Yunho woke up the next morning to an empty apartment. Jaejoong was no longer sitting across from him. The only thing next to him was his empty can of beers. Yunho groan in pain as his hang over started. He digs into his soft locks of hair and started to look around to confirm if he is alone. He recall Jaejoong being here with him last night drinking and for the first time they actually had a conversation. However Yunho begin to think maybe he must have been dreaming because there were no traces that Jaejoong was here.

“Was I being delusional?” Yunho asked himself

Meanwhile Jaejoong sat in his living room wide awake staring out the window deep in thoughts. He couldn’t shake off the image of Yunho crying and apologizing to him. He couldn’t explain it but in that moment, Jaejoong felt like a huge burden he has been carrying around has been lifted.

“Day by day I can feel myself changing…” thought Jaejoong as he looked at his hand. The very same hand that wiped Yunho’s tears “little by little Yunho is beginning to break every wall I had built…pierced through the darkness that has been surrounding me…bit by bit I’m begining to desire a little more time to live rather than for death…” He looked into the clear blue sky “…could this mean that I am slowly beginning to face reality? Or is this just a dream that will soon fade away?” Jaejoong can’t help but think that this feeling is scary. Developing the urge to live and then have it crumbled once again before him. The thoughts of escaping darkness into the light and discover it was just an illusion is what terrify him. He recalls seeing Eun chae in Yunho’ s apartment and even exchanges a few words with her. It made him think that maybe everything that has happen so far was just a dream. For one thing, Eun chae would not be here, she has already passed on long ago.

Flash back

“In time the pain will fade…until then…live for me Jaejoong…” She spoke

End

These words continue to replay over and over in Jaejoong’s head as he touched his chest. The heavy pains he use to feel, the emptiness, the urge to disappear were fading being replaced by familiar feeling. He was still deep in thoughts when a knock came at his door. Thinking it might be Yunho asking him to eat breakfast, Jaejoong ignored it. There was still so much he needs to think about and straighten out to see what it is that he really wants to do. After what happen last night, Jaejoong wasn’t able to face Yunho, if he is to see him now; everything that he had known and live with will crumble.  However the knock did not stop as he sighs and walked toward the door. He opens it and to his surprise a young girl stood there with her luggage in hand smiling at him.

“ChoonHee?” Jaejoong mumbled her name as his eyes widen in shock

“Hello Darling…” She smiled “it’s been a while hasn’t it”

Jaejoong didn’t say a word; he only stood there in total disbelief. Choonhee was Eun chae’s younger sister. When everyone uses to hang out back then, she was only 5 years old. She use to cry all the time wanting to come along with them wherever they go but being so young, she was always left out. Jaejoong always felt bad for her so when they go over to play at Eun chae’s house, Jaejoong would play with Choonhee and pretend they were a marry couple. But why would she come here? More importantly how did she know he lives here? The last thing he need is someone who is directly connected to Eun Chae. Choonhee didn’t blame Jaejoong but she was crying endlessly that night. Jaejoong could recall her tears flowing constantly asking for her bigger sister and why her sister is not waking up. Just remembering that pains Jaejoong to even look her in the eyes.

“How are you?” she spoke sadly upon Jaejoong’s frail figure, blond hair, bruises and cuts.

“I’m alright…” Jaejoong answered without looking at her.

She can tell from his expression he did not want her here but for the last couple of days, she has been having dreams about Jaejoong. It worries her and made her uneasy, after begging her parents; they finally allow her to come back to Seoul temporarily. She can’t help but think that there were something left here that is unfinished. Upon Jaejoong’s appearance, she was right that Jaejoong isn’t doing too well. It hurts to know that the person she once loved and care for would turn out this way. She remembers Jaejoong being so full of light. Even though the others refused to play with her because she was young, Jaejoong on the other hand didn’t hesitated playing house with her.

“You mind if I come in?” she asked

Jaejoong hesitated; in the past he would not even open his door to anyone fearing they will see what kind of dirty place he is living in. But now that Yunho had clean everything up, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to let her in for a bit. He steps aside as she grab her luggage and stepped inside. To her dismay, the place was pretty empty with only a book shelf and a TV with a small table.

