a/n: Here guys, chapter 4. Hope u guys like it..and please comment what your feels for this chap^^ It is really give me inspiring to keep writing though. So then, enjoy~

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CHAPTER 4

Jinhwan felt a hand touched the side of his face and when he stared up at the man’s face, a menacing grin splayed on it.

He sat up in fright. The bed creaking at his weight and movement, and he lifted a hand to wipe at cold sweat sweltering down his forehead. It was just a nightmare, he comforted himself.

However the groan he heard beside him had him startled and that’s when it hit him that this was in fact not a nightmare. His body was sore all over and he wasn’t brave enough to look down at his body. Just by feeling the softness of the blanket itself he knows he’s stark .

The figure beside him moved and Jinhwan felt his gut sink into the pit of his stomach.

He quickly and quietly climbed out of the bed, grabbing his discarded clothes on the floor beside the bedroom. He felt his heart quicken at the thought of what happened last night and an image popped into his head. He willed it away, wanting to focus more on the task in hand. The task of running away.

He slid his jumper on- not noticing how he wore it inside out and wore his skinny jeans through limping legs. It was a lot more uncomfortable compared to yesterday. There was a mirror nailed on the wall left to him and he looked at it. His hair was disheveled and messy and he patted it down the best he could. He swallowed heavily when he noticed his collarbone had red marks littering all over and he adjusted the clothing so it would cover up.

With one last glance at the sleeping figure, he slipped out of the room, shutting the door softly. Tears were welling up in his eyes and he just felt so disgusted with himself.

He felt so dirty.

He stumbled out  and went down the stairs, clutching on to the railing like his life depended on it. His legs were all wobbly, making it hard for him to stay stable when they gave under him too often.

A choked sob escaped his throat and he looked down to his feet, feeling how weak his body was. A sudden thought crossed his mind and his face scrunched in fear. What if his parents finded out about this? Jiwon? What will they think of him?

The thought alone scared him and he shook his head as his feet finally touched the ground floor. The house was still a bustling mess, there were a few dozen students left partying around the house, the night still alive and he tries to leave the place without anyone realizing. He knew he was a mess, he can feel it in himself.

It’ll be worst if someone noticed and confronted him about it. He doesn’t even want to recall what had happened.

His plans to slip off was an easy task he succeeded in and he found himself standing in front of the mansion looking dumbly around. He sauntered out of the gate, not caring where he was heading as long as he was far away from the party as possible. The boisterous songs slowly faded as he kept walking forward.

He managed to grab a taxi and meekly muttered his address to which the driver raised his hat and nodded shortly.

He drew his gaze at the window, watching solemnly at the blur of passing buildings and trees. He regretted coming to the party. Everything had went wrong. One moment Mira left him to his own and the next he found himself losing his vriginity to a stranger-

He tensed at the words inside his head and tried to shrug it off,out of his mind. Jinhwan bit his fingernails unconciously. He should forget about this. Act like nothing had happened. That would be the best solution. His family wouldn’t have to worry about him more than necessary.

Throughout the whole journey home, his thought of trying to keep the incident at the back of his mind was impossible. It was like a poisonous gas, seeping through any little hole available and attacking you, slowly killing you from the inside. Tears dripped down his cheek and they fell on his hands but he was too busy looking into his thoughts, that he had barey noticed it.

It was raining outside and it stained the window with droplets. It’s as if the sky was crying for him as well.

The driver threw a concerned glance at him through the side mirror but otherwise kept quiet as he drove him home. It wasn’t his business to in. He didn’t wanted to be a busybody after all. He’s seen a lot of passengers crying but the way Jinhwan broke down just made his heart hurt.

Jinhwan got off as the taxi stopped, the rain already dissipated.

“Thank you for the ride.”

“It’s my job. Take care.”

He gave a small broken smile at the elderly driver and the old man tried to pull off a comforting smile in response. He paid the man and the man drove off.

Standing in front of his porch, his house looked so cosy and warm and he wondered why had he ever thought it was a good idea to go to the party. Absence makes the heart grow fonder he guesses. He wiped away his tears and limped towards the door, trying to make it not obvious how the pain shot up to his spine every time he took a step.

Jiwon paced around the living room, biting his fingernails in worriedness as he kept glanicng at the watch, eyes frantic. His mother felt mildly distracted as she was watching the television but he was always one to worry about his brother, that Jiwon, his mother thinked fondly. She reminiscent a few years back when Jinhwan had a video game phase and only came out of his room when it was tutoring session or eating.

The younger brother had whined and complained about it to her, yelling at her to take away Jinhwan’s consoles because he wasn’t paying attention to him.

“You’re like a jealous boyfriend.” She had pointed out and Jiwon went flustered and blushed, stuttering out ‘no, I’m not!’ and ran into his room, slamming it.

Back to the present, she could only give a sigh. Just as she’s about to scold him to sit down the door bell rang and Jiwon snapped his head up, rushing to the door in an instant. He hugged him tightly, feeling as though at any moment Jinhwan will disappear from his sight again.

Jinhwan felt himself being hugged and he tensed, about to push away the attacker when a whiff of a familiar scent caught his nose.

“J-Jiwon? Why are you-?” His question gets cut off by Jiwon’s loud voice.

“Hyung! Where had you been?! Do you know how late this is? I was so worried! I wanted to surprise you but you weren’t at home and so I went to the party you were invited to but I didn’t see you. So I thought you already went home but you weren’t!” Jiwon rambled and Jinhwan tried to pull off the younger from his figure because for the first time he felt uncomfortable with skinship.

He wasn’t clean. He didn’t want Jiwon to get dirty.

The younger backed up when his brother did that and he felt hurt. But he pushed it down. He looked at his brother’s appearance; his hair was a total mess, the jumper he had on was inside out and that made Jiwon suspicious.

“What happened to you?” He asked.

Jinhwan didn’t reply, keeping quiet instead. He was mentally and physically exhausted. And he didn’t wanted to get confronted about what happened at the party- not right now and probably not ever.

His mother must have heard his thoughts- or notice his exhaustion because she’s the one that cuts off Jiwon’s interrogation.

“That’s enough, Jiwon. Jinhwan needs rest.”

She ushered Jinhwan upstairs, ordering him to go to his room and shower as well. Jiwon pouted but watched as Jinhwan went. He was limping and that piqued his curiousness more. He’ll ask him later.

He saw his mother shook her head him. Jiwon’s never changed. No matter the time, place  or situation his worriness for his older brother always showed.

Jinhwan closed to the door behind him softly. He could hear Jiwon whining at their mother for interupting him and it would be a lie if he said he wanted to talk to the Jiwon now.

He didn’t want to talk to anyone right now.

He dragged his legs, them feeling heavy on his body to the bathroom. He crossed over a mirror and stopped as he took a look at his appearance. He shuddered at the way he looked, almost like a dead zombie.

He felt so dirty. So tainted.

He didn’t felt the need to peel his clothes off. His clothes needed a cleansing anyway as he stood underneath the head shower and turned it on, letting the water fall on his figure.

There were tears trying to escape his eyes and this time he didn’t bo