“Are you embarrassed being with me?” the question immediately blurted out of my mouth.

 

Sanghoon, with his wide round eyes staring at me, stop sipping his into his chocolate shake. He looked at me in shock and bewildered.

 

“And what makes you say that?” he asked in confused, settling down his chocolate shake cup down onto the table.

 

I looked down from his intimidating eyes onto my own mocha shake drink, “I-, I-, just want to know if you feel embarrassed going out with me?”

 

“And..." Sanghoon trailed off, "Is there a reason why I should be embarrased of you?”
 

His cold respond makes me sweaty and nervous for some unknown reason and I fiddled with my own fingers, having regretted that I even brought this subject up.

 

I swallowed my fear and finally asked, “Well, aren’t you?”

 

“Do you really want to know?” he asked confidently and I suddenly grew worried. What if I don’t want to hear his answer at all? What if I’m going to regret this? But all the while, I slowly nodded my head. Curiosity killed the cat, they said. “Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.”
 

“I do.”

 

His answer hit right through me. It upset me. God, I shouldn't have asked if I knew that it will hurt me this bad. Why do I even care anyway? Why does Sanghoon have to be so honest right now too anyway? Why can’t he just lie to me and denied it? Why can't he understand how I feel?

 

I started to get uncomfortable after learning the truth and I started to fidget on my seat. Suddenly the room seems so hot and warm. My cheeks in flamed. I suddenly became so embarrassed with myself. I felt so hurt and disappointed, I wanted to just buried myself right now and cry my eyes out.

 

“Why?” I asked. My voice shaking. I avoid looking at him.

 

There are a few minutes of silence and I thought maybe I shouldn’t continue this at all. I’m just digging grave for myself. It was so clear that I’m not up to his standard. I mean, he’s good looking. While that term does not even close to describe me. He’s a good singer. While I’m just an ordinary girl going to college, burying my face in the books. I'm a geek. He's really famous amongst girls. While guys doesn't even want to lay their eyes on me. God, I should have known better. I should have known my place.

 

The continuous silence makes me sick on the stomach that I tightly hold onto my bag. I was ready to run off before I heard his laugh resonant loudly into my ears stopping me from doing so.

 

I looked up to him and his hands were holding his stomach to stop himself from laughing too much. He also wiped off the invisible tear at the corner of his eye and said, “I’m just kidding, I’m so sorry, but you look so cute when you’re flustered.”

 

I stare at him. He suddenly stopped laughing when he saw my face. His smile fall.

 

“Are you crying?” he asked, getting worried. I didn’t even realize I was already crying. “omygod, baby, I’m so sorry.”

 

He was quick to stand up from his seat and sit  beside, facing me. He cupped my face and wipe the tears away. He looked so worried that sweats formed on his forehead. He apologized repeatedly out of guilt.

 

“Don’t cry, please,” he pleaded guiltily. “I won’t do it again, I promise. Please, please don’t cry. I’m not embarrassed with you. I will never be embarrassed going out with you. So don't cry, please, baby. You can hit if you want.”

 

I softly hit his chest once, “You know I don't like you playing aroud when I'm being serious. Don't do that again.”

 

“I know. I won’t. For the rest of my life, I would never do that again. I'm really sorry, baby.” He promised hurriedly.

 

He keep apologizing to me. He wiped my tears again and again. I wonder why I couldn’t stop the tears from falling, maybe I am really scared. I have a really bad self conscious and Sanghoon knew that. His eyes teary when tears keep on falling. Suddenly, he tilted my head up and kissed my lips softly.

 

“Please don’t cry anymore, I’m so scared right now. I won't do it again,” He said shakily, placing his forehead on mine. "I really love you."

 

I hold onto his hands. Finally I managed a sad smile to him. He breathe out in relief. A tear roll down from his left eye. This time, I was the one wiping his tear away. He gazed at me softly and I do the same. I gave him a quick peck to ease his heart away. He finally smiled.

 

As both of us finally calm down, I said, “I’m sorry.”

