Kyungsoo kept staring at the keyboard in front of him, contemplating on whether or not he should do it. He had been really curious ever since  that day at the party and did a pretty good job pushing his curiousity aside, until today that is. Come on... It's not that big of a deal... Just... education, right? He tried to coax himself. He knew he could just go ask Jongin about it but that would be far too embarrassing. He shook his head and blush crimson red just at the thought of asking him such a question. So, he decided to take matters into his own hands. 

"Okay... Here we go." He lowly muttered to himself before typing in at his own pace (the boy still wasn't used to writing, after all).

'How do two men have ual ?'

He blushed a deep red as he waited for the search results to appear. He randomly opened one of them and began to read.

'The dominant man-(topper) inserts his inside the submissive man-(bottom)'s buttocks hole, and starts screwing him until he es inside him, or pulls his out in time to e directly at his body, or-'

Kyungsoo immediately shut his laptop screen, almost screeching at what he just read. Oh lord, what am I doing?

He shook his head at himself and sat on the bed, cross-legged, a finger nervously in his mouth. Honestly... this is stupid. I shouldn't have even done that. Heh... Heh heh... Kyungsoo pabo... He sat there for a minute or so, frequently glancing at his closed laptop from time to time.

It didn't take long for him to open it up again and continue his 'research'. By the next half an hour, all the results on his screen were purple in color and he had read so many articles and watched a few videos by that point that his face was bright red. He couldn't even understand what he was doing, but he just couldn't help it. Kyungsoo quickly went to his browsing history to delete all the shameful things he had searched when a sudden knock at his door made him jump. 

"U-Uh... Come in." He tried to sound as normal as possible as he quickly composed himself, minimizing the browser tab and pushing his laptop aside.

"Kyungsoo honey," It was Jungah, "I want to talk to you about something."

"Sure, Mrs. Kim." He said, standing up and following her to her room. Once they were in, she closed the door behind her so they were alone.

"Is anything the matter?" He asked. 

"No, no nothing at all. I just wanted to ask you something." She said with a kind smile. Kyungsoo was now listening attentively, curious as to what she wanted to talk to him about.

"Have you thought about what you wanted to study? Anything you were interested in?" 

Kyungsoo pondered over it for a while, realizing he never actually thought about that. He felt kinda dumb too since he never thought about what he was going to do with his own life. But anyway, what could he possibly do? Kyungsoo never went to school. His mother would buy text books and teach him by herself. She was a smart woman, and he was similarly so. He remembered all the lessons she taught him, but then again, he never went to school, and so he didn't have any qualifications.

"I don't know." He sighed. 

"I know what you're thinking, and it's not too late. How about musical arts? Jongin told me you're a great singer." Kyungsoo blushed a deep red at what she said. It had been just one day since the day at the karaoke. 

"H-He did?" 

"Yeah." She smiled, "Look, Junmyeon has good contact with this one university. He could get you in if you audition." The boy actually considered it- after all, he loved singing. But the thought of university scared him at the moment. He hardly had any social skills and he didn't know how he would survive.

"Think about it, but there's no rush. Jongin might also be joining in there for dance, so at least you won't be alone." 

"Jongin d-dances?" He was a little surprised at the new piece of information he had just gotten. He wondered why the younger never told him. 

"He does. Jonginnie is a great dancer." She smiled proudly. "Anyway, consider it, Kyungsoo. Plus you don't have to join right now, you can do it whenever you're ready. The academic year doesn't start until April, so you still have a few months to think about it." Jungah tried to disregard the fact that his surgery would be within those few months. 

"Okay... I'll think about it. And... thanks. For looking out for me." 

She gave him a warm smile before wrapping him up in a hug, "You don't have to thank me, Kyungie. We are family now, remember?"

"Yeah... Family." He smiled.

Kyungsoo casually walked back into his room, seeing that Jongin was sitting on his bed. It was a pretty frquent sight so he wasn't surprised or anything. Until he realized that Jongin was looking through Kyungsoo's laptop with a wide smirk on his face. He widened his eyes when he realized he left his browser history open, and never really got around to clearing it. 

He screeched, running towards the bed, snatching the laptop away and closing the screen at once, face as red as a tomato. All while Jongin doubled over in a fit of laughter/

"Well someone's been doing some research." He mocked, still laughing at what Kyungsoo didn't find funny at all. More like horrifying. He was mortified at the fact that Jongin had seen all that stuff he had read and watched.

"Yah! S-Shut up! It's not f-funny..."

"You're right. More like hilarious." The younger boy kept laughing, slapping his thighs as he doubled over in another fit.

"Stop! I was just c-curious, okay?" But Jongin only laughed harder. Kyungsoo clenched his fists before attacking the taller male, throwing punches on his chest as hard as he could. They didn't seem to affect him that much. 

"Yah Jongin!" Kyungsoo was beyond embarrassed at that point and his cheeks were a deep shade of red. 

"Okay, okay, I'll stop." His laughter toned down just the slightest bit before he grabbed Kyungsoo's hands and flipped them over so Jongin was hovering on top of the other. The older male tried to calm his erratic breathing as he stared up the younger.

