Of How We Fall In (or Out) Of Love

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Maerin fixed her mask as the train is reaching her station, Myeongdong station. She entered in JYP, somewhere in end of summer of 2012. Winter of 2014, huh. Just like how cold of the winter almost bring zero hope to land. How the land have turned pure white, how most creature are not even roaming the streets. The streets are filling up with people hustling and bustling to their destinations. The night tho is filled with the peoples that never sleep. The food stalls are always filled up with people who are getting food to heat them over the cold temperature.

Seeing how these ahjummeoni still worked hard despite the cold temperature drives Maerin to keep coming here and perform every Saturday, where she had her off night. She brisk walked to the spot the buskers always perform. She arrived at the place half an hour early from her turn but hey better early than sorry.

Maerin stopped at the zebra crossing. While waiting for the pedestrian traffic light turns green, she looked at the screen in front of her. The screen show cut of SHINee World III concert in Olympic Gymnastic Area that was on 8 and 9 March this year. Seeing how Taemin and the other oppa passionately dancing give her two different feeling. Of jealousy to be able to stand on stage and show all these years training worth.

Of missing Taemin. Since SHINee have started their SHINee World III tour, the video calling has gone to voice calling, to voice note to short messages to ‘Seen at date xxx’. Maerin tried her best to be understanding but guess she just missed him too much to understand the logic of long distance relationship.

Her phone buzzed with notification and she excitedly checking it hoping for Taemin’s reply but it’s just her Malaysia friend, Kim Jira.

Maerin giggled at her friend failing usage of –lah. Lah and weh is normally used with English so it will sound more localized. It doesn’t help that the kids in their International School speaks English so well that they don’t mixed the two languages that Jira never get to used her –lah and –weh that much.

As Maerin arrived at the usual spot she put down her guitar bag.Maerin fixed her mask and cleared . “Hey, it’s Merin. How’s everyone doing?”

The crowd murmured “We are good” and some whistles in responding. “Today is a bit cold, so I’m going to sing a song that wills warmth your heart. You guys alright?”

The crowd clapped and cheered in return. Maerin sang her heart out on Colorful by SHINee. Her hope after she arrived at JYP, and the longing feels. If Taemin was here, it would be nice but Taemin might be busy with practice for his next tour in Japan. Singing Colorful remind her times with Taemin. Although they aren’t really in a proper relationship but just knowing that Taemin always got her back in SM, it fluttered her heart. He put more colors in her life (not that her life is not colorful before, she entertain herself well) but the world do seems brighter.

Next song, she strums up her guitar for I Miss You by Girl’s Day. Like the chorus,

She missed Taemin so much. She wants to lean on his shoulder and cry. She wants to erase the feeling but again she draws him (remembering him). Everytime phone rings of notification, she hopes it’s him. She just missed him that much. She managed to muster strength avoiding from a tears dropped. She stopped to take a drink before continue for her next song. She plays around 5 more songs as the crowds something stopped and cheered her on. In breaks, she entertains the crowds with some impromptu requests like asking her to sing to their requests.

“Uhm, I shall end my session today with Santa You Are The One by SMTown,” Singing this song makes her reminisce her trainee times in SM. Though SM is in managing their trainees, she did have a great time there. Just in JYP she feel more belong in and her skilled do improved tremendously with JYP training within these 2 years.

Maerin ends her song, “Thank you everyone,” Maerin find herself taking a deep sigh as her packs up her stuff. She just wished Taemin was here. As she stands up after squatting to put her guitar in her bag, she finds a dark sight shadowed over her.

Looking up, a man face was covered in cap and mask was on close proximity upon her face. She squeaked and fell down on the floor. Looking at these familiar shining hazel eyes, “Oppa” She didn’t even realized she was crying until the guy wipes her cheek softly. Tho his mouth is cover by a mask, she knows he is smiling and showing his perfect set of tooth.

“Hey, let’s get something to eat okay?” Taemin asked as he helps to get on her feet. Taking the guitar from the floor, he leads her.

Overwhelm by her feelings, she nod and silently followed him. She pinched his arm to see him for real. “Ouch that hurts Mae” Taemin whined as he rubbed the part that Maerin pinched.

