I wouldve pushed her away from me if she wasnt crying, I didnt like the way I was short of breath and felt feelings i couldnt describe when she had her arms wrapped that tightly around me. "I .." I tried to say something to comfort her, unable to sucseed. Amber pulled away from me, her head lowerd to the floor. I placed a finger under her chin and lightly lifted it up, wiping her tears. She lowered her head again, crying again. I found my arms wrapped around her again, tighter this time. I lowered my head and rested my chin over her shoulder, pressed against her back. I held her despite the storm of various emotions i felt. When her hands pressed against my back i felt short of breath again. I shouldnt have felt what I did, I shouldnt be secretly happy about the news on the TV, I shouldnt be feeling this. I pulled away this time when the bell rang, insisting to go and get the door. "Its my house, if its someone we dont know they'll only confirm their thought of us dating if they see you." She wiped her face as she walked out and i followed her, leaning against the wall in attempt to hide myself. "Jonghyun." I heard Ambers voice. "Is Minho in there?" He seemed out of breath. "Oh. Yeah he is, come in." She said. "No. I dont think he would want me to be here. Give him this." His voice was softer this time. I heard a paper being handed to Amber as she shut the door. I ran towards the door opening it and sprinting towards Jonghyun placing a hand on his shoulder, and pulling him to face towards me. "Why bother coming out?" He used his teeth to scrape some of his saliva off his lip and back into his mouth. "Its nothing at all what you think." My voice shook. "Then what is it? She spends the night at your house, you stay basically all day at her house and you claim to not be dating her?" His voice a low and fierce whisper. Anger took over my anxiousness. I pushed him back with three fingers. "Why dont you just listen to me? Im trying to explain t-" "What is there to explain?! I belive what i see!" He wouldve screamed if it wasnt for Amber who i heard walk up behind us. "Jonghy-" "Save your excuses for someone else, these past three years were the biggest waste of my time. I regret spending all those days with someone like you." Jonghyuns words peirced through me, i felt my eyes watering up as he walked away getting smaller and smaller untill he was completly gone. 

  I walked inside as the day grew darker with Amber by my side i was thankful that she had just chosen to accept the fact that i was crying and not ask why. Maybe because i was doing the same for her all this time. I apretiated that about her. I rememberd everything about Jonghyun, maybe he was going to dump me along time ago and was just looking for an excuse, maybe he stopped loving me a long time ago, maybe he was in this relationship so he could use diferent parts of me as he pleased to. When we were inside Amber sat on the couch besides me. I wanted to comfort her but I couldnt even figure out how to comfort myself. I leaned my head against the couch again, looking at the ceiling which was now darker than when i first came here. "Did you fight because of me?" Amber asked. I sat up and looked at her. "No." I attempted to smile at her. I decided that she should be the first person i should tell anything to. "He.." I started. "He was my boyfriend for three years, friend for 5." It was the first time i had ever told anyone. "You're gay?" She asked. Even i dont know what i am I thought, ignoring what she said and continuing on. "He saw the news this morning, which isint at all your fault, alright? Its his, he didnt take the time to listen to me, he didnt car-" I cut myself off. "So Jonghyun is gay too?" She asked. "Dont tell anyone. I dont think i was supposed to tell you." I looked at her. She nodded. I think she understood about me not wanting to reply to her quiestion about me considering that she didnt ask again. "So he just dumped you?!" Her voice was loud. "Jerk." She muttured. I managed to smile. "Dont smile. Its contagious." She ran her fingers