goddamn it, this thing gets longer and longer, i swear! also, thank you to all of you who are reading and commenting! you're probably the reason i keep getting ideas for this story! <3

Emmoni
n.
From the Greek word εμμονή meaning
1.Firmness
2.Obsession
3.Persevelance
4.Persistance
5.Tenacity

Luhan’s heart was about to burst. He unlocked the door which led to his apartment, turning to find Jongin leaning heavily against the corridor’s wall. It was the first time in so long for him to allow someone in his home and as much as he was paranoid about the sudden visitor, he couldn’t leave Jongin hanging. Although he should have; but he didn’t. Somewhere between the rugged appearance of the younger and the exhausted look in his dark eyes, Luhan was sure he couldn’t.

Fast forward to now.

Luhan was skittish. He was sitting on the couch in his two room apartment after pulling two thick blankets for the younger. Jongin had insisted he could sleep on the couch and Luhan was glad—he wouldn’t give away his bed that easily. He could hear the faint sound of water splashing and he felt as if he sat on needles. As much as he tried, he couldn’t calm down his nerves so when he heard the water stop, he dashed into the kitchen.

Jongin popped up a couple minutes later and Luhan shot him a glance. His clothes looked childish on Jongin by the way they were short and small-sized. Luhan turned to look around when his mind started registering the way Jongin’s muscles showed under the beige long-sleeved shirt which he may or may have not chosen for that exact reason.

“What are you doing?” Jongin asked as he approached and Luhan turned to step back.

“I’m hungry.”

It seemed to be enough of an answer as Jongin stopped coming closer and Luhan could take another breath. Those muscles could over-power him without effort.

“Why didn’t you eat at the diner? You always said you were full when I asked you out after work.” Luhan had lost count on how many times he’d use that excuse. Much like every other.

“I was so busy today I didn’t have time.”

Jongin didn’t seem convinced but Luhan didn’t care. He was borrowing his apartment for the night so he shouldn’t be given the right to ask so many things. Come to think of it; “Why do you want to stay here tonight?” Luhan noted how Jongin’s skin looked less stained after the bath.

“Some stuff came up.”

“Elaborate,” Luhan pressed and Jongin looked away for a second.

“My friends were not amused with the fact I am gay.” Luhan stood dumfounded, eyes blinking in realization. How could he talk like that to a stranger? “Not amused at all.” Jongin motioned for his face.

“Nice friends you have…” Luhan mumbled and Jongin gave another shrug. “And why didn’t you just go home instead of here?”

“Because I have someone to talk to here who understands me.”

He wasn’t sure of what to think or say, feeling attacked. The few words held so much accusation and so many hints it made him uncomfortable. He cleared his throat, a small frown over his eyes. He could feel the awkwardness—or it was just him—and it made him feel as if he should comfort the other. But he didn’t know how. “I’m not hungry anymore.” Luhan didn’t bother to place the eggs and vegetables back into the fridge and instead opted to make a run for his room.

“Good night,” he mumbled and as he passed the younger, he sensed movement. With a fast swift move of his body, Luhan distanced himself from Jongin. He found him staring with understanding eyes and pulled his hand back. Luhan wouldn’t know what he’d do, had Jongin caught him again. He’d probably scream.

Meeting Jongin’s eyes, Luhan mumbled again; “Good night”. He didn’t wait to hear an answer.

***

It was one of those nights again when Luhan couldn’t get any sleep. Images would appear so vividly that he left his uncomfortable bed before the tears would spill. The whole apartment was eerily quiet until he reached the kitchen’s door. Faint breaths reached his ears. Walking into the kitchen and grabbing a glass of water, he made his way with silent steps to the living room. There, on the couch, Jongin was sleeping so deeply Luhan actually envied him.

He couldn’t but wonder how he could do that; sleep when he too had problems. How could he shut down everything and fall asleep? Luhan noted to ask him at some point. Luhan moved to grab the television’s control and switched it off. Jongin had been watching a movie which had obviously already rolled its credits on the screen. He glanced again at the younger and he felt a bit of disappointment when he couldn’t make out his face in the dark.

Making his way back into the kitchen, he sat at the dinner table and sipped on his water slowly. The cold was keeping him awake yet the distant steady snoring coming from the other room lulled him into the darkness.

***

When Luhan opened his eyes, he was in his bed, all tucked up and warm. He couldn’t remember when he’d gone back and he was sure his last memory of the previous night was when he’d been sitting in the kitchen. Unless—no.

Luhan shot up wide awake and eyes at the size of the moon each. He ran for the living room and found the blankets and his clothes folded and sitting atop the couch along with a note over them. He hadn’t even realized he was holding his breath when he read it.

You looked pretty uncomfortable sleeping like that and I didn’t want you to get a cold. Sorry.

P.S Thank you for letting me in. I owe you one.

His skin sent chills but he noticed how the other hadn’t taken any advantage of him. Then the thought was born that maybe, just maybe, not everyone was like Kris.

And Luhan found himself unable of stopping it grow.

***

“Alright.”

Jongin stared at the older with a deep confused frown. As usual, they had just walked out of the diner at a little after midnight and, as always, Jongin had asked the other if he wanted to go eat with him. He’d gotten so used to hearing no that he couldn’t believe his ears when Luhan chose another reply.

“What?” he managed to make out and Luhan sent him a small smile.

“I don’t mind. I’m quite hungry anyways.”

Jongin kept staring at him as if he was about to shout I’m kidding you dumb did you really think I would change my mind? but that never came and it made him more uneasy. Luhan, on the other hand, looked as calm as never. He was panicking inside but it’d been three days that he’d prepared himself for this. He judged himself ready. Besides, something in him had gotten tired of those seven uneventful years.

“Really?”

Luhan nodded and that was enough to make the younger start talking animatedly about which shops were open at that hour and where they could go and what they could eat and even mentioned that Luhan could have anything he wanted because he was paying. Luhan wasn’t that fond of the last one but he let the other lead the way, kind of enjoying the sudden shine Jongin had showed.

It made him look his age and that was something, considering his looks were so dark.

It’d become a habit after that. When Luhan would finish his shift, they’d go to a ramen shop just a street down and would eat. It’d become their place since day one when Luhan insisted he didn’t want a place with too many people and this one was the coziest of them all. They’d sit one opposite of the other and Jongin would start talking about his day, telling everything he did to Luhan and Luhan did enjoy hearing the numerous adventures he had although not necessary agreeing to all of them.

Jongin told stories of when he was drunk, of when he’d woken up at questioning places and of when he almost got married with a girl because he was too influenced by alcohol and the girl adored him. He told stories of when he was caught smoking on the rooftop of his school and how that’d caused a circle of events ending in his teacher asking sorry when Jongin’s mother accused him of lying. And there were so many more stories Jongin shared that had Luhan often laugh.

“You should limit your drinking, though.” Luhan was wiping tears from his eyes and that was something he hadn’t done in so long. “You’re still so young and you’re ruining yourself.”

Jongin shrugged. “Hyung, you have to live every day as if it’s the last one. You’ll never be this young again in your life so you have to fit all the fun stuff in before it’s too late.”

It took Luhan by surprise. The often child-like student was speaking of wise words as if it was nothing. He’d made such a sudden change in the conversation and as much as Luhan hated it, he did admit the younger was right. He was sure it was too late for himself, though.