 

He shake his head, softly he said, “No, I am sorry. Don't cry because of me anymore. Why did you even asked that by the way? You know well, I really love you. I would never regretted us. I like being with you. There's nothing to be embarrassed of.”

 

“It’s just…”

 

“Just what?” His gazed at me lovingly, his head tilted to the side.

 

“This may sound childish but you seemed to not like it when we go public. You never even upload our pictures. You don't introduce me to your friends. You hate when theres a lot of people. You hate people looking at us. I mean, look at us right now, we're even hiding at the corner of a cafe. We are hidden from everyone else." I ranted immaturely. I pouted, "It's just that, sometimes, I wanted to feel like every other couples."

 

He sighed and steal a quick peck from me, "I'm sorry to hear that. It's not because I feel embarrased with you. I told you, you know, from the beginning. That if you agree to go out with me and accept me as your boyfriend, you have to remember one thing. And that one thing is we could never be like any normal couple because I'm a singer. So I am really sorry if you feel that way."

 

"I know..." I pouted and looked away from him, "I'm sorry. I'm being really selfish."

 

This time, he kiss me longer, "Don't be. I am sorry for you. I wish I could do anything to make you feel special. The reason why I also never uplod your picture was because I thought you need privacy. Plus, I really care about you. You know how wild fan girls could be. I don't want to hear the next day I upload a picture of you, you get bullied or harrassed. You know, fans and internet netizenz could never be control. I don't want you to get self-conscious and depressed again because of them. I don't want to see you cry ever again. I don't want to see you so down ever again. I want 'the happy' you. I want 'the beautiful' you. I want 'the always supporting me' you. I want 'this kind of' you. Always. I love you. I care about you."

 

I still avoid looking at him. I feel so guilty. Of course, everything he do always with reasons. I pouted again as I feel disappointed with myself for even thinking that Sanghoon regret being my boyfriend when I knew well how much he loved me. He alwasy said that words to me. All the time. And I feel so blessed that he was my boyfriend.

 

Sanghoon stare at me then he gave me a quick peck, "stop pouting, I'm not finished talking yet." 

 

I pouted as I looked at him. He hissed and bit my lower lip. I back away and he keep staring onto my lips, he said, "Don't drive me wild."

 

Playfully, I pouted my lips to him again to mock him. He groaned. I laughed. He captured my lips wildly and I gasped. He kissed me so deeply, he takes the life out of me. I moaned when he insert his tongue in my mouth. His hand on my head and waist, pulling me closer to him. I moved from my seat and crawled to him, straddling him. He moaned. His hands moved to hold my legs.

 

God, good thing we were sitting in the corner. This is too much PDA to be shown to the public. 

 

He was the first one to let go. Breathlessly, he said, "we should stop."

 

By this time, both of us were panting.

 

I was about to move from him when his hands holds my waist to stop me. He gave me one last kiss before he let me go, "I love you."

 

I smiled. He smiled back, lovingly, "I want you to say it too."

 

"I love you too,"

 

"Thank you," he kissed the side of my head. He laced our fingers, "Anyway, I haven't finished talking yet when you seduce me."

 

I laughed, "I did not."
 

He laughed back, "Anyway, my point is I do all of this in order to protect you. I really wanted to show you off. Hell, you don’t understand, if I could, I would want to announce us to the world. You’re really really beautiful and I want everybody to know that you are mine. If anything, I should be the one who is disappointed in this relationship. You never even introduce me to your friends. For example, when I called you out of the blue, you would reject my call and texted me instead, telling me that you’re with your friends and you would call me later. I mean, don’t you want to tell your friends about us?”

 

I tightened our laced fingers and said, “That’s because I thought you don’t want anybody to know about us. Well then, since it had come to this, next time, I’ll promise to show you off to my friends.”

 

He grinned happily, “Then I will too, promise to show you off to my friends next time we go out.”

 

With that said, both of us smiled goofily to each other. We then sealed the promise with a long sweet kiss.

 

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