Guilt

 

The night Hyungwon came to his house was also the last time Kihyun saw his best friend. Hyungwon suddenly stopped coming to school. He just disappeared and Kihyun had heard from their class adviser that Hyungwon had dropped out of the school. He had lost contact with him and there was no one living in Hyungwon's house anymore. All that Hyungwon had left to him was his letter for Changkyun.

He still hadn't seen Changkyun as well. The younger male had taken a leave in school for a week. Kihyun tightened his grip on the small white envelope on his hands.

“Tell my boyfriend that I will be back and that I love him so much.”

Hyungwon's last words for his lover echoed in Kihyun's mind and anger started to build up inside him. “Changkyun,” the male said bitterly. “Ever since Hyungwon had met you, you're all that he could see. Day and night, he talks about you. He always wants to see and be with you. He had forgotten about me because of you,” Kihyun clenched his teeth, as he focused his eyes into nothing. “Even before he left, he was thinking about you. He said goodbye to you. He asked me to tell you he loves you. I was right in front of him and he didn't even say anything to me!”

“Give Changkyun this letter...”

Kihyun averted his eyes and stared down at the small envelope he was holding. It was already crumpled, yet still unopened. The male stared angrily at it before he tore it open. A Polaroid photo of Hyungwon with his younger boyfriend slipped out of the torn envelope and fell to the floor. Kihyun hastily picked it up and when he saw Changkyun's smiling face next to his best friend, he became angrier. “You don’t have the rights to be smiling right next to him!” He shouted and tore the poor photo apart. He took the paper inside the envelope and began to read it.

KYUNIE-A,

      MY FATHER, HE'S DYING. HE'S ALREADY IN THE LAST STAGE OF BRAIN CANCER. I DID NOT KNOW. HE NEVER TOLD US ANYTHING.

      MY STEPMOTHER, I THOUGHT SHE WAS LYING, BUT MY MOTHER CALLED ME AND TOLD ME THAT WHAT SHE SAID WAS TRUE. I CAN'T
LET MY FATHER DIE WITHOUT SEEING ME. I HAVE TO SEE HIM BEFORE HE LEAVES. I KNOW I MADE A PROMISE TO YOU. I TOLD YOU I
WILL NEVER LEAVE YOUR SIDE AND GO ANYWHERE FAR FROM YOU, BUT KYUN-A, I NEED TO GO. I WILL FLY TO CALIFORNIA AND SEE MY
FATHER. HE NEEDS ME.

      I AM NOT LEAVING YOU. I WILL BE BACK. I PROMISE I WILL BE BACK NEXT TO YOUR SIDE, BUT PROMISE ME YOU WILL WAIT FOR
ME. SAY YOU'LL WAIT FOR ME. PLEASE.

      I LOVE YOU, MY BOYFRIEND. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

                                                                        HYUNGWON

“You...” Kihyun whispered, softly—his grip on the paper tightening. He felt angry. He felt furious. He felt betrayed. “You could have told me as well. You should have told me too!” The male shouted. “I'm your best friend! Why can't you tell me?! Why does it always have to be Changkyun?! How about me, Hyungwon?!” Tears started to fall out from his eyes, and he fell down on his knees. He felt as if Hyungwon had really completely forgotten about him. They were best friends. They have been friends before Changkyun even came, but ever since the younger male entered Hyungwon's life, Kihyun had lost his place. He always used to be by his best friend's side. He always used to be the one comforting Hyungwon, but Changkyun had taken his role away from him, and even Hyungwon had abandoned him. Hyungwon could barely even remember him. "What about your best friend? Your lover is not the only person in your life, Hyungwon... You should have told me as well... You should have..."

Changkyun was back to school after a week, but Kihyun pretended as if he didn't know. He didn't even go to Changkyun's classroom to see if the younger male was really back like what he had heard. Kihyun planned not to see him. He didn't want to see Changkyun until he had bumped into him.

"Kihyun hyung..." Changkyun said, but Kihyun just turned his back at the younger male. "Wait!"

The older male stopped. "I'm busy. Don't talk to me," he said but Changkyun grabbed his hand.

"Where is Hyungwon hyung? I went to your classroom earlier, but your classmates told me that it has been a week since the last time they saw him. I went to his house as well, but there was no one inside. Do you know where he is?"

Kihyun refused to answer and took Changkyun's hands off him. "I told you I'm busy!" He shouted, facing the younger male. Changkyun was taken aback.

"I–" the younger male paused. "I was just asking if you know where he is."

"And I told you I'm busy! Can't you understand?!"

“Why… Why are you getting mad at me?” Changkyun asked, taking a small step away from the fuming male. “I am only asking if you know where Hyungwon hyung is, and your answer doesn’t even answer to my quest