The next few days at school were just as bad as usually and when the weekend finally came I felt like it was a gift sent from heaven. Although I hadn't planned much I was looking forward to just relaxing a bit, even though there was a pile of homework waiting for me.
I had asked Jinki to go to the graveyard with me on Sunday, but he had told me that there was something important he had to do that day. So I had asked Kibum, but he had also told me no. And that's how I had ended up spending all Saturday studying and doing my homework. I tried really hard to do well, but I just couldn't. I didn't know why, but it just didn't work out the way I wanted to. My math homework was a multiple choice paper, but the solutions I came up with weren't even listed … so I just took the one that was closest to what I had come up with. But it got really frustrating after a while and so I finished my biology homework first and then just gave up. I just stared at the wall for a while before putting on my jacket and leaving my room.

“Hyung!” I called out and walked to the living room. My sweatpants were a little too long on my slender legs, so I had to pull them up as I walked and the shirt I was wearing was slipping off my shoulders continuously. “Hyung?” I called again and took a look around the apartment. Apparently Jinki had gone out and forgot to tell me.

There I was again … without anything to do.

I plopped down on the couch and the TV, just zapping through the channels as I waited for him to come home. It confused me a little though when he still hadn't come back after two more hours had passed. I got a little worried and tried calling him, but he didn't pick up. So I tried calling Kibum, but he also didn't answer my call. Instead I received one of those automatic messages that just told me that he couldn't talk right now. I pouted to myself and decided to just give it a try and text my brother, even though he probably wouldn't reply.

From: Lee Taemin
To: Taesunnie Hyung

Msg.: Hyung! Do you have time for dinner tonight? Uncle Kibum and Jinki just left me home alone.

For a few moments I stared at the phone and waited for a reply, but then I decided that it was no use and I just tossed my phone aside instead.
When I figured that it wouldn't get less boring if I stayed home I got up and started to get dressed. I decided that I was going to go to the graveyard by myself now. I missed Kim and I missed talking to him. I just wanted to tell him about how much I hated school and how excited I was that Kibum and Jinki agreed to meet him someday. I just wanted to share my feelings without someone telling me that I was crazy or that I was imagining things.

When I was just outside the door with my umbrella in my hand and my backpack packed with some drinks and food we could share I received a message from Taesun. Actually I expected it to be a message telling me that he had no time for me this week, just like always, but when I read the words “Okay, where do you want to go?” my heart started beating faster and a smile grew on my lips.

From: Lee Taemin
To: Taesunnie Hyung

Msg.: How about the usual place? I'll meet you there at six pm! Thank you!

I felt so happy now that I just jumped down the stars and ran to the bus. I really wanted to tell Kim about this. I quickly typed a message and sent it to Kibum, just to let him know that I wasn't going to be there for dinner tonight and that Taesun would bring me home later.
Although it was raining outside it suddenly didn't bother me and my mood didn't even go down when I stepped into a puddle and felt my socks getting wet. As I was standing on the bus I just couldn't help but to grin at everyone I saw, causing most of them to smile back at me.

Taesun, my older brother, finally had some time for me. I would finally see him again after two months of not having seen him!

My steps were light as I got off the bus. It was still raining when I entered through the huge, metal gates and the ground under my feet was slowly turning into mud. The guard told me to be careful and to walk slowly, but I just smiled at him and continued to go fast – I felt like nothing could ruin this day.
As I made my way through the rows of graves and towards the graves of war victims I found my heart slowly starting to hammer in my chest – not because of Taesun, but just because I was going to see Kim again. I just knew that seeing him would make this day even more perfect.

“Kim?” I called once I reached Kim Jonghyun's grave. “Are you here?” I looked down at the tombstone and frowned when I saw that it was dirty again. There were some dark spots on it and there was rain water gathering in the places were the engravings were. Without hesitation I knelt down and started to clean the stone.
Why it was so important to me that this stone was clean was a mystery to me. I only knew that I needed it to be clean and, if possible, spotless.

“Are you okay?”
I almost screamed when I suddenly heard that voice next to me. I lost my balance and fell onto the cold and wet grass knees first. I almost dropped the umbrella, but managed to catch it just in time. I glared up at him and was about to tell him not to scare me like that, but I couldn't keep up the angry face for long. I started smiling instead and got up to my feet. I leaned in to hug him as I felt so happy to see him, but then stopped myself when I remembered that he didn't like physical contact. He had backed off a bit, his hands raised as if to tell me not to. Once I lowered my arms again he smiled, chuckled and then said: “You're happy today.”

