(Sunday)

‘I wonder if he’s here again’ Hyesung mumbled to himself as he jogged at the usual park where he usually met with Eric. But lately he or Eric didn’t have time to jog because of their respective work, although he came last week but the CEO wasn’t anywhere to be found.

‘WOOF!’ a dog barked and instantly Hyesung knew it was Husky. He turned around and smiled widely at the dog.

‘How long have you been here?’ Eric suddenly appeared from behind.

‘Not long enough. Did you just arrive?’

Eric shook his head, ‘I think that it’s been awhile since I last came here’

‘Yeah, 3 weeks’ Hyesung agreed.

‘You counted?’ Eric looked at him.

Hyesung blushed slightly when he just realised he counted, ‘N-No… I just remember’

‘Instead of going to the usual café, do you want to go to the hospital with me?’ Eric asked as they were walking with Husky.

Hyesung looked at him with concern, ‘Hospital? Why? Are you sick?’ he bombarded him with questions.

Eric chuckled lightly, ‘No, my mum is in the hospital’

Hyesung’s eyes widen and he bombarded the CEO with more questions, ‘What happened? When did she got admitted? When is she going to be discharged?’

‘She won’t… Not for now’ he sighed as the thought of it made his heart ache.

‘Why..?’ his voice got softer.

‘She is actually diagnosed with cancer had been going back and forth to the hospital. But this time she’s at stage 3, so the doctor forced her to stay in the hospital’ Eric said calmly as if he was immune to the news.

Hyesung’s heart broke into pieces. He didn’t believe his ears! How can a perfectly looking old lady can have this cruel disease?! Hyesung just couldn’t understand.

‘I-I want to see her’ Hyesung mumbled softly.

‘Yeah, she wants to see you too’ Eric smiled as giving comfort to the model. He didn’t expect that Hyesung would take it seriously since he barely knew Mrs Lee but seeing Hyesung sad affected the CEO a little. Before they went to the hospital, Eric told Hyesung to wait for him there since he had to send Husky home since Andy was at the house that morning.

(At the hospital)

‘How long does she has the disease?’ Hyesung asked as they were walking towards Mrs Lee’s room.

‘Last year… She kept it as a secret but got caught when I found out the pills that were in her room’ Eric asked.

Knock… Knock… Knock…

After Eric knocked on the door, he turned the doorknob and peeked inside. The old lady smiled warmly at her newly arrived visitor but when she saw Hyesung, she smiled wider.

‘Come in, boys’ she gestured and as soon as Hyesung stepped inside, he immediately went and hugged her tightly.

‘I-I’m sorry…’ Hyesung mumbled quietly. He didn’t even know that it affected him so much when he found out that Mrs Lee had cancer. He never was like this before since he knew that being an assassin required you to not feel anything. Emotionless. But somehow, meeting Eric and his family changed everything and he was starting to hate himself for that.

‘Why would you say sorry, dear? It’s okay…’ she rubbed Hyesung’s back gently, she figured that Hyesung already knew about her condition from Eric. Hyesung smiled at her as a comfort to himself.

‘Have you eaten?’ Hyesung started the conversation.

Mrs Lee nodded, ‘At 9 am just now. Have you eaten, Hyesung?’ she asked.

Hyesung lied, ‘Yeah, before I jogged’

They spent a few hours in the hospital and when Hyesung saw some fruits on the table, he offered to peel them for Mrs Lee. She was delighted by the offer and instantly nodded her head as a yes. When it was time to leave, Hyesung had promised to come again to visit Mrs Lee.

‘I’ll definitely come again, mum’ Hyesung smiled.

‘Of course, of course! I’ll be waiting’ she said fondly at the young man.

‘Let me walk you to your bike’ Eric said when Hyesung was about to leave.

Hyesung declined politely, ‘It’s okay, just accompany mum here. I can go by myself’ he said as he excused himself.

Outside the room, he sighed heavily and suddenly he felt proud of Mrs Lee for being brave and strong as he knew that cancer was no joke. He started walking to his bike dejectedly as he thought about what he was going to do with his mission now. He definitely knew that he was becoming attached to the mission to the point that he felt he couldn’t do it. To make things worse, it was going to be his first fail mission in his entire career. But if he didn’t do it, he was sure that other assassins were going to do it and that ‘assassin’ might be Minwoo. He couldn’t imagine going against the organisation especial his grandfather and cousin. The thought about it twisted his stomach upside down and he was too focusing on his thoughts that he accidentally tripped. Luckily for him, someone caught him on time.

