Chapter 8

Dr Kang used to tell her not to keep rewinding her thoughts and going over old ground. He told her to live in the present, not the past. But how was she supposed to do that when a guy that she had a tiny crush had just kind of, virtually, kissed her?

It had been two days after the virtual kiss and she had replayed the scene like a million times and now she was wondering if the whole thing was just him winding her up or having something to laugh about with his family or was he just being polite? Did he felt sorry for her? Was it a pity kiss?

Seo Joon listened politely that night as she blabbered about Yonghwa. Since she hadn’t heard from him after the coffee shop date because her brother found a new jamming studio to jam and she still had no courage to call or even text him first, she ended up telling everything to her precious oppa.

“I know what you’ll tell me,” she said. “I can’t read his mind and I shouldn’t try. But how can I not think about it? He kissed me. I mean… sort of. On paper,” she shrugged, feeling a bit embarrassed. “You probably think it doesn’t count.”

“Not at all,” said Seo Joon seriously. “The fact that it was on paper doesn’t lessen it. When a man said kiss, he meant it. So a kiss is a kiss.”

“And now I haven’t heard from him at all. And I have no idea what he’s thinking and it stressed me out…,” she said.

Seojoon stared at her. He didn’t reply immediately.

“Shinhye, I’m glad that Yonghwa makes you feel better,” he said at last. “I’m so happy to hear you talked a lot like this, just like the old times. You are slowly getting better. I’m genuinely happy,” he smiled. “But my little dongsaeng, if anything happened to you again after this just like before, I won’t be able to forgive myself. Because Yonghwa is my friend.”

“Oppa, this is nothing to do with you,” she sighed. “I have an illness. And it’s fully treatable, right? Yonghwa ssi, he helped me a lot.”

There was another long silence. His mouth was twitching.

“You know, Shinhye?” Seojoon said at last, with a grin. “I hate to break this to you, but getting stressed over what men are thinking after they’ve kissed you may not be fully treatable. Not fully.”

***

 And then, the day after, Shinhye was sitting watching TV peacefully on her own when Seojoon came stomping into the den and said, “Yonghwa is here.”

“Ea?” she sat up in fluster. “Really? He’s here? But…” she swallowed. “You said you are not jamming at home anymore. So… I mean, why is he..”

“He wants to see you,” Seo Joon gave a wink. “Is that ok? You won’t freak out?”

“No. Yes. I mean… that’s fine.”

“Good, because I’m going out with Manse now, so that means Yonghwa will accompany you for a while.”

“No, oppa… wait…” but Shinhye was too late.

“Hi. Wow, it’s dark in here,” Yonghwa entered the den and the sound of entrance door closed was heard.

Everyone in the family had got used to her darkened den as she kept the blackout curtain closed and the lights off and the only illumination was the flickering telly. It made her feel safe. Safe enough to take her dark glasses off.

“Yes. Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. You are really a kimchi.”

“Well, that’s my name.”

She saw him smiled through the darkness. There’s a glow on his teeth from the TV and his eyes were to shining chinks. She was sitting in her customary place on the carpet and after a moment he came over and sat down next to her.

Not really right next to her.

He was about a foot away.

And all the time, her head was buzzing with the thought; He kissed me. On paper. Kind of. He kissed me.

“What are you watching?” he stared at the telly, where a group of idol was competing in a game. “Is that Running Man?”

“Yes. I find the cast entertaining.”

Running Man was her favourite variety show ever. She loved all the seven cast and they made her smiled and feel better after that.