This is for LolAssassin0987! Please enjoy honey :)

PS: This is my interpretation of the plot I provided for the AFF Fic Exchange so you might see some similarities....NO WORRIES I got permission to do it :) Anyways, there's gonna be A LOT of differences anyways.

ENJOY!!! HERE WE GO!

___________________________________________________________________

Characters: Choi Seung Hyun (T.O.P) ||  Rayza(you)

Foreword:

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...
If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile if you'll just...
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying.

--

-----------3 months ago-------------

“ Rayza-shi I have a joke for you! YAH! This one is good this time!”

“ Arasso, shoot me!”

Rayza stopped on his tracks to let her bestfriend catch up to her.

“ Okay, okay, here we go! Why did the chicken cross the road?”

She sighed, she knew where this is going.

“ Why?”

Bom giggled even before the punchline came.

“ Haha because there was corn on the other side.”

Rayza shook her head as she watched her bestfriend tear in laughter.

“ Aigoo! Please tell me you weren’t expecting me to use that for my show tonight! I’ll be kicked out of the bar!”

“ Yah! It wasn’t that bad. And the fact that I love corn makes it all better.”

“ Calm down will ya? We’re still in the middle of a school hall, Bom. We need to get down to History Class or that terror teacher will bite our heads off again.”

Rayza grabbed her friend’s arm as they broke into a mad dash to their next class.

Rayza’s head was bowed down, rushing through the crowd, avoiding the students. Until………..

“BAM!”

She was halted as she fell back on her back. She felt like she hit a concrete wall.

“ Aish, Rayza are you okay? Yah! Go apologize to her!”

Bom rushed to her bestfriend’s side, helping her up. She pointed to the stranger they collided with.

The man, in return, gave a cold, blank look. No reaction was emitted by him as his aura gave a bone chilling feeling. He turned around to leave, he walked away as if nothing happened.

“ Bom! Just forget about it. Just help me walk, neh?”

“ But, but Rayza! He just bumped into you! You freakin’ fell!”

“ Yeah, yeah and my beautiful would probably be bruised, but do you know who that was? That was Seung Hyun!”

Rayza calmed her friend down as she held onto her shoulders for support.

“ Who cares who he is? He hurt you!”

“ Yah! Park Bom! Choi Seung Hyun……he, he’s a really sad man. Don’t tell me you don’t know his story!”

“ Uhm, if I knew about him would my feelings against him change? Tell me.”

“ Yah! Haven’t you wondered why he’s always so depressed? His girlfriend died from a heart attack right before he transferred here. He lost a loved one. Bommie – ah, his girlfriend died with the same sickness as mine. “

Without noticing, Rayza’s eyes glistened with tears.

“ Hush, hush my little bunny. Don’t cry. You’ll get better soon. Just enjoy now, arasso? Well, now let’s go to our class before that harpy kills us, neh?”

--------End Of Flashback----------

A faint smile was visible on her face. Her skin was paper white, almost transparent. Her lips were numbed, taintless. Her tears were warm as she recalled their first meeting.

“ Seung Hyun, I love you. I love you so much.”

She whispered as if somebody was there to hear her. The walls of the white room served as the pillars that kept her aware of reality. She was weak.

---------------Flashback---------------

“ Rayza! Yah! Let’s sign up for the entertainment! Your stand-up comedy is a big hit recently. And as for me, I’ll just sing like I always do, neh?”

Rayza nodded as she watched Bom right their names on the entertainer’s list for their school charity show.

“ Alright! That’s all the slots for the entertainment! Rayza and Bom got the last spots. Uhm let’s see…..there’s still on slot left for decorations. Is there anybody in the class that hasn’t signed up for anything?”

The principal looked around the room for any hands raised. He found nothing. He knew someone was not a very enthusiastic part of the class since all the slots were specifically divided so that each student in the class will be assigned to a job. He resorted back to the list to find who hasn’t signed up yet.