‘E-Eric?’ Hyesung blinked his eyes in confusion.

‘Can you stand up?’

‘Yeah’ Hyesung nodded his head and stood up.

‘Thanks by the way’ he smiled at the CEO.

‘You look stressed out…’ Eric commented.

Hyesung scratched his head awkwardly, ‘Ahh, really? It’s nothing, just stress about work’

Usually Eric wouldn’t ask more but ever since he met Hyesung, he started wanting to know more about the model, ‘You’re lying’ he said directly.

Hyesung was taken aback since Eric usually just ended the conversation if Hyesung gave a short reply.

‘I feel guilty. Really really guilty’ he muttered honestly.

‘Why?’ Eric asked and since it was going to take a few minutes, they sat at a bench nearby.

‘You know when you feel like you’re a puppet and is being controlled by your master. You try to resist but couldn’t because of the strings that were attached to your body. I feel like that…’

Eric looked at the bright sky and smiled, ‘Maybe you have to resist harder. Who knows that the strings will get cut because of your strength’

Hyesung’s heart thumped at his words of wisdom, ‘T-Thank you, it really means a lot’

‘Mum would say the exact same thing as me’

‘Yeah, I know… It would be weird if you actually said it’ Hyesung joked.

Eric just chuckled lightly, ‘Just go home and do something destress. You’ll feel better’ Eric said when Hyesung stood up as he was ready to leave.

‘Maybe…’ Hyesung smiled and continued, ‘Then, I’ll see you tomorrow Eric’ he said while waving goodbye.

Eric nodded his head, ‘Yes, see you’ he waved back to the model.

XXX

Death is something one cannot avoid and it is a part of human’s nature…

A girl calls and asks, "Does it hurt very much to die?"

"Well, sweetheart," I tell her, "Yes, but it hurts a lot more to keep living.”

XXX

It was a sudden news when everyone received the news of Mrs Lee death. Hyesung received a news when he received a call from Eric one Saturday.

‘Hello’ Hyesung greeted when he picked up his phone.

‘Hyesung-ah…’

Hyesung’s heart thumped as it was the first time Eric called his name softly like a child, with that amount of sorrow and lost, Hyesung knew that Eric was in some kind of pain and needed someone to save him.

‘What’s wrong, Eric?’ Hyesung spoke gently.

‘M-Mum…’ he muttered.

Hyesung’s heart started beating.

‘S-She died and I’m at her funeral now. Can you please come..?’ Eric tried to sound calm but Hyesung knew that he was devastated by the sudden loss.

‘I’ll come right away’ Hyesung said as he ran up to his room to change his clothes. After that, he straight away drove off while asking Eric the directions. He didn’t even hang up and so did Eric, they stayed on the phone without a word and when Hyesung arrived, he saw many people there.

‘Eric, where are you?’ Hyesung asked and when he stepped inside the hall, he saw Eric, Andy and Junjin standing at the corner and greeted the arrivals.

‘Eric-ah…’ Hyesung called and went Eric saw him, there was a relieved expression on his face. Hyesung quietly made his way to Andy who was crying while hugging Junjin. Andy didn’t realised his presence but when Hyesung tapped his shoulder gently, he later hugged the model tightly. Hyesung sighed and rubbed his back and tried to remain strong when he heard Andy’s cries that was getting louder. Hyesung then paid his visit to the late Mrs Lee and saw Eric who was walking out from there, quietly, he followed the CEO outside the building.

‘Hey’ Hyesung greeted when they sat at the bench.

‘Hmm’ he replied shortly. Eric didn’t shed any tears but Hyesung could feel that he was holding his tears, he also noticed how shaking Eric’s hands were. So he held his hands as comfort and gave a warm smile to him.

‘I’m sorry’ Hyesung mumbled.

