CHAPTER 5

Chanyeol got home really late that even around 4 a.m. After telling Dasom he needed space, he walked home from the club feeling really numb. He had fallen asleep in the living room of his shared apartment with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, only to be woken up by a familiar face at 7 a.m. telling him to sleep properly or he won’t be able to move his neck the next day. He sat up straight still drowsy with sleep but he recognized this face, he even saw it last night.

“I know yo… wait what are you doing here?” he asked still sleepy.

“Uhm…” the lady bowed her head feeling a little embarrassed. “Babe, what’s taking you so long?” Baekhyun exclaimed from his room. “Just give me a minute.” Minzy replied.

“Uhm Chanyeol… I really don’t know how to tell you this or if I should be saying this…” She paused and stared at him as if seeking for permission to continue to which he just nodded. “I see and trust that you sincerely love Jang mi and judging by how much of a mess you look, you seem to really care about her so I’ll tell you.” She paused and sat next to him

“You see Jang Mi has had her heart broken twice before; she was quick and sincere to love and was left a mess when both guys left her for prettier girls. And this made her really insecure. Even her elder sister made fun of her about her body image, so insecurity is something she can’t really escape. The second break up was really bad that she was not only depressed but also developed an eating disorder. She was almost anorexic…” She paused and sighed at the memory. “But thank God she gave in to receiving treatment and a year after her treatment she met you. It’s not that she doesn’t love or trust you she just can’t help how she feels and just wishes you could be more understanding.”

“Why hasn’t she told me this before?” he asked.

“Well I don’t know her exact reasons but all I know is she wanted to be perfect for you, to be that perfect girl without falls so that you never leave her for someone else. So she tried to hide her past from you.”

Chanyeol sigh remembering what happened last night. “I guess it’s too late to turn back now.”

 Minzy was about say something but Baekhyun interrupted them. “Babe, are you already leaving me for someone else, it’s only been one night?” She gave Chanyeol an apologetic look before leaving to which he just nodded.

It has been a week since the last events took place, since Chanyeol had punched Jongin in the face because I kissed him, since I last left Chanyeol crying on his knees when I ran away from him, and a week since Minzy and Baekhyun started dating. And talking about the latter, remember when I was outside the club trying to reach her but she wouldn’t respond? It turns out she was occupied by Mr Byun all along. She wasn’t even mad at me for leaving her at the club.

But that’s not as weird as the fact that she slept over at his place, which is something she hasn’t done ever since her last relationship which was like five years ago. I guess she finally found “the guy” for her. Baekhyun seems to be a nice guy and on top of all he seems to make her very happy. I’m really happy for her. Yes I am. Even though I’m broken, sad and regretful, I still am happy for my best friend. I mean that’s what best friends do right? Even if it’s the hardest thing to do you’ve got to love and support them.

Just like it’s the hardest thing for me right now to attend that brunch that Minzy and Baekhyun have planned. Chanyeol and Baekhyun are friends and the brunch is at their apartment so not seeing him would be inevitable. However don’t get me wrong, I really miss him right now and regret not staying that night, but I’m just not ready to face him yet. He said it would be over if I left and I did leave, though now I’m wishing I had stayed.

Enough of that now I need to compose myself before I ring the bell. Minzy greeted me at the door and was beaming with joy. I really wish I could feel the same way she felt right now but for now I’ll just wear this subtle smile and try my best to hide everything.

The apartment was filled with friends mostly Baekhyun’s since it’s always just been Minzy and I since high school. Jongin or Kai as they call him was present too. He looked better than he did after getting beaten up because of me. The rest of the guys who I got known as Suho whose real name is Kim Junmyeon, Xiumin aka Kim Minseok, Kris, Luhan, Tao and Maknae Sehun, were also there. They are such a large group I must say compared to the two man party that Minzy and I run, but I’m not complaining at all.

I sat quietly on a kitchen stall enjoying my grape juices while aloofly watching the masses conversate. That was until my gaze met an all too familiar being at the front door enter with another lady guest. For some reason uneasiness crept up on me and I felt a sudden need for air so I made my way outside, to the balcony. The view from the 10^th floor was really pretty. Though the sun was still up the city still looked beautiful, I could spend my hold day right here.  I can only imagine how spectacular the view would be at night.

“Hey.” Someone who had joined me observing the city below knocked me out of my thoughts. I froze in place staring at Chanyeol not sure of what to do next. Honestly, I was fighting the will to hug him so tight that I might render him unconscious.

“Do I make you that uncomfortable?” he looked down to his hands as leaned on the balcony bars.

“N-no you don’t.” I stuttered. I turned to face forward and tried acting normal.

“How have you been?” he asked, facing forward in the same direction as I was.

How I have been? I’ve been crying myself to sleep. I have been walking around numb most of the time because regret seemed to have overridden all my senses. I’ve been missing him like crazy but should I even tell him this? Do I even have the right?

“Uhm, I’ve been living… I guess.” I said looking at my hands this time. “You?”

He sighed causing me to turn to face him to which he did the same. For a moment we both just stood there, looking at each right in the eye. His eyes were sad though his face tried to hide his emotions. He is hurting that what his eyes told me.

His suddenly lifted his right hand to push my hair behind my ear then he left it lingering on my cheek. I closed my eyes enjoying the familiar touch I came to believe I have lost. I’m sorry Chanyeol, I’m sorry for pushing you away. I miss you.

My eyes shot open when his hand left my face he was put his hands in the pockets of his pants, eyes on his feet.

“Should we really move on from us?” eyes now searching mine. For some reason I couldn’t say anything. It’s not like I had nothing to say, my head was running wild with all the things I wanted to tell him.

“I miss you Jang Mi.” he said under his breath, eyes on his feet again.

Then suddenly I ran into him, wrapping my arms around his body. He didn’t move, I guess he was surprised. “Forgive me Chanyeol; I’m such a fool for pushing you away. Please forgive me.” I said as tears started running down my cheeks and hugging him even tighter afraid he might push me away.

He finally wrapped his arms around me with his head resting on top of mine.

“It’s okay” he whispered. “You were afraid and I understand. It’s okay. Don’t cry.”

Afraid? What is he talking about? Does he know? I thought as I pulled away to look at him to meet understanding, relieved, loving eyes. Both his hands rested my shoulders.

He nodded as if he read my mind. “I know, she told me everything.”

I stared at him for a moment registering what he had just said. I turned to search for Minzy just to find everyone turning around, trying to hide the fact they were looking at us the whole time through the glass door. When my eyes met Minzy’s she just smiled at me. I faced Chanyeol again and he greeted me with a smile.

“I won’t leave you Jang Mi, because for me there’s no one prettier than the woman I got to love for the past two years. You are perfect for me and don’t doubt that, not again. For me it’s gotta be you” I just nodded.

He pulled me into a hug. “And don’t ever push me away again. You don’t how much of a mess I was because of you.”

“I’m sorry” I said wrapping my arms around him again.

We stayed in this position for about three minute absorbing each other quietly. He then pulled away a little and kissed my temple. He softly held my face with both his hands and leaned down to close the space between us. I closed my eyes as he drew closer to me, anticipating. His lips softly met mine lingering for a few seconds before he pressed them onto mine to which I instantly responded.

“I love you, Lee Jang Mi.” He said hugging again.

“I love you, too.”