i finally finished all of my exams (and aced them because i'm a nerd who spent nights studying awesome like that) and i also found time to write this. much shorter than normal chapters but i plan on getting into shape again and also into this story. hope you enjoy the drama chapter! also, how have you been? it's been ages, lol

Ethelotiphlia
n.
From the Greek word εθελοτυφλία meaning:
Turning a blind eye, refusing to admit a fact

Everything was a confusing blur.

Luhan was sitting in one of the multiple blue chairs stacked in numerous lines across the whole room. His eyes watched the younger, standing far away, with a middle-aged couple. He could faintly recognize the woman from where he was, wearing a nice dress and high heels and her hair neatly tucked into a thick bun. There was something in her glances sent at Luhan that made him uncomfortable.

Jongin didn’t seem to notice.

Luhan knew he shouldn’t have been there— he didn’t need Jongin’s mother to remind him as to why. He didn’t belong there and he surely did not deserve it. Yet, here he sat after receiving two messages from the younger early in the morning, against all odds and against his own thoughts.

The first one wrote; “I’m flying at 11 today. Come see me off”. The second had arrived just half hour before the flight and read a much urgent plea of “Please come to the airport, I want to see you”.

He wasn’t sure how but he’d fled work and left everything upon Kyungsoo. He’d jumped in the first taxi he flagged and here he was, twenty minutes later, thinking about his choices in general. Jongin’s parents were not that amused when they saw him, but they didn’t say anything. Only his mother had been sending him death glares the whole time but Luhan had gotten used to ignoring them and looking past them; at the tall brunet whose fingers were clenching onto something. The twenty-seven year old knew it was a ticket with no return.

After this, in only ten minutes, Jongin would leave and he would disappear from his life for so long. Luhan had no clue as to how he would survive on his own. Who would help him heal? There was no one else out there who knew him this much and there was surely no one who would understand his lifestyle and his pains and late night tortures. No one would understand that small bottle, half emptied from the pills in his drawer like Jongin had, because Luhan knew—everyone knew—he looked past Luhan’s flaws.

There was no one like Jongin to fill his spot when he’d be gone and Luhan knew he would most likely return to old Luhan with the younger’s absence.

He couldn’t but wonder when exactly Jongin had started to become such an important face in his life.

Luhan betted his life that it had been the first ever time he talked to Jongin at the diner. Back when Jongin had friends and Luhan didn’t even know his name. Back then, from what Luhan could sum up, he pretty much had a decent grip on his life and its course.

Or so Luhan thought.

Movement made him shake his thoughts away and focus, and he was just in time to see Jongin leave his parents. His father patted his shoulder, his mother refused his hug, and Jongin was on his way towards Luhan. The woman’s eyes were still boring huge holes into Luhan until her husband led her off to the other direction. Now standing just a metre away from him, Jongin casted a look around them. The airport was busy, considering it was noon, and he wasn’t that sure he liked the numerous eyes that lingered about.

He felt trapped.

“Luhan,” Jongin started as he kneeled down in front of the elder. Luhan didn’t show any signs that he had heard him. “I’m really glad you came here today.”

Luhan looked up, a frown on his face as he clenched his fists in his lap. “Oh really? Well, I’m not. I didn’t want to come.”

“But you did, Luhan.” Jongin’s tone gave away the hurt of Luhan’s words. Luhan had half-mind to take them back—but he didn’t. “And thank you for that.”

“Whatever.” Luhan turned his head away and Jongin swallowed the sigh. He moved to sit next to him, his fingers playing with the ticket.

“I promise I’ll be back as soon as I can.” There was no reply and Jongin decided to continue, eyes on the piece of paper that was responsible for everything going badly. “Time will pass quickly and neither of us will notice. You’ll be alright, Luhan.” When he looked at the elder again, he was worrying his lips, hands clenched so tightly and moisture pooling in his eyes. The guilt hit Jongin tenfold.

“Luhan, I promise everything will be alright.” He could feel his own eyes become wet. Had they not been seated in the middle of the room, he’d have hugged Luhan’s tears and worries away.

“You won’t even notice I left.”

“No, you’re wrong,” came Luhan’s voice and he was surprised how torn he sounded. He refused to look at the younger as he kept talking lowly as to not give away his sadness. “I will notice your absence. It’s not as easy as you think, Jongin.”

He swallowed his tears—he couldn’t cry here for God’s sake! He had to be strong, if not for Jongin, then for himself. He gathered a ton of courage and looked up at the brunet. “If you leave, I don’t want you to come back to me. If you leave now, it’ll be the end.” The words burned his mouth and his throat, ached his heart and soul. He felt ashamed to have fallen so low as to threaten him, but it was the last thing he could think of. “If you leave, I—“ won’t survive.

“Luhan, please don’t—“

“No.” Luhan let a sigh of defeat out. Suddenly, he was so emotionally tired of everything. “Don’t come back for me. Stop wasting your time and fix your life.” You still have so much to live… Still a whole life ahead.

“Luhan, no.” Jongin wasn’t sure about the sudden change of Luhan’s heart. Was he being serious? “I will come back as soon as I can. My parents will have accepted everythi—“

“Stop lying to yourself!” Eyes fell on them due to Luhan’s yell but he was too shaken to care and Jongin was too frozen to notice. “Stop wasting your time.” With a glance to the direction Jongin’