‘I-I…’ Eric spoke and sighed. He tried to not cry and took all the strength he had to continue, ‘She was everything I have as a family. She was always be there for me since I was a baby. She taught me everything there was; from how to walk, how to eat, how to learn ABC and 123. When people in the house pretended I didn’t exist, she was there making sure that I was still alive. She made me love myself despite how disgusting I am in other people’s eyes. But now…’

Finally, Eric’s tears betrayed him as they started falling from his eyes. Hyesung’s heart ache when he saw the tears. He felt that the tears were not only tears because of the loss, but the tears that he had been keeping to himself since he was a kid. And now when his main support died, he broke down. Hyesung turned Eric’s face towards him and wiped his tears gently.

‘Eric, you can go through this even if it’s hard. I’ll help and give much support as you want, I’ll be there for you’ Hyesung said encouragingly.

‘How can I live if the person who I love the most died?!’ Eric said in frustrations.

‘You can. By bringing her love for you wherever you go. Spread her love that you received to other people so that they also can feel her love’ Hyesung replied.

Eric kept quiet as he was too sad to hear or say anything. They didn’t talk until Junjin came and told them to go inside.

‘How’s Andy coping?’ Hyesung asked Junjin when they were on their way inside.

‘It was very hard but I believe he is strong enough’

‘I’m sure of it. Plus, right now you’re here with him’ Hyesung smiled weakly.

‘How about Eric hyung?’ Junjin asked and looked at Eric who instantly hugged his younger brother.

‘As usual. He didn’t talk much’ he sighed. Hyesung stayed until the funeral ended, Junjin already told him that he was going to send Andy home, leaving Hyesung with Eric.

‘Where are you going?’ Hyesung said when Eric started walking out.

‘Home’

‘And?’

Eric halted his steps and turned around to look at Hyesung, ‘And what?’

‘What are you going to do at home?’

‘Sleep maybe. And hoping that this is just a dream’

Hyesung eyed him suspiciously and that was when Eric knew what was going through his mind.

‘I’m not insane to do crazy stuffs, Hyesung’

‘What crazy stuffs?’ he said in doubts.

‘I don’t know what you’re thinking. Commit suicide maybe’ Eric shrugged his shoulder.

Hyesung’s breath hitched, ‘A-Are you planning to do so?’ he stuttered. Some part of Hyesung’s mind said it was easy if Eric did that, then his job would be done. But, what about Andy? He cannot be alone now! Then, the guiltiness came back to Hyesung. Even if he didn’t commit suicide, he had to kill him nevertheless.

‘I’m not going to leave Andy alone’ he said firmly and walked away.

Since then, Hyesung found out that he didn’t come in for work because everytime he passed by his office, he wasn’t there and when he asked Jiwoo about his whereabouts, she said she didn’t know. Hyesung wanted to call but knew that the CEO would reject his calls under the current situation. Finally, he saw Junjin.

‘Junjin!’ Hyesung called when he saw the top model coming out from a meeting room.

‘Hyung!’ he smiled widely at the taller guy.

‘How is Andy coping?’ he asked.

Junjin sighed, ‘He always cry and has been having nightmares every night. These first few days, he didn’t have the appetite to eat but luckily I managed to force him. I’m basically living with Andy at his house now’ he explained.

‘Do you know about Eric..?’ Hyesung cautiously asked.

Junjin sighed again but louder, ‘He’s in Jeju, that’s his favourite spot. He already told me and Andy about it and we understand him. Compared him and Andy, he is worse since he didn’t talk or cry about it. In front of us, he was always calm and now that he wasn’t with us, we don’t know how he is coping’

‘Oh’ Hyesung nodded in understanding.

‘Hyung, how about you go and see him there?’ Junjin suggested.

Hyesung’s eyes widen, ‘Excuse me?’

‘Hyung, I know that he called you on the funeral day. And it was a good thing! It meant that he needed someone to be with for comfort. I think you’re the best person who can do it’ he smiled.

‘What about work..?’ Hyesung asked when he didn’t care about it at all.

‘Who cares about it now? You can take leave without getting paid’ he scoffed.

Hyesung just nodded absentmindedly, ‘Yeah, I think I should’

Junjin smiled and patted his back, ‘Okay then! I’ll leave Eric hyung under your care’ he said and left as he had other work to settle before he could go home.

‘Should I..?’ Hyesung mumbled alone and thought about the suggestion carefully.

XXX

(Emerald Organisation’s Building)

‘Hyesung…’ someone called the said guy when he was walking out from the floor. He turned around and bowed politely to his grandfather.

