“Are you okay?” Junsu, my boyfriend of 5 months ask me from the other line of the phone. His gentle and soft voice laced with mixtures of worries and sadness.

 

I sniff in, and softly reply, “I’m okay.”

“Doesn’t sound okay to me . . .”

“I’m okay . . .”

“I’ll be there as soon as I finished my fan meeting. It’s kind of bleak without you here.”

I giggle softly, “Are they not entertaining today?”

“Well, yesterday I told them what happened to you so I think the mood had been died down ever since.”

“I’m sorry,”

“No, I am sorry.”

“But I’m okay.”

“Sure~, I’ll be there later! Annyeong, saranghae.”

 

He left a me with a big smooch sound on the phone before he hang up, before I could even reply ‘I love You’ back. Which, I am grateful for because I don’t think I could utter the word today. I’m drained. I’m tired. I’m . . . just sad. But I don’t want to be sad. I want to be strong.

 

I draw my knees closer to my chest and hug it loosely, weakly. My room seemed so dark and so small, now that I need space to think.

 

So it was no big deal actually, why I act this way. Why Junsu are so worried over me.

 

My puppy died last night.

 

Before you could scold or bash me for mourning so much just because I lost a dog, you should understand something. He was not just a dog. He was a friend, a really good friend of mine.

 

He has been with me ever since I’m 10 years old. His name was Hero and he was a beagle.

 

He was the one who had saved my life when I almost got killed in suffocation. Old story, my house once caught on fire. I thought I’ll be safe if I hide in the closet.

Boy I was wrong.

 

Luckily my dog spotted my missing and managed to find me and bring me out of the house.

We had been best friend ever since.

 

So what would you feel when your best friend left you one day?

 

Sadness . . .

Depression . . .

Nostalgia . . .

Regret . . .

 

I can’t even feel anything now. So many emotions, it made me fatigue. I haven’t even eaten my meals properly since yesterday.

 

I blankly stare at the wall. His favourite plushy toy lay lifelessly on the ground just beside the wall, waiting to be bitten and dragged.

 

Amidst the silence, a tear trickled down my left cheek and I burst into another fit of cry.

 

15 minutes later, Junsu came.

Thankfully, I was done crying by the time.

 

But he knows I have been crying right after he saw my face.

 

Slowly, without words, he stood in front of me, stoop down to look at me properly and hug me.

 

He hugged me as if he knows that I need it.

He hugged me as if he knows what I had been doing all day today when just 20 minutes ago I had told him that I am fine.

I am not fine.

 

Emotionlessly, I sniff him in and settled comfortably in his comfort. My head rested on his shoulder, my eyes closed.

 

His hands gently and softly pat my back.

 

“He’ll be at a better place now,” he whispered.

 

I answered him with a silence.

 

He give a quick peck on my collarbone before continue patting my back.

 

Now I finally realized he had been breathing hard all along as both of us once again settled in each other’s comfort.

 

Worried, I threw him the question that he had asked me half an hour ago, “Are you okay?”

Breathless, he answered, “Yeah, I kind of rushing hard right after the fan meeting.”

“I am okay, you know.”

“I know. I just want to see your face.”

I chuckled.

“Have you eaten yet?”

I did, but I said otherwise, “I haven’t,”

“And good thing I bring food!”

 

He leaned away from me and looked at me, grinning from ear to ear. He wiped off my dry tears from my face and tilted his head to the direction of the kitchen, at least that’s what I think he means to say.

 

I gave him a look.

He pouted and softly tugged on my hand, pulling it.

 

Knowing I wouldn’t make any move away from my lovely bed, he scooted closer to me.

 

Alarm, I instinctively grab onto my bed sheet when his hands slowly made it way to my legs.

 

Suddenly, his hands slip under my knees and arms, carrying me bridal style off of my bed. I shrieked in surprise, my hands quickly encircling his neck in case he loses his grab on mine.

 

I was shutting my eyes tightly throughout all the processes that I didn’t even realized Junsu haven’t been moving toward the kitchen.

 

Scared, I open an eye first and look around. I open both of my eyes to glare at him.

He was smiling boyishly to me then he gave me a quick peck on the lips before he proceed to the kitchen.

 

“Did you really have to do that?”
“Doesn’t it make you better?”

 

I rolled my eyes from him.

 

He then settled me on one of the dining chairs while he settled beside me after he pushed my chair in.

 

He placed a bowl of jjampong in front of me and prepared the utensils for me before he took care of himself.

 

I watched him as he happily opened the plastic wrapper off of his bowl, singing his favourite songs as he gab his chopstick and look at me before he eats, “happy eating, my princess,”

 

I smile gently before I grab my chopstick off the table and look at my food, “happy eating, my boyfriend,”

 

He gave me a big goofy smile.

 

It was actually a routine for both of us to eat together and say the command words before we eat. It was our kind of thing. It was a way for both of us to show that we still have the affection in check for each other.

 

Even though it’s been 5 months, I still fall for him every time he does nice things to me. It flutters my heart to know that I was dearly love by him.

 

Even after he successfully become a singer, which is his dream, he still give the same affection to me as before, if I could say, maybe even more.

 

Maybe the constant missing of each other’s company or his busy schedule and trainings or our no longer so often meeting made both of us miss each other deeply that we usually try hard to shows our love and affections through words and actions every time we finally reunite.

 

Junsu knows how precious Hero is to me. He also knows how Hero always took care of me in his place when he’s not around. Now that he’s no longer here, I was left alone in my own house.

 

I really should consider bring my little sister to crash with me some times.

 

A warm hand covering my hand, snap me off of my thought. Junsu smile lovingly to me, gazing at me, “I love you.” He mouthed.

 

“I love you too.” I mouthed back, smiling softly.

 

Satisfied, he rubbed the back of my hand lovingly and continued eating. I follow him after that.

 

After both of us finished, Junsu faced to me seriously, “So I know you’re going to be alone after this, but you’ll get used to it. I would crash your house sometimes if my schedule finishes early so I’ll note you first before that.”

“I’ll be okay,” I answered him. “I mean, I have to get used to this someday too, it bound to happen, so I’m okay.”

He exhale and smile firmly to me, “You know I love you right?”
“I know.”

“I wish I could make it less painful for you.”

“Your words are inappropriate.”
“You brain is inappropriate. Don’t change the subject.”

 

I laughed.

He smiled widely.

 

“Anyway,” he continued. “I promised you, I’ll try really hard to be with you all the time. Since Hero had been such a good buddy for me too, I’ll try to fill in his position with you for him just as he filled in mine when I’m not around.”

I nodded, “Thank you, my boyfriend,”
“Anything, my princess,”

 

Our fingers were interlaced.

 

“And one more thing before I forgot,” he held up a finger. “My members sent their grief for your loss.”

I smile sadly to him and shook my head gently as I look at our interlaced fingers.

 

Junsu held my chin up and mouth an ‘I love you’.

‘Me too’ I mouthed to him back.

 

Then he give me a sweet kiss before he bring me back to my bed and watch a comedy movie together until I fall asleep.

 

When I wake up, Junsu was no longer beside me. When I look at the nightstand, a green sticky note caught my attention.

 

Quickly, I grab it off the nightstand.

 

‘You seemed really tired. You can’t even awake to the sound of my blazing phones. Anyway, I’m off to the studio, will be back soon. I love you.’

 

Determined, I get off of my bed and started my day with my usual routine.

 

Junsu finally came back 5 hours later with an animal cage in his hand. When I asked what it is. He finally showed me the little beagle puppy inside with a big smile. He called it Gamma.