“ Well, it seems like Mr. Choi has not signed up for a job on the show. Choi Seung Hyun, you will be working for the decorations. Okay now that all of that has been settled, let’s get to work, neh? This fundraiser will be one of our biggest projects this year. All proceeds will be going to the Heart Center here in Seoul. I expect the best from all of you. That’s all, thank you for participating.”

With that, the principal left the room. The students buzzed as they broke into their little groups and discussed their new projects.

“ Rayza – shi, I’m sure you’ll do well onstage. I’ve actually seen one of your shows, the one in the Open Night at Starbucks, man you were awesome!”

“ Haha thanks, Taeyng-shi. I do try. Oh and you’ll do well too! Heck, I would give up stand-up comedy if I could dance like you!”

The boy in front of her smiled with his signature eyes. Taeyang is one of the only boys in the world whom she can trust, her best “guy” friend.

“ Well, I think I’ll go ahead and brainstorm for my show, neh? I’ll see you around Taeyang-shi!”

She waved at him as she dragged Bom to a corner near Seung Hyun. She wanted him involved; she wanted to hear his voice.

“ Hi, Seung Hyun. Uhm my name is Rayza and this is my bestfriend, Bom. Uhm do you mind if we sit here? We need to brainstorm and well, uhm this is the quietest place in the room right now. “

Rayza politely introduced herself and Bom to the man who sat silently alone. He looked at them. His eyes were blank as he nodded for them to sit down.

“ Uhm we heard about what happened before you transferred here. I’m really sorry for what happened to her.”

Rayza’s lips released her words without her mind’s consent. She spoke without thinking. Bom was too late as she nudged Rayza’s arm. Her hand flew to at once, when she realized what she just said.

Seung Hyun stiffened at his seat, obviously caught off guard.

“ Who are you to act like you know me? Her? You know nothing about me or what happens in my life. Don’t mention her ever again.”

His deep, husky voice brought chills down her spine. It was the first time she heard his voice. She could only watch as he stormed out of the class room, ignoring the warning of the professor.

---------End Of Flashback--------

His words still rang in her ear as she lay on the white bed, quietly alone. How long does she have still? How long does she have until she to say goodbye? How long does she have until Seung Hyun’s voice will finally leave her? How long?

She could only cry now as her hands were restrained by the tubes that keep her alive. The clock’s ticking seemed to be louder, as if indicating that her time is almost up. Her heart was weak but why does it feel like it has never worked harder in its entire existence? Her heart hammered through her chest as if trying to escape its end, her withering body.

Oh how the things happened so fast. Her life flashed before her eyes as their memories together replayed in her head. She closed her eyes, savoring every sensation she could remember. Another smile showed on her face as she looked back once again.

----------Flashback-------------

“ Seung Hyun – shi, will you be sad when I just suddenly disappear and never show my face to you ever again?”

Seung Hyun looked at her, puzzled. It was the day of the show. They sat in his car as they shared the warmth together.

“ What kind of question is that?”

He said with an exasperated laugh.

“ Just answer it.”

Rayza commanded as she kept a placid face.

“ Well, considering that we just met and this only our 5^th date, I would say that I wouldn’t be too sad.”

This brought Rayza’s spirit down. How could he say that?

“ Yah! What type of an answer is that?”

“ Calm down,jagiya. You didn’t let me finish! I was just stating the fact. And plus, why would I answer it seriously if I know it won’t happen anytime soon? I know that you will never leave me Rayza, I will make sure of that even if I have to risk my life for it, arasso? Now are you gonna tell me why you asked that silly question?”

Rayza just shook her head no, taken aback by his true feelings. If only he knew. If only he knew that her time is coming up.

“ Let’s go! The show is about to start and you’re the first act.”

He got out of the car first. Rayza let out a sigh of courage as she smiled at him when he opened her door.

“ Good luck, jagiya.”

He said leaning close to her ear.