“Have you been eating properly?” she asked

Jaejoong only nodded his head but Choonhee knew he was lying base on his skinny body but she knows better than to point out the truth.

“What are you doing here?” Jaejoong asked

“We are having winter break from school…I thought I’ll come back here and visit some friends”

Jaejoong didn’t say a word as he lower his gaze. Choonhee walked over to Jaejoong and lifted his chin to look at her directly in the eyes.

“I don’t want you to feel sorry for me Jaejoong oppa…That day was not your fault…I didn’t blame you back then and I’m not going to blame you now…it has been 10 years…Eun chae will not want you to treat yourself this way…at least while I am here, smile a little so when I go home I don’t have to worry okay?” she asked with a smile

Jaejoong could only nod in response. Choonhee cupped Jaejoong’s cheek in her hand as she notice the redness, the bruise and cuts. She can’t help but wonder what Jaejoong has been doing for the last 10 years. Has he gotten himself involve in something dangerous? It has been 10 years since they separated and last seen each other. Upon the touch of Jaejoong’s skin, all of Choonhee feeling begin rushing back. She wanted nothing more than for this moment to last forever.

“How about I make you something to eat?”

Jaejoong nodded his head as she went into the kitchen. However when she opens the fridge it was pretty empty with some food that has been long expired. 

“Why don’t we go buy some few things to make?” she asked

Once again Jaejoong nodded his head. They exited the apartment and at this moment Yunho also exited his apartment to throw out the empty cans. The first person he notices was Jaejoong and then his eyes wondered to the girl at his side also coming out of his apartment.

“Jaejoong you?...” the first thing that came to his mind was that jaejoong had another one night stand but this time it was with a girl. Even thought it was more assuring that this partner isn’t the violent type who will hurt Jaejoong, Yunho was still not please at the fact that Jaejoong didn’t stop.

“Yunho oppa?!” Choonhee shouted upon recognizing Yunho

Yunho took a moment to look at Choonhee before it finally sets in who she is.

“C-Choonhee?!”

“what are you doing here?!” they both shouted at the same time.

Choonhee quickly stood in front of Jaejoong in a protective mode. Back then when they were still kids, Yunho would constantly tease Jaejoong for playing house with Choonhee. A few times Jaejoong would cry and Eun chae will scold Yunho. At that moment on, Choonhee had decided she will protect her fiancée from the big bad Yunho.

They begin walking to the nearby grocery store and Choonhee was not happy. She glared at Yunho who is walking right next to them. She made sure she stood in the middle so Yunho will not be able to bully Jaejoong.

“Why are you coming with us anyway?” she asked

“I work there…” Yunho yawned as he glanced at Jaejoong who has been quiet this entire time. It’s kind of surprising that Jaejoong will come out of his apartment to go grocery shopping none the less follows Choonhee’s and doing what she wants. Yunho figures Jaejoong much have felt bad for her that Eun chae died so he is doing what she wants. He looked at where Choonhee is holding Jaejoong’s arm and he felt a sudden tightness at his chest. He wanted nothing more than to rip her arm off of Jaejoong’s hand while telling her to go back home.

“Heh I must be going insane…” thought Yunho

After grabbing a few things, ChoonHee and Jaejoong went to the register and paid for the food. Yunho was stocking up some few products on the shelf but he made sure not to lose sight of them. After seeing them paid for their food and walked toward the door, Yunho had the urge to go with them too but Kangnin caught him first.

“I heard you were sick yesterday?” he asked after looking at the bruise on Yunho’s face

“Y-yea…” Yunho answered

Kangnin did not buy it, no matter how you look at it; Yunho had gotten into a fight.

“Are you feeling better today?” he asked

“Y-yea…much better after some rest”

Kangnin changed the topic as he instructed Yunho on what else he needs to stock. Yunho glanced toward the door and see ChoonHee and Jaejoong walking outside alongside the big window. Jaejoong had turn his head as both their eyes meet. Yunho recall what happen last night from when he slapped Jaejoong to them drinking and having Jaejoong apologize for getting Yunho beat up. He can feel his heart racing upon staring at those big brown eyes.

