Tiffany could do so much better than that."

 

Tiffany looked up to see Jessica before her eyes closed as she felt a slight pressure on her lips and she sighed against Jessica's lips. They were so soft and Tiffany could only chase Jessica's lips once the older girl tried to pull away before kissing her once more.

 

They never did talk about that night, and Tiffany never knew what it meant -- or if it even was supose to mean something. Even so her feelings only increased since then and Tiffany had grown scared.

 

Maybe that was the reason she never brought it up, maybe she was scared of Jessica telling her it didn't mean anything.

 

So she never brought it up, ever.

 

---

 

As Tiffany made her way around the store, the memories with Jessica and this place invaded her mind, making her heart race. She felt light headed as she continued walking the path they had taken so many times before and her heart soared as she laid eyes on a figure sitting on the bench -- their bench.

 

She approached the figure slowly, light brown hair blew along with the wind and she noticed Jessica's side profile as a hand reached out to push the brown coloured hair back and she stopped in her path.

 

Jessica was here. She was really here and Tiffany didn't know what to say to her.

 

She watched as Jessica pulled her cellphone out and studied the time before the older girl sighed and stood up, the black coat falling to her feet. Tiffany took this chance to walked over to the girl just as Jessica reached down to pick it up.

 

"Jessica."

 

The girl in question straightened up as she studied Tiffany's features, trying to find any differences in the appearance she had long memorized. The only difference was the way Tiffany's eye swelled up with unshed tears. Jessica never really realized just how much she missed Tiffany until she actually had her physically in front of her and it's been too long -- far too long.

 

"Stephanie..."

 

Tiffany wiped away her tears before seating herself down on the bench, trying desperately to stop the tears from falling but she hasn't cried since Jessica left and now all her pent up feelings are freely flowing and all Jessica could do was stand there awkwardly.

 

Tiffany sighed before gathering her courage and speaking first, "Were you ever going to talk to me?"

 

Jessica remained quiet as she too sat down on the bench, "I wanted to, you don't know just how much I wanted to talk to you. It wasn't easy for me Tiffany, you should know that. Evey time I tried to talk to you I just never knew what to say because it's so much harder when it's you -- it's always been harder with you."

 

"So why now, Jessica? After all this time why talk to me now?" Tiffany questioned as she noticed Jessica's appearance, she was still the same but she was so different it almost frightened her.

 

"Because, I can live with everyone else's opinion of me but I just can't live with the knowledge that you may hate me. I can't live with you not talking to me, I can't live without you and you already know this... I've said this a million times and I'm sorry for breaking our promise but I did tell you that I wasn't cut out for this."

 

"Just stop this, Jessica. I don't hate you and yeah, things have changed but that doesn't mean I changed too. I just miss you so much and I just wanted you to be back -- I realized, though, that it was selfish of me. I wanted you back and I never paid attention to what you wanted."

 

Jessica sighed before reaching a hand towards Tiffany's and the younger girl only stared at it silently before giving in and intertwining their fingers. Jessica's eyes fell on the ring encircling her finger and raised an eyebrow.

 

"I just wanted to feel close to you."

 

Jessica smiled before reaching around her neck and pulling her own set of rings out from underneath her shirt for Tiffany to see, "I wanted a reminder."

 

Tiffany laughed before glancing at Jessica and her heart felt lighter suddenly and it was a welcomed change as she set her head down on Jessica's shoulder, the both of them staring at the reflection of the city's lights upon the water.

 

"Do you remember that night, Tiffany?" Jessica questioned as she set her head atop Tiffany's own.

 

"Do you think I'd forget about it?"

 

Jessica remained quiet for a few seconds before she lifted her head from Tiffany's and began talking, "You know, I held onto that memory for the longest time. I mean it wasn't anything especial back then... if you compare it to the many moments after that -- it becomes insignificant. But I guess that's why I always look back to it, because I know that it was a mundane moment compared to the unreal feeling I get whenever I'm on stage. I guess that's why I always look for you, a reality check, I suppose."

 

"It's easier for me to be on stage, remembering that moment and why I continued training... I mean sure I wanted it as much as anybody else but I guess I had a different reason as well. If I didn't have you I wouldn't have made it through. And I know we never talked about it -- the kiss but it changed everything for me. Everything I did since then was always for you and I guess I wanted something for me, for once."

 

Tiffany looked up at Jessica and studied her expression and she knew that it must have taken her a long time to finally gather her courage and talk about her feelings because Tiffany knew that it wasn't easy for Jessica to talk about her problems and her feelings.