She closed her eyes.

“ I love you Choi Seung Hyun.”

She whispered as if no one was there to hear her sincere confession.

She heard no reply for what she thought were the longest seconds of her life. Her eyes still closed, she felt Seung Hyun’s arms wrap around her waist.

“ I love you Rayza. Love you with all my heart.”

He inched closer to her. She opened her eyes as she felt the tip of their noses touch each other.

He saw beads of tears caught in her lashes. His lips pressed against each of her eyelids, one by one. He moved down to her nose, her eyes now tightly closed as her heart pounded through her chest.

She felt his hot breath, sweet with the chocolate still on his lips. Finally, his lips landed on top of hers. Gently, softly, he moved them until Rayza followed his lead. He could taste the vanilla ice cream in her lips. They sustained their rhythm only stopping to catch their breaths.

“ ALL PERFORMERS PLEASE PROCEED BACKSTAGE. THANK YOU”

The professor’s voice boomed through their ears.

He held her still, their hearts matching each other’s melody.

-------- End Of Flashback---------

She unconsciously touched her lips with her heavy hand as she remembered the feeling of his lips against hers. Her life flew before her eyes. She recalled the question she asked that night, Seung Hyun’s answer.

“ Seung Hyun, honey please don’t cry when I’m gone.”

Her voice was weaker than before.

Isn’t it ironic? She thought. A comedian who’s supposed to bring life and laughter to those around her is slowly dying inside, only waiting for death’s gates to open. She slowly shook her head in disbelief.

“ Why me?”

She cried silver tears as she looked back on the happiness she has brought to her loved ones.

--

“ RAYZA! RAYZA NO DON’T LEAVE ME!”

He screamed at the top of his lungs as he was held back by nurses.

“ Mr. Choi I am afraid that you will have to wait here. The operating room is off limits.”

The doctor finally spoke to address him.

“ I need to see her, doc. I need to see her. Rayza, hang on.”

“ I’m sorry, you’re gonna have to wait here.”

He stood, frozen in his spot as he watched the doctor head back to where Rayza lay.

He could still remember how she fell in his arms. His heart throbbed as the worry drowned him inside.

---------FLASHBACK-----------

“ Seung Hyun, do you love me?”

“ Of course, jagiya. What’s up with the sudden inquiry?”

He said pressing his lips on top of her head.

“ If I die right now, will you cry? Will you try and save me? Or will you let me fly away and be free?”

At that moment, he took her face between his palms.

“ Jagiya, if you were to die right now, I would lose my mind. I would kill myself, I would join you. I would close my forever next to you! I would exchange my life for yours. I would give myself up only for you to keep living. Jagiya, why are you crying? What’s wrong?”

He asked as he watched her glistening tears run down her cheeks.

“ Jagiya, what’s wrong? Rayza?”

His voice was filled with worry as he felt her body tense up.

She opened her eyes to look at his dark brown orbs. He looked at her as if he saw her soul through her eyes. She forced a smile to mask the pain she has been feeling the whole time. Her chest tightened and her breaths became uneven. Everything was blurry, clouded. Darkness, darkness was all she could see.

He watched as she collapsed right in his arms. Her were lips frozen. He felt her wrist. What’s happening?

“ Rayza? Rayza? Wake up! YAH! This isn’t funny! YAH! RAYZA!”

He held her tighter, supporting her weight.

“ BOM! BOM! Tell them Rayza can’t perform. She collapsed. I’m taking her to the hospital. “

Seung Hyun screamed at Bom as he saw her walk to the stage. He did not wait for her to respond as he took Rayza in his car and sped off to the hospital.

----------END OF FLASHBACK-------------

Waiting. All he could do now is waiting for what happens next. He buried his head in his hands, shielding the tears from falling from his eyes. Is it really happening to him? Is he really going to lose another love? Why? Why now when he has finally found someone who can completely heal his broken heart.