“yunho…oi Yunho!” Kangnin shouted snapping Yunho out of his thoughts

“S-sorry…” He apologized “now that I think about it…I haven’t apologized to Jaejoong about hitting him yesterday…” he thought to himself

Junsu entered a café and spotted Yoochun sitting not too far away. He walked over to him and pulled up a chair before sitting down.

“Why haven’t you been answering your phone?” Junsu asked

Yoochun only read his book ignoring Junsu

“Yoochun..about Yunho?..”

“Stop it!” he shouted “don’t even bring him up? Just thinking about him makes my blood boil”

Junsu sigh “Yoochun…You aren’t angry at Yunho for shifting the blame onto Jaejoong are you? it’s more like you are Jealous of him for being the first person to get to jaejoong before you. In other words you love Jaejoong”

Yoochun ends up choking on his own spit as he face flushed red “w-what are you talking about?!”

“You can’t lie to me…I have known it since we were kids…you had always fancy Jaejoong…there is no way I could miss your constant stares, you looking for him when he isn’t around and catering to his every needs.”

“You are speaking nonsense…I don’t’ love Jaejoong, I only worry about him as a friend and I am not jealous of Yunho…I hate him because he started everything, if he haven’t put the blame onto Jaejoong, he wouldn’t have suffer depression and none of us would have been separated…”

“you can fool others but…” Junsu smiled before pointing to his eyes “…this eye of mind is able to see right into a person’s heart…and you my friend are in love with Jaejoong…”

Yoochun didn’t say a word, he only lower his gaze confirming what Junsu had just said “I won’t blame you for being angry at Yunho for what happen in the past but…I will warn you Yoochun…do not let your jealousy get carry away…it can be more deadly than you think…”

“I am not jealous Junsu…” Yoochun spoke with a hint of irritation

“I saw how you looked when you saw Yunho…your eyes were filled with hatred and burning Jealousy…”

Yoochun closed his book as he stood up “I am not in love with Jaejoong and I am not jealous of Yunho! I don’t appreciate you coming to find me only to say these things to me…” He gathers his things and exited the café as Junsu watched him leave.

“By denying it with such anger only confirm it Yoochun” thought Junsu “but…it looks like I will have to keep an eye on you…”

Yoochun walked down the street in irritation as he continues to tell himself that he is not in love with Jaejoong and that he is not Jealous of Yunho. This anger is from Yunho hurting Jaejoong and blaming him for Eun chae’s death, nothing more. However he can’t forget the fact that Jaejoong came out of Yunho’s apartment a few days ago. What was he doing in there? What were they doing in there? Was he in there all night? Could it be that Yunho and Jaejoong had already gone back to being friends? If so does this mean that he is the only one being rejected by Jaejoong? More and more questions begin to emerge as he desperately tries to find a reasonable answer for them. But the more he thinks about it the more irritated he gets. He recalls Junsu accusing him of loving Jaejoong and as he think about it, the more it become true. Maybe all these feeling of wanting to be near him, wanting to help him and hating Yunho was because he is in love with Jaejoong and hated the fact that it was Yunho who stood by his side.

“No…this isn’t real…I am just thinking too much…” thought Yoochun “I just want to atone for my sin and seek Jaejoong’s forgiveness, that is all…my only aim is to be friend with him again like old times…”

Yoochun paused at the word ‘friends’ and ‘old times’. From what he remembers, when they were kids, the closest person to Jaejoong was Eun chae and Yunho. These two were the only who was always with Jaejoong. Yoochun on the other hand was never able to stand by his side like those two. He had always kept his eyes at them and wishing that it was him being near him instead of Eun chae and Yunho. Yoochun begin to wonder if he really want to just be friends, if everyone come back together, will he be able to stand at Jaejoong’s side or will he be pushed to the side like the old days.

Yoochun glanced to the side and cross the street he spotted Jaejoong walking with a girl at his side. She was talking happily and for an instant there, Yoochun notice Jaejoong smiled. He could feel his heart sinking deeper and deeper.

“Who...who is that girl?” Yoochun wondered as he clinched his fist tightly

After eating breakfast ChoonHee and Jaejoong chatted for a bit before she notice the birds in his room. She asked permission to touch them and after getting the permission, she opened the door and sticks her hand inside. She grabbed a blue and yellow bird as it chirped and flapped its wings.