“Oh, you are real,” Maerin said slowly.

“Yes, I’m real. Come here,” Taemin quickled pulled her into a secluded alley. He pulled into a tight hug until Maerin slowly hugged him back. “I missed you Mae,”

Gripping his shirt tightly, “I missed you too,”

For the longest time, they just stay there until Taemin slowly loosened the hug. Both of them looked at each other awkwardly as this is the first time they hugged. In before , it always been side hugged or a pat on head. Maybe they were just caught up in a moment since they haven’t seen each other after SHINee win Artist of The Year back in 2013. Taemin cleared up his throat and said,“Let’s eat okey?”

Maerin nodded. “Oh I know this shop. The shop is kinda small but the food is really good!” Maerin explained as they both walked out from the alley.

"Oh is it the shop that you always told me?" Taemin asked.

Maerin nodded excitedly. "So oppa, when did you arrive here?"

"This morning, we had two days off so I'm coming back to had stage test for Danger for MBC Gayo Daejun,"

"Oh! So, your first solo stage! That is great!" Maerin said as she clapped her hands.

Taemin smiled bashfully while rubbing his neck, "To be honest, I'm a bit nervous. Every stage is a first time stage for me,"

"Honestly, I think it is a good mindset though. Because it is a first stage mindset, your adrenaline get pumped to max level and the passion never runs out, “ Maerin explain her opinion.

Taemin cant help to glee and automatically pat Maerin’s head softly.

Beet red, Maerin announced “We have arrived!” Maerin said as she lead him to entrance.

“Maerin-ah, you just finished busking?” The ahjumma greeted her kindly. “Oh you bring a friend too!”

Taemin quickly bowed, “Annyeonghaseyo, I’m Tae-“

“Ey don’t need to introduce yourself. Just sit down,” The ahjumma usher the couple to the a sit. “Kimchi Jigae as usual Maerin? And how about this young man,”

Taemin nodded and while Maerin giggled at how Taemin feeling shy after the ahjumma cut his sentence. “Oppa, bulgogi and egg roll?”

Taemin nodded. “Okey, your order will be here soon,”

“The reason I like it here its because the ahjumma don’t mind who is her customer. I think she like rather not knowing because if she know then the fan would know. And that’s the reason why she doesn’t want to know your name. Especially, when you are wearing like this” Maerin gestured to his face mask and his cap.

“Ah, I should take this off?” Taemin said as his hand went to his face mask.

“I think the cap should be off but just let the face mask be until all our food arrived? Ahjumma also prefer it,” Maerin advised.

“Okay. How are you Maerin? Have you been eating well, you look skinny,” Taemin said as he grab Maerin’s wrist. He put his thumb and his middle finger around Maerin’s wrist and exchange the latter finger with his index finger. “Your wrist normally around this and it change to this,”

Maerin blushed and softly pull away her wrist. “I think I got to greedy in training. I forgot to eat,”

She wonder why her heartbeat keep skipped for every skinship that Taemin initiated. And suddenly the room got a bit hot.

“Ah sorry. I was just got worried,” Taemin quickly apologized. Seeing how skinny Maerin makes him become protective of her. “Anyhow, don’t skip your meal okey?”

“Okey oppa. Oh the food had arrived,” Maerin quickly changed the topic.

They quickly digged in while exchanging stories that they have missed like old friends. Like a dongsaeong-oppa, like a hoobae-sunbae relationship. Really?

Taemin end up leaning against the chair while patting his stomach after they finish all the food. “Ah I missed this authentic taste of Korean food. I will definitely come here again with the member,”

“Don’t forget about me~ I missed oppa-duel already” Maerin pouted.

“I strangely feeling jealous that you remember other oppa while this oppa is in front of you,” This time Taemin pouted.

“Don’t worry Taemin oppa, you are definitely my favorite!” Maerin said. Ah, why did I feel embarassed after saying that. I mean it is true he is my favorite oppa from all SHINee.

“Anyhow, how is your new group member? Are they treating you well?” Taemin asked.