“ Rayza? What’s happening? What’s wrong?”

He whispered, asking himself the questions geared toward the girl that lays in the operating room. His head rose at once as he heard the echoes of steady footsteps.

“ Mr. Choi, we have come to a very crucial part of her condition. It seems that her medication has not been doing its job. How long has she been to a regular session for checkups?”

His mind was full of confusion as he listened to the doctor’s unanswerable inquiries.

“ Condition? What condition?”

His voice wavered as he waited for a reply.

“ Well, Mr. Choi, the patient has been suffering from heart disease and based on our findings the hole in her heart grew bigger. She is in desperate need of a heart transplant.”

His mind became clouded. He stood frozen as he heard the bone-chilling truth behind each question she asked. About each tear she would shed whenever he tells her he loves her. About each touch she gives him when he closes his eyes. Now he knows the truth about those sad eyes that haunts him every night.

Is he really going to lose her this way?

“ Mr. Choi, you have to make a choice. No donors are available right now and it’s up to find one as soon as possible or she will falter. I’ll leave you for a while. I will have to stay close to her to monitor her condition by the minute. “

Right then, the doctor has left, leaving him dumbfounded.

“ How could this be? Rayza, why? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you freakin’ tell me you were gonna die? Aish! Pabo-yah?”

His lips formed the only words he could process as he slumped down on his knees in the middle of the white hall of the hospital.

--

Why is it that every beat of her heart seem to hurt as if it’s going to explode? Why is then, that it keeps beating despite its dwindling life?

All she could hear now is the steady beeping of the monitor beside her bed.

So this is it, huh? Is this how it feels to be hours away from death? Does Seung Hyun know? Will he cry?

Those questions filled her mind as she waited for the pain to end, as she waited for her long awaited rest.

“ Seung Hyun – shi, don’t forget me when I’m gone. Please live well.”

Her voice was muffled by the oxygen mask placed on her. She had no more strength to move her hands, to wipe her tears as she remembered his answer to her question for the last time.

Jagiya, if you were to die right now, I would lose my mind. I would kill myself, I would join you. I would close my forever next to you! I would exchange my life for yours. I would give myself up only for you to keep living. …..

She closed her eyes, imagining his warm hand holding hers.

--

His sweat trickled from his forehead. He was torn between his feelings and logic.

“ A donor.”

He played those words over and over in his mind. Suddenly the words that he released for the last time when Rayza asked her usual question echoed in his mind.

“ I would give up my own life for you. I love you too much to let you die without knowing what life really is.”

He muttered under his breath as he stood back on his feet. He started to walk towards Rayza’s room and knocked on the door.

“Doctor? Doctor, I’ve found a donor.”

He called from the other side of the door.

The doctor came out and as he opened the door, Seung Hyun caught a glimpse of Rayza’s sleeping figure. He let out a deep sigh.

“ You say you have found a heart donor? Why that’s great news Mr. Choi! Who is the donor?”

“ Me. I’ll be the donor.”

The doctor stared at his face in disbelief.

“ Mr. Choi I don’t think you understand the situation. Giving your heart to her means you will die. “

“ I do understand. I understand that to keep her from dying I have to sacrifice my own life. I understand that after tonight, I will never see her face again. I understand that by doing this, she has another shot at being happy. Doctor I have made my decision. I’ll be her donor.”

The doctor solemnly nodded, respecting the decision of the man that stands before him.

“ Of all my years in this profession, this is the first time I have experienced this. True love is very rare nowadays. Mr. Choi she is really a fortunate young lady. She’s been my patient since she was little. She always so cheerful, never failed to make anybody in here smile. Very lucky, yes she is. Uhm shall we go?”

The doctor turned back to Seung Hyun, who stared blankly on the white wall.

“ If you don’t mind, doctor. Can I leave a last message for her? Can I see her for the last time?”

“ Go ahead. I guess I could overlook some rules.”

The doctor opened Rayza’s door and let Seung Hyun in.

