Suddenly he came to a decision. It was painful, but maybe someday Seohyun would understand. But why can’t he just tell her the truth about Jiyeon? He shook his head. It would really be unfair for Seohyun if she would keep on waiting for him while he was with Jiyeon. It’s better for her to think I cheated on her and be angry at me, he thought. That way she can easily move on. She deserves better. It doesn’t matter if it was so painful for him. Jiyeon’s happiness comes first, not his. He had promised her sister that he would take care of Jiyeon. He looked up at the sky, trying to keep the tears from falling…

“Everything was a lie,” Yonghwa said, bringing himself back to the present. “She lied to me. She wasn’t sick at all. She just wants me to stay away from Seohyun. She even used the memory of my first love to get what she wanted,” he almost sobbed.

“Your first love? Your first love wasn’t Seohyun unnie then?” Krystal asked.

“No,” he stared at Krystal, his vision almost blurred. “Her name was Shinhye. She was Jiyeon’s older sister.”

Twelve years ago…
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“Yah! You can’t go faster than that, can you?” fifteen-year old Park Shinhye laughed as she rode on the back of Yonghwa’s bicycle.

“Watch me,” Yonghwa, who would be turning sixteen on the next month that year, pedaled harder on his bicycle and he felt Shinhye’s fists tightening on the hem of his t-shirt.

“Careful!” she squealed as Yonghwa tried to pedal past a shiny red car.

He tried, but he didn’t quite make it. Both of them stared at the fumes the red car left behind.

“I wish I have a car,” Shinhye said wistfully.

Yonghwa turned to look at her. “Someday we’ll ride a car, you’ll see,” he said, smiling at her.

She pushed his face playfully to make him face front. “Aish, watch where you’re going.”

Yonghwa turned back to the road, grinning. Shinhye had been his best friend for as long as he could remember. They did almost everything together. Well, almost, because oftentimes, her little sister Jiyeon would be there. She had always made it clear that she wanted Yonghwa and Shinhye was pretty amused.

“Yonghwa is mine, unnie. Don’t you ever forget that. I’m going to marry him someday,” a ten-year old Jiyeon had said once when he and Shinhye were both twelve.

“Of course you will, sweetie,” Shinhye answered while laughing, ruffling her sister’s hair.

Yonghwa hadn’t liked her answer. He didn’t know why. He just realized later on that he felt something deeper for his best friend. He doesn’t want to be just her best friend forever. But he couldn’t tell her that. He was afraid he might lose her friendship if he would let her know.

He stopped and parked his bike in front of Shinhye’s house, which was just beside his. Other than being the best of friends, they were also neighbors.

Shinhye suddenly swayed the moment she got off his bike.

“Yah!” Yonghwa held her shoulders to keep her steady. “Are you okay?”

She held her forehead for a moment, her fingers rubbing her temples. “Yes, I’m fine. I just got a little dizzy there,” she removed her hand from her forehead and smiled brightly at him. “I guess I’m just hungry.”

Yonghwa looked at her. “You look really pale. Not just today, but I’ve been noticing it for quite sometime now. And is it just me or have you become thinner?”

Shinhye waved her hand. “No, I’m not thinner than I was. It’s just your imagination,” she wiggled her eyebrows.

“It’s not. Haven’t you been getting enough sleep? Do you eat on time? Maybe you exhaust yourself with too much activity,” Shinhye was talented and smart; it wasn’t a wonder she was so active in school.

She looked uncomfortable at first that Yonghwa wanted to take back what he said. Was he obvious? Does she know? But then she laughed and rolled her eyes. “Aww…you’re sweet, but enough with the unnecessary concern. I’m fine,” she skipped toward the house. “Come on.”

It was on that fateful day that things had started to get different between the two of them. Shinhye was always gone on a vacation or some field trip he knew nothing about.  He could hardly see her, much more be with her. It seemed she was avoiding him and it hurt him. Does she know how he felt for her and she didn’t return his feelings? Was that why she had been avoiding him?

But nothing had prepared him for their next encounter. He was home early from school. School was the only place they couldn’t be together when they were close. Shinhye went to a different school.

He was home early, and he stopped in his tracks when she saw her pale face looking out her bedroom window. She was looking at him. Without second thoughts, he ran to the Parks’ house and knocked on their door. It was Mrs. Park who answered.

“Good afternoon,” he swallowed. “May I see Shinhye, please?”

Mrs. Park sighed wearily. Then she gave him a wan smile. “Come on in,” she turned around and gestured at Yonghwa to follow her.

Yonghwa reluctantly entered the house and followed Shinhye’s mom up the stairs and finally they stopped at the door of her bedroom. Mrs. Park knocked and opened the door. Yonghwa peeked in and his heart stopped at what he saw. There she was, seated on her bed, but she looked different. The vital, cheerful face was gone. Shinhye looked so pale her color was almost gray. Her head was wrapped in a turban and she looked thin and weak.

“Umma, why did you let him come in?” she managed to speak. Her voice still sounded normal. It was strong and loud.

Yonghwa ignored her remark. He ran and stood beside her bed. “W-what happened?” he asked, his voice shaking.

Shinhye shrugged. “I’m a bit sick. But I’ll get better in the next few months,” she glared at him. “Why can’t you just wait? I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“I…I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it isn’t a big deal,” she averted her eyes and looked outside the window. “You shouldn’t have come.”

