Seokjin honestly thought he might go insane one day-- even if it was a mild kind of insane that he could manage, a kind of insane that wasn't hard to keep inside. It would be that kind of insane that mothers went when their kid wouldn't stop calling them, that kind of insane where it was mostly just hair-tugging and wishing one could sleep the insanity away. It wasn't insanity, but it was damn close to it, and Seokjin was scared of falling ill to it.

This sense of being insane came from one thing, and that one thing was people, specifically the people in science. Seokjin was supposed to be spending quality time with his family, was supposed to be catching up to them after so many years of not talking to them thanks to his obsessive planning over a robot that he gave to Jeon Jungkook. He was supposed to be carefree, having a good time, off of work, but he couldn't stop thinking about people, about Jimin specifically. Jungkook would have called him if something went wrong, and Seokjin knew this, but it made him nervous, for some reason, to find that Jungkook didn't call him at all as he was on vacation. He'd been expecting something to go wrong, almost, had been expecting a frantic call about Jimin breaking down or throwing a tantrum or going on a rage. He expected something bad, but he got nothing.

Calling Jungkook himself, he day before Christmas, didn't bring any bad news, which should have relieved Seokjin, but... it didn't. For some reason, it just didn't work for him. He was happy that Jungkook was okay, that everything was okay, but... something made him want something to go wrong with Jimin. He wasn't sure why-- was he that obsessed with work? Yes, yes; he must have been. Science had always been a big part of Seokjin's life; he must have been obsessed.

Seokjin took his work-broken fingers and picked up a pencil, a piece of paper, and began to sketch out a model of someone, just like he'd done with Jimin. It was insanity to think he could build another person, but he'd come up with a name, a lovely Min Yoongi, the same height, with the same amount of cute nature; and he couldn't find it in himself to stop drawing, to stop wondering and imagining what it would be like to bring life to another metal form.

The notebook containing Min Yoongi was put away almost as soon as Seokjin had finished drawing it. Insanity, he told himself, to think of another person, to imagine building another. He remembered what he'd been through building Jimin-- frustrated tears and so much wanting to give up, and it was Jimin on top of work that he actually had to do. Building Jimin wasn't necessary-- Seokjin wasn't sure why he'd done it. Had it been his original plan to give Jimin to Jungkook? No. He'd started to build Jimin just to practice building, but then came the thought of giving Jimin to Jungkook, of finally seeing Jungkook in love, and-- it just seemed so right. It had Seokjin moving along, under stress and pressure of his own mind to finish Jimin, to give him to Jungkook, to see the boy spark in love.

Seokjin had always wondered what it would be like, to see Jungkook so in love. He always wondered if the boy's eyes would sparkle as all his romance books told him a lovers' eyes would do. He wondered if Jungkook would cuddle with his partner, wondered if he would be big on skin-ship, wondered if he would be happy. He wanted to hear the laugh Jungkook would share with someone he loved, wanted to hear the secrets and wanted to know how Jungkook would prefer to kiss someone-- a short kiss, a long kiss, a kiss on the cheek or the lip. Seokjin wondered, and he kept wondering, and it was through all this stupid wonder, all this stupid curiosity that he found out; he was in love with Jeon Jungkook.

Seokjin realized this when Jungkook had graduated high school, when Jungkook had barely turned nineteen and Seokjin felt like a creep for loving someone so much younger than him. Why he hadn't made a move was obvious to him; he was too old for Jungkook at the time, and Jungkook had school to focus on. Why he'd chose to make Jungkook a robot instead of confess to him at a later time was so beyond him. He wasn't that nervous; he could handle confession, and he would have been able to handle rejection. It was-- and it took Seokjin a long time to come to terms with this feeling and that fact that it was true-- but it was just that Seokjin wasn't right for Jungkook. He wasn't the right person and he didn't have the right qualities and he just wasn't right. That was okay. Everything about that was okay, he thought, because his goal anymore was to have Jungkook happy and, having talked to him on the phone just hours ago, he thought Jungkook sounded happier than he ever had.

Min Yoongi faced Seokjin again when he pulled the notebook the idea was stuck in out of his drawer, when he flipped to the twenty-fourth page and looked at him. He wondered: what was the point? If he made Min Yoongi, why? He didn't want a robot for a lover; he really just wanted Jungkook-- but he'd blown that chance the moment he handed Jimin over. If he made Min Yoongi, what would he do with the boy? Keep him around as a friend? Set him off into the real world? Present him as a project to his community of science to show them what he could do? He didn't care if Min Yoongi was a robot; he would be a robot with feelings and no one, not even a piece of metal created to look human, deserved to be presented as a thing. Maybe Seokjin was too sensitive; but he didn't like the thought.

No more making boyfriends, Seokjin promised himself, and he wrote this at the bottom of the page, real big, real bold, pressing his pencil down too hard, accidentally ripping through to the twenty-fifth page. He tossed the pencil off his bed for no reason other than frustration; what was he thinking? Another person? A first person? What was the point of building them, he thought, if they were just things? Seokjin was glad he'd built Jimin. He was upset at his own ed-up feelings, at his own shattered heart, but Jungkook was so happy, and Seokjin had been able to up his skill level in understanding human bodies and working with building things-- it had all been to benefit, building Jimin.