“ I’ll be right outside.”

The doctor turned and left.

--

“ Rayza – shi, this will be the last time that I hold your hand. When you wake up, please remember me, neh? I love you so much.”

He took her feeble hand in his and sobbed as his bittersweet goodbye drew nearer.

She opened her eyes as she heard his deep voice. She smiled at his blurred image and right away, her eyes filled with serene tears.

“ Seung Hyun – shi?”

She whispered her voice husky and strained.

“ Jagiya, don’t speak, neh? I’m here, I’ll always be here. Close your eyes.”

“ What do you mean? I guess you know about my condition……”

Her voice trailed softer as wonder filled her mind.

Seung Hyun quietly nodded as he took her hand to his lips.

“ Rest, my love. The pain will be over soon, neh?”

Rayza obeyed as she slowly closed her eyes. Seung Hyun leaned closer to her face and kissed her forehead, slowly as if wishing to be frozen in this moment.

He left her as she slept soundly, calm.

“ I’m ready, doctor.”

-----------1 WEEK LATER------------

Her fingers twitched for the first time in days after her surgery. The light from the window showered her face, now full of color and health. She slowly opened her eyes, the sunlight almost blinding her.

“ Seung Hyun – shi?”

Her voice was fuller, more defined. The success of the surgery was evident in her features.

“ Oh miss! You’re awake!”

The nurse rushed to her side. She pressed the white button beside Rayza’s bed to call the doctor to the room.

A few minutes passed and the doctor, complete with his white coat, came rushing inside the room.

“ Rayza! Oh I am so happy to see you finally awake! How are you feeling?”

“ A lot better than I remember. What happened doctor?”

She asked, still not aware of the night when Seung Hyun last touched her.

“ Mr. Choi brought you here. You collapsed.”

“ Seung Hyun? Yes, I remember. He came in to see me last time I remember. He was crying.”

The room suddenly grew silent. The feeling of sadness crept through her.

“ Doctor, what exactly did happen to me? Where’s Seung Hyun? Yah! Answer me!”

More silence.

“ My heart! My heart! Whose heart is in me?”

 She looked down to see her bandaged chest.

“ Rayza, he left a letter for you before……before he said goodbye.”

The doctor handed a letter to her outstretched hand.

“ I’ll be waiting outside if you need any assistance.”

The doctor motioned for the nurse to come outside with him to leave Rayza alone with Seung Hyun’s letter.

The door closed.

She opened the envelope and pulled the letter out. She recognized the handwriting at once. Cursive, just as Seung Hyun always wrote.

She read the note, her eyes b with tears from realization.

Dear Rayza,

If you’re reading this letter right now, I’m sure the surgery was a great success. I know you’re crying too. Well, DON’T! You look prettier when you smile. Well, as you read further you may have already found out what I did. Please don’t get mad at me!

I love you, jagiya. As I promised, I would give up my own life just for you to keep yours. I love too much for me to just look and watch you slowly die away. The heart that’s steadily beating inside of you is mine. Now, I can legitimately say that my heart will only beat for you. DON’T CRY! Can’t you tell I’m trying to be as cheery as possible, neh? But I guess I don’t have a gift like you do.

When you get dismissed from the hospital, I want you to be happy. I want you to continue living. I want you to keep smiling the smile that I always love to see. I want you to move on. I’ll be looking down on you from wherever I may end up. Love another man if you must. I want you to be happy and live your life to the fullest. All I want from you is to be happy. I’ll love you always.

Keep smiling,

Seung Hyun

She clutched the letter close to the heart of the person she vowed to live for. She smiled even though sadness filled her heart. She smiled even though she felt empty. She smiled even though her insides were aching. She smiled as she thanked Seung Hyun for every breath she now takes.

_______________________

A/N: The italized portion is part of the flashbacks except the letter :) Just in case confusions come up :) Hope you enjoyed!!!!!!