‘CEO’ he said in professionalism.

‘How is your work coming along?’

Hyesung remained calm despite his beating hard. The CEO rarely asked him about his work progression as he was very good at his job. But this time, it was different. He kept finding an excuse to delay his work and kept becoming attached to the target.

‘Not done but I’ll get it done soon’ he said firmly although he didn’t know when was the ‘soon’.

The CEO nodded his head and patted his back before leaving, ‘I hope you won’t get distracted’

Hyesung was stunned but he simply nodded as he couldn’t let the old man saw what was going through his mind. After he left, Hyesung instantly left his building to go to the airport. He had bought a ticket to Jeju to see Eric, but he won’t be seeing him face-to-face but from afar. From the company until he arrived at Jeju, Hyesung had been thinking. No, he had been thinking since forever. Therefore, Hyesung decided with a very heavy heart that he will kill Eric this time since it was a perfect timing. He could make like it was as if some kind of suicide since his mother died.

But what about Andy?

Hyesung pushed that feelings away and assured himself that the maknae would have Junjin by his side. After landing, Hyesung straight away go to a hotel that he booked by a rental car. Then he went to the place where Eric was staying and to be quite honest, it wasn’t what Hyesung expected. Eric was living in a 5 star hotel, usually people who are going through hard times would stay in a cheap and dirty motel. Shrugging his shoulder, Hyesung looked around the hotel to spot the CEO but since he was nowhere to be found, Hyesung went to the reception and asked. He knew that he won’t get Eric’s room number because it was a customer’s privacy but he can ask the receptionist if she saw him.

‘Excuse me, have you seen this guy?’ Hyesung showed her a picture of Eric.

The receptionist’s face perked up and nodded happily, ‘Of course! Mr Eric just left the hotel, probably went to the beach’

Hyesung raised his eyebrows suspiciously, ‘How did you know?’

‘Oh, it’s because he always goes there whenever he’s here. Jeju is like his second home, maybe because his father was from here’ she explained.

Hyesung nodded his head and said thank you before heading towards the beach. It was 6 pm and the sun was about to set making Hyesung to spot Eric without being caught. Even after the sunset, Hyesung couldn’t spot him, nearly giving up, he finally saw the CEO. Although Eric was wearing his usual branded casual clothes but somehow he looked very miserable like a homeless guy wandering around. Maybe because he didn’t shave and he was swaying his body like a drunk person. Speaking of drunk, Hyesung saw that Eric was holding a bottle of bear in his hands and he gulped the bottle until he was finished. Suddenly, he fell onto the ground and dazed into the ocean sea. He was dazing for hours and finally, he stood up and amazingly he walked like a sober human being.

‘Woah, his tolerance is high!’ Hyesung said in awe.

Hyesung followed Eric from behind until he arrived at the hotel building. After making sure that he entered the lift to go back to his room, Hyesung made his way home. Hyesung’s heart ache when he saw Eric in that condition, the CEO must be so devastated to be like that, Hyesung thought. Once he was at his own hotel room, he opened his luggage and there was knives and guns under his clothes. Setting his mind on killing the CEO, Hyesung thought about killing him in the most peacefully way. Which was when Eric was sleeping. But something in his heart said don’t kill Eric that night because… Hyesung didn’t have the answers to the reason.

(2 days later)

It was the same old routine for Eric but each day it was becoming worse and worse, Eric would drink a lot than he was supposed to that one day, he nearly committed suicide. Under the influence of alcohol, Eric slowly made his way towards the sea and trying to drown himself in. If it wasn’t because of Hyesung, Eric would be in hell for committing suicide by now.

‘YAH, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?!’ Hyesung yelled loudly when he pulled Eric away from the depth of the ocean.

‘Going to mum~’ he chirped and pointed towards the sky.

It broke Hyesung’s heart when Eric said that but he stayed strong and dragged the older guy out from the ocean.

‘ARE YOU CRAZY?!’ he said furiously at the drunkard man.

‘No~ Just sane’ he giggled loudly.

Hyesung sighed heavily and dragged him again to the nearest convenience store to buy something that can make him sober a little. They then sat by the beach as Hyesung waited for Eric to be sane.

‘Are you good now?’ Hyesung asked when he saw Eric who was starting to regain conscious.