“They are great! I matched well with Seulyi. We had fun in teasing Nami. Eunkyung was a bit distant but she still okay. Jaelyn unnie gives off this scary feeling like a true unnie but honestly she is just motherly-ish. She cooked all our dishes and always try to make sure we eat well,” Maerin explained while her hands moves around explaining the situation.

“Ah, really. Then, how did you escape her? You are skinnier,”

“It just happened,” Maerin guiltily replied.

“Did you practise every overnight again?”

“Ah, I feel like I need to go toilet,”

“YAH!”

Maerin jumped as this is the first time Taemin ever raised his voice towards her. Usually, Taemin always accept her joke and silliness well.

“Argh sorry. I didn’t meant to raised my voice. I got worried. I’m sorry,” Taemin said as he put his face on the table and hide behind his arms.

“Oppa,I’m sorry Ill eat well. Don’t get mad at me,” Maerin apologized seeing how frustrated Taemin is. But its true, she got greedy in training as she got better in result which earning her the title “Jack Of All Trades” among JYP trainee.

“Please do okay,” Taemin finally raised his head and ruffled Maerin’s hair.

Maerin nodded.

Again her heart skipped a beat. Ah, what is happening to yourself Ha Maerin.

The loud cheers from the crowd can be heard on the screen shown in their waiting room. It was overwhelming for both Eunkyung and Jaelyn as this will be their very first performance in such a very big event. Eunkyung’s stage fright was kicking in, every little thing went through her head. She was scared of making mistakes as there will only be the two of them standing on the big stage where all of their seniors have been performing on for their every year end. In fact, Eunkyung wasn’t the only one feeling that way as Jaelyn has been feeling rather restless at the time as well. Anxious, both of them kept practicing and checking themselves in the mirror to see whether their makeup seemed okay or something seemed to be missing.

At the time, the door to their waiting room was opened and there came their well-known senior, 2pm, into their waiting room. It has been known that although they were still rookie, they were really close with their seniors.

“Doing okay?” said Taec to both Eunkyung and Jaelyn, receiving a really nervous look from Eunkyung while Jaelyn gave him an assuring smile that she was fine. “You okay Jae?” he asked towards their former manager, getting a nod in reply. 

“Eunkyung, don’t worry, you’ll do fine” Wooyoung assured his younger sister. Although he knew very well how anxious Eunkyung could get when it comes to big stuff like this.

“She’s been shaking her legs since a while ago, can you please make her calm down?” Jaelyn asked, she was more worried about her maknae than she was about herself.

“okay... now I’m nervous” she exclaimed, sighing out loud, “I’m nervous Oh my god!” she repeated as she stood up from where she was to grab Taec’s hands, which she believed might be able to relief her nervousness. 

Taec sneered at her, saying “Now you act it.” as he started to laugh much louder.

“Don’t make fun of me! I’m so nervous right now!” She scolded him.

“Oh, So I heard you have new manager?” he asked her cautiously, seeing Jaelyn rolled her eyes, he knew she must’ve disliked the new manager. 

“Yea, a she, and a kid 3 years younger than me” she sighed, “you see Eunkyung right there? Being extremely nervous, that’s all thanks to her” she complained, “well, not entirely, but half of it could be her fault.”

“What actually happened?” he asked.

2 hours ago

Eunkyung was pacing around the waiting room, eyes wildly looking for something. She looked so anxious in Jaelyn’s eyes, like she’s never seen before. Surely, she’s been performing on stage for quite a while already, there is no way she would be extremely nervous performing this time. Her guts tell her that something wasn’t right.

“What’s wrong, Eunkyung-ah?” She asked, “did you lose something?”

“Umm… have you seen my four-leaf clover?” The latter asked, still looking anxious. Jaelyn knew the clover was like her lucky charms because she’s been keeping it for quite long, even used her own nail polish to keep it from wilting. “I think I misplaced it somewhere, I cannot find it anywhere, u know how I usually keep it in my planner, but it isn’t here” she whined, “what am I supposed to do without that? What if I end up ruining our performance?”

Jaelyn wasn’t the type that believed in those kind of charms, but she knew how precious that thing is to her maknae, so she tried to help her find It as well.

