Two more weeks passed together and it was during the 7^th that Chunji began to get excited-

“Omg, Byunghun- I totally only have one week of this left!” he cries, as I meet him at his place in the morning for school.

“Yeah, I know…” I reply half-heartedly.

Of course I knew.

That date had been stuck in my head ever since this whole thing began-

Initially I’d been drawn to it; it was the beacon of light at the end of the tunnel whenever Chunji needed to pee or complained about being bored or annoyed that he couldn’t do anything for himself. It was the light that told me in 8 weeks’ time- in 8 short little weeks, 2 mere months- that those casts and splints could all come off.

And Chunji could finally start to recover his lost strength and function once more.

But over time that date had just been pushed aside- until now when all my private confusion and doubtful emotions were circulating through my body like a car crash and it stuck out like a bloody red warning sign in my mind.

The date I didn’t want to come anymore- the date I wished didn’t even have to come…

“Aren’t you happy for me??” he'd exclaimed and wrapping his arm around my shoulder as we walked, beaming from ear to ear as he went on to explain how his first session of physio was going to go and how hard he was going to work to recover-

Wondering if he’d get a male of female physio and how strict they’d be or how much it’d hurt for the start-

Wondering silly things that would usually make me laugh, like if his wrist would look hell skinny and ugly now after so much time without water and sunlight-

But I just couldn’t laugh properly and every time I did it felt like something large and ugly was stuck in my throat.

                                                                                                              *****************

“So Chunji- “ Jett begins that day at lunch, as we all take our seats at the table. “You looking forward to freedom~?”

Chanhee smiles brightly, just like he had all day whenever people asked him this question. “Hell yes-! Jeez, I can’t wait to be able to like pick things up again, you know?”

The guys nod in humor, and I direct my agitated eyes to the table instead.

Was I the only one who saw the potential problems in his recovery??

I mean; it was gonna hurt- that was one down already!

Second; he may not have a full recovery as the doctor promised, I mean doctors can make mistakes. And maybe he won’t be able to have his whole strength or function back-?

Maybe his recovery will take longer than the few physio weeks outlined in his schedule, or maybe his fingers will have set crooked and he'll need to have them strapped up again?

“Here man,” Alex speaks suddenly, and looking up I note how he’s undone Chunji’s straw and placed his drink down in front of him.

“Dude- I was just getting there,” I say, unable to help myself any longer as my anxious laden thoughts burst over the top-

He just looks at me- a blank sort of expression on his face. “Yeah, I was just helping-“

Some of the others glance up at me now, and I pull my gaze away from the blonde as he withdraws to his own seat. “Are you ok, man…? Just, you seem a little tense lately-”

“I’m fine.” I say quickly, and not quite meeting his eyes as I fight down the embarrassed guilt rising up my throat and instead shuffle closer to Chunji.

“Alrighty then…”

And my days only continued to get worse from here on as I spent the next couple of nights at Chanhee’s house;

“Hello boys,” his mother cried, as we'd entered the house after school and were just about to head up to his room;

“Hey, Mrs Lee.” I say with a smile.

“Hi mum, we’re gonna go to my room now so-“

“Oh wait, I’ve just made some cupcakes-! Do you want some to take up with you?”

Instantly looking across at the table we spot the miniature chocolate and strawberry cakes, staring right back at us with bright brown and pink icing-

“Omg, yes please.” Chunji says and walking over as his mum pulls out a plate.

“Which ones do you want Chanhee?” she asks, as we stand over the tray together.

“Umm…. Chocolate-“ he says, and causing her hand to reach out at the exact same time as my own-

Halting mid-air I stop to allow her to pick up the cakes instead and place them down on our shared plate.

“Sorry,” I say awkwardly and catching the almost amused look on her face whilst Chanhee obliviously keeps eyeing off the food.

“You help yourself too Byunhyun,” she replies, and gesturing down as I keep my eyes fixed on her son-

“Ah…right.” picking up a couple at random I pull away from the plate as she places Chunji’s chocolate ones next to the strawberry.

“Do you boys want a drink of anything too whilst you’re here?”

Turning to me the brunet gives me an expectant look, making something inside me feel just that bit more at ease with the fact that he was including me in his decision making. “What about you, man? I might have an orange juice…”

“Ok, sure-“ I go to say as his mother instantly gets cups out.

“Ah, I can get it-“ I jump in and walking over myself to fetch the drink. “I’ll just have this too…”

She allows me take the boys cup form her grasp and filling them up, I put the juice back away again before taking all the gear up in my hands and following Chunji back out of the room, “Thanks,” I say as she gives me that curious little smile once more.

I hated how people looked at me like that…

I mean, what was so wrong with being helpful??

Huh?

Why did people keep looking at me as if I was doing something strange?

As if it was wrong…

But more than that- why was I acting this way with his mum??

I never used to be like this with his parents- because his parents were really the ones who started it all.

They were the first ones there to care for the boy after the accident occurred, they were with him those first few days in the hospital and then back at home, and thus they're the ones who had sole responsibility for him.

It was only then that they choose to entrust that responsibility on to me.

I was the second dealer- I was the helper who butted in and took control so I never used to mind when I had to go back home and his parents took back over. Because that was their rightful place- their job as his parents, despite the awkwardness of it all.

But now….

Now I didn’t want his parents interfering either… I wanted to be solely responsible for the boy, and I just don’t know why I’m getting like this.

I know it has to stop- but I just don’t know how…