The next few days consisted of final exams and papers. You were somehow able to convince Sehun to take his exams, though his mental state was not at its finest. He would often call you in the middle night, sobbing into the phone while saying things like; ‘It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. He died because of me’. And every time you managed to calm him down and explain to him that he had nothing to do with it, he never seemed to understand.  He spent his days in his apartment, reading the letter his late brother had left him. Over, and over again.

"No matter what happens, I’ll always be your Hyung Sehunnie.

Never forget that."

Sehun couldn't forget. After all, he had read it close to two-hundred times by now.  And yet, the nightmares never left him. He would wake up every night in cold sweats, hand reaching over to the crumbled piece of paper for comfort. But it never seemed to reach him. Something was missing, but he just couldn’t figure out what.

Having you by his side relieved some of his day-to-day depression. A large chunk of his happiness had been shattered, the remaining bit he shared with you. He was so thankful for you, to the extent that he couldn’t even put it into words. Little by little your presence seemed to soothe his anxiety and grief. He began to eat again and go for morning runs like he often used to. He was feeling much better, though he would often notice the lack of emotion in your eyes. Your body was there, but your soul wasn’t. He wasn’t a stranger to the reason behind it either, he was perfectly aware that you and Jongin had ended things because of him. Yet he could do nothing for you, he needed you here beside him even if it was the most selfish thing he could do.

Eventually Sehun decided to come out of hiding and visit his friends. The group was so happy to see him, he had forgotten what it felt like to have friends. The remaining days of school were spent in the cafeteria with everyone. The group was planning a summer trip to celebrate the end of a great year.

Well, almost great.

Sehun loved his friends, they were truly the best group of people he ever had the privilege of meeting. And with a heavy heart, he announced something that had been on his mind for a while. After much thinking, he finally seemed to figure out what was missing.

✥✥✥✥

You would see Jongin every now and then, but neither you nor he acknowledged one another. Instead, he would look at you with his empty eyes, the same eyes that once gleamed with love.  In a way, you two did converse. But it surely wasn’t with words.

Even so, every now and then his words circled in your mind; "Let’s take a break" And yet, you never did anything about it. Mostly because it was clear that "Let’s take a break" roughly translated into to ‘Let’s break up’. He had never wanted a break in the first place, he had wanted to end it. And he had.

Though you wished it hadn’t turned out this way. If only you had brought up the courage to tell him the truth that day. But a part of you was glad that you hadn’t.  His words had cut you deeply, piercing through the thin walls of your heart like a blade would do to skin. Every part of your being missed his touch, his smile, the protection of his embrace. The way he buried his face in your neck and tickled your sides. The way he would switch from being the seductive, confident, and bold Kai. To the shy, silly, and adorable Jongin. But most of all, you missed resting your head on his chest. Every time you fell asleep like that, his heart beat would remind you of the love you two shared. And in the morning when a new day came to wrap its arms around you, the steady rhythm of his heart always seemed to make things just a little better.

It was the most beautiful feeling you had ever come across.  

 It somehow felt like Jongin felt the same way. But just like you, he too thought it was too late to make things right. It wasn’t meant to be between you two. It never had been.

That was a lie you had passed on for the truth, desperately hoping your heart would finally accept that he wasn’t yours anymore.

But your heart was weak, and you were weak. And fate still had a part to play.

On a hot August evening, you saw him walk up next to you. He was waiting for the elevator, much like you were. Though he looked different, his hair color was no longer the bleach blonde it used to be. It was now jet black. This was a stark contrast and you couldn’t deny the fact that you loved it. He looked more mature, almost like a new and renewed Jongin. You felt your body twitch and glanced away. So handsome.

Once the elevator arrived the two of you stepped on, conscious of each other’s stares. But like always, not a word was uttered. Something about this encounter differed from the others though. Usually, the two of you made a point to avoid each other. At first it was making sure not to run into each other at the university, and then it became more intense. Eventually, you found yourself calculating the time of day he was active, just to make sure you wouldn’t accidently run into him on the elevator. Jongin always had a strict schedule, as a dancer he needed to. And right now at this very moment, you knew he wasn’t supposed to be here. So why was he? Was he here for you?

Impossible.

