I read his words carefully as a tear rolled down my cheek.

As if I still couldn’t cope with Bang’s revelation I kept rereading that page again and again, trying to understand what’s written on that paper. He loved me. We felt the same way for each other. Yet we were never able to share our feelings. Why did I never notice? Even when he knew that he had no longer to live he still only considered my circumstances. He wanted to prevent me from hurting even more. I wish I knew…

Live.

That’s what I’ve been doing the least after Bang had passed away. I couldn’t grant him that wish so far. Even though he asked me for something that simple.

I turned the page just to make sure that there wasn’t anything more written in that book and discovered two pictures. One was a picture of a grinning Bang and the other one was of us together arm to arm.

I kept staring at the pictures in front of me. I couldn’t help myself and started to sob. That’s the bright smile that I’ve always adored. He was always able to make me feel at peace with that smile which is noticeable on the other picture. I don’t think I have any pictures of me smiling. There must be a reason why Bang wanted me to have those pictures. I will definitely keep them safe and treasure them my life long.

One Month later

One month has passed and I still read his diary every night before I go to bed. I finally started to go to school again but I can’t bring it over me to leave the house without having his diary by my side. The book gives me that kind of feeling as if he’s present with me. Only because of Bang I decided to continue with school. I know how he would hate it if I wouldn’t make it to graduation, which is in three months.

I’m slowly starting to live again.

But there are still times where I would have nightmares and wake up in the middle of the night and eventually break in tears. My nightmares are about Bang rescuing me from a monster with horns and all I could do is to watch how he gets stabbed to death with the monster’s horns. I could yell and pull at Bang as much as I wanted but he kept pushing me back to stand in front of me as a shield against the monster’s attack. Even in my dreams he becomes my hero.

I visit Bang’s grave daily after school to tell him about my day, but sometimes I would I also visit his grave in the middle of the night after I have awoken from my nightmares. After all I still don’t have anyone else to talk about these kinds of things. I wish I could see him in person. I wish I could hear his soothing voice. I wish he was still here…

Graduation Day

Today I’m standing at his grave for the last time. I’m here to tell him goodbye. I’ve decided to have a complete new start and to leave my village and to move to the famous city Seoul to begin my new life at the university for art.

Bang is the reason why I’ve decided to enter the path for art. I discovered my skills for arts thanks to Bang. He was a lover for arts. I have to admit, he wasn’t really the best at it but he always did it passionately. He taught me how to find a release for my dark thoughts with art and he always complimented my paintings saying that he has never seen something that expressive before.

I want to continue my future with something that keeps us connected. Something that will remind me of him at all times. Since I still wasn’t able to let go of him and I never even plan to. Bang is a part of me now. That’s the only way I can survive.

After I bid farewells with Bang’s and my parents I entered the late night train with the feeling of slight excitement. This is the first time I’m doing something this adventurous after a while.

I told Mrs Bang about my plans and she seemed very pleased about it. She said that she’s glad I’m not stuck in my room anymore and that Yongguk would be totally proud of me taking this huge step. I promised her to keep in touch and to take care of me.

The train ride to Seoul takes three hours. I sat on an empty spot and stored my trunk under the seat. After looking out of the window and watching how my hometown got smaller and smaller and eventually disappeared I grabbed after my bag from above my seat and pulled out Bang’s diary. I opened the book and flipped to the third page. I took a pencil and wrote.

Dear Bang…

Hey guys! I'm terribly sorry I didn't update last weekend. I caught the flu and really didn't have the strenght to do anthing. I hope you forgive me! >.<

I'll be going to an "educatinoal" trip with my class for a week so I'm not sure if I'm able to write a chapter next week. But I'll do my best to update. :)

PS: For everyone who's wondering why the titel is called The Reason listen to this (For Janice, Bang is the reason)