17: Not This Time

What am I supposed to say in this awkward situation?

I wasn’t expecting things to end up this way. I was just supposed to go to the nearby convenience store to buy more snacks after losing a game of rock-paper-scissors, but I ended up spotting the Witch in the GR8U café, talking with that VIXX leader as if they’re close friends, not that I care or whatever.

Anyway, my feet just dragged me inside the café and I ended up volunteering to take the Witch home. I even told her we had a lot to talk about even though I have no idea how to start this talk.

“L-sunbae—“

“Jung Jieun—“

What the hell. We ended up speaking at the same time, and it felt as if the atmosphere suddenly turned into some kind of drama. It was so cliché, but it still made me feel nervous for some odd reason. Dammit, calm down, Kim Myungsoo!

“Yah,” I said after a minute of awkward silence. “W-What were you doing in that café at this time of the night, anyway?”

“Huh? Well, I…” I noticed her fidgeting while trying her best to avoid my gaze. “You see, I really like their cappuccino so I visit that shop often. And also…I’ve become friends with Hakyeon just recently…”

Hakyeon? Is she referring to that long-necked VIXX leader? The one with the alias N? “Since when have you become so friendly with that guy? You even call him by his real name,”

And why did I even bother to ask? It has nothing to do with me!

“Well, he’s actually nice,” she replied. “And he listens to my problems, so—“

“You don’t have to explain,” I said, cutting her off. “It’s…none of my business.”

“Oh. Right.”

Great. Now everything turned awkward again. I should really just get straight to the point and ask her about the confession earlier, but I don’t know how to begin…

“J-Jieun—“

“Listen, L-sunbae,” she blurted out of the blue. We stopped walking and just stood there at the sidewalk as we watched a few people pass us by. “About what I told you earlier…”

Is it about the confession? Is she gonna take it back and say it was just a joke? Wouldn’t it make things easier if it really was just a joke? Why am I thinking about this too much? It was just a damned confession—

“I meant what I said.”

And that’s how my mind went blank for a second. Or more like a minute. Or more like a long time. I couldn’t even think of anything. I just stared at her with a blank and bewildered face and said nothing. I really thought she would say her confession was just a spur-of-the-moment thing and didn’t really mean it. Now she’s looking straight at me, saying she meant it? I was rattled, confused, and…a part of me was relieved? What is this?

“I really…like you,”

It’s like her unwavering gaze is her way of telling me that she’s being sincere. She was clearly embarrassed, but she never looked away. Her face was red and her lips were quivering, but she continued to hold her head up high and faced me with courage.

For a while, it felt as if everything around us disappeared. The sound of footsteps as people passed by; the sound of people chattering; the sound of leaves falling; the sound of cars honking—I couldn’t even hear any of those at the moment. All I could hear was…my own heartbeat? Also…her words which kept echoing in my mind.

“I know that you like my sister, so it was quite foolish and selfish of me to suddenly confess to you,” she said with a trembling voice. “Even so, I wanted to face my feelings directly. I won’t get in your way. I won’t force you to like me. I won’t force you to answer my confession. In fact, it would be better if you don’t answer. Just…let me like you…on my own. I’m allowed to do that, right?”

“The one noona liked was you, Myungsoo-yah.”

Why am I suddenly remembering that time?

“I think I need a break. I was the reason why everything went wrong.”

No, Sungyeol. You only followed your heart. It was my fault. I was the reason why you lost your smile back then.

“He’s probably just thankful that she was able to bring his smile back. That’s why he’s so nice to her.” Howon said before he picked up another manga to read. “I could see why it would appear like a romantic attachment, but that’s obviously not the case.”

They don’t understand. Even the perceptive and smart Lee Howon doesn’t understand. I know Lee Sungyeol more than anyone else. He is…

“Y-Yah, if you aren’t gonna say anything then I’m just gonna go ahead.”

The blank look on my face disappeared as I looked at Jung Jieun with a new resolve. As I studied her face and thought back to all those times we’ve spent together, I was finally able to see what Sungyeol liked in her.

She is strong-headed yet fragile. Blunt and fierce yet innocent. Timid yet outspoken and straightforward.