Beware word vomit, I wrote this as I was trying to sleep only to be washed with so many ill feelings. I want a person who can see my scar and stay despite it. Yeah, it's kind of personal, but not the same at all.

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"Look at me, peace is within yourself."

Hyukjae always wanted a normal life, a stable income maybe with occasional bonuses, a good and kind lover, fun and understanding friends, that was all. He's blessed with nice and understanding parents, kind and supporting sister, so much that he thought it was only natural. He took it for granted.

He was nothing special, just another boy who find himself plain looking yet trying to strive and mingles with others with his wits, he wants a place where he feel belonged. He tried to be funny, to be witty with cute and borderline safe pranks. He is funny, that's what he is, but to do it over and over even when he's not in the mood, tells him that this isn't where he belongs.

The more he laughs, the deeper the darkness sinking in. He's fading, he could feel it, he's being a puppet to these people only because he want to find his place, to fit in. Slowly a hollow, void hole growing in his chest and his eyes no longer shining as darkness covering him and build a fortress towards the outside world. Then it happened, it was too abruptly Hyukjae wasn't even aware of it.

It was when he just got into high school, he's known as the funny guy to put it simply, the people who claimed to be friends with him said that he's a clown guy. If there was trust, a true friendship, Hyukjae wouldn't mind to be called as such, but there was none and it's simply feels like a mock. He hates it. But being the way he is, he could only smile and play along despite his heart grow colder and tainted. And he couldn't hold it anymore when he got called by that nickname he hates in front of their new classmates and teacher. It's shameful, it's a butcher to his soul.

"Let this clown guy answer the question, teacher!"
Hyukjae realized, it's abusive, it's twisting his mind in the cruelest way of pretenses. It doesn't feel like mocking, they are mocking.

Oh the hatred, Hyukjae couldn't hold it in anymore, the dam is broken and the water broke with the strongest destructive power. The accumulated evil emotions storms out, a burst of icy hatred and murderous rage, the harsh wind spins so fast and hard out of his body, skin turning cold even though his heart burning in anger. The temperature of the room dropped so fast and so low, the winds harsh and cutting into other people's cold skin. There are many scream, yells and cries, but they are trapped because the door stuck due to the ice and they fear for their lives.

But Hyukjae didn't hear it, nothing comes to him, all he sees is a bottomless pit of darkness in front of him. Hatred consumed him and broke him, but more than his hatred for those who hurt him, he hates himself more for letting them to trample over him. He see nothing, hear nothing, feel nothing but the gaping darkness and the burn in his chest. He wonders amidst all of that, why does it hurt so much? Why am I hurting?

"Because you're a human."

Hyukjae didn't really take notice of the muffled and faraway voice, soul already too deep in his own pool of self hatred. Wanting nothing more than for the world to fall in to ruin, killing everyone, killing him. Why, why his heart wishes for such destruction? How to be freed from this pain?

"Open your eyes," the low faraway voice heard again, Hyukjae turn his head in the darkness to where the voice is coming from, he still see nothing. But he could feel warmth on his twitching fingers, then it calls again this time clearer and nearer, "look at me."

It's gentle, it's soothing and holds nothing but concern. Whose voice is it? How could he sounds so calm, so tender? Why he said that? What happen to me? What am I doing, where am I?

"Hyukjae, look at me," the voice heard so close, to his face, it vibrates with so many emotions. But there's no one ill emotions, none. Hyukjae's eyes find light and gradually he can see again, seeing a deep, dark brown pair of eyes staring at him.

Warmth, understanding with no judgement and Hyukjae noticed the burn in his chest eases into a stirring warmth, the ice in his heart melts along with the hatred. Since when he let his heart to rot into hatred and froze it to not feel anymore pain?

The man is a stranger, he holds Hyukjae's cheeks so gently as if he's trying to convey something, but Hyukjae can't think. The storm that was in his heart, rendered him weak and for his fortress to crumble apart. As the anger dulling, the tears come spilling out with no means of stopping. So he cried, letting it all out and didn't even half a mind that a stranger cradling his face and wipes his tears.

But he find himself feeling safe, understood, because he could feel it that the man sees him, his true self and that's all he ever wanted. He cried himself to sleep and the stranger caught his fall, saving him again.

Wh