His head was throbbing badly. Actually, his whole body seemed to be hurting. Hoseok blinked as he opened his eyes, trying to get adjusted to the bright light. He was in his own bed, his own room with Lilly and the other members of BTS surrounding him. They looked confused and worried.

He himself was worried. Why did he pass out? He groaned softly, wanting to curl up but not having the strength to do so. This world was utterly confusing, he wanted to escape, but not by dying. There must be another way to get out, to the real world. He didn’t want to die, he wasn’t ready to die. It bothered him how the rest of the members all seemed fine with everything, he wondered if that truly was the case though. Maybe they were just hiding their feelings and thoughts, in case there was some kind of punishment on being bothered about this world and its rules.

He tried to sit up, but felt himself getting dizzy and sick by the thought of it alone and decided to not move but just lay there. It bothered him, that he couldn’t move around. The others were silent, for some unknown reason, and the majority left, knowing Hoseok was in great hands and awake. He wanted to scream at them, scream about how abnormal this world was. About how they even could be happy like that.

But it would have been no use, so he remained quiet and just sighed. Lilly sat quietly in her chair, watching him, reading his mind and wondering how she could answer his questions. She couldn’t tell him everything, there were secrets she had to hide, but she was sure that Hoseok would find them one day, if she wanted it or not. There was something about this man that just scared her, slightly, for herself, for the others, this world, but also, for himself. He seemed so focused on getting answers, answers she couldn’t give. Answers that, if he came to know, could destroy their little world. Why couldn’t he just be happy with being alive? Apparently, the poison hadn’t done it’s work as effectively as with the other members.

“Hoseok… There’s no way to the normal world. To the non-Dwellers. No matter how hard you’ll search, or who you’ll contact. You’re stuck here until you die, either by capital punishment or naturally. You should stop and start to enjoy your life.”

The man was a little taken aback by her words, staring at her for a moment as he processed the information she’d just given, or actually, the information she hadn’t given. He felt angry, but he didn’t want to start a fight.

“This isn’t fair, you know? We are alive, and yet fans and family are mourning our deaths, not knowing that somewhere on Earth, we are living, breathing. And they are incredibly sad that they won’t ever see us perform again, or hear us sing. They won’t see us dance and brighten up their day by our videos while we make cute and funny faces and poses.”

He was calm as he said that, but the anger was clear. Hoseok sighed and looked away, staring at the window, at the tree outside his window. He didn’t want to burst into tears and cry, no, not again. All he wanted were answers, to contact family and friends, fans and cheer them up. Tell them he was alive, breathing and doing well. But instead he was stuck here, and he could break the rules and risk forever death, or live life with an empty heart.

The young woman approached him until she was standing in his way, blocking his view from the window. She looked serious, also slightly annoyed and perhaps afraid. There were emotions he couldn’t place.

“Everything you’re doing right now is going to cause you and the rest of the members to end up in trouble and maybe even dead. Do you want that for them? Do you want them to die? Because if that’s the case, then why not go and contact your family, or friends, or a fan? Why don’t go to Starbucks of McDonalds, get a laptop and leave a message that you are live. That BTS is alive.”

Hoseok took a deep breath and looked down at the floor. “I don’t want them to die. But I don’t want to live my life here with an empty heart, knowing that fans and family and friends will be crying over me. I might as well rather be actually dead, but I don’t want to upset the members.”

His head was throbbing more painfully now and he laid down, resting his head on the pillow and closing his eyes. He then felt Lilly’s lips pressed to his. His eyes opened, looking at the girl. He was shocked that she had just dared to kiss him without his permission, and instantly, but gently, he pushed her away. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he was angry over the fact that she had just kissed him.

“How dare you!? I’m not some kind of boy you can play with! Or a doll! Please leave my room,” he said, voice low and threateningly. Lilly shrugged and left the room, not saying a word. He sighed and curled up under the blankets, closing his eyes. He was tired yet he didn’t want to sleep.

Even though he tried to sleep, he simply couldn’t. His head was throbbing too much, so he decided that, taking a shower would perhaps help. He dragged himself out of bed and went over to the shower, turning it on and locking the door in case anyone wanted to come in. He undressed and stepped into the hot water, letting it warm his body and massage his throbbing pain away.

He would have almost fallen asleep, but he stayed awake. Although he didn’t like long showers, he couldn’t help but stay standing under the hot water in the steamy bathroom. Eventually, he turned the shower off again, wrapped a towel around himself and walked through the hallway to his room, where he found Jin, neatly folding his clothing.

Jin didn’t look and handed him underwear and a grey sweatpants and sweatshirt. Hoseok quickly dressed.

“Thanks, Jin.”

The oldest member just nodded and turned towards his fellow member, looking at him. For a moment, a hint of sadness seemed to shine in his eyes before he left.

