1. Start.

"Yuri! Are you okay?"

They all yelled when I got tripped and fell, all because of Yuri.

I am Hyoyeon. Kim Hyoyeon, to be exact. The main dancer of the group SNSD. Better known as Girls' Generation. Maybe, I'm the most worthless and useless member of this group because I can't sing. I can rap and dance, but what can those two do to give my group? Our concept is all about being cute and stuff.

In this group, I am pure useless. Here, it feels like I don't even have a friend. In those past 7 years, it all started last 3 years ago. I've always felt like I'm nothing. Oh well, I'm really nothing.

I sprained my ankle. For Pete's sake. It was Yuri's fault. She got it wrong when it was already my dance break. I am the one who got hurt, but it felt like it was all my fault.

I tried to stand, but I couldn't.

"Seriously? I am the one who got hurt here."

"It's all your fault! Are you still even the main dancer in that way? You can't blame other people for your mistakes!" Taeyeon said.

Aren't I the main dancer? You already said it, didn't you? Don't I deserve the spotlight, I should get? Don't main dancers are the one who supposed to dance on the dance break that are included on their songs? Our songs? I only have 1 line. Always.

"I am not blaming what happened earlier to Yuri. What do you want me to do? Apologize to her because she accidentally bumped me, I fell and the bone got twisted on my ankle? Is that so? Fine. My dearest Kwon Yuri, I deeply send my apologies to you. I'm sorry for bumping you and having my ankle a ing sprain. I'm sorry." I told Yuri while looking at her. Yuri's eyes are getting watery already.

She'll manipulate their minds again? Is that so? When she bumped me, she looked like she saw a freaking ghost. She looked like anytime she'll cry and what did she tell her unnies? She's fine. She's ing fine. Only that she's shocked. Unexpected was her word. Yes, it was unexpected. Right? It's ing unexpected. The moment you walked to the path, I should walk to, was unexpected. Really.

"What's your problem, really?! You should at least admit that you got it all wrong! In the first place, it was Yuri's dance break. You're just acting like a that's why they gave it to you! You should at least do it properly!"

"Hahahahahaha. Sorry Jess. Was it still Jess? I think I can only call you with Jessica only. I'm sorry if I didn't do it properly, as you wanted me to. Sorry if I'm a . It's me. I can't do anything about it. I'm wrong, I'm always wrong. You all always get mad at me. Is this still the SNSD? Am I only a featuring singer? A back-up dancer? I can't care anymore. I quit." I smiled.

I stood up. I tried to walk even though I feel so much pain on my ankle. I want to get out of here, I want to leave. I want to be alone. I want to send my resignation letter to my boss. I don't want this anymore, I can't force myself to like it anymore. They don't need me anymore. They never needed me anyway.

I went to where my bag is placed, but I got stopped by Taeyeon's grabbing of my arm and by slapping of my face. She slapped my cheek. Should I act like Yuri? Of course, no. I'm Kim Hyoyeon. I'm not Yuri, I'm different. I was about to speak what's on my mind when I felt my chest tightened. Heart attack, again.

I searched through my bag for my medicine. I can't breath really well. When I found it, I quickly reached for my water bottle and drank the medicine. I can't give any more care about on how much medicine I already took and ate. I need it now. I sat at the corner of the room, holding my water bottle and medicine, my chest's aching, so with my foot. Great life.

"Unnie, are you okay?" Seohyun asked.

"I'm not." I faked a laugh.

Sunny went near me. The only person I think can understand me. She stood up beside me.

Probably, she'll bring me to our manager or somewhere that has a fresh air. Does she know? Of course, no. I can't tell her. I can't afford to let her, them know. They won't even give a damn single care about me anyway.

She brought me to the rooftop of the building. She asked me to sit while holding my water bottle and medicine. She saw what's written on the medicine container. She probably knew it already by now.

"You have a heart disease?" She asked, at the same time bringing her head up to look at my eyes.

I still have my hand on my chest because of the pain I'm feeling.

"I do."

"How?"

"Remember that one time I told you that I can't dance anymore?" I looked at her.

"That I'll give my resignation letter to the boss? You didn't let me. You even told the members about my plans. And what did Tiffany say? 'Don't go.'" I said honestly.

