When you let go of something, you tend to try and let go of the things that go along with them. The places, the faces, the memories were bits and pieces of a whole that when touched would bring back a part. When a part of that something pricks your heart again, you go through the cycle once more.

Denial

Acceptance

Letting go

It was a strict cycle for Seulgi. When she lets go, she lets them go forever. Or so she thought.

It changed when Jung Soojung came into her life. The feisty, eccentric, intelligent girl immediately caught Kang Seulgi’s heart. There was no question about it. But by experience, Seulgi decided not to follow it and just admire the young Jung from afar. It was an answered prayer when Soojung confessed that she felt the same for her. It was finally heaven for Seulgi.

There came a time Jung Soojung became her world. Not a day went by that Seulgi felt her love for her; her devotion. She was perfect to Seulgi. She was so perfect Seulgi married her. But then, Soojung got sick. Seulgi took care of her with her family. The eldest Jessica, felt bad for the couple. They weren’t even able to go to their honeymoon because of it.

The marriage lasted for six months.

It was the hardest six months she had ever been through.

Seeing Soojung in so much pain broke her heart. What’s worse was she was left to decide her wife’s fate. It reached a point that only machines ran to keep Soojung’s heart beating. Soojung’s family felt it was Seulgi’s decision to pull the plug.

She did.

Denial

Acceptance

Letting go

It was another cycle she had to go through after Soojung’s death.

Then, Soojung set herself apart from all the rest of the people Seulgi learned to let go.

On the day of Soojung’s funeral was also the reading of her last will and testament. They hardly had time to acquire properties as a couple so Seulgi expected nothing to be given to her.

She was wrong.

There was a letter, kept safe by the family’s attorney. The letter was written three months after their wedding. The first month her wife had to be hospitalized. The instruction was to give it to Seulgi on the day her will was going to be read.

By the time it reached the paragraph for her, everybody’s eyes were on her.

They didn’t expect the request.

Neither did Seulgi.

My dear Seulgi,

If you’re hearing this, then I must be apart from you already. I apologize for leaving you so soon. Please know I love you deeply. You are my life… My ball of sunshine… You deserve more than this. You deserve more than the pain I have caused you today.

You would expect that there was nothing meant for you with our family after I am gone. But as you have might have heard, I am entrusting you to them. Treat them as your family still. I know your parents in Korea have not accepted the fact that you wanted to marry me. But please, accept my family as yours. They have already accepted you as their daughter.

What I ask of you are two things. One is to please stay by my Unnie’s side. This is more than she could take. You know how close we are. Take care of her like how you took care of me. Make sure no one breaks her heart. If they do, pick up the pieces and let her know that love still exists. If she doesn’t listen, remind her. You are her sister now. You are doing it because you love me. You are doing it because you love her.

My last request is a little hard for you love. But I think it is the best I ask this of you. I know when I met you I had to pick up all the broken pieces of your heart. You may have let the memories go, but you have become a different person because of it.

I found her Seulgi.

I found Bae Joohyun.

She was at our wedding. She knew what you were up to even though you tend to ignore her. I talked to her Seulgi.

She told me she still loves you Seulgi. She told me she never stopped. When she found out you were getting married she immediately rushed to be by your side.

But I love you too, Seulgi-ah… I would fight for your love any day.

I learned something though. She loves you enough to let you go and be happy with me.

She wasn’t able to tell you because of her circumstance before.

She never had a chance because you left without telling her goodbye.

I am not going to ask you to love her again, my dear Seulgi. That would be too much to ask of you. I know how badly you were hurt for you to ignore such a goddess like me the first time we were introduced. Though frankly it was the best days of my life Seulgi-ah… Making you fall in love with me was the happiest… Making your heart open up to me made me whole…

In return, I ask you to give her a chance: a chance to tell you what happened, a chance to tell you her side of the story. Open your heart to the things you have closed yourself on. It’s okay to move on love… But don’t forget how you got there. Somewhere inside you a question still lingers. I might have temporarily kept you from it, but now, I want you to face it.

I know you love me till the end love. I see it in your eyes. That is the reason this is read with my family today. I want them to know this is what I want for you, my last request.

Joohyun has received a letter from me. When you do decide, I want you to read it. I told her if you did, she would have to give it to you.

I love you with all my heart Seulgi.

Don’t let that silent pain linger in your heart.

By the time Jessica was done reading, Seulgi was fighting back the tears. How could she? How could she ask her of this?

She placed her hands on her face as she desperately tried to understand her late wife’s request. Soojung knew she does not look back on the past. She wasn’t the type to chase it either. What was long forgotten should be left where they are, the past. There was no use making them linger.

It doesn’t matter if one or twice, they cause your nightmares.

They should linger where they should.

@@@@@@@

Seulgi stirred and woke up to a familiar place. The drive to the Jung mansion was smooth, slightly helping her recover from her jetlag. Jessica stirred beside her hands holding on to her fiancé, Kwon Yuri.

She looked out the window and saw children playing on the snow.

A smile

She remembered how their first Christmas was. The snow, the candle lit dinner, Soojung had it all covered.

A sigh

It was two years after the funeral and she was still holding on to her late wife.

The cycle shattered.

This was only because of the letter that told her of her late wife’s request. Something she had yet to fulfill.

A hand caressed her head. She leaned to the touch.

“Welcome home Seulgi-ah…” Jessica whispered as she placed a kissed on the younger woman’s forehead.

“It’s hardly home Unnie.”

A plate was thrown her way but her reflex was so sharp she was able to avoid it. Then there was another.

And another

How many more would her mother throw at her?

“How could you do this to your family? How could you have relationships with that girl of all people?! She is the daughter of the most influential man in our town! He could have your father’s job and leave us penniless!”

She sighed.

“I didn’t ask for it. She came after me!”

“Then leave her! Leave her to