Kyungsoo

As much as I didn't want to, I kept my distance from Kai for a little longer. I didn't feel ready to yet, especially with all of the new information I had to consider in regards to myself and the role I played in the problems between us. It was easy to shove all of the blame on Kai for not being willing to open up to me, but that wouldn't have been right. I had to take the hard way and start asking myself what I was doing and saying to make him not want to yet. I couldn't go back to him expecting him to be ready to change if I wasn't even aware that I had to also.

And just like that, another month and a half went by. I was taking some classes over the summer break, so that kept my occupied most of the time. I spent time with my friends when I wasn't doing something school-related. I tried to make time for myself, too, but more and more, I found that being alone wasn't helping to clear my mind like it used to. 

That was the first sign, but I ignored it.

Yeseul and Minhyun noticed how I had been a little down lately, so they decided it would be a good idea to take me out of a night on the town, as they called it. We ended up going to some bar and as tempted as I was to drown all of my troubles in alcohol, I stayed determined and managed to leave only a little tipsy. While we were waiting outside for a cab, I happened to look across the street through the window of a restaurant, where I saw Kai sitting at a table with Sehun and Luhan. Even through the thin alcoholic fog, I could tell he looked happy. At first, it stung to know it was without me, but more so than that, it triggered an epiphany within me. When I didn't try so hard, I seemed to understand him. When I wasn't looking so closely, he wasn't actually that hard to read. 

That was the second sign, and I stored it away for later. 

I went searching for the third sign on my own. I told Suho I was going out for a walk one evening and went to the apartment. The walk was long and because I took my time, it ended up taking a little longer. But I had to prepare myself. I told myself if the light was on, that was the final sign I needed, in which case I had to think of what I would say to him. If it wasn't though, it would be a sign that I needed to wait a little longer, in which case I needed to prepare myself for more hard work. 

When I approached the building, my steps seemed to slow down on their own. I felt anxious, but not dreadfully so. What I was feeling was closer to the feeling of anxiety I felt the first time I went over to bring him cupcakes. I was excited, but I was oppressing my my hope for the sake of not feeling as disappointed if I was rejected.

My eyes cautiously moved up to the kitchen window. I let out a small sigh when all I saw was darkness. "Maybe third time isn't the charm," I mumbled to myself. I glanced up once more before beginning to turn around to go back to Suho's, but something made me stop. I thought I was seeing things, but I could have sworn that I saw a light go on out of the corner of my eye. I was scared to turn around and check, the thought alone making my heartbeat increasingly faster. After a few deep breaths, I turned back around.

Sure enough, there was my third sign. 

A sense of relief and excitement came over me when I saw that the light was now on, and I even dared to let myself smile a little bit. The anxiety and the possibility of him not being ready to see me yet were both still there, of course, but I had to at least attempt to open the door again. So, I made my way toward the apartment. 

I got to the front door and was about to just walk in, but I quickly stopped myself. It was still technically my home, too, but I was the one who decided to leave, so I at least owed him the decency of knocking first. There was no answer for a moment and I was too scared to look over at the window to see if he was looking out of it. After about a minute, I heard the door unlock from inside. 

His eyes widened and his lips parted slightly when he saw me. His expression reminded me a lot of the first time I visited him at his apartment. "Um..." Kai said as he moved his pupils back and forth, quickly clearing his throat afterward. "Why'd you knock?"

His eyebrows were slightly furrowed and he looked genuinely confused. I glanced around for a moment, a new wave of nerves hitting me. "W-Well, I've been here in almost three months, so I figured I should," I explained, which only seemed to make him more confused. "I mean, I know Taemin has been staying here, so I didn't feel comfortable just walking in."

"He left like two weeks ago," he stated matter-of-factly. His body sank down the slightest bit as he cleared his throat again and glanced down. "You could have just come in." The last part came out as a whisper almost.

"Oh, okay...sorry," I replied, not really knowing what else to say. 

