Dear Janice,

I miss you. Sitting here in this room all alone, knowing that my time here on this planet is getting shorter and shorter is just unbearable. The thought that I soon will need to say goodbye to you is killing me more than my disease is. (LOL I totally sound like a poet :P ) No, but really those are just honest words.

How can you leave me alone in this hospital! You know I hate hospitals as much as you do!

I want to be with you…

Especially now. I wish I could spend every second I have left, with you. Seeing how I’m not able to be apart from you although you’ve just been here 15 minutes ago…I don’t even want to imagine how hard it’ll be for you in the future…

That’s how I’ve come up with this diary. This is the least I could do to you. I know you’ll soon be going through a haunting moment after I’ve left. Although I’ve promised you to keep that scary smile of yours plastered on your face forever. (Just kidding, you know you have the sweetest smile on earth ;)  )

I don’t know if you believe in angels, but if angels do exist and I won’t land in hell, I’ll make sure to become your personal guardian angel. I have no intention of breaking that promise to protect you from any harm. But I’m sorry… that soon I’ll be the reason why’re crying in the corner of that toy factory. I hate to know that soon I’ll be the cause of your tears. I don’t know if angels are able to wipe away tears, so just in case I’m writing this page for you. I hope with this diary I’m capable to lessen your pain.

Just like you have always talked about your problems with me, write your worries in this diary. With this diary I’m still by your side listening to every word you have to say to me. Remember, I’m never gone completely. I’ll always be watching over you.

I wish I could hand this booklet to you myself, but sadly I can’t predict the future and don’t know when I’ll be taking my last breath, so I’m fully relying on my mom that she’ll find this diary and realize that I want you to have this. Thanks Mom! Oh and mom… from now on you can stop reading… the next few lines are kind of intimate… You’re the best! <3

Janice, another reason why I’ve decided to write you, is that I’ve been keeping a secret from you all this time…

I love you…

HAHA…

Yes… I love you. And no, not just only as a friend…

I admit I only saw you as a friend at the beginning, but you’ve caught my attention the day I met you. I thought you were cute…Especially when you blushed. (I know how you hate it, but I love it :P)

For some reason our first encounter left a deep impression on me. From the outside you looked like a frightening dark witch, but who knew that this spooky witch could flush and smile like an adorable little girl. I was curious to who you were. I kept contemplating whether I should go back to that toy factory again or not. I was secretly hoping that I could meet you again. I’m glad that my curiosity won over me.

The more I got to know you the more I fell for you. And as I noticed how you’ve been giving me those amorous gazes I finally decided to confess to you. I was finally sure of the feelings I had for you…that was two days before I was admitted to the hospital…

Seriously?! I wasn’t sure whether I should laugh or not… Do you remember the movie we watched called “The Fault in our Stars”? ... That’s basically our life… just that you’re healthy. (I hope!) Destiny is playing a game with us.

I figured confessing to you in this kind of state did not make any sense since… it would only make it harder for both of us…

So I’m keeping it as a secret. I don’t want you to suffer more than you already are.

Every time you came to visit me at the hospital so far I had to control myself not to let my feelings overpower me. For once being silent is a hard task. But it feels wrong. I feel like I’m betraying you by not letting you know that I love you as well.

That’s why I’m confessing to you right now. I thought you should know at least now.

I’m sorry it had to come to this… I wish a miracle could happen, like in all those cheesy movies we’ve watched. But you know the best that reality is not that kind.

Janice… can you grant me one last favour?   Live.

Don’t let yourself break down again. I was finally able to make you smile. Being the cause of your pain this time would only make me hate myself. Please don’t let that happen. I wish I could stay as a beautiful memory in your heart. I know I can trust you. You have the power to fight against your tears. I’ve witnessed that myself. :) Promise me that I can rest in peace and wouldn’t need to worry about you walking away from life. Promise me that you won’t forget how to smile. Cause your smile was the reason why I fell for you.

Janice, I love you.

Hey guys! Sorry for the delayed update. I had a busy weekend.^^"

I've tried to write a less depressing chapter this time and started by making Bang seem a bit... humorous? But I wasn't that satisfied because I think it doesn't really fit his character. I want him to appear a bit more mature (and to be a complete contrast to Jimin who will be appearing in a few chapters). So eventually the chapter still kind of ended sad... but I mean, saying goodbye is sad right? 

I can promise you the story will soon be getting a bit brighter. Thanks for bearing this doleful beginning and I hope I haven't lost your interest. :)