Unfair Love

 

Ever heard the words cat got your tongue? Well that was exactly what Changkyun currently feels at the moment. It seems like he suddenly lost the ability to talk and that someone had just suddenly stolen his tongue out of him. He fell silent right away, and words seemed caught up in his throat as Wonho's question rang in his ears.

Does he still love Hyungwon?

He wanted to laugh at himself, but the bitter tears on his eyes didn't let him. He already knows the answer, but then why couldn't he voice it out? He knows Wonho is expecting for his answer, an immediate answer. But anyone would be able to grasp the situation that he was hesitant to give the answer the older male was looking for. Should he tell him? That after all those years they have been together, a man named Hyungwon never really left his heart and that he was never really able to move on about his past lover? That after all those times that Changkyun confesses his love back for Wonho, Hyungwon was still inside his heart, still sharing the same love with the older male? Should he tell him? —that, yes.

I still do.

"You," Wonho blinks away the tears that started to gather around his eyes. Changkyun felt his heart broke at the sight. "You still do, don't you?"

Another tear fell as silence befalls before them, and Changkyun felt his heart breaks even more. He wanted to tell Wonho the truth, but a part of him screamed no. That he shouldn't, that he could not let Wonho know for it will surely tear the older male apart. He knows how much Wonho loves him. He knows how fond and attached the older male is with him already— with his words, actions, everything about Wonho screams how much he loves Changkyun. But he couldn't bring himself to lie either for he knows that if he does, it will break Wonho even more once he finds out that Changkyun didn't become honest with him.

"Changkyun," Wonho drops his tone and clenches his fists. "Tell me."

"I," Changkyun pauses, wiping away his own tears. "I love you." Was his reply instead.

Changkyun knew it was stupid. Changkyun knew how foolish it was to say such thing out of the context— to say something too sudden as telling Wonho he loves him without having second thoughts. It only proves how much Changkyun wanted to avoid answering Wonho's question; how much he wanted to avoid the possibility of lying to the older male rather than being honest with what he truly feels.

He loves Wonho. He truly does. For those years they have been together, he has learned how to love the older male already.  He has learned to open up the doors that lead to his heart and let himself love someone else once again. And that someone else was none other than Wonho. He has learned to accept someone like Wonho into his life again. Yes, he still loves Hyungwon, but he loves Wonho as well. He knows he's still in love with Hyungwon, that his feelings for his former lover has always been alive, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love Wonho anymore or that he never really loved Wonho. He did love Wonho, and he still does.

"I love you." He says it once again. "I love you, Wonho hyung. I love you. I love you." He says it over and over again as if he was reciting a mantra. He just wants Wonho to get his message; loud and clear. That even if he still does love Hyungwon, he also loves him.

But Wonho shook his head, "That wasn't what I want to hear." He says as the tears he has been holding back finally stream down his cheeks. Wonho was quick to wipe away his tears, and locked his jaw, trying to prevent himself from shedding tears again, but it looks like his tears have a mind of their own. "That is not what I want for you to say, Changkyun." The older male says firmly, tears flowing out from his eyes. "The answer is only a yes or a no. Why can't you answer me straightly?"

"H-Hyung, I-"

"You're the worst. You are the worst, Changkyun." Wonho sobs softly, shaking his head, denying the outstretched hands Changkyun was reaching out to him. "You can't do this. You can't love both person at the same time. That's a terrible thing to do." The older male cries.

"I thought you love me. Turns out, you never really did."

"No, no, no, no." Changkyun shakes his head frantically, crying. "That's not how it is..." But it was too late for Wonho to hear as the other male quickly ran upstairs and slammed the door of his room close to Changkyun, creating a horrible sound to the younger male's ears. "Hoseok hyung..." Changkyun falls down to his knees.

,,,

Of course, he wasn't able to sleep last night. He couldn't bring himself to. And he knows, he has no right to. He couldn't just sleep everything out and wake up as if nothing happened. Changkyun