Mornings are the worst parts of the day, because when I wake up, I have to see his face. Now that we were living together, I had been avoiding my hyung as much as I could.

I couldn’t bear his painful expression every time he looked at me.

Yes, I considered moving out, I had enough money to buy an apartment in the centre of Seoul, but that would be just a proof of my cowardice. It would mean, that I lost the fight I started. As much as I wanted to talk to Jiyong, I had to avoid him.

His beautiful hazel eyes always managed to make me melt.

Somehow I always found myself thinking about him, about days when we had a close relationship and dreaming about it. What if those days came back?

I knew, that one word would be enough. If I just told Jiyong that I want him, I would get him.

I was an adult however.

Even if I loved him and wanted us to go back to the way we used to be, I couldn’t forgive him for using my innocence. I could not.

Our comeback was successful, we were touring and I was constantly tired, even though I was having fun and enjoyed it. The phenomenon ‘Seungri’s sleeping face’ was spreading through the internet and it was normal to find my sleeping face, when I opened my browser to chat or just surf the internet.

I slept almost all the time, the rest of the time I was avoiding Jiyong. Even if we had done some fan service, I could clearly see how much it hurt Jiyong to know that I was not his anymore and that he could only touch when we were on the stage.

The bags under my eyes were getting bigger and darker and my make-up artists were getting desperate. They begged me to sleep more. I was supposed to eat healthily, because not long ago I was hospitalized because of my liver. But I found myself avoiding food, just like I avoided Jiyong.

I knew that he was watching me, when he thought I was sleeping. Every time I fell asleep with his eyes on me, I found myself having wet dreams about him.

I knew I shouldn’t have, but I slept with some of my friends, knowing fully well that Jiyong heard everything. When I walked out of my room that morning limping because of the p