Stop thinking useless things.

He had the freedom to be wherever he wanted to be. Just because he was acting out of his schedule, didn’t mean that there had to be some special reason behind it.  

As you watched the floor indicator ascend from 1 - 2, you concluded that there was no way he was staring at you. There was probably just something on the wall next to you that caught his attention.

From floor 2-3, you realized that maybe he did want to say something, but then quickly decided against it. You were strangers now, it meant nothing.

Finally when the indicator rose from 3-4 you were sure, Jongin had something to say but he was holding back. Maybe he would say it once the doors opened? Maybe you should say something? No, it was best for you to remain patient. When the time comes if he really wants to speak with you, he will.

Once floor 4 arrived, the two of you stepped off. You headed towards your door and Jongin towards his. There was nothing said, not a word. It was a false alarm, another daydream your imagination had created.

As you shut your door, you heard his slam.

That night you tossed and turned, unable to make peace with your thrashing heart. The scenario that had occurred hours ago, still playing in your mind. After a while you came to the understanding that you wouldn’t be sleeping tonight, so you got up and made yourself some coffee. The warmth of the drink soothed your insides as you scrolled through your phone. The messages he had sent you that night were still saved on the device. You hadn’t thought of deleting them, until now of course. You selected them all at once.

[Are you sure you want to delete (10) messages?]

[Yes]  [No]

You then pressed the voicemail button and waited for the voice-mails to play so that you could once and for all erase his memory from your heart. But once they began to play, you lost your train of thought.

"Hey~ I know you couldn’t make it to the showcase tonight but don’t worry too much. I killed the stage, just like you promised I would. Waiting for your call. Love you."

[Are you sure you want to delete this message?]

[Yes]  [No]  

I’ll just keep this one. Only this one.

The next began to play immediately.

"Why aren’t you answering my messages? Everything is okay, right? Love you."

[Are you sure you want to delete this message?]

[Yes]  [No] 

You placed a hand over your mouth.

"YAH! WHERE ARE YOU? Please don’t worry me like this baby. Please pick up. I love you."

Finally a quiet sob left your lips. You had heard these voicemails before, but for some reason it was like you were hearing them for the first time. He was so worried about you that night, you could feel the dread in his voice. There were two more voice-mails that were very similar, each more hysteric than the previous. There was a common pattern in all of the messages, one you hadn’t noticed before. In the conclusion of each message, he reminded you of his love for you. No matter how angry or how frustrated, he never forgot those three words.

How did things go so terribly wrong?

You didn’t have the answer to that, and nor did he. But unlike before, something sparked inside you. Moments ago you wanted to disregard him, to wipe away his painful existence from your life. But right now, as your feet made their way over to his front door, you realized it was far too late for any of that.

Jongin was destined to be your first and last love. And nobody, not even you, could ignore that fact.

With your trembling fist in the air, you knocked twice.

It was okay.

It was okay if he said he didn’t love you anymore. It was just fine if he had met somebody else, someone much more beautiful and intelligent. It was okay.

None of that seemed to matter to you anymore. All that mattered was that you loved him, too much for words to describe. He needed to know the truth. He needed to know that he was special. And that every moment you spent with him was one that was cherished. Even if he slammed the door in your face, you just wanted him to know that he was the one.

The only one you’d ever want to be with.

Nobody had taken his spot, and nobody ever would. Even if you fell in love later in life, you were sure it wouldn’t be as pure as your first.

Thank you for letting me love you.

With that, the door opened. Your eyes were still squeezed shut, waiting for what was about to come.

Be strong.

Soon you opened your eyes and they met with his right away. His beautiful brown eyes that you had missed staring into. His black hair was a ruffled disaster on his head, the stubble on his chin apparent. He looked an absolute mess, but he was still so handsome to you.

“H-Hi.” You said, glancing towards the ground. Soon he would shut the door in your face, or scoff at how pathetic you looked standing in front of him like this. You were pathetic, this was a mistake. How could you come knocking on his door after nearly two months and expect him to welcome you inside. Sure it sounded like a good plan in your head, but now that you were in the midst of execution, you realized just how stupid you felt.

“Hi.” He broke the silence.