"You know... if you were curious, you could have just asked me." Jongin said with a small smile lingering on his face.

"Pff... N-No way..." 

The younger laughed softly before digging his face into Kyungsoo's neck, breathing in deeply. They stayed in that position for a while, just basking in each other's warmth comfortably. This is nice, Kyungsoo thought. He almost forgot about what had just happened and closed his eyes.

"I love you, Hyung." Jongin muttered, and the elder couldn't help the smile that stretched across his lips. He liked hearing those three words so much because it made him feel like he was important. It made his entire body tingle and he could feel the butterflies in his stomach. It only bothered him that he couldn't say it back. 

Soon.

Kyungsoo courageously brought a hand up to caress the younger's hair.  Then, something suddenly flicked in his head.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" 

"Sure." Jongin pulled his face, which was now slightly flushed, up to look at the elder.

"Does your family know that you're... what was the word...?"

"Gay?" Jongin completed for him with an eyebrow arched, and Kyungsoo slowly nodded.

"Yeah," he sighed, "I came out to them a few years ago. I first found out when I was in high school. I first told Amber and then my parents. They weren't too happy about it but they accepted me for who I was and supported me through it all." 

The elder was a little confused, "Why would they be unhappy? Is it like... wrong?" 

"Not really but... Korea is a traditional country. The whole concept of homouality deflects quite a bit from our traditions. It's starting to become more accepted these days though. So no, it's not wrong, but it's just not accepted by everyone." 

Kyungsoo sighed, "This world is so complicated." 

"It is. But don't worry, you'll learn more and more as you progress. It's not gonna happen overnight."

"Okay. I do hope you don't plan to stay like this overnight because I can't feel my legs anymore."

"Oh sorry!' Jongin quickly got off the elder boy, and the latter reveled in the feeling of blood reaching his limbs again.

"Sorry I crushed you." The younger apologized sheepishly. 

"It's okay." 

It's okay because it's you.

A few more weeks had passed and everyone was preparing for Christmas and New Years'. Kyungsoo was excited since he had never celebrated these events with anyone except for his mother. 

It was the day before Christmas and it was snowing outside. Kyungsoo was staring out the window like a little child seeing snow for the first time because, well, he was seeing snow for the first time. There were some kids outside all dressed up in heavy winter clothes, playing and throwing snowballs at each other.

"Wow." He breathed, wanting badly to go out a play too. He hadn't realized he had began to stick his tongue out a bit. a 'cute' habit (as Jongin described it) he had when he was concentrating hard. 

"Why don't you go on outside?" 

The sudden noise startled him and he turned around to see Junmyeon standing there with a kind smile on his face and a cup of hot tea in his hand.

"I..." Kyungsoo thought. He had never gone out in the snow before. His mother never let him because she didn't want him to get a cold. The urge to go out wasn't as strong before though because he couldn't see how truly beautiful it was. "I can?"

"Sure." Junmyeon laughed softly before sitting down, "Just make sure you dress up warmly."

"Okay!" He almost sprinted to his room to get dressed. Kyungsoo was quite sensitive to the cold so he put on quite a few layers of winter clothing before leaving his room, looking like an Eskimo. He ran into Amber in the hallway who arched a brow up at him. 

"Going outside?" 

"Yeah." He nodded eagerly.

"Wait for me. I'll come with you." She grinned, hurrying to her room to get dressed. She came out after a few minutes looking excited. "Let's go!'

The two giddily scurried out of the house. It was really cold outside but very pleasant. The sounds of children playing joyfully could be heard and it was nothing like Kyungsoo had ever felt before. He couldn't help but lie down on the snow, waggling his limbs around and playing with the white powder between his gloved fingers. It wasn't long before Amber lay down next to him.

 "Wow... It's been a while since I went out in the snow like this." Amber admitted sheepishly.  

"Hm? Really?"

"Yeah. Everyone in the house is too cool for playing outside, apparently." She grumbled, rolling her eyes, "Lucky I have you here." She smiled up at him, and he couldn't help but return it. Everything just felt too good to be true. As if life was just waiting to take its blow. The thought worried Kyungsoo, so he just pushed it to the back of his mind and tried to live in the moment. 

Soon after, Kyungsoo felt a ball of snow hit his face. He blinked and sat up, only to see a smirking Jongin in the distance.

"How long do you guys plan on just lying around there?! Let's have some fun!" He shouted, gathering another ball of snow in his hands and throwing it at them. 

"Aw it's on!" Amber challenged, getting up and grabbing a ball of snow while Kyungsoo followed suit, Soon enough, their booming laughter joined that of the kids and Kyungsoo had never felt so alive in his entire life. Everything about this moment was just perfection.

Meanwhile, Junmyeun and Jungah were watching their children through the window with happy smiles on their faces. This year, it really felt like Christmas. And one look at the way Kyungsoo smiled showed why.

"I really don't know what will happen to me if that surgery goes wrong..." Jungah said sadly, "Look at how happy he is. I'm scared I'll never see him smile like that again."

Junmyeon understandingly put an arm around his wife, "It'll go well. I know it." 

"I hope so." 

The four of them already knew what they were going to wish for for Christmas that year. 

X X X