19: Denial

I’ve been absent from school for a week.

It’s not like the injuries I got from Sungyeol hospitalized me for a week. They weren’t that serious and I’ve had worse injuries in the past. It’s just that, I didn’t feel like going to school for a while.

To be honest, I’m just scared. I’m scared to face Sungyeol. I’m scared to face the Jieun, especially since I’ve realized what I really felt for her.

Wow, I still find it awkward to admit it to myself, but I think it can’t be denied that I like her. That woman whom I’ve been calling a Witch; that woman who kept my journal for a while and saw my darkest secrets; that woman who made me do embarrassing things; that woman whom I’ve only spent a few months with but have grown to like. That crazy and unpredictable woman. I really ended up falling for her. And because of that, I’m scared. I’m acting like a total wimp right now, I know.

It’s a Saturday evening so I decided to hang around the Death Note Shop. Still, I can’t believe I even brought my journal here. I guess since I kept hanging on to it for the past week, I managed to bring it with me by instinct.

I walked around the shop aimlessly, until I reached the corner where Jieun had an encounter with the erted man, whom she kicked mercilessly in the nuts. That memory made me chuckle, but my trip down the memory lane was suddenly interrupted by a familiar silhouette behind one of the shelves.

My heart started pounding. It’d probably be best not to approach her, if this silhouette does belong to her, but my feet just moved on its own. Before I knew it, I was already at the corner and one more turn would lead me to her, but I stopped when I noticed her shadow come closer towards me.

A few seconds later, she appeared before me.

Jung Gaeun.

So, it…wasn’t her after all.

Is it really possible for a person to have a change of heart this easily? I was sure about what I felt for Gaeun before, but after realizing that I like her sister, it’s as if my feelings for her have become…ancient. As if my feelings have become a long-forgotten memory.

Since when did my feelings change anyway? How did my feelings change?

“L-sunbae,” she uttered in her usual chilly voice, snapping me out of my thoughts. “You were here after all.”

“Huh?” She made it sound as if she was looking for me all along.

“I was looking for you all along.” This woman must be some kind of psychic! “You’ve been absent for a week.”

I scratched my head and smiled awkwardly. “Uh…yeah. I got into a fight so I decided to skip school for a few days.”

“So it’s not just because of Jieun-eonni?”

Her sudden question threw me off-guard. “W-What do you mean?”

“I’ve always been aware of her feelings for you,” she replied with a shrug. “It was quite obvious. I also know about what you felt for me. I’ve realized it on the day that eonni set me up on a café date with you.”

How could she be so casual and direct about this?

“I’m not naïve. I can easily perceive things.” She’s a psychic, I tell you! She even answered the question that I asked on my mind! She’s like the female Lee Howon! “Plus, I got some sort of help from someone.”

“Someone? Who?”

She just shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Anyway, I’ve always wanted to tell you to make a double-check on your feelings. You probably had no idea what it was like to actually like someone.”

My forehead scrunched up at that statement. What did she mean when she said I had no idea? The only one who could tell whether I really liked her or not is me. And I really did like her.

“Looking at me probably reminded you of someone significant from your past, so you couldn’t help but feel some sort of connection.”

Well, I did mention on my journal that Gaeun somehow reminded me of Taeyeon-noona. But how would she know that? Did she ready my journal, too?

“It’s like how men unconsciously get drawn to women who remind them of their mothers,” What kind of analogy is that? “You ended up thinking you probably liked me, since I reminded you of someone important in your life. You didn’t know much about liking someone so you thought, ‘Ah, maybe it’s this kind of feeling’ and you just went along with it.”

Although I could see her point, how could this woman look as if she’s so sure about everything she’s saying? She really is the female Lee Howon.

“But now that you have someone that you really like, your mind’s in a jumble and—"

I raised my hand in front of her to make her stop. “Wait a minute. Why do you know so much about my past? And why do you act as if you know so much about me? Did anyone tell you?”

I also wanted to ask if she read my journal but—

“The guy that I like told me,” she replied with a straight face. “Lee Howon-sunbae.”

….

…

“WHAT?!”

And with that, it felt as if everything around me exploded.

“Lee Howon?!” I accidentally raised my voice, earning looks from the people passing by. “Since…when?”

“I’ve been chasing after him for almost a year now.” CHASING AFTER? FOR A YEAR?! “He’s pretty hard to get, but that’s what I like about him.”

It felt as if every single part of my face expanded due to the shock. Howon never told us about this. Moreover, this woman is confessing her feelings to my friend in her usual, eerie voice and expressionless face.

“We both love creating theories, so this time we decided to analyze the situation between you and my sister.”

I think I’m about to get a headache. “So the thing you said about me earlier…whose theory was it? Yours or his?”

“Both.” She smiled. “We both deduced that you are quite inexperienced with this whole love thing, so you ended up deluding yourself into thinking that you like me, when the truth is, you don’t.”

I can’t believe the two of them just turned my life into some kind of Nancy Drew mystery!

“And…” she cont