“Yes!” I said and smiled at him. I gripped onto the umbrella and my backpack tightly. “I really need to talk to you! Let's go sit somewhere!”
Kim raised his brows and chuckled softly, he seemed to find my behavior amusing. He walked by my side and just listened as I rambled on and on about how happy I was today. I noticed how he was still wearing the same clothes as usually, but didn't bother about it much. A soft smile was spread on Kim's lips as he listened to me and his hands were folded behind his back. He seemed genuinely happy to see me and that only encouraged me to continue talking and to share my happiness with him.

We passed a few chapels and the exit of the graveyard before we reached a small tea house that had some advertisements for afternoon tea-sets.
“Do you want to share a set?” I asked him as I checked the prices. “It's not expensive.”

“Uhm … no, I don't really like tea.” his smile had vanished and he looked around the place. “Let's go somewhere more private.”
I blinked and furrowed my brow. “But there is no-one here. We can just drink tea and talk. I will pay, if you want.”

“No, let's go somewhere else. I don't like this place.”

“But –”

“Please.”
I frowned more and just looked at him for a while. I didn't know what was going on with him right now, I just knew that I found it more than just strange. But, since he was always acting a little weird I just decided not to bother and agreed that we could go somewhere else. So we kept walking for a while until we reached a few benches near a place that had some anonymous graves. I asked him if this place was private enough and he when he agreed I could feel my mood go up again.

“I brought something to eat!” I said happily and emptied my bag onto the space between us. “I hope you like this kind of crisps?” I showed it to him and pouted when he said he didn't like it much. “Okay, fine … what about water? I brought you a bottle.” I held it out to him and felt my smile fade when he also refused to take it. I put it down and crossed my arms.
“I'm sorry.” Kim said quickly. “I am just … uhm … not thirsty.” when I looked into his eyes I could see that he really was sorry. His expression was a bit worried and I knew that he wondered whether I was angry with him now.
“It's okay … I shouldn't have brought it.” I eventually mumbled and just opened the bag of crisps. I started eating and only glanced at him from time to time. There was an awkward silence between us right now. It was quite uncomfortable and I forgot about my happy mood from earlier.

This was not how I had expected it to be. I wanted me and Kim to share those snacks and drinks, to talk and to laugh. I didn't want us to be awkward around each other like we were right now.

“So … I guess your day was good up until right now?” Kim eventually asked and smiled a bit at me. “Up until I ruined it?”
I blinked and looked up from the box of crisps, my brows raised. He was showing that crooked smile of his again and I couldn't help but to blush a bit. Kim always looked so handsome when he smiled. “You didn't ruin it.” I said and put some more crisps into my mouth. “At least not completely.” I then added. “Today will still be a good day.”

“Why?”
I smiled a bit when I remembered why this day was great and looked up at him. “Did I ever tell you about my brother, Taesun?” he looked at me for a moment, then touched his nose as he thought. He furrowed his brow in what I guessed was an attempt to remember until he shook his head. “Well …” I smiled a little as I started telling the story of my brother. “Taesun is nineteen years old, I think … or maybe eighteen. He graduated last year and was the best in his entire school. Now he's in one of the top universities in Seoul and … well …” I thought for a moment and pouted. “He has a very beautiful girlfriend, I think. And he has a good job in some insurance company. My entire family thinks he is so amazing.” I pouted more and let out a sigh. “My parents always tell me to be more like him and to do better in school and that I should graduate in the same subjects as him and that I should do better and –”

“Hey.” Kim interrupted me. I blinked and looked at him. He had leaned in closer and was giving me one of his gorgeous smiles. “It's okay. I think you're amazing.”
I stared back at him and blinked again when I felt a tear drip down my cheek. I had never realized how much pressure this was until he said those words. Suddenly it felt like a weight was taken off my shoulders and I had never even realized that it had been there in the first place.
“I'm serious.” Kim added, his smile growing. “Don't let it get to you. I think you're doing well on your own. You don't need to live up to your brother.”

