Chapter 13 - Connection

I struggled to keep pace with Seung Hyun as he dragged me through the lobby of the hotel. We stopped at the elevators and he pushed the button.

"Where are we going?" I asked softly.

"I reserved a room here. Figured I wasn't going home after drinking." He looked over at me and sighed. "Let's get you upstairs and try to sober you up a bit."

The elevator doors opened and I followed him in. I heard the sound of running feet behind me. I turned around and as the doors were closing I saw Ji Yong.

"Ha Na! Wait!" He was still running full speed with his arm reaching out for me. I stepped forward and reached for the button that held the door open, then for some reason I paused and lowered my hand. I took a step back and watched as the doors completely closed just as he reached the elevator. The elevator was completely silent and I could feel Seung Hyun's eyes on me.

"Do you want to go back down?" He asked.

I stared straight ahead at the doors. I didn't know what I wanted. The whole night seemed like an emotional rollercoaster and I wanted to get off. "No." I said quietly. The ride to our floor seemed like an eternity. When the doors opened, I followed Seung Hyun out and to a room at the end of the hall. He slid his keycard into the lock and after the sound of a quiet beep, the door opened and we went inside. He threw the keycard on a table by the door.

"Have a seat. I'll get you something to drink." He said.

If I had been more sober, if I had been less confused, then maybe I would have been more impressed by this suite. I settled down on a plush couch in the center of a living area that faced a large wall mounted TV. A gas fireplace was crackling off to the side. A pair of french doors behind me lead to what I could only assume was the bedroom. My eyes followed Seung Hyun as he went to the mini kitchen. He had poured water into an electric kettle and pushed the power button. He grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge and headed back to where I was sitting.

"I'll just drink this and go home." I said as he sat in the arm chair next to the couch.

"Just stay. I'll take the couch and you can take the bedroom. It's late and I don't feel comfortable with you being by yourself this late at night." Seung Hyun insisted.

"So when are you going to say it?" I asked.

"Say what?" He seemed taken aback by the question.

"I told you so." I looked up at him bravely.

Seung Hyun sighed. "Do you really think I'm that much of an , Ha Na?" I remained silent. "Look, you infuriate me half the time. You're clumsy and foolish. You put yourself in harm's way for no good reason. You seem to give your heart away easily. I've spent the past week trying to keep you at arms length because..." His voice trailed off at the end.

"Because?" I prodded.

He turned away. "It doesn't matter."

I wanted to know the reason, but I didn't have it in me to push. I took a sip of the water and stared at nothing. I was still processing what I saw back at the club.

"Do you know who that girl was?" I asked meekly.

"Yes." Seung Hyun put his water bottle down on the table and headed to the kitchen. He began making us teas.

"Well?" I said.

"Well what?"

"Who was she?"

"Does it matter to you that much?" He sounded slightly irritated and jealous.

"I'd like to know why I'm so upset, so yes, it does matter."

"She's in one of the girl groups at YG. They're set to debut within the next year." He began, "Her name is Jennie Kim. He took to her right away while she was training. Ji Yong had her cast in his video for 'That XX'."

So that's why she looked familiar. He continued, "I'm not sure if they have anything or not or if it's just a really comfortable sunbae-hoobae relationship. She used to follow him around a lot, though."

"It certainly seemed very comfortable."

"Look, Ha Na, I'm not one to gossip about people, so I can't give you a direct answer about something I don't know about first hand. And I'm not going to tell you that I told you so. I just wish you'd guard yourself better. This industry is cruel as hell and I'd hate to see you hurt."

"You'd hate to see me hurt?" I didn't mean for my question to sound surprised, but it did.

His back stiffened for a moment and cleared his throat. "I'd hate to see anyone get hurt." He brought the tea over to the table and set it down in front of me.

"You're right." I said.

"About what?"

"That I need to guard myself better. It was hard when I first arrived here and he seemed to genuinely care." Tears threatened my eyes again, but somehow I managed to hold them back.

"I'm sure he does care on some level."

"Do you care?" I wondered aloud.

"Why wouldn't I?" His voice sounded slightly perturbed.

"We didn't get off to the best start. And our working relationship has been pretty rocky."

"Yeah..."

I continued, "You're so stoic. You don't let anyone know what you're thinking. I assumed you hated me."

"I don't hate you." He said exasperatedly, "And I wasn't always like this."