At the time, their new manager came in to ask them to get ready for rehearsal but she saw the two were still busy looking for something she wasn’t sure of.

“What’s wrong guys?” Aecha, the new manager asked.

“Manager-nim, have you seen my four-leaf clover?” Eunkyung asked, hoping that she must’ve seen it somewhere

“Oh… A leaf? You mean the one in the car at the left back seat?” Aecha asked for confirmation.

Both Jaelyn and Eunkyung’s face lit up thinking that she must have really seen it, only to be disappointed again. “If that’s what you meant, I threw it already, it looked old and slightly wilted…”

“You what?” Both eyes wide open, shocked at what they’ve just heard, Eunkyung and Jaelyn said synchronously.

Eunkyung’s face turned dark but Jaelyn assured her that everything will be fine. Although the leaf did not necessarily give her luck but Eunkyung still wanted to believe that it does. Fortunately for her, she was wearing the charm necklace that Wooyoung gave to her 3 years ago as her birthday present which she believed was also her lucky charm. Although she was a little upset of losing it, even if she was to blame anyone, she could only blame herself for being careless of things she treasured. To blame on the manager would be wrong since she knew nothing about her at all. So, she calmed down quite easily, thinking that it must’ve been too old for her to keep it anymore.

The two went out to do their rehearsal, with a smile so bright on both of their face, they were excited to be standing on a stage so big that they’ve never ever been on before in their entire life.  However, right when the music started and Eunkyung started singing, her voice didn’t come out. It wasn’t because of condition, but because of technical problem, the microphone didn’t work.

“Let’s do the rehearsal again, please check the microphone carefully! Sound team, please do your job” said the PD-nim.

“Ne, we understand” The two girls bowed and positioned themselves again. However, things didn’t seem to go the way they wanted them to be that it started to really got on Jaelyn’s nerves. Although they were rookies at the time, they shouldn’t be treated that way. Problems came one after another like it was planned; Microphone didn’t work, their backscreen showed things that wasn’t meant for them, the MR played was someone else’s. It was too much for it to be coincidental.

What got Jaelyn even more angry than she already wasn’t the problems themselves, or even the way they were treated, in fact, seeing Aecha, the new manager, just standing doing nothing got more on her nerves than anything else that happened at the time.

“What the hell is she doing? Isn’t she gonna do anything about this problem?” She thought, but she had to control her expression considering she was still on stage.

As soon as they finished with their rehearsals, she could see how pale Eunkyung got, she knew what happened just now made her even more nervous than she already was. Going down the stage, back to the waiting room, Aecha silently followed after the two girls.

“Don’t worry, everything will go smoothly” Jaelyn assured Eunkyung, rubbing the latter’s back, receiving a slight nod from the younger.

In the waiting room, right after Aecha came in, Jaelyn immediately closed the door and looked right into Aecha’s eyes. Looking so stern, Aecha couldn’t help shiver under the older’s glare where she ended up looking down on the ground.

“Umm, did I do something wrong, Jaelyn Unnie?” she asked, calling Jaelyn unnie out of formality.

“What did you even do?”

“I’m… I don’t know”

“When things went rough out there earlier, what were you doing? Shouldn’t you be able to at least handle that?” Jaelyn scolded, she was so angry at how lacking the new manager is, she was so mad that they were given such an inexperienced manager just because they were new. A scary Jaelyn wasn’t anything Aecha had expected, she was told that Jaelyn is in fact a friendly person. Such a scene left both Aecha and Eunkyung speechless.

“There’s a limit to being clumsy, if you want stay being our manager, do better at keeping it. If any problems occur, you should be the one to jump in and at least try to fix whatever had happened, especially when we were on stage.”

Aecha couldn’t lift up her head because she knew what Jaelyn said, everything she had said was entirely right. There was no point of arguing, neither did she had the right to do so considering Jaelyn’s experience as manager was a lot longer than hers.

“Ayy… things like that were bound to happen to anyone, why were you so heated up over it?” said Taecyeon.

“I know… but she should at least take action, at least that’s what I would do if I were in her place.” She whined.