I blushed again and smiled at him before looking down. “Thanks …” I stayed silent for a while and just enjoyed the way we were being together right now. His words made me feel light and happy and I tried to enjoy this moment as much as I could. “Anyway … Taesun is always busy and I think he doesn't care about me much. Because of school, his job and his girlfriend … yeah … there's not a lot of time for me.” when I rubbed my eyes and looked up again Kim sat straight again. However, the smile stayed just where it was, spread on his plumb lips. “But today I asked him to have dinner with me and he said yes. Look.” I took out my phone and showed the messages to him. At first Kim seemed to be a little confused as I showed him my phone, but as he read what was on the screen his smile widened a little more.
“That's great!” he said and looked at me again. “I'm happy for you.”

“Yeah … I'm happy, too.” I agreed. “And, you know, I asked my uncle and his husband to come and meet you and they said yes! Isn't that great?”
I expected a lot of reactions from him, but what I hadn't expected was for him to widen his eyes and to let out a gasp. He shook his head quickly and raised his hands. “I don't think that's a good idea!” he stuttered a bit and shook his head again. “You know … uhm … we're just friends, why should I meet them?” he smiled a bit, but I could see the worry in his eyes. “It doesn't matter if they know me or not, because we're just friends.”

“But …” I frowned. My heart felt a bit heavy in my chest as I listened to his words. “Kim, it's really important to me that they meet you. They don't think you exist. My uncle told me I should never see you again … he even says I am imagining you!”
Kim frowned and bit his lip. His hand went up to touch his nose again, he seemed really torn for some reason.
“If they see you they will believe me that you are real and we can be friends … they don't like it when I go out to see you. They think I'm going crazy.”

“Taemin-ah, really … I …” he took a deep breath and looked down at his bare feet. “I can't meet them. I really can't.”

“Why not?”

“I …” he hesitated for a moment and then eventually just shook his head. “I can't tell you. I just can't meet them.”
An eerie silence spread out between us then. I knew that he could tell that I was angry with him now. My eyes were teary again and I had my arms crossed as I just looked at him. His eyes were fixed to mine and his hands were resting on his upper thighs. He looked so sorry for turning me down, but I didn't care. I had been so happy about this and he had just ruined it.
“Can we at least take a picture that I can show to them?” I then asked and raised a brow. When he just didn't reply to me I knew that that meant no. I took a deep breath and tried hard not to cry. “What about a phone call. Is that okay?” he didn't reply once more and I could feel how I was starting to get really upset. “So you'd rather have them think that I am crazy …”

“No!” he said quickly and shook his head. His fringe was falling into his widened eyes. “Of course not! I'd love to meet them, but I just … can't.”

“Why not!” I blinked a bit surprised when I noticed how my voice had risen all by itself. “They'll forbid me to see you again!”

“I'm sorry, okay!” Kim said quickly and pouted at me. “If I told you why you wouldn't understand!”

“Try me! I'm not stupid!”

“It has nothing to do with being stupid!” he gasped. “It's just … not possible, okay?”
I glared at him and didn't reply to his words. I knew that he was getting really worried, but I didn't care. I was so mad at him right now that I could barely put it into words. Just the fact that he'd prefer them to think I was going mad rather than to ignore whatever stupid reason he had was such a big disappointment to me.
I had actually thought that he was better than that.

“Fine.” I mumbled and grabbed my bag. “Then don't meet them. Not like I care …” I gulped down my tears and got up. I didn't look at him as I put my bag on my shoulders and turned away.

Actually I expected him to grab my shoulder, arm or just anything to stop me from walking away. But instead he stayed silent until I actually started to walk away. He then came running after me and walked by my side.
“Taemin-ah, I am really, really sorry!” he said. I didn't look at him though. “I want to meet them, but I can't. Please don't be mad, I am sorry!”

“Just tell me why!” I said much louder than I had actually intended and stopped walking. “What is so important that you'd rather have them think I'm imagining you?” he fell silent again for a moment. I could see that he was thinking hard about what to say next. “If you're gonna lie then don't answer. I hate lies.” I glared at him again and started walking one more time.
“Taemin-ah, please.” he followed me again. “I just –”

“Can't. I got it.” I looked at him for a moment and felt a stinging pain in my heart when I saw that he was close to crying. For a moment we just looked into each others teary eyes. He seemed to know that I was disappointed in him and I knew that he just wanted me to accept his answer – but I couldn't. His behavior was selfish and I couldn't accept it.
“See you next time, Kim …” I then mumbled and just turned my back to him as I walked away. He didn't follow me this time and just stayed silent. I thought that I felt his eyes on me, but when I looked back I felt my heart ache when he had already disappeared.