“What…” he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. “Just what exactly is wrong with you?”

“It’s just…pneumonia. I’ll get better,” she answered.

But he wasn’t convinced. “Is that life-threatening?”

She shrugged her shoulders again, still avoiding his gaze. “The doctor said so, if it’s not immediately treated. But I’m past the danger stage so I’ll be okay,” this time she turned to look at him and smiled.

“But you look…”

“Don’t tell me. I know, I look horrible. That’s why I don’t want you to see me,” she said, rolling her eyes.

He took her hand and held it against him. “I really thought you don’t want to be with me anymore.”

She laughed. “Is that even possible?”

He smiled. “Oh hey, it’s your birthday tomorrow, right? I’m glad we made up today because I really want to give you something special for tomorrow.”

She shook her head. “All I want is for you to promise me something.”

“And what is that?”

“Promise me you’ll take care of my sister no matter what,” she said, patting his hand.

“Why are you making me promise you that?” Yonghwa asked suspiciously.

“Because I’m planning to study abroad, so I won’t be able to take care of her,” she answered matter-of-factly.

Yonghwa’s eyes widened. “You’re gonna leave me?”

“It’s just a plan. And I’ll be back. Come here,” she opened her arms to him and he leaned to embrace her.

They hugged each other and suddenly Shinhye pulled back. “Yah, you smell bad.”

“Better than looking like Medusa,” he teased back.

“You’re gonna pay for that,” she pulled a pillow and whacked his head with it.

It was already evening when he went out of Shinhye’s house. They spent the entire time talking and teasing each other, just like the way they were before she became sick.

 Yonghwa was pensive as he made his way to his home. Shinhye was planning to leave and who knows when she’d be back. He must tell her before she goes away. He made up his mind. On her birthday, he would tell her that he loved her more than a friend. He would take whatever her reaction would be.

He called her early on the next day, greeting her a happy birthday. He thought her voice sounded weak, but maybe it’s just because she had just woken up.

After classes, he excitedly went home, carrying the small box containing the gift he had bought her. His mother met him at the gate as he got off his bike. He grew alarmed when he saw her crying.

“Umma, what’s wrong? What is it?”

“Let’s go to the hospital, son. They brought Shinhye there a while ago.”

He wished his mother could drive faster as he rode with her to the hospital. He didn’t know what was wrong, his mother couldn’t tell him, but he felt it was something grave.

The box Yonghwa held fell on the floor. It popped open and the necklace dropped from it, making a tinkling sound.

“She’s gone, Yonghwa-ssi,” Shinhye’s father told him when he arrived.

Jiyeon handed him a folded piece of scented paper. Yonghwa took it but didn’t open it. He couldn’t concentrate; couldn’t think of anything else. She’s gone. Shinhye had left. She told him she would leave, but she would come back. She lied to him. She wouldn’t come back. Ever. She left for good. Why? Why? Why?

She had Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. It was already advancing on stage 4 when it was discovered. She didn’t tell him because she didn’t want him to worry.

It was months after her funeral that he finally took the courage to read the letter she left him. It was dated months before he had his last conversation with her.

Dearest Yong,

By the time you’re reading this, surely I am gone. I’m sorry. I never meant to lie to you. It’s just that I don’t want you to see me suffering. I don’t want you to suffer with me. I don’t want to see you hurt, though I knew you’d still be hurt once I’m gone and you’d find out I’d kept everything from you. But hey, I know you’re strong and you’ll move on easily. You’re so predictable, you know. I even know what you’ll get for me on my birthday. It’s the necklace I had wanted when we went to Myeongdong, right? I want you to keep it and give it to the one you’ll fall in love with someday. I am jealous of that girl, whoever she may be. I know that you only love me as a sister, but I want you to know that I love you more than a best friend should. Embarrassing as it is, I dream of marrying you one day. Of course, I knew it wouldn’t happen. Hey, don’t feel guilty. It’s fine. Just remember your promise, okay? Take care of my sister or else I’ll haunt you. Well, that’s about everything, I guess. I’ll always love you and I’m gonna miss you when I get there, wherever ‘there’ might be.
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Krystal wiped the tears from her cheeks as Yonghwa finished his story.

“She said I was so easy to read,” he slurred. “Why couldn’t she tell that I was in love with her, too?”

“Maybe she didn’t want to keep her hopes up,” Krystal said in between sobs.

Yonghwa sighed. “It was the only thing she had wrong. She had been right in everything. I thought I couldn’t find someone to love after she left, and then I met Seohyun.”

Krystal waited for him to continue.

“It was ironic, isn’t it? Seohyun and I fell apart because of the promise I made to Shinhye. And I was so stupid,” he bowed his head and let the flood of tears flow. “I wasn’t able to tell Shinhye that I loved her…and when Seohyun came, I let her go, too, and she doesn’t even know how much I love her. I’m so stupid.”

Krystal rubbed Yonghwa’s back. “It was too late with your first love. But it was never too late with Seohyun unnie.”

She was right, Yonghwa realized. His and Seohyun’s paths had crossed again so maybe it’s a third chance for him. Not everyone gets a second chance, much more a third chance. Seohyun has to know. She had to believe him. But how?