He looked at me for a moment before quickly looking away. Instead of speaking again, he just pulled the door open more and stepped to the side. I took that as my invitation and stepped inside. It looks the same as last time, except maybe a little cleaner. I heard him shut the door as I walked into the living room and sat down. It looked like he was cleaning up from cooking because he went into the kitchen and began to wipe the counters off. Once he finished and laid the cloth rag in the sink, he hesitantly turned around and faced me. 

"How have you been?" he asked, and his question took me by surprise. For some reason, I was half-expecting him to start telling me off. 

"A-Alright," I said, partially lying. "You?"

He shrugged and directed his eyes to the floor. "Better, I suppose." I nodded even though he was no longer looking at me. "Thanks for dropping off the rent and stuff," he said after a minute or so of silence, our eyes now connecting again. 

"Of course," I said, briefly putting on a smile. His eyes lingered on my face for a moment or two longer before darting away. I sighed to myself and closed my own eyes. I hated how awkward it was, but just hating it wouldn't make any difference. "I lied," I said, speaking up again. I left my eyes closed for a moment and when I opened them, he was looking at me. "I'm not alright. W-Well, I am but not fully. I miss you...like a lot."

He blinked a little and sighed. "Kyungsoo, I'm--"

"Can I just get everything I need to say out before I forget it or chicken out?" I said, feeling the nervous adrenaline pumping through my veins. He blinked again, his eyes slightly wider, and nodded. I readjusted my position slightly before continuing. 

"I've been spending the last two and a half months trying to figure out why I'm so jealous of your relationship with Taemin, if it's all my fault that you don't trust me, why I'm so afraid to tell my parents about you, and if there's any point to trying to figure those things. I still don't know if there is, but mostly, I've just been really missing you. But the time apart has helped me, so I guess it wasn't a complete waste." I shook my head, hearing my thoughts become more and more nonsensical. I took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eyes. "Okay, what I'm trying to say is that I don't blame you for not opening up to me yet. I know it took you a long time to even trust Taemin like that, but I think I was just hoping I'd be different and that you'd trust me sooner, which may have caused me to overthink everything a little bit and think you didn't actually love me. It still bothers me, but I know I need to be more patient. And like truly be more patient and not just say I'm willing to wait but show it, too. Anyway, I'm...I'm just sorry for everything I did, hurting you, leaving, questioning our entire relationship when we've only been together for a year. I know there's a lot more we have to learn about each other and I'm willing to go through the all of the motions it takes because..." I paused to swallow, feeling a few tears sting my eyes but not letting them fall. "...because I really love you, Kai, and I really hope you still love me."

He didn't say anything for a while, probably just taking some time to take in everything I spewed at him. "Are you done or...?" he said after a couple of minutes had passed.

"O-Oh, yeah, go ahead," I replied, briefly motioning toward him.

"Okay," he said, pushing back some of his hair and exhaling. "Well, I was gonna say I was sorry. I thought I was trying my best to be more emotionally vulnerable, but when I thought about it, I wasn't. I think a part of me just kind of expected you to get it without me having to say it, like how it is with Taemin, you know, which obviously isn't fair because you're not him and I wouldn't want you to be him. In a way, though, I don't trust you enough but not because I want to. I want to and I know I will eventually, but my fear won't let me. So, I've just been trying to stop fighting it and listen to it instead, which has helped me figure some things out about myself. Which is also why I was also going to say that the time apart has helped me, too. It hurt for a while, but it hasn't been all bad." I nodded slowly as he paused for a fleeting moment. "A-And I missed you a lot, too. Part of me wanted to get used to being alone in case you decided to not come back, but I didn't want to because truthfully, I've been hoping you'd come back ever since you left. I know we're still young and not perfect and that we have a lot to work on and we probably shouldn't have moved into together yet, but I don't really regret anything and I'm...I'm actually pretty sure you're the only person for me. That's what it feels like."

More tears spilled into my eyes. "Really?" I said.

"Yeah, really," he said, his eyes never leaving mine. "I love you. I haven't stopped loving you."