"I didn't think you were. Believe it or not, I am a fan of Bigbang. And as creepy as it sounds, I have followed you guys for years." He raised his eyebrows. "Followed you online, I mean! Anyway, for the first few years you seemed..."

"...bingu?"

"Well, yes," I chuckled, "but I was going to say happy."

His face turned serious, "If you followed us online, then you know about my scandal."

"Yes, I've heard."

He glanced at me sideways, "What did you think of me after that?"

I pursed my lips together and thought carefully about what I would say. "Honestly, I didn't want to believe it. And I still don't. Especially after getting to know you, it doesn't seem like you're the kind of person to do those things."

"She was important to me." He stared down at his tea and I remained quiet. "I guess you could say I loved her. I thought she loved me. She wanted to be an actress, so I introduced her to YG. He didn't like her from the start."

"Why?"

"Hmm...we've never really discussed it, but it wasn't just that he didn't like her acting. He didn't like her. I guess I should have listened to him. After she was turned down by YG, she tried out a few other entertainment companies, dropping my name wherever she went. I told her that she should try to get ahead on her own merit, that my name may get her to an audition, but it was her abilities that would carry her to success. Telling her that made her very angry, but she didn't show it right away. Eventually she signed with some no-name company. Her training consisted of singing and being a companion for corporate dirt-bags at sleazy host clubs."

He paused for a moment and I could tell that he wasn't sure if he should continue. I placed my hand over his, "Go on, I'm listening."

"I went down to where she was working one night and dragged her out of there. She blamed me for her misfortune. Said that if I just tried harder to convince Hyun Suk she wouldn't be where she was. I yelled and told her that I would take care of her and asked her why she couldn't be happy with that. I told her that she didn't have to live that way. I was angry. She slapped me in the face and told me that she wouldn't lose to someone like me. That she would get her revenge. I realized that my love was one-sided. I'm not sure if she ever had feelings for me. I am certain she used me, though."

"She sounds like a monster." I responded with disgust.

"It gets better. She must have gone through all the photos we ever took together and picked out the ones that on the outside would seem a little off. There were pictures people had taken of us wrestling playfully at a party at my house. There were other pictures of us and our friends doing silly things. If you had been there at the time and saw it first hand, it would have seemed like we were just playing around. But, as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. And she spun a story that made me look like a ert.

She purposely leaked photos and a fabricated story to the media. I'm grateful to the C.E.O. At his urgent request, our media team went on the offense with damage control. He brought her into the office one day and when she walked out I bumped into her. She gave me the creepiest smile and simply said 'Thanks for the money...I mean, memories.' I found out later that YG gave her a billion won and in exchange she would disappear, not engage in the media further, and never work in the industry. I haven't seen her since."

My heart felt for him. "I'm so sorry, Seung Hyun."

His face cringed a bit. "What are you sorry for? It's not like you did anything."

"I'm sorry that she made you feel as if you have to respond like that. As if you have to rebuke compassion and kindness because you're scared of relationships now. She made you vulnerable."

"I'm not weak, Ha Na."

"I never said you were. It takes a lot of strength to build a wall like you have. There's a big difference between weakness and vulnerability."

"I find it hard to maintain that wall around you." He took a sip of his tea.

"You don't have to worry about that for much longer. Only a few more days until you're free of me being your manager."

"True, I'm looking forward to that." He said with a smile.

"That was kind of harsh..." It felt like he the air right out of me.

"What I mean is, I'm looking forward to moving beyond our professional relationship."

"Pardon?" I nearly spit my tea out.

"The other day I realized that I was being hard on you because of who you are. This whirlwind of laughter, fun and light. I didn't like the way it felt at first. The way you crept under my skin made me want to get closer to you, but I have a hard time trusting people."

I put my tea down and cleared my throat.

Seung Hyun continued, "What I'm saying is, that I want to get to know you better. I don't want to keep you at arms length anymore. And I don't want to see you get hurt by Ji Yong, no matter his good intentions."

"Okay...that's a total 180." I said as I fidgeted with the hem of my dress.

"I get it. You probably don't trust me because of the way I've treated you, but what I've said just now is completely sincere."

"I do trust you. And now I understand you a bit more." I was beginning to sober up and I noticed that my feet were killing me. Drunk me didn't mind the insanely high heels I wore but sober me was ready to scream in pain. ". I forgot to take off my shoes when we came in. These things are like torture devices."

He slid out of his seat and knelt on the ground in front of me. He gently slid my shoes off my feet and held one up to look at. "As usual, Ji Yong has great taste." He stood up slowly and walked towards the foyer and set them down.

