I stared at my phone bewildered. Why is my dumb ex calling? It's like 1am where he is!

"Hello?" I said.

"AMMMYYYYYY. You picked up!!!!" He screamed into my ear

"Yeah Tyler" I sighed. He's drunk.

"Come back to America I wanna see you"

I rolled my eyes. "Is that why you’re calling? Do you even know how expensive this overseas call is?!"

"I don't care. I miss you. I miss you so much.” He whispered.

He was always like this. Child-like and begging. It was cute at first until I realized that he was conniving. He knew what he was doing. He knew he could get anything if he his charm. But it wouldn’t work this time.

“You know that if I could go back in time I would choose you. You were always so good to me. I should’ve realized sooner babe,” He said.

I sighed dramatically enough for him to hear me. I leaned my back against the wall and used my free hand to rub my temples.

"You had your chance and you didn’t take it. That’s your own fault. I’m not gonna talk about this right now. I'm hanging up.. Bye." I said.

He started yelling but was cut off when I pressed the red end button. Now when I look back at our relationship I realize that we didn’t even like each other for the right reasons. He played soccer, was athletic, and needed an exotic piece of arm candy. I couldn’t help but fall for his outward appearance. He was hot, tall, and way out of my league. I would make excuses for all of his mistakes and quickly forgive him because I didn’t want to lose him. I came to my senses when I found out he had hooked up with another girl at a graduation party.I don’t miss him. I guess I only miss the feeling of being able to hold someone so close. I just wish I hadn’t given him everything. All of me.

After a few hours recording in the studio I decided to go to the rehearsal room to practice choreo. I was still angry at the call earlier with Tyler. He did all those hurtful things to me but I still miss him. I know it’s stupid thinking so much about someone who doesn’t care about me but I can’t help but miss the butterflies I used to get while talking to him. My loneliness is killing me and I just want to be cuddled.

~~~~~

I have to keep pushing myself I said in my mind as I gasped for air. My body is crouched with my hands on my knees trying to support my own weight. I rehearsed the Call Me Baby routine and Fantasy routine over and over again. So many times I lost count. But I don’t know why I still feel guilty for slacking. I’m supposed to be amazing at dancing. That’s my image. But I’m not worthy, not good enough for this industry. I’m not even good enough for a stupid boy back home how could I be good enough for South Korea? On the verge of tears, I collapse to the floor. Rolling onto my side on the cold ground, I look at my reflection in the mirror. I look like a sad excuse for a girl. I look like a shrimp. A fat, unappetizing shrimp. I continued to stare at myself in disgust until I got too grossed out and stood up. Next thing I know, I’m dancing again.

~~~~~

I went home to shower but before I jumped into the bathroom I decided to chug an energy drink. Red Bull is my preferred drug of choice. It was late but I didn’t want to fall asleep during dinner tonight.

After I had finished my shower, makeup and put on a new edgy outfit, there was still no message from the boys. It was a little after 8pm. Maybe I’m just so irrelevant that they forgot about me. They’re very busy idols and I’m a silly fangirl who doesn’t belong. Why would they want anything to do with me. There I go again, getting my hopes up for nothing. As I threw my phone onto my bed defeated, I heard it ding. I quickly ran to it and there it was. The long awaited text.

Stranger’s Number: Hi Amy. So sorry we finished late tonight. If you haven’t eaten yet, please join us for dinner! Suho

Me: Hi Suho! Hope you guys didn’t work yourselves too hard! I haven’t eaten yet, where are you guys going?

Suho: The new restaurant that opened a few blocks from the SM Building. Is that ok? What’s your address we will come pick you up.

Me: Oh you don’t need to pick me up. I’m not too far from there (I lied). I’ll meet you at the restaurant!

Suho: Ok. Travel safe.

Me: You too. See you soon

I waited a bit after that text but he didn’t message back so I just put on my black leather jacket, sneakers and handbag and left my apartment. I knew exactly which restaurant he was talking about because I always pass it on my way from the bus stop to the SM building. And every day would be torture walking past the delicious smells of beef and spices. When I got to the front of the restaurant I realized that I can’t just walk in and casually ask where EXO is sitting. People would look at me like I was crazy so I took out my phone to text Suho that I’ve arrived.

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