I chuckled in relief, letting a few tears fall onto my cheek. I quickly wiped them away. Still feeling a little hesitant, I stood up on my feet and began walking toward him. After a few moments, he started to move closer to me and we met each other halfway in a warm hug. The moment we connected, I felt every last lingering feeling of doubt I had vanish. I let out a sigh of content and nuzzled my head into his chest. 

"I'll tell them," I said without pulling back to look at him. I sniffled, staying still otherwise. "I'm gonna tell my parents about us. I'm gonna tell them that I have a boyfriend who I love a lot and no matter what they do or think, I won't leave him."

I heard and felt him chortle, his hand now starting to rub my back. "They'll probably hate me," he said.

"Probably," I mumbled back, making him laugh again. I pulled back this time and looked into his soft brown eyes. He cupped the right side of my face with his hand and I leaned into his touch.

He wiped a few of my tears and let his hand slide back down. "If we're gonna do this whole open and honest thing, I should probably tell you that I kissed Taemin a while back. It didn't mean anything and nothing else happened, I just--"

"I know," I said as I cut him off, surprise coming over his face. "I saw it. I went to the studio to talk to you and I saw it." Concern came over his face, but I just smiled and caressed his cheek before he could say anything else. "I trust you. Just please don't go around kiss anyone else but me from now on."

He laughed beautifully and then nodded his head a couple of times. "I won't," he said. I widened my smile, leaning up to his lips and kissing them afterward. I felt his hands move to my neck as he kissed me back, warmth spreading throughout my whole body at the feeling I had missed so much. He pecked my lips once more after we parted and then I laid my head on his chest again. "We're really ing messy, aren't we?" he said, earning a laugh from me.

"Yeah," I said after it died out. "But we'll be okay. I think we'll be okay."

And to that, he just hugged me tighter.

Kai

Kyungsoo officially came back a few days later. Not everything went back to normal, but neither of us seemed to want them to. We still had a lot to work on, but I was still glad to come home every day and see the light on.

I woke up one morning to smell of coffee and a half empty bed. After stretching my limbs out a little, I moved to the edge of the bed and slid my pajama pants on. I scratched an itch on the low of my back as I walked out of the room, seeing Kyungsoo standing in the kitchen cooking breakfast while wearing one of my big shirts he loved so much. I smiled and took in the sight for a moment, leaning against the doorframe. Eventually, he turned away from the stove and saw me, smiling brightly at me.

"Morning," he said. "Breakfast is almost done, but the coffee is ready."

"Extra milk?"

"Extra extra milk. So much milk we'll probably need to get more." 

I chuckled and walked closer to him, pressing a soft kiss on his lips. "Thanks," I said after I pulled back. He just hummed and gave me one more kiss before going back to the stove. 

"Classes today? Isn't it the start of the semester?" I asked as I picked up my coffee mug from the counter.

"Yeah, but I don't feel like going," he said, shrugging and glancing back at me. "It's the first day anyway. They'll probably spend 20 minutes going over the syllabus and then dismiss us. Plus, Hyunsik is a nerd and records all of the lectures and we have most of the same classes, so I'll just get stuff from him later."

"Wow, how unstudious of you. Who are you and what have you done with Kyungsoo?"

He laughed as he looked back at me for a moment again. "I guess time does change people," he replied as I took a sip of coffee. I paused to smile at him and he leaned his hip against the edge of the counter as he watched me. I swallowed and set the mug back down. "Is it good?" he asked.

I smiled faintly and walked closer to him, pulling our bodies together. "It's very good," I answered, earning another beautiful smile from him before our lips met again. He giggled a little and then turned his attention back to the food. Exhaling contently, I wrapped my arms around him and rest my head against his shoulder, holding him close to me--right where he belonged.

The End

A/N

This ended up taking a minute to edit, but I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out. But you guys know what this means, right? I only have two more stories left to edit! Bad news is that it's some of the cringiest work I've done, so I'm really going to need all the good vibes you can send my way this time lol.

As always, thanks for sticking around xoxoxo