It’s raining. Matching to the atmosphere I’m in. How ironic.

I’m standing between his and my parents. Both crying a river. I’m not sure how I should feel. I still can’t grasp it and am not able to shed a single tear even if I wanted to. People might think I’m heartless. But I’m still in a shock state since my parents handed the phone over to me three days ago at 4 o’clock in the morning “…Janice… he…” I didn’t need to know more, I already understood. My best friend has finally lost his battle. At least that’s how he would have described it. He called his own illness “THE WAR” and always shouted “I will not loose to this war!”. I always loved his humour. I loved spending time with him… I loved him.

After the funeral all the mourning people gathered to have dinner together and pretend like everything is fine again. I still don’t understand this part of funerals but I’m definitely not going to join their chitchat. “Janice? You’re not joining us?” “I’m sorry Mr. & Mrs. Bang but can I have a little time by myself?” “Sure Janice… we understand. Please join us as soon as you feel like it.” “Yes, I will. Thank you very much Mr. & Mrs. Bang.”

I stood at the tombstone with the engraving BANG YONGGUK 1990-2011. “You were strong, warrior.” I whispered. I crouched down and tried to understand what had happened. My best friend, my hero, my love, he’s dead. How is that possible? How can such an honest big-hearted man die so early like that? Why not me? I’m the one who has sinned…not Bang. Life is so unfair. I tried to imagine a life without Bang, which only caused me a headache and a shattered heart. Fear started to creep into my mind. This is not even possible. I’m not able to continue life without him. He’s the one who convinced me to live, he’s the one who rescued me out of my damned hell and now he’s gone. I couldn’t stand this anymore I must go away. Away from this tombstone, away from reality.

I ran. I ran as fast as I could with tears streaming down my face. I didn’t know where I was going. I didn’t care. I screamed. No one is here to rescue me anymore. My own life saviour is dead. Life has no meaning anymore.

Being out of breath from all that screaming and running I had to force myself to stop running. My head felt dizzy. After my pulse had calmed down I finally started to realise where I was. I had to laugh hysterically. This is the place where Bang and I first met. I was standing in a dark corner behind a run down building, which once used to be a toy factory I adored. This is the place I always came to when I felt dreadful or lost. Whenever I wanted to be alone and hide, this corner enveloped me cordially into its darkness and made me feel safe and peaceful. Here no one could find and disturb me anymore. I sank down along the wall and started remembering. Bang…

It is happening again. My parents are fighting over me. A divorce. They are arguing about with whom I should stay. The truth is, neither of them wanted me. In fact, which parent would want to be responsible of a drug addicted troublemaker? No one. While sitting in a corner, which I call “My REAL home” I tried to blend out my mother’s cries and my father’s curses by listening to blasting music through my headphones. I shouldn’t have been born. I could bet if I didn’t existed my parents would be having a fabulous life right now. I wonder if I happened by accident. I wonder if they only married each other because of me. Annoyed by the whole situation I lit myself a cigar to calm down my emotions. I hated my life. Practically everything in my life went wrong. Family, school, friends and now my health. I am drowning my pain in drugs and alcohol. Several times I have tried some heavy drugs to escape from this cruel world and eventually landed in the hospital, which is now already familiar to me. I don’t get along with the nurses either. Let’s say they are not that fond of always needing to pump out all that poison out of my gut…which I honestly understand. I wouldn’t want to do that either. Not my problem that they chose this job for their career. But recently I’ve tried quitting taking drugs, just simply because I don’t feel like needing to get picked up by my parents so I can be released out of that medical cave. The nurses won’t let me out by myself. The trip home with my mom was always silent. She waited until dad was home so she could tell him about my sins and eventually they both scold me off and yell what a terrible daughter I was and that they had deserved a better child. Yeah…maybe they did deserve someone better than me. Maybe I should just vanish out of their lives. There was no one who needed me anyway. I didn’t have any friends either, because apparently I looked like someone that would kill. Yes, I admit I look a bit gloomy. But I wasn’t like that until my parents started to have their affairs. I have always questioned myself whether my parents loved each other or not when I was little. For instance they would be arguing and jumping on to each other’s throats and the next they would be kissing each other passionately. I wasn’t sure if that was normal for married couples. Their relationship always seemed on and off. Now I know…

Suddenly a weird sound had shaken me out of my thoughts and caught my attention. It sounded like something is being sprayed. What was that? Is someone here? No one has ever been here before when I was around. I decided to search for the cause of that noise. I took a peek around the corner and in front of me was a man dressed in black holding a spray in his hand. It seemed like he was creating graffiti on the wall. 

Hi everybody! After reading K-pop fanfics for moren than one year I decided to give it a try as well. So this is my first fanfic.

I'm not a native English speaker, so in case you find any mistakes I apologize.^^" But I did my best in writing this story and I hope you'll enjoy reading this story just as how I enjoyed writing this story. And I'm sorry about not having any photos in this story, I still have to figure out how exactly this works...but I hope I'll be able to include some pictures in this story soon.

Please comment and let me know how you felt about this story so far. Thanks for taking your time reading my story! :)

Yes... I know... How could I do this to Yongguk oppa? o.O  But don't worry there'll be more chapters where he is involved. ;)

Anyone else who has Jimin and Yongguk as their bias?