“Aww…it’s so cute! I have always wanted a bird like this but my dad refuse to let me…saying something about them being too noisy” she pat the bird

Jaejoong didn’t say a word; he only sat there and stares at ChoonHee playing with his birds. He can’t help but think that ChoonHee resembled Eun chae a lot. If she hadn’t died, Eun chae will probably be very beautiful just like ChoonHee.

“do you….miss her?” he asked

Her smile faded as she lower he hands before putting the bird back into the white cage “I do…I think about her everyday…”

“Sorry…” Jaejoong apologized

ChoonHee only sigh as she crawled over to Jaejoong and sat down next to him “I don’t need your apologies Jaejoong…you were not to blame…no one was…it was an accident…”

“but…it was because of the fight I had with Yunho that she…”

“Stop!” She placed her hand before his mouth “I don’t need to hear it…”

Jaejoong reminded quiet as ChoonHee spoke “Oppa…i know this is out of the blue but...will you…marry me?” she asked taking Jaejoong by surprise.

“If we marry, I can make you happy again? I can take you away from everything here…”

Jaejoong was quiet, he knew that ChoonHee liked him but he never thought she will ask him such a question “ChoonHee…I…”

She stopped him from talking “you…you don’t need to answer now?...just think about it okay?” she asked wanting to take Jaejoong away from everything, from his pain, from his suffering and from the past.

“Give me an answer when I leave to go back home…” She stood up and stretched her arms out into the Air “Let’s just set that topic aside and concentrate on something else shall we?”

For the next couple of days, Choonhee had stayed at Jaejoong’s place. Yunho on the other hand tried to get her to go to a hotel because staying over at a guy’s place will ruin her reputation but she refuses. Since Jaejoong isn’t making any effort to kick her out, Yunho wasn’t able to win. In the end he allows ChoonHee to stay but he made sure he always goes over to Jaejoong’s place right after work. Jaejoong’s empty and quiet apartment begins to fill with life, laughter and voices of others. He couldn’t even remember the last time his apartment felt so alive. Once again he felt his cold heart begin to beat and feel his body warmed up from the long coldness he has been feeling. He looked at ChoonHee’s angry face and Yunho’s teasing face and without realizing it he smiled.

“Ah! He smiled?!” Yunho shouted happily

He looked at ChoonHee who looked back at him as they both clapped their hand together and started chuckling as Jaejoong blushed. Later that night as ChoonHee passed out from drinking too much, Yunho and Jaejoong stood at the balcony. Jaejoong is smoking his usual cigarette as Yunho stood at his side staring out into the horizon. Neither of them spoke a word to each other.

“Don’t you think Choonhee look a lot like Eun chae?” Yunho finally spoke

“yea...”

“even though she look like her, her personality is completely the opposite” he chuckled “she can be quite the hand full…it was hard keeping up with her…”

Jaejoong didn’t say a word as he took a puff from his cigarette and release it into the air

“Can I try?” Yunho asked.

Before Jaejoong could give him an answer, he reached over and took the cigarette from Jaejoong’s lips and placed it between his before he took a puff.

“You do have good taste when it comes to cigarettes” said Yunho as he release it into the air

“I didn’t know you smoke?”

Yunho return the cigarette and smiled making Jaejoong’s heart skips a beat “I use to, I quit though…”

They stood there as silence filled the air once again.

"I'm happy..." spoke Yunho as he leans up against the metal railing "you have finally started to talk more and slowly becoming yourself again..." he turn to face Jaejoong "I'm not sure if it's because of ChoonHee or not but...I am thankful...even though I couldn't remember what I did in the past to hurt you or the others I'm just glade that I got a second chance..."

“Give me back my steam bun…it belong to woobin…” ChoonHee shouted in her sleep taking Yunho and Jaejoong by surprise as they turn to look at her before exchanging look and for the first time Jaejoong chuckled.

Yoochun stood outside the apartment as he sees Yunho and Jaejoong standing on the balcony laughing together. He can’t help but felt like he has been left out and it irritated him. He clinched his fist tightly with burning jealousy

“Why? Why can you accept him who is the source of your misery and yet you reject me? What makes him better Jaejoong?”

to be continue...............