 

"But I never stopped thinking about it, you know. I remember always making fun of your brighter than gems Tiffany nickname but when we were dancing and I saw you -- saw the star reflecting from your eyes, I knew that you were something so much brighter and that nickname didn't live up to the reality that is you -- no words would ever be able to describe you."

 

"I remember thinking that no guy would be good enough for you. I remember thinking that you don't need a guy -- you just needed the world and I was willing to give it to you and it frightened me Tiffany, never had I felt that way and to think I was just 16 years old back then. I never really knew how to classify that feeling but after our kiss -- a few weeks later, I saw you dancing with him and I guess I knew what it was. I just didn't want it to change us in any way... I guess that kiss was enough for me back then. But then we grew up and we debuted and although I was happy because we were together I guess I wanted more time for myself -- for us."

 

"Things just escalated from there and I knew it would be a bad thing to include feelings into the equation, knowing that it would be different for us, knowing that it be harder for us and I guess I gave up back then. We were happy then and it was enough for me because I still had you. But then I guess I lost my self and my dreams changed. I mean I still love being on stage but I just wanted something different because I knew that it wasn't what I really wanted and I just didn't know what to do because you and I stopped sharing the same dream and I felt like I've disappointed you in some way so I never really knew what to say to you whenever you called."

 

Tiffany sighed before lifting her head from Jessica's shoulder and instead looked up at the stars but the sky was cloudy so the stars were hidden and she felt a tug on her heart as she shifted her gaze to the lights instead, "You can't help what you want, Jessi."

 

"I always think about it too, " Tiffany said as she looked down at their intertwined hands, smiling at the feeling of being next to Jessica again, "I remember the way you spoke, the way your voice sounded -- there was something lacing every word you said and I remember being so enthralled by the way you spoke."

 

"You're right though, it was such an insignificant moment but it meant everything to me, Jessica. You were everything I really needed back then and I never brought it up because I was scared that it was a spur of the moment type of thing and I don't know -- it's always been different whenever you were involved Jessica. I try to think that I only cared so much because we were best friends but we were different, we were always something else and I liked that about us but it wasn't enough for me. I just really miss you, Jessica."

 

Jessica nodded before speaking softly her hold on Tiffany's hand tightening somewhat, "I'm not going to apologize for doing what I want."

 

Tiffany smiled, "I know you aren't going to apologize, you don't have to." She paused before Tiffany turned to face Jessica, "I love you."

 

Jessica turned to face her and she gave her the same unreadable smile from years ago and Tiffany guesses she now knows what it means. Jessica removed her hand from Tiffany's hold and brought her hand to touch Tiffany's hair, "You look so much better in black."

 

Tiffany laughed as she pushed her hair behind her ear catching Jessica's stare and smiling, "What, you don't like me in blonde?"

 

Jessica smiled before nearing her and kissing her ear before whispering, "I like you in any colour but black suits you the best."

 

Tiffany hid her smile behind her hand before speaking, "Will I see you again, Jessi?"

 

Jessica looked at her before burying her head in the crook of Tiffany's neck before sighing and whispering, "In your dreams, maybe."

 

Tiffany knew that it wasn't meant in a sarcastic way . She knew that things weren't clear for them, their future was so unclear so Tiffany didn't press the issue further, content with having Jessica back even for this one night.

 

"Are you planning on going home?" Tiffany asked Jessica, her hands playing with the older girl's fingertips gently.

 

"Home?"

 

Tiffany watched as Jessica shifted before feeling a hand under her chin and Tiffany turned, meeting Jessica's gaze and the older girl smiled that same smile that continuously clouds her mind.

 

She felt Jessica's lips on her own before her eyes closed and she kissed her back, just as gently as Jessica had done. She sighed as Jessica pulled away and she smiled at the older girl, her forehead resting against Jessica's own and the older girl kissed her once more.

 

"I'm already home."

 

Tiffany simply kissed her back and when they pulled away, Jessica gave her the same smile as before and she knew that she didn't mind this smile anymore because she finally knew what it meant.

 

It was a simple smile that read of three words: I love you.

 

And it wasn't anything special but for them it meant everything.

 

At that moment it was just them and a cloudy night sky, with Jessica's kiss lingering upon her lips tasting a lot like coming home and Tiffany knows that this is where she wants to be all her life.

 

Maybe now they won't have to risk much -- maybe now it can be just them for as long as they're both willing to be, them.