"I should probably return those and this dress to him." a bit of sadness outlined my words. "Oh God, I am so dumb."

"No you aren't, you just maybe misunderstood Ji Yong."

"Not that! I left all my clothes in his car! How am I supposed to sleep in this dress?"

Seung Hyun laughed and walked into the bedroom. When he came out he was holding a t-shirt. It was the perfect size for him, but because I was a little over 5 feet tall, it seemed like a night gown. "You can wear this."

"And do the walk of shame in the morning by wearing the same dress I came in with." I rolled my eyes.

"If you don't want it..."

"Wait! I'll take it." I snatched the shirt out of his hands.

"Maybe we can ask the concierge to bring you fresh clothes in the morning."

"I really don't want more money being spent on me, Seung Hyun."

He seemed to approve of my statement. "Very well, we'll make it cheap and you can pay for the clothes."

"Do you mind if I take a shower?" I asked.

"No, go ahead, I'll be watching some TV."

I went into the bathroom and took a shower. I let the water roll over my skin and cried a bit. I didn't want Seung Hyun to see me cry. I didn't understand what happened with Ji Yong and I was still blaming myself for being so naïve. Eun Ji would want details when I got home and I really didn't want to talk about it. After taking longer in the shower than I normally would, I stepped out and towel dried myself. I took my hand and wiped the fog off the mirror. Oh no. Seung Hyun would see my face without make up. Wait, why did this bother me so? It's not like there was anything going on between us. Or was there? My mind flashed back to that moment in the club when our bodies were close together and I felt weak in the knees. I shook my head. Don't torment yourself, I thought. I must be boy crazy.

I put on my under garments and pulled his shirt over my head before looking once more in the mirror. True, I didn't have any shorts on so I felt a little , but it was indeed long enough to make me look presentable. I grabbed a super soft white robe that was hanging by the door and wrapped it around myself. It was long, so it covered me a bit more. I brushed out my wet hair.

When I exited the bathroom, Seung Hyun was still on the couch. "Did you have a good sho-" He stopped midsentence and stared me up and down.

"What? It's because I'm not wearing any make up, right?" I put my hands over my face. I heard him get up from the couch and walk towards me. His hands gently pulled my hands away.

"Ha Na, you're beautiful."

My heart began beating fast again and I couldn't help but stare into those deep brown eyes of his. He moved a stray strand of hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. We stood like this for sometime. My mouth felt like it was on fire and Seung Hyun was the only thing that could put it out. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than for him to kiss me. My mind told me that it was because I wanted to forget about Ji Yong. My body told a different story. I was completely attracted to Seung Hyun in a way that was the total opposite of Ji Yong.

When I was with Ji Yong, it felt like I was living in a dream world, having a fantasy crush on someone I built up in my heart to be more than he was. Someone who gave my heart flutters and made me blush like a teenaged girl. With Seung Hyun it was different. I wanted him badly. I wanted him to be mine. In that moment I imagined him sweeping me off my feet and leading me into the bedroom and I would willingly give him all that I had. The sensation was dizzying and every inch of my body was screaming for him.

He began to lean in, his face growing ever closer to mine. I closed my eyes, ready for the kiss. I felt his lips kiss my forehead and then he pulled away. My emotions came to a screeching halt.

My voice got stuck in my throat for a minute. "Don't do this to me, Seung Hyun."

"Do what?"

"Don't lead me on like Ji Yong did."

"Ha Na, I don't understand my own reaction to you yet, but I assure you that I'm not leading you on. I just don't think anything should be rushed. You're still my manager, and you're still dealing with the earlier issue with Ji Yong."

My mouth got ahead of my brain. "You could help me forget..."

"No, Ha Na, that wouldn't be fair to either of us." He lead me to the bedroom and pulled down the covers. "Hop in." I did as I was told and he tucked me in and sat beside me on the edge of the bed. "Get some rest. We only have a few hours before we have to get up." He my hair and stood up. "I'll be on the couch if you need me." Just before I left the room he turned around, "I forgot to tell you. Your friend called you earlier."

"Eun Ji?"

"Yeah. I told her that you wouldn't be home tonight and she wanted to know why I was answering your phone. I think you'll have some explaining to do when you get home."

"She's gonna kill me." I groaned and pulled the covers over my head.

"Good night, Song Ha Na." Seung Hyun turned off the light and closed the door. Surprisingly, I drifted off to sleep in record time, probably with a smile on my face.