Entry 01

It wasn't unusual, but I woke up to the sounds of nothing. Almost like everyday, there was nothing. Why was I like this? I'm just lonely, but I hate to admit it. I looked to the same old peeling ceiling I woke up to every morning. I have this thing where I hold my breath for as long as possible and I try to beat my time everyday. I took a breath and held it in. Ten seconds passed, twenty, thirty, forty, and then I let it out at forty five. I've been stuck at that same number for weeks. Even though I keep telling myself, just one more second, hold your breath for one more second, I just couldn't. I've been stuck living in the same pattern each day for the past three years. 

Three years, three damn long years and i've yet to encounter something life changing. I want something, someone to come into this boring life of mine and make me feel alive again.

I say these things and yet I keep myself from letting any of this to happen. What can I expect when all I do is the same routine everyday, get up, go to work, come home, and go to bed.

I use to be a happy person, I use to have friends, and partied, but ever since that accident three years ago, all i've been doing is hiding. I'm sick and tired of this , and i'm going to change.

~

The reason why  I became this way all started three years ago. When I was in high school, I had a good group of friends. At least thats what I had thought. There were five of us including myself. We did do a lot together, but not as much as we could have. 

we had all planned to go to a party that night but I had gotten a call from all four of them saying they couldn't make it to the party anymore. In which I understood, this happened a lot, sadly.

That same night I happen to drive past the house where the party was at, and I saw them. I saw all four of my friends having fun at the party, right before my eyes.  They lied to me, but more than that they betrayed me. 

I got out of my car and walked strait over to the house where the party was at. I walked up to my friends ready to confront them. I imagined myself taking them by their collars and beating them down, and punching them in face. I wanted to curse them, and spit at them for what they did, but none of that happened.  They didn't even look surprised.

I took a deep breath and began to speak, "What...no, how could you do this to me?" I said. I wish I had came off more strong, but all I did was look weak. Why was I so weak! Why am I still so weak....

One of my friends laughed, "Its about time,'' he said smirking, "It took you this long to figure out that you were never appart of things."

Another one of my friends spoke up, "To be honest, we made it so obvious. Its your own fault for falling for it.''

~

Yeah, maybe it was my fault for falling for their lies, but how could a person do that to another person. Lie to them over and over, thinking they felt belonged, but actually never belonged since the beginning. I regret ever meeting him, he was the one who made me this way. He introduced me to them, thats how we all became friends. I hate him...

I was never able to trust anyone from that point on, and that became my weakness. I just stopped talking to people and people saw me as weak because of that. People could easily take advantage of me because I could never speak for myself.

I guess they didn't realize how much of an impact they would leave on my life.

- V

First chapter updated! As you can tell its a bit short in length, but I do plan on making the rest of the chapters a bit longer. I say that, but it might not happen. I feel as though this is kind of a prologue, introducing his current condition and and a little from his past. Hope you enjoy and excuse any mistakes.