Eunkyung on the other hand were still trying to calm herself down, with Wooyoung by her side. It wasn’t a usual case that she’d become this nervous just for a performance, but whatever happened during rehearsals made her doubt their performances will go smoothly. She really envied her seniors, how they could be so playful before performing, it was as though this wasn’t anything big at all. Although Got7 were only their seniors by a few months, she still envied how they could still be so laid back and play around with one another.

Time went by so fast that it was finally time to go on stage, again. Their first step up was so heavy. While Jaelyn tried her best to be calm, Eunkyung’s breathing went heavy that if people see her at the time, they would’ve thought she panted because she did a dance-heavy performance.

“Inhale… exhale… nothing’s gonna go wrong Eunkyung” she assured herself, placing her right hand on her chest. “Let’s do this!” she said as she walked to the center of the stage, with a smile.

Music started, things went smoothly, or so they thought. However, as soon as they started on the chorus, Eunkyung’s mic was turned off. It could’ve been broken but the fact that the microphone didn’t work on the real stage annoyed her more than it did during rehearsal. She couldn’t help but to frown, the worst thing that could happen to a rookie was to have their first Gayo Daejun’s stage ruined by some sort of technical problems like that.

Trying her best to control her face expression, Jaelyn jumped in to save their face by giving the younger girl her microphone though inside, she was in fury. How could this happen right now, out of all times. She’d be okay if it happened in a small weekly music show but this is a yearly event and if anything was to happen on that day, it would probably haunt them for a whole year before they could redeem it back.

Going down the stage, steps so heavy to leave. A stage full of regrets to both of the girls albeit the reactions from people backstage weren’t as bad as they were greeted by Got7 and Winner who were ready to perform.

Once again, Jaelyn glared at Aecha who wasn’t really at fault but had to take blame, just for being the rookie’s manager. Jaelyn was mad at her as she had already told her what to do and yet she still did nothing. For Aecha, as much as she wished to get involved, she didn’t exactly know how she was supposed to fix things that weren’t entirely her responsibility. It was true that she needed to take care of the girl’s well-being, but it was a technical problem that she, herself, couldn’t possibly do anything about. It was really upsetting for her as well but it was part of her job that she couldn’t do anything about it.

In the waiting room, they turn on the tv screen to monitor their senior’s performance of Move like Jagger by Maroon5. Enjoying the performance of Empty by Winner right before that seemed to have cheered Eunkyung a little as it was her favourite at the time and remix version sounded really good for her that she unconsciously danced along.

“You seem fine now” Jaelyn claimed, letting out a sigh of relief to see the girl enjoying herself despite their unfortunate stage. She smiled to her maknae as she joined her by the sofa to monitor together.

As the song move like jagger being sung, the two girls couldn’t help but to sing along. However, Eunkyung started to harden as she saw Jinyoung’s reaction to the girls performing while the boys were at the back.

“Well. They’re pretty, he would definitely like them” she thought, letting a loud sigh.

“What’s up?” Jaelyn asked, startled at the sudden sigh made.

“Oh nothing” she claimed as they continued watching the performance. The boys finally joined the girls in the center of the stage, dancing along to the girls, interacting, flirting with one another on stage. It somehow got on Eunkyung’s nerve to see such a scene, it was unbearable. It wasn’t long after that that the performance finally ended, leaving Eunkyung still with the wrinkled forehead that’s been frowning over the scene.

The boys entered their waiting room all hyped up from the special stage. It was in fact really uplifting to both the performers and the audiences, other than Eunkyung. Jaelyn stood up to greet them with a high-five as the boys came in one after another while the latter still remained seated on the sofa.

Jinyoung who came in last automatically took his seat next to the girl who still had her frowning face. “Hey” he started, trying to break the silence between them.

“Hey” Eunkyung replied, finally smiling.

“Did you see us earlier?” He asked, it was unnecessary but he was curious.

“Yea… You must’ve really liked it right?” She asked, with a smile that seemed more like a mockery than it was a compliment. “You seemed like you really enjoyed it,” she giggled “how was it when you had practices with them?” she asked, out of curiousity, that is again unnecessary.