"I was happy, who wouldn't? But all the happiness I felt shattered like a glass. She finished her line by telling me that I would ruin your reputation by spreading rumors about you all." I sighed. I heard someone opened the door.

"Is that how you all look at me? Is that how you all see me?" I showed her my eye-smile.

"That night, I suffered through a heart attack. Jinki wasn't there for me, even Kibum. Only you, my members are there that time. I can't even leave my room, even for a while." I paused for a minute? I don't know really.

"It's because I don't want you guys to see me like that. I don't live for your pity. I don't want you eight to see me weak. By the fact that I'm too weak already. I don't even have any other choice but to use my oxygen tank and drink a lot of medicines. I have no choice." Maybe my members are the one who entered.

"The time I told you all that I can't dance anymore? I was called by Yuri a . My favorite dongsaeng called me a , how funny my life is." I laughed.

"I'm a because I stole her dance breaks, she exclaimed. Of course, you guys wouldn't know anything about it. You guys are busy with Seohyun who just had her birthday. That night, I also suffered through a heart attack. That night was the night where I got to know that I had a hole in my heart." I held my chest once again.

"I went to my doctor. That Chaerin helped me. She picked me up at the front of our dorm building, I spend my days and nights at 2ne1's. They let me, which I am thankful for." I smiled at the thought.

"The next two days, I went back to the dorm. I thought you guys missed me. When Seohyun saw me coming, she smiled. She walked towards me. I really thought it was me, it turns out that it was Yuri. On my back."

"That time, I really, really wanted to leave the group and just rest at my home. Thanks to Yoona. She welcomed me, she hugged me and stayed with me. Even if for a while. I'm happy with just that. She became the reason why I wanted to stay."

"2 months later that time. My condition got worse. By the fact that I only have 2-3 months to live. I badly need a heart donor. Which I, never wanted. To have my heart changed. Up to this day, I only have one day or two to live? I think so. That's why I wanted to quit. I don't want you guys to have a sick member, someone for you guys to take care, to assist. I can't dance anymore. I'm weak. I'm useless."

"You guys can live without me, but me? I already lost you eight, it has been 3 years since then. I can't feel the family within the GG. Or is it just me?"

"I lived through with it, it's just that my heart, I got a disease. The only thing I want to do, to have, is to get things fine with you all. I want to know the reason, I want to know everything. Just that one. But it looks like we're out of time. Every heart attack I experienced, it shortened my life by a day. That's how weak my heart is. Last night, I had a heart attack. By the slap I received from the manager. She didn't know about this heart that I have. I have no reason to tell her anyway."

"Why didn't you just tell us?"

"Do I even need to tell you? You all? I don't know if I should. Honestly, I feel like you guys won't care anymore. I don't want you to get stressed by it."

Sunny cried. She hugged me and kept on saying sorry at the same time.

"Hey, don't cry. I don't want to see the eight of you cry. I'm fine with the pain. It feels much better if I got hurt rather than you guys hurting because of me. The end is near. It doesn't have anymore sense if I'm not the one who get hurt. Don't cry. I want to quit. Please let me. Please tell Yuri, I love her. So much." I can feel my heart starting to loose numbers of beats.

"I need to rest Sunny. Lee Sunkyu, I, Kim Hyoyeon officially ended my contract as a member of Girls' Generation. This way, you guys won't feel burdened. Annyeong, Sunny-ah... i seriously need to rest. Ot9 forever. Saranghaja, So Nyeo Shi Dae." Finally, I feel my heart ache.

It kills me, the pain I'm feeling in my chest. Is this it? Is it my time already?

"Sunkyu, I love you. Please tell our kid leader, that Tiffany, Jess, that giant, our precious maknae, Yoona and Yul that I love them. I love all of you. I really do."

My heart suddenly skipped some of its beats. I heard Sunny saying 'I love you too'. Then I heard a voice.

The voice that I know belongs to Yuri.

"Unnie. Mianhae. I'm sorry for everything. Thank you. I love you. Have a good sleep, unnie."

I smiled before I lose my senses.

Ot9 forever and ever...