‘Hmm’ he nodded his head lazily.

‘Let’s go back to your hotel. We have to buy you dinner’ Hyesung stood up and pulled Eric with me.

‘I’m not hungry’ he muttered.

‘I don’t care. What I know that you must eat’ Hyesung replied seriously without looking at him. If people saw them, it was as if a mother who was giving a cold shoulder to her kid. When they arrived at the hotel, Eric leaded him to his hotel room. Hyesung’s eyes widen at how messy Eric’s room was. There were many beer bottles on the floor and cigarettes on the table as well as bowls of ramen.

‘What are you? Even homeless people won’t keep their place like this!’ Hyesung said angrily and started cleaning up the place so it would look more decent.

‘You stay at a 5 stars hotel but didn’t call for housekeeping. Stupid!’ Hyesung started nagging but Eric didn’t hear him as he laid down on the bed.

'Eric, go and take a shower. We're going out to eat' Hyesung ordered while he was throwing the trashes away.

'Don't want... I want to sleep' he mumbled sleepily.

'You have too much sleep already' Hyesung replied as he was well informed with Eric's routine.

'I want to sleep more' Eric protested.

'Eric Mun, before I dragged you to the bathroom myself, you better make your move' Hyesung threatened but Eric made no effort to move. Cursing in his heart, Hyesung used all his strength to pull Eric to the bathroom.

'Now, shower!' Hyesung said and gave a towel to him.

'No' Eric answered shortly,

'Too bad I don't take no as an answer' he hissed and continued, 'I'll be waiting outside and I'm giving you 10 minutes'

'10 minutes is not enough' Eric protested again.

'If I can do 6, you definitely can do a fcking 10' Hyesung rolled his eyes before closing the door.

15 minutes later...

Eric came out from the bathroom with a towel only wrapped around his waist, this time Eric looked like the CEO Eric. He looked at Hyesung who was sitting on the sofa while reading a magazine, raising his eyebrows, he made his way to the younger guy. He trapped Hyesung in between his arms and leaned closer to him.

'Y-Yah, what are you doing?!' Hyesung started stuttering when he noticed the close proximity between him and Eric.

'Nothing' Eric pulled himself away and went to change his clothes in the shower. Hyesung rubbed his chest multiple of times to calm himself down.

'What is wrong with him? Total weirdo!' Hyesung said in annoyance and continued reading the magazine. 

Then Eric came out from the bathroom and said, 'Wanna go now?'

'Eric, you're back from the dead! I met a fcked up clone of you' Hyesung said sarcastically as he stood up to walk towards Eric. Eric just rolled his eyes and opened the door for Hyesung.

'Where do you want to eat?' Eric asked when they decided to just walk since the receptionist said the restaurants were just nearby.

'I don't know. Seafood?' 

Eric nodded and leaded them to a restaurant that he always went. They sat at a table by the deck, since it was a weekday, not many people were there. After they ordered, Eric started asking questions as to why Hyesung was there.

'When did you arrive?' Eric asked.

Hyesung paused before replying, 'Hmm... This morning' he lied.

Eric scoffed lightly, 'Liar. I know you're here since beginning. I saw your silhouette 3 days ago'

Hyesung just blushed slightly due to embarrassment. Once again, he underestimated Eric's sharp eyes and sense. Then, the food that they order arrived and they started eating comfortably.

'Why are you here?' Eric asked again while eating his fried squid.

'To make sure you don't die just like earlier' Hyesung gave an instant glare before he resumed eating his dinner.

'Hmm' Eric shrugged his shoulder without saying anything. Hyesung just sighed silently when Eric still didn't want to talk about it. How can Eric felt better if he didn't open up about his emotions.

'Aunty!' Eric called.

'Yes?' she smiled warmly at the two gentlemen.

'Can I have a bottle of soju? No, make it two' Eric said and he looked at Hyesung to ask, 'Do you want one?'

Hyesung shook his head and said to the aunt, 'Aunty, make it one. He had enough soju already' he smiled politely. The aunt gave a brief nod before leaving.

'You have high tolerance of alcohol' Hyesung remarked.

'Then why I shouldn't have two?' Eric looked at him.

'Because I've been watching you drowning yourself in alcohol and it's not bad for your health. You're not young anymore, Eric' he nagged.

