Luhan's Point of View

I'm so stupid. Luhan, you're so stupid. Pathetic. Selfish. Annoying. I kept telling myself as I stood stiff in the bus with my other arm holding onto the typical bus straps. I stared at my hand bleeding. If only one look could stop the bleeding, but no. My blood dripped. I wasn't scared about it. I was just frustrated about myself. I ignored the judging eyes on me. I ignored the voices next to me. Just one time I had to say something when a little girl on a woman's lap grabbed the end of my shirt and asked, "Are you okay mister?"

I smiled. "Mmhm. Thank you."

"But that's a lot of blood. Right, mommy?" The little girl turned to her mother. Her mother smiled sweetly before looking at me worriedly. I faked a smile just to assure the little girl that I was fine. I wanted to say that I was definitely alright, but I'd be lying if I say that. 

It's not okay. I'm not okay, because my hand hurt. I'm not okay because I hate blood and I'm just enduring the sight of it. I'm trying to act tough but it's not working. I'm not okay because... because I know how pathetic I am. I reminded myself. I had to remind myself that I shouldn't fall in love, because I'm just pathetic. No one will really care. No one will really try to pursue an ignorant kid like me.

"What happened to you?" My brother asked, staring at me from head to toe. I saw fear in his eyes. 

"Don't tell them," I said hastily, taking a deep breath as I try to steady myself. My brother caught me in an embrace before I could fall face first on the floor. My entire body hurt. The bruises on my body and face were evidence that I wasn't loved. Like a bullet shot through my heart, it hurt so bad. It was the first time that someone broke my heart with his cold fists. "You're right. I shouldn't have followed him, hyung." I whispered. "I'm such a fool," and I sobbed almost endlessly. 

Because I followed the person I used to love to death, I almost died. Because I thought he loved me back, I lost myself. Because he never truly loved me back, I became ignorant about love. 

Then Sehun came. 

Sehun became my first friend in Korea. 

"Lu, why do you have cold hands?"

"It's the cold weather. Is it creepy?"

"I don't know, let me touch it again."

Sehun, my best friend. 

"Answer the phone, Lu."

"But you'll laugh again and I'll laugh at the caller again!"

"Oh come on. You have to."

"Then stop looking at me with that weird funny face of yours! Especially when I'm on the phone!"

"Why not? I'm cute! I'm supposed to be your inspiration when calling someone."

I thought our friendship would last forever.

"You look tired, Luhan."

"Ah yeah, I couldn't sleep last night. I look uglier with my eyebags."

"No, you're not."

"I'm not?"

"Still cute."

"Cute? A-At least say I'm handsome. I'm not a cute kid, Sehun..."

Sehun was the coolest friend I've ever met. I thought we could be friends forever until he asked me to be his boyfriend. 

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