By the time I had made it to the hospital back home, my mom had passed away. I cried like a baby. I remember Jonghyun giving me a hug as I cried, I didn't hug back but I was thankful to him. I was alone after I attended the funeral. My apartment reminded me of Amber who hadn't answered my calls to her for the passed month and me liking and wanting Amber in ways I never thought I would made me think of Jonghyun. I continuously finding  myself trying to convince myself that even though I thought I was once gay it was okay to like Amber and it was okay to date Jonghyun before that. It was hard for me to allow myself to feel the way I did about men now, compared to how I thought I felt about them. I had to tell myself that I didn't play Jonghyun because obviously in one point in my life I did love him and he was all I wanted. I cried more than I thought I could've cried during this time. We had a few meetings without Taemin because he was still in Australia and so I couldn't even ask him about Amber. I hated seeing Jonghyun, being reminded of things I didn't want to remember. I was told one day that Taemin was supposed to be back soon for his birthday. I would've asked about Amber but I didn't want Mr. Lee to think I didn't know about my own girlfriend. I was also informed about that yearly event where all the companies had one giant dinner dance gathering and we competed for different things just for the fun of it. I knew I would see Amber there, I secretly hoped she loved me, although I highly doubted it. I didn't trust Taemin spending all that time with her but I trusted her to stay away from him. When Taemin did come back the Shinee guys all went to go greet him at his house and when we were alone I asked him. "Where's Amber?" Saying her name after such a long time gave me chills. "She's been back in Korea for a while now. I think she left two days after she was discharged from the hospital." He said. I went on my phone for the first time in forever, remembering my background was that picture of us. I went to that conversation we had which she never replied to, noticing she had read everything. I was tempted to text her but I kept thinking about how she might be mad at me for leaving so I held myself back. Everything else reminded me of my mother who I couldn't even ask for advice now that she was gone. 

It was the day of the dinner gathering and I put in extra effort to the way I looked. It was the first time Amber and I were going to see each other after the accident. I wasn't sure wether we were going to act as a couple or not. I wore a suit without the tie. Put my hair up and sprayed on cologne. I uploaded a picture of myself on my Twitter and checked Ambers Instagram to see that she had just uploaded a picture of herself. Her hair has gotten much longer and she had dyed it. Her dress matched my shirt and her smile was wide but I could still see the sorrow in her eyes. I put my phone into my pocket and drove to the building they had booked for the party. 

As I walked in I greeted everyone at the door and saw Amber walking in from the door besides me. Her dress was tighter around her waist and flared out more and more until it ended inches above the floor. She was wearing the same heels I held the night when we first kissed, almost tall as me. I noticed how much weight she had lost, her collarbones popping out and a fragile looking necklace complimenting them fell in between. And then I noticed her face, our eyes met seconds before she focused her attention to everything but me. "Is she mad at you?" Taemin made me look away and turn towards him. I noticed how she started walking slower, I felt as if she had to say something but didn't and continued walking. "I don't know." I lied, following her into the hall where the wine was being carried around and handed to everyone. I saw Jackson Wang approaching me. "What's up?!" He hugged me and then congratulated me for Amber and I being together. I ended up drinking a little bit for a while with the guys at the party. Drinking one glass of wine and then restraining myself from anymore. We ate and talked and then they started playing a variety of drinking games I excused myself to go and find Mr.Lee. He smacked me on the back of my head. "Why?" I asked. "That's what happened when you don't tell me things beforehand." He said. "Sorry sir." I saluted him and he laughed. "Where's Amber? Are you two even dating?" He asked. "She should be around here, just because I'm not always with her doesn't mean we aren't dating." I stepped away before he could smack me again. "Go have fun then." He winked at me before walking off. 

Thinking of Amber I didn't know where she was at this point and I was alone now so I decided to go sit down before jyp started talking about how amazing this year was and what not and when he was done they turned the blasted the music and everyone started dancing. Despite being someone who performed at loud concerts I preferred it to be quiet unless there was no other choice. I was approached by Mr.Lees family, his two daughters to be exact who both wanted a picture with me. After we took the picture I moved my hand back, accidentally hitting someone. I turned to see it was Amber, the watch on my hand was tangled in her hair. The brightest light in the room turned off and there was only small dim lights pointed towards the stage. I looked at Amber, realizing how close our faces were with my hand behind my head, still entangled within her hair. She tried moving away but there was so many people at this point neither of us could move. I focused on getting my watch out her hair. She was pushed closer towards me by people behind her and we were inches away from each other. My watch came out her hair. "Sorry." I removed my arms from around her. She avoided eye contact, trying to step away. Her heels must've gotten caught In her dress because she nearly tripped before I grabbed her arm and pulled her towards me placing my arm behind her waist. Her hands slammed against my chest. She finally looked into my eyes and I wanted to kiss her. The lights turned back on at this point and Amber broke out of my arms and made her way through the crowd. I followed her  out the hall and down the hall towards the other doors. I followed her till she turned and stop walking. I walked up close and saw she was leaning against the wall, crying.