Eric scoffed light and he thanked the aunty when she came back with his soju, '28 is not old' Eric exclaimed.

'Not old but if you keep drinking, you would look like you're 40' he replied sarcastically.

After drinking session, Hyesung sent Eric home to his hotel room and made sure that Eric won't escape to wander by the beach.

'Okay, I'll see you tomorrow' Hyesung waved his hands.

'When are you going back?'

Hyesung shrugged his shoulder, 'I don't know. When I make sure that you're in your right state of mind'

'Then, you're going to stay here long' Eric mumbled.

'Hmm' Hyesung shrugged his shoulder but when he was about to leave, Eric suddenly grabbed his wrist.

'What?' Hyesung asked when Eric didn't say a word.

'Could you stay with me for the night? I want someone to be with me' Eric shyly said while looking away from the younger guy.

Hyesung was touched by his words and nodded his head, 'Sure but I'm going to clean up your room a little bit more' 

'I'm going to change into my pyjamas' Eric announced and disappeared into the bathroom. Hyesung took the time to tidy the room and when Eric was done, Hyesung asked him for extra clothes.

'Eric, do you have extra clothes? I didn't bring mine' 

Eric nodded and took an extra pyjamas from his luggage to give them to the younger guy. 

'Thanks' he muttered and made his way to the bathroom.

Both Hyesung and Eric didn't sleep yet so they just hung around at the balcony, enjoying the wind breeze and view.

'How is it feel if we jump off from this floor..?' Eric suddenly asked when he stared at the empty space in front of them.

'I don't know. Even if I know, I don't think I can tell you because by then, I’m probably dead' he replied.

'Hyesung...' Eric said as he looked at him with such sadness in his eyes.

'Hmm?' he looked at him back.

'Kill me' 

Hyesung's eyes widen and he unconsciously punched the older guy on his face.

'WHAT BULL ARE YOU SAYING?!' Hyesung yelled furiously at the guy for thinking such nonsense. Then, he paused and had his eyes widen when a moment of realisation hit him. 

It wasn't a nonsense! 

He was supposed to kill the guy and it was a perfect opportunity to do it! 

But somehow Hyesung couldn't bring his heart to do it. He couldn't bear seeing the CEO die, at least not because of a murder.

‘What is left for me here?! The only person who really loved me and treated me like a human is gone! GONE! Why is it have to be her?! NOT ME?!’ Eric started yelling and pretty sure everyone could hear them arguing.

‘Stop being selfish! What about Andy?! Your brother who always admire you! Are you going to leave him alone?! This world is too cruel for someone innocent like him and he needs a BROTHER and PROTECTOR to protect him!’ Hyesung yelled back to make him wake up from his sorrow.

The word Andy made Eric stop, he blinked his eyes a few times as tears started falling from the corner of his eyes.

‘A-Andy…’ he muttered softly. How can he be selfish and leave his only brother alone in Seoul while he was at Jeju thinking about himself. Ugh, he felt more miserable than before!

‘He needs you, Eric… He needs his brother’ Hyesung finally calmed down as he spoke softly to the older guy.

Eric nodded and swiped his tears using his shirt, ‘Yeah, you’re right… I’m selfish for thinking about myself’

‘It’s alright to be selfish when you’re in grief but you must never forget about your loved ones that are still alive’ he reminded him.

‘I know but it’s so sudden. I was never ready’

‘No one is ready but that is a cycle of life’

Eric could finally smile weakly at Hyesung, ‘I’m glad you came’

‘I know’ he nodded his head proudly. Hyesung’s heart beat for the hundredth time when Eric gently ruffled his hair before going inside the hotel room. Hyesung smiled to himself before following Eric inside.

‘Do you want to sleep now?’ Eric asked when he already sat on the bed.

Hyesung glanced at the clock that was hung on the wall and nodded his head, ‘I want to tour around Jeju tomorrow morning. Want to come?’ he asked Eric.

‘A change of routine would be nice’ Eric said while nodding his head as a yes.

As usual, they slept comfortably on the bed and unknown to Hyesung, Eric hadn’t slept for days but that night, he could finally sleep in peace with Hyesung beside him.

‘Goodnight, Hyesung’ Eric spoke softly after he switched off the lights.

‘Night, Eric-ah…’ Hyesung answered before going to his dreamland.