Your heart skipped a beat. His heavy voice filled your ears and you began to quiver, your legs at the verge of collapsing.

Minutes passed by, but neither of you broke the tension. That was until you noticed Jongin gently push open his door, from your peripheral it seemed as if he was motioning you inside. Though it was so subtle you barely caught it.

Nonetheless you stepped inside, hearing the door shut behind you. You didn’t head towards his living room like you usually did in the past. It wasn’t appropriate to extend your stay, you just wanted to resolve the misunderstanding and leave. Besides, your wobbly legs wouldn’t have taken you far anyway.

So you resorted to staring at his hardwood floor, catching sight of a paint stain that had occurred months before while you were helping him paint his walls. If he hadn’t kissed you at that moment, that stain wouldn’t be there. But you were thankful of that kiss and the stain that remained.

Without consent, a hot tear slid down the softness of your cheek.

No, this isn’t the time to cry.

You had a lot to say to him and you didn’t want your emotions getting in the way. But as more tears followed suit, you felt your control slipping.

No, please no.

A loud sob escaped your quivering lips and you muzzled it with your hands. Jongin was leaning against a wall with his arms crossed against his chest.

“ it.” he said, before walking towards you and pulling you into a tight hug.

You disappeared into his chest and he rested his chin on your head. Your eyes widened in the darkness as he tightened his hold on your body, pulling you as close as possible. You closed your fist around the looseness of his shirt and let out a breathless sob. You were surely dreaming, and if that were the case you’d ride this dream out as long as you could. But even dream Jongin deserved an apology.

“I’m sorry.” You spoke.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” You whispered between breaths. He must’ve heard you though because he shifted his head to shoulder, kissing the clothed body part gently.

Your subsequent ‘Sorry’s’ were mashed together with your sobs so you began to doubt whether he could understand you or not. But he could. Your voice was crystal clear to him.

Once your throbbing chest seemed to calm down, he let out a long exhale. “Why didn’t you tell me.” he questioned, pulling away to cup your cheeks. “Why didn’t you tell me Sehun’s hyung died?”

You glanced up with him with tear-filled eyes which resulted in the boy releasing another frustrated sigh. “If you had just told me-” he paused, sifting through his tired mind for the correct words. “-that you’d stayed over that night for a friend in need, I wouldn’t have said all that garbage.” He shut his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” You said.

“Stop saying sorry.” He pleaded, desperate for your words.

“I-I’m… sorry.”

He sighed and placed his head on your shoulder, unsure how to reach you.

“I… I didn’t do anything with Sehun. I could never…” you heaved, unable to finish the sentence you had committed to. He looked up, his apologetic eyes resenting the words that had broken your heart months ago.

“I know, baby.” He said, reaching in to place a long kiss at the side of your face which left a pleasant tingle. “I should be the one apologizing.”

You shook your head, getting ready to put up another argument. He placed his palm over your lips, motioning you to stop. “I just want to feel you in my arms right now. If you’ll let me.”

You slowly nodded, abandoning the dozen arguments with one go. He smiled and intertwined your hand with his, making his way over to the sofa. He sat down and reached out his hands. You felt a blush creep up on your cheeks as you used his shoulders for balance while lowering your body onto his lap. His arms found their way around your waist until you were right where he wanted you to be.

As much as you wanted to discuss all the things that had been bothering you the last few months, right now, this was more than enough. You felt so safe in his arms, like nobody could ever harm you.

After a few minutes of cuddling, you opened your eyes to see Jongin gazing at you. “Wh-What? Is their snot on my face?” you panicked, turning away from him to wipe it off. He chuckled and pulled you closer. “No. You’re just… so beautiful.” He marveled.

You hid yourself in his embrace while his chest roared with chuckles. Though it had only been a few months, you had forgotten how it felt to be loved by Kim Jongin. You had missed it so much; his chuckles, his cheesy compliments. Everything about this boy set your heart on fire.

“I’ve missed you.” he said.

You glanced up, noticing how his chuckle was now reduced to a small smile. The way in which he was gazing at you brought back the butterflies you had been longing for all these months.

“I’ve missed you too.” You smiled, your lips unable to hinder the growing smile.

He caressed the side of your face. “Can I kiss you?”