What would building Min Yoongi prove?

Now Seokjin couldn't stop thinking about it: Min Yoongi. Min Yoongi, Min Yoongi, Min Yoongi; the name had such a pretty ring to it, and the boy written in Seokjin's notebook looked so wonderful. Why? Seokjin wouldn't stop asking himself why he couldn't stop-- did he want to build that badly? No more people, Seokjin tried to tell himself, but it was so hard to accept saying no when it was so ing tempting--

When Seokjin felt lonely, sad, or stupid, he called Kim Taehyung. He did this now, picked up his phone and tossed Min Yoongi off of his bed, let it land on the floor some inches away from his pencil. The phone rang once, twice, and Seokjin wondered, briefly before Taehyung picked up the phone, why he was bothering everyone on Christmas Eve when they all had their own friends and lovers to focus on.

"Hyung! Hi! Long time no talk-- how are you?" Taehyung asked, must have checked his caller i.d. for once before he picked up the phone. Taehyung sounded very happy, was shouting like he was at a party, but Seokjin didn't hear any other voices. He heard loud music, and someone saying something in the background, but it didn't sound loud enough for Taehyung to be at a party.

"Hey, Tae." Seokjin said, wished he didn't sound so bummed out. He couldn't help it, though; all this thinking about Jimin and Min Yoongi was really getting to his head, and he was starting to feel sick, was starting to feel like maybe eating dinner that night wouldn't be a good idea. He took in a breath before he said his next words, trying not to sound so ill, "I'm pretty good right now-- just wanted to talk to you. How--"

"Ah, hyung, you always have a subject! Is something up?" Taehyung asked, and he was speaking a little softer this time, was moving, likely, by the way all the commotion in the background was becoming more and more distant. Taehyung was good at reading people, Seokjin thought; or maybe Taehyung was just good at reading him. Maybe he was just being obvious. Seokjin didn't know; he didn't have the energy to put any proper thought behind it.

"Uh, not-- not really. I just wanted to talk to you, really. I want to know how you are and all. And I-- I kind of want to get my mind off of doing something stupid." Seokjin said. He bit down on his bottom lip, "So-- how are you?"

"Something stupid? What something stupid?" Taehyung asked, and Seokjin wished he would have been a better actor, wished he wouldn't have called Taehyung in the first place. He briefly considered hanging up, but then Taehyung would worry, would call back, would text him, would be sent into a spiral of worries after that; and Seokjin had come too far to just back out now, had already sent Taehyung's mind spinning.

"Min Yoongi." Seokjin said; and maybe he should have started out another way, because Stop me from doing Min Yoongi didn't sound like a normal situation, didn't sound like something Seokjin should have been saying-- even if the words weren't direct.

"Min Yoongi? Who's that? Is he, like, after you or something?" Taehyung asked. Seokjin almost wanted to laugh at the confusion he'd caused, almost wanted to laugh at all of this-- another person, as if. Honestly, what was he thinking? What kind of wreck was he, before Christmas, that he wanted to build another person? Another few years of frustration, another few years of tears and hair-pulling; Seokjin was surprised he didn't have a bald spot with the amount of his hair he'd ripped out.

"No, he's-- he's another idea. I have another idea for a new person and I don't think it's a good idea to build another person." Seokjin said. He bit down on the inside of his cheek, waiting for Taehyung to reply, to react to this new idea, this new thought. There were a few moments of dead silence as Seokjin waited, and then Taehyung was making a noise, kind of like he'd guessed this was coming, or maybe that he understood.

"Ideas come and go, hyung-- why do you think you shouldn't build him? Was the stress for Jimin too much?" Taehyung asked. The noise in the background had all but faded, and Seokjin thought Taehyung might have traveled to another room in order to talk to Seokjin without a lot of loud noise, to be able to hear the older properly. Seokjin shrugged; but he remembered he was over the phone, and he actually had to speak.

"A little bit, I guess. I'm not sure-- I just don't think I want to build him. I mean, I do, but I shouldn't. Just-- distract me a little bit, okay? How are you?" Seokjin asked. Taehyung was one of those people that actually listened when he was asked to do something like that-- to ignore a problem and help someone else ignore a problem, too. Seokjin had always appreciated having Taehyung around; he liked when people didn't push his problems, let them work out by themselves-- especially when the problem was as something as this.

"Okay, hyung! I'm doing pretty well-- Hoseok and I have gotten together recently." Taehyung said, and Seokjin was a little shocked at that. Taehyung and Hoseok had been such a thing for years-- that special kind of friendship thing, and Seokjin thought they would never realize their feeling for one another. He smiled at the thought; the two of the had been so content with having on-the-low crushes on each other that they didn't mind being best friends.

(Seokjin wished he could completely feel this way for Jungkook.)