“What? It was cool, they were really friendly too…” he answered, looking into her face, he smirked, having fun at what he was seeing, “Why? Are you jealous?” he asked, teasing the girl.

It was Christmas, the news about Eunkyung during Gayo Daejun were still spreading around, though it wasn’t as huge as it was on the day it was released but it was still around.

Supposedly on a Christmas eve, some trainees would go back to their respective home while some others stayed to practice. It was the same for both Seulyi and Eunkyung, while Jaelyn was ‘busy’ with Taecyeon. Seulyi and Eunkyung wasn’t completely close but they weren’t awkward with one another as well. They’ve shared stories about trainee life back in Cube sometimes even though they didn’t really know each other then but Eunkyung knew who Seulyi fancied while Seulyi knew how she had a thing for one of the seniors.

“Seul… Do you wanna go out with me tonight?” she asked the other because out of all the trainees that stayed at the time, Seulyi was the only one she actually was close to.

“Where?” the other girl asked.

“Well, I’m kind of supposed to go out with my brother but… since what happened a few days ago, I was told not to go out alone, so I kinda need someone to go with me”

“But you’re going with your brother, why would that be a problem?” she asked,

“and his friends, two of them… You know them too actually.”

“Who?”

“Doojoon and Kikwang oppa” Eunkyung listed, making Seulyi opened her eyes so wide that they could probably pop out anytime. Eunkyung smirked at her reactions, she knew how big of a fan Seulyi was of Kikwang and luring her with his name would probably work best.

“Hmm. Call!” she agreed, just like that.

 When the night finally came, the girls came to where they planned to, wearing pretty clothes for the meeting. Not long after they came, the guys came as well.

“Hey KyungKyung!” Doojoon called out.

“Hi Oppa-deul” Eunkyung replied, saying hi to all of them. “I brought a friend along if you don’t mind” she told them.

“Ooh. Sure sure.” Doojoon said, “I think I’ve seen you before… Were you a trainee in Cube?” he asked towards the blushing Seulyi.

Seulyi couldn’t help but to stare at the guy right infront of him, he was slightly tanner than he was before when she first met him in their company, a bit taller too – probably because of the insoles – and he was getting more and more good looking every time.

“Hey, I remember you…” Kikwang said, “you were the one, right? The girl that I mentored before?” he claimed. Seulyi couldn’t believe what she heard, he remembered her. It was true back in Cube, when she was a trainee there, some of the idols would help out in teaching and he was her mentor for dancing for a month or so. It wasn’t that long but she couldn’t believe that he actually remembered.

“Yes, I was that girl… I was really bad then” flushed, Seulyi suddenly felt embarrassed when she remembered how she was back in the days.

“It’s okay, everyone started out that way”

Wooyoung being the only one so quiet earlier finally spoke up and said “We should order food first, what do you guys want?”

“Um… Tteok mandu gook for me please” Eunkyung said, being so excited. It was her brother’s treat and she would never miss the chance to eat what she craved for.

“Walnut cake”

“Mochi!”

“Jjinppang”

“Me too Jjinppang”

They were at a small diner that sold light food, it was their usual go to even on normal days. When they finished ordering they continued chatting again.

“So how was training so far?” Kikwang asked to both of the girls,

“Quite okay actually, same old same old” Seulyi said, already feeling close with the guy who was sitting right on her opposite.

“Yeah, just like how training should be, tough but still bearable.” Eunkyung stated.

“You’ll get through it” Doojoon said “But bear in mind that since you are debuting in sub-units, debut preparation is much harder than normal training” he warned, with a smile still pasted on his face.

The boys nodded in agreement, the girls followed nodding, understanding what he meant by that.

It didn’t take too long for their food to come and be served on their table. That was one of the reasons why they really love the diner, their service was as fast as light that it was too impossible to hate.

They continued their conversation while eating, talking about different things, from trainee stories, to music to food. So many things were discussed in just one night, it was impossible not to feel close to the three friendly boys. They had so much fun talking that they didn’t even notice the time that seemed to have went by so quick.