The man stood there, frowning as he thought about it. Why would Jin be sad? Perhaps he wasn’t as brainwashed as the others? Maybe he also wanted to contact family and friends? He sighed and sat down on his bed.

He buried his face in his hands and let go of his emotions and thoughts, letting the tears stream down his face. He missed his family and friends. He wanted to contact them so badly. It felt like he was touring with BTS and not having the time to talk to his family. He sighed and after a while, wiped his tears away. The sun was rising but he wasn’t hungry. He didn’t want to eat right now, not after the events. He realised that he must have kept the majority of the members awake till late at night, and he felt bad that he had done so.

Hoseok went downstairs and into the garden where he sat down on the pools edge, feet in the water as he stared at his own reflection. Why was he so insecure? Why couldn’t he just accept his fate and live life? Why was he so stubborn to want to find a way out into the non-Dwelling world, as Lilly had called it? He sighed and closed his eyes, wondering what his family was doing right now, or how they’d handle the holidays without him. This was unfair.

He felt a hand on his shoulder as someone sat down beside him. “I’m doubting too. I miss my family and the fans. I miss home, talking to my mother. All you guys funerals broke me, I stayed away from family and I was alone for a while, until I passed away.”

The younger man looked up at Jin, tears in his eyes. “I am so sorry,” he said with a soft sigh, not having realised that Jin had seen all the funerals and must have been broken by hearing the news of one of the members passing away every time and again. He would have thought the older male would have been around his family though, but he was wrong.

Jin shrugged and looked at his own reflection. “It was just so weird, how, one by one, my heart got torn into pieces. It felt weird, it didn’t even feel painful, it just broke me slowly into pieces. And now we’re here. Unable to contact family, having to live with an empty heart. It feels like a torture, a bitter-sweet torture.”

Hoseok nodded, agreeing with him. He sighed deeply. “I want to get out of here Jin, but I don’t want to die. I want to find a way to my normal life without risking the other members’ lives. But I don’t know how,” he said.

“I don’t know how, either,” the older male responded. “I honestly wish I did because I would have returned back home by then.”

The younger male nodded. There was a silence between them, seeming to last forever, but it was sweet. They understood each other and yet, neither wanted to risk the lives of the others for their own needs, even if that meant they would have to suffer.

“Lilly kissed me,” Hoseok said, breaking the silence. Jin looked at him surprised.

“What did you do?”

“I pushed her away. It was so weird.”

Jin nodded and shrugged. “Do you know why she did that?”

He shook his head and looked at Jin. “No. But one thing is clear, I don’t like her the way she is. I don’t like her one bit, actually.”

“I don’t like the Guardian I have been paired with, either. I mean, she’s kind and stuff, but she also seems to have a liking to me that seems to be more out of love. And I don’t want that. It doesn’t feel right to me, and it scares me.”

The younger male nodded and looked back at the water, watching it ripple when Jin moved his feet into the water. “Same. This world is so confusing, I wonder how the others can enjoy their life like this?”

“Do you think they are brainwashed? Or that they’ve eaten something or taken something that makes them kind of forget about our past lives and happy about this?”

Hoseok thought about it for a moment. Jin could be right, nothing was certain. But how weren’t they then affected? Maybe because their longing to home was stronger, or perhaps their bodies didn’t take so well to drugs or whatever the others must have gotten to be like that.

“It could be a possibility,” he finally answered, nodding. “But then, why aren’t we like them?”

“Maybe our longing to home is stronger, or our bodies are better at protecting ourselves from something like a drug,” Jin suggested.

“That’s exactly what I was thinking about,” the younger male answered, nodding.

At once, Lilly appeared on the other side of the pool, eyes narrowed. “You guys can speculate all you want, but remember that you are putting the other lives in danger.”

Hoseok got up and approached her. “I want answers!”

She giggled and stepped back, smiling brightly. “You’re never getting them. You’ll have to live not knowing why this is happening. And in the meanwhile, if you do discover things, you get to watch your friends die, one by one.” She vanished in thin air.

He just stood there, fuming with anger but having no way of outing it. He walked back to Jin who was just staring at his reflection. Perhaps it was better to just live, even with that empty heart, and try to enjoy life was much as possible. But he kinda didn’t feel like it. He didn’t feel like living without knowing why he had to live this way. But he was determined to find out why, and he would take full responsibility and die, if he had to, to save the others’ lives. But until then, there was not much he could do.

Jin and Hoseok heard loud familiar chattering. Jimin and Taehyung were up and ready to swim, jumping into the pool and splashing the two  older members.

A smile appeared on Jin’s lips, whereas Hoseok looked slightly annoyed. Still, he didn’t care and jumped in after them, playfully splashing them.