"That's great! When did the two of you get together?" Seokjin asked, and he listened to Taehyung's story of his Christmas party, how he'd eaten a million mints and cried a little bit over a thought that he wouldn't explain to Seokjin, how Hoseok had taken care of him and kissed him and demanded they be boyfriends-- no questions asked (until Taehyung complained about it). Seokjin tried not to laugh too loud through the story, but it was difficult; it seemed like such a Taehyung and Hoseok way to get together that it was hard not to burst in laughter.

"I think Jungkook and Jimin are doing really well, too. Have you talked to them at all?" Taehyung asked. He didn't know. Nobody knew except for Seokjin himself; he thought keeping his feelings for Jungkook to himself was the best. That way, there was no pity from someone else, no one to call him and idiot for making Jungkook a robot instead of confessing to Jungkook himself. (Though, at this point, he probably needed somebody like that.)

"Yeah, I just talked to them a few hours ago. Jungkook sounded really happy-- I'm glad he and Jimin are doing well." Seokjin said, but there was a dead smile on his face at the words. He tried his hardest to make it real, didn't want to be so fake about happiness, but the thought killed him; Jungkook in someone else's arms. And the fact that it was his own fault made him want to die, made him want to freak out and jump off the nearest building.

(He knew he would never.)

"Did Jimin tell you the two of them had kissed already? I think they're a thing now-- Jimin's not sure, but it's really easy to tell Jungkook likes him. You did really well, hyung, I've never seen Jungkook like someone as much-- except for you, maybe." Taehyung said; Seokjin's heart lifted just a little at that. He liked the thought of Jungkook always looking up to him-- which Taehyung had mentioned before, when he said something to Seokjin about Jungkook liking Jimin a few months back. He said he figured Jungkook would fall in love with Jimin; but he would always love Seokjin more. It was such a pretty thought; Seokjin's fake smile shifted real.

"I'm really happy for them." Seokjin said. It wasn't a lie, it was just a sad truth. He was really happy Jimin and Jungkook were together; he wanted them to be together. He was just also kind of hurt that he'd decided to break his heart in order for Jungkook to be happy, for him to be in love. (But that was love, right? Seokjin wondered. Love was wanting the person one was in love with to be happy, even if it included breaking one's own heart.)

"I am, too." Taehyung said. Seokjin was sure he was going to say something else, but he shrieked very suddenly instead, making Seokjin jump in surprise. There was a chuckle from a voice that wasn't as deep as Taehyung's, and then Taehyung saying-- "Hoseok! You , you scared me! I'm talking o Jin-hyung.... Yeah-- hey, hyung? Hoseok wants to talk to you, is that okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine!" Seokjin said. He and Hoseok had been getting closer and closer over the months, as Seokjin hadn't known Hoseok initially; he and Jungkook had both met Hoseok through Taehyung. Hoseok's voice flooded through the phone with a tone almost as happy as Taehyung's had been, "Hey, hyung."

"Hi." Seokjin said, smile bleeding into his voice. He asked Hoseok some of the same question he'd asked Taehyung-- "How are you?" and "How's your Christmas been so far?" He got simple answers, but they were also very detailed; Hoseok had a special way of answering things, often bringing more questions to Seokjin's mind and therefore keeping a conversation going. Seokjin could talk to Hoseok for hours about the same topic and never get bored.

"Taehyung and I are moving right now, actually-- he and I decided to get an apartment a few blocks away from the college. We thought it would be really fun with both of us." Hoseok said. Seokjin remembered, very briefly, when Jungkook had called him crying about his home, about not having money-- how he thought about moving into an apartment himself. Seokjin wanted to encourage him to, but he knew how attached Jungkook was to his own home, and he didn't want Jungkook to have to leave it behind. (He was so happy Jungkook had the parents that he did; they helped him more than Seokjin ever could.)

"Oh-- I hope I'm not interrupting too much." Seokjin said.

"Oh, no. We were just packing up a little bit, but we both needed a break. We're throwing a little going-away party with our roommates; the two of them are going to move in together." Hoseok said. There was a loud noise in the background, another shriek, and then Hoseok was laughing. "Taehyung knocked something over-- he's prone to doing that."

"Yeah," Seokjin said, his voice a soft echo through the phone. He cleared his throat softly, sat up a little straighter in bed, "Well, I'll let you get back to packing. Make sure one of you calls me when you move into the new apartment, okay? I'd like to know what it's like."

"Okay! You should come visit when you come back-- we'll be moved in by next week, I think." Hoseok said. "Bye, hyung! I'll talk to you soon! If I don't get to talk to you tomorrow, Merry Christmas! Taehyung says the same."

"Merry Christmas, Hoseok! Bye!" Seokjin said; and then he hung up, placed his phone on his nightstand. He sat in bed for a few moments blankly, and then he moved, picked up his pencil and his notebook. He flipped to the page behind Min Yoongi, and he wrote a quick note: Min Yoongi will be twenty-four years old.

/

A/N: Honestly, I thought I was super subtle about it at the beginning, but like-- you were all right; Seokjin's in love with Jungkook. This is a clear sign that I need to work on my hidden messages and such haha