*



I was standing in front of mine and Taesun's favorite restaurant and waited for him. I was a little too early, but I didn't care. Tears were continuously dripping down my cheeks and my hands were always busy with wiping them away again. People were glancing at me as I was just sitting on the bench in front of the restaurant, I heard some of them asking each other whether I was alright. One of the waiters even came outside to ask me whether I needed some help, but I just told him that I was waiting for my brother and that he'd be there soon.

I was so disappointed in Kim that I could barely put it into words. I had had such a perfect image of him and now it was kind of shattered. He seemed so selfish and irrational that it made my head ache, I just couldn't understand why he couldn't meet Kibum and Jinki.

Six pm came and left soon and I was still sitting on the bench outside, waiting for Taesun. When it was nearing half past six I had sent him a message to ask him whether he was coming or not, but of course I had received no reply. I was getting tired of waiting, but I thought that, if I left, he would have probably turned up just then. And so I decided to wait.
When it was almost seven pm though I decided that enough was enough and I got up, tears already coming up in my eyes again – he hadn't come … he had stood me up again.

However, just when I had been about to put my backpack back on I blinked when I heard his voice calling my name. His car had just pulled up to the restaurant and he had the window down so I could see him.
“Min!” he shouted over to me. “Come on, get in!”
A relieved smile spread on my face and I quickly ran over and climbed into our parent's old car. I buckled up and looked at him. Despite my teary vision I could see that Taesun was, as always, really handsome and styled well. His hair was a nice hazel color, there was a pair of sunglasses his nose – although it was already dark outside – and he was wearing a leather jacket together with dark, tight pants.
He looked a little like an idol.

“Hey, Hyung …” I said with a shaky voice. “I … I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” he said and smiled a bit. He was looking at the street as he started driving again. “I'm sorry I'm late, but I got caught up at work.”

“It's okay, don't worry.” I just shrugged and leaned back in the seat. I sniffled and rubbed my eyes in a helpless attempt to stop the tears from coming. I didn't think he'd care, but Taesun actually sounded concerned when he asked me whether I was alright. “I just … had an argument with a friend …”

“A friend?” he sounded surprised and continued driving. “Tell me when we got our food, okay? I'm starving.”

“Where are we eating?”

“It's a little late already and uncle Kibum told me he has some plan tomorrow, so I should bring you back before eight thirty. I thought we could just go to the McDonald's drive in, what do you think?”
I gasped and looked at him with big eyes. “Really?” I asked and bit my lip to stop the smile from spreading. “Mom will kill you if she finds out.”

“She doesn't need to know.” he said and shrugged. There was a smile on his face now, too, though. I chuckled a bit and leaned back in the seat again, just staying silent and listening to the radio until we got to the drive in. He ordered a lot of food for the both of us and handed it all to me when we pulled up to the window. I was still smiling and could feel my mood going up a little. Our Mom always forbid us to eat fast food, she thought it would stop us from growing tall, but Taesun had always ignored her and secretly taken me out to eat this kind of food once he had had his own car.

“So, what's up?” he asked as soon as he had parked the car and we had started to eat. I put some fries in my mouth and smiled a bit at the taste before frowning once I heard his question and Kim's face appeared in my mind again. I sighed and shrugged.
“I don't know, to be honest.” when he took his sunglasses off at last I looked at him. He smiling a bit at me and just waited for me to go on. “It was so … weird. You know, I met him during grandma's funeral …” I told him the story of how I met Kim, how uncle Kibum told me I was imagining him and that I should just forget him but that he and Jinki had promised to come and meet him. When it came to mine and Kim's fight earlier my voice got caught in my throat and I had to pause for a moment because my eyes were getting teary again.

“Min …” Taesun spoke up when I still hadn't talked after a while. “Are you in love?”