You swallowed, then nodded. He leaned in and briefly halted right before your lips, then with a content smirk he attached his lips to yours, exhaling loudly into the kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he pulled you closer. Jongin had only kissed you like this once before; after the confession. The way his smooth lips moved with yours and the way he dominated the kiss caught you off guard. It was almost like he was hungry for the kiss, unable to restrain himself even if he had wanted to. After a while though you pulled away, breathless and red in the face.

Though in the past you had kissed for longer, so it was clear that running out of breath wasn’t the reason you pulled away. Jongin seemed to notice this too and tangled his hand in your hair before pulling your face closer to his.

“Something wrong?” he asked.

You glanced at him in a state of panic “N-No!” you blinked.

“You don’t mind when I kiss you like that, right?” he smiled.

“Ye-Yes, I-I mean! No!” you stuttered, unable to form coherent sentences due to the rapid beating of your heart.

He leaned forward, eliminating the small bit of personal space that had been left between you two. “What about if I kiss you here?” he questioned, placing his lips to your neck. You shut your eyes and let out a long breath. “N-No.”

He swallowed then reached in to grasp the zipper of your hoodie, pulling it down halfway. He placed a kiss on each side of your collarbone, making you shiver under his touch. “Here?”

You shook your head then opened your eyes. Jongin was gazing at you with lustful eyes, much like an alpha looks at its prey. You bit the bottom of your lip and hid your face in his chest. He smiled then placed a hand at the back of your head, adjusting your bodies so that you were now lying on the sofa and he was hovering above you. He latched his finger tips to the hem of your shirt, slowly raising it until most of your black bra was visible. You shut your eyes, embarrassed at the fact that you were basically half in front of him.

“So beautiful.” He whispered, before reaching in to place butterfly kisses along your belly and up to your chest. He took a special liking to a particular area on your neck, which he seemed to notice made you squirm every time he kissed you there. “I love you so much.” He smiled, before burying his head in your neck once again. You let out a quiet moan, which drove him over the edge. Just as he went to pull the strap of your bra down, a loud buzzing interrupted him.

You gasped and glanced at your phone, already having a clue of who it could be. “It’s Sehun.”

Jongin let out a long breath, running a frustrated hand through his dark locks. “I might just kill that guy.” He groaned. You couldn’t hide your giggle as you reached over for your phone. Jongin looked like a child who just had his candy taken away. So cute.

You pressed answer. “Hi Sehun.”

Jongin slumped over on the sofa, narrowing his eyes in jealousy. He noticed how you giggled into the phone and he let out an aggravated scoff.  

Clearly this Sehun guy was shameless. Calling a girl at this hour? Who did he think he was?

He reached over and began to play with your hair, slowly massaging your scalp with his hand. You turned to him with a smile and he smiled back, though it soon disappeared as you turned away to continue your conversation. He let out an exasperated breath, falling back on the sofa and covering his face with his hands.

After your conversation was over, Jongin sat back up ready to lecture you about that friend of yours who just couldn’t get the hint. But his sly grin was soon replaced with a frown.

“What is it?” he asked, placing a hand on your back and running it up and down.

You sighed. “Nothing… it’s just, I’m a little depressed.”

He furrowed his brows, crossing his legs and turning his body to face yours.

“The other day Sehun announced something to all of us, and I haven’t been able to fully accept it yet.”

“What did he say?”

“Well, he said he’s moving.” You glanced at him with sad eyes.

Jongin’s lip’s formed into an unbreakable smile. “Oh man am I ever happy to hear that.”

His smile quickly faded when he didn’t hear a giggle from you. The atmosphere felt quite serious.

“Where?” he asked, not really interested in the answer. But you were upset, and he couldn’t ignore that fact.

“Back to Korea.”

A/N:

The next chapter will be the last chapter! Two updates in two days, I’m dying but it’s okay!

Like always leave your thoughts!

And please kindly upvote if you love me :D

ALSO WHO SAW THE PICTURES FROM EXO'S LATEST CONCERT EXO-LOVE IN DOME?  I need a breather after seeing Baek with red hair and hearing Chan perform 'All of me'. I'm dead guys, just bury me and tell my family i love them.