“… what?” I sniffled and looked up at him. The fries I was holding were twisted, I hadn't noticed how I had started to fiddle with them.
“Are you in love with Kim?” Taesun smiled a bit and reached out his hand to wipe some of the tears on my cheek away. “It sure sounds like it.”
I just blinked at him for a while and then shook my head. “Don't be stupid …” I was stuttering a little and looked down at my hands. “I just … he's my friend … my only friend … I don't understand why he is acting like this …”

“I think you should take some more time and think about your feelings for this boy.” he insisted and smiled at me. It felt nice to have his hand resting on my knee now. “If you love him then that's fine, we're all okay with that.” I didn't reply to him. “What exactly is your problem now? Why are you so angry?”

“I'm not angry …”

“Disappointed?”

“Yeah …” I took a deep, yet shaky breath and shrugged again. I was glad that the light in the car was turned off and that the only light source came from the shining McDonald's sign outside. I didn't want my brother to see how much I was actually crying right now. “I … I don't know. I think uncle Kibum believes that I am going crazy, but I'm not … and my chance to prove it to him was for him to meet Kim … but … but Kim refuses to meet him.” I gulped and slowly held onto my brother's hand. “Just … it hurts that Kim would rather have my uncle think I'm crazy than to meet him.”

“He must have a reason not to want it.” Taesun said. “Maybe even if he told you you'd still not understand.”

“No, I'm not stupid. He can tell me.” I spoke with a determined voice and tried to convince him of that, too. I knew I could understand if he told me … “I just want to see him … and for uncle and Jinki to support me …”
Taesun just nodded and didn't say anything for a really long time. Maybe he was trying to understand the way I was thinking and feeling. Or maybe he just needed some time to take all of this into consideration. He didn't seem to think that I was going mad like Kibum did, he seemed to take me serious and I was more than thankful for that.

“Listen, Min.” Taesun eventually spoke up and looked into my eyes once I lifted me head. He was holding my hand. “Are you absolutely sure that that boy exists?”

“Yes!” I replied immediately and looked at him with big eyes. “I know he exists. And he is my friend …”

“Alright. Then I will talk to Kibum and Jinki. I'll tell them that I met Kim, okay? They will stop this nonsense if I tell them that I met Kim and that he is alright and a good guy.”
I froze completely and just stared at him for a while. I could feel even more tears in my eyes and before I even knew it I was a sobbing mess in my brother's arms. There was so much relief and gratitude filling my heart that it was hard to not to kiss my brother.

If Taesun told them that he had met Kim and that he was alright then all of this chaos would be resolved and I could meet my friend whenever I wanted to … and no-one would actually ever have to see him.

“Thank you, Hyung.” I whined into his chest. My hands were gripping onto his shirt and my face was buried in his jacket. “Thank you so much …”

“It's okay, Min, don't mention it.” he just hugged me and rubbed my back, but he eventually broke away. He used one of the tissues to rub my cheeks dry again and then gave me one of those smiles that I knew he always used on his girlfriend when he wanted her to forgive him for whatever reason. “Now, let's eat up and then I'll take you home, okay? I'll talk to Kibum first thing tomorrow.”



*



The next morning I woke up to Kibum opening the curtains in my room and mumbling something to himself. I groaned and blinked my eyes open slowly – there was light flooding into my room now and I could tell that the weather was amazing today. However, when I glanced at my uncle's face I could already tell that he was everything but happy.

“Hyung …” I mumbled and stretched a bit. I felt sore after crying so much last night. “Hyung, what's up …” I yawned widely and turned to lay on my side so I could take a look at him. He was not looking at me directly and just doing some tidying in my room. He didn't reply right away, but instead he just told me to get ready and hurry up a bit before he just left my room again.
I was a bit confused as to how he was acting and slowly sat up, stretching a bit and then starting to get ready.

Just a short while later I came into the living room where Kibum and Jinki were already waiting for me. While Kibum wasn't really looking at me Jinki got up and put his arm around me.
“Ready, Min?” he asked and nudged my arm gently.
“Ready for what?” I blinked in surprise and looked at him. I was getting really confused. “Are we going somewhere?”

“Yeah, we're heading out for a day trip.” Jinki smiled at me and then wordlessly started pushing me towards the door with Kibum right behind us.
Everything was going really fast and before I knew it I was already sitting in the car on my way somewhere. I was so utterly confused that I didn't even dare to ask them what was going on. The fact that they weren't talking to each other was not making me any less nervous, too. So I just sat in the back and continued to fold my hands in my lap.
Of course I was wondering whether Taesun had already talked to Kibum, but I didn't dare to ask. A part of me was wondering whether this strange and hectic road trip was because of what Taesun had told my uncle. At first I had hoped that we were going to the graveyard to see Kim, but I soon figured that that was not where we were going.

I was getting more and more nervous when Jinki soon started to drive slower. The area we were at now was not one that I had been to ever before. There were a lot of trees, a lot of other plants and it looked a little like the countryside. In the distance I could see a small lake and the big, modern house in front of house fit into this scenery strangely well.

“Uhm … what are we doing here?” I asked when Jinki turned off the motor. I was continuously looking out the window and tried to figure out where we were. “Where are we?”
There was silence again for a while in which my uncle and Jinki just looked at each other. “Taemin-ah, look …” Kibum eventually said, but still didn't look at me. “We are here because we want to help you, not because we think you are crazy.”

“This is for your own good, hm?” Jinki turned to me and smiled softly. There was obvious concern in his expression. “You'll be here for the weekends from now on. Either we or your parents come to pick you up on Monday mornings and will bring you back Friday night after school.”

“… what?” I stared back at him, now even more confused than before. “Where is here? Where am I?” I felt my hands starting to tremble and I looked at the modern building ahead of us. When I finally made out the writing next to the entrance door I frowned hard and just shook my head. “You're kidding, right?” I blinked and looked at Jinki and Kibum who was still not looking at me. “I don't need to be here. I need to be home. With you. And Mom and Dad. And Taesun …” I noticed how my eyes were getting wide and how my hands were starting to shake. “Seriously …! Why would you want to send me to a psychiatry?”

“Min … you've been making up this crazy friendship in your head for weeks now,” Kibum started, “your grades are falling and Jinki told me that you're having some problems with your classmates …”

“You told him?” I gasped and looked at Jinki, my eyes widening more. I felt my heart ache. “But … but you said you wouldn't!”

“It's for your own good, Taemin-ah.” Jinki replied. “I will not apologize for looking after you.”
I blinked repeatedly and noticed how I was starting to panic now. “What about Taesun …!” I quickly said when they were about to leave the car. “Taesun! You need to talk to Taesun, Hyung!” I struggled when Kibum opened the door of the car and pulled me out. He was trying to be gentle and even though he didn't hold onto me tightly I still felt like it hurt.
“Hyung, please, please call Taesun and talk to him! He will explain everything! He met Kim, you know! He will tell you he's real!” I struggled more when Kibum held me by my upper arm and tried to push him away. “I'm not crazy!” I cried out and shook my arm as strongly as I could. I started to push at my uncle's chest. “Ask Taesun! Ask my brother, Hyung! He will tell you! He will –”

“Taemin-ah.” Kibum grabbed me by my shoulders and looked right into my eyes. Behind him I could see Jinki taking out a suitcase from the trunk. “Min, I need you to calm down right now.” I glanced at him, then at Jinki and then back at him. My bottom lip was trembling and my hands found their way to his chest, starting to push again.
“Hyung, I am begging you … talk to Taesun. He met Kim … really, he'll tell you I'm not crazy … He knows Kim is real … I'm not making it up …” my voice was high and shaky now. I had started to beg now. “Please … please … I'm not crazy. Kim is real.” Kibum took a deep breath and just looked at me. His grip on my arms was firm, but not painful. “Call Taesun and ask him, okay? Please! He will –”

“For god's sake.” I blinked and looked away from Kibum's face when Jinki appeared behind him. His face was disoriented in worry and concern. “Taemin-ah … I hate to tell you this, really. But it wasn't our idea to bring you here.” he reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. “This was Taesun's idea.”



*





So many ideas for this story and it's just getting more and more easy to write it. I have so much free time right now, so please expect many more updates for this story in the next few weeks :)

Thank you guys a lot for your comments, they made my day and brighten up my mood everytime I read them! Living in a foreign country really isn't easy, but I am so glad you like this story! Please leave more of those day-savers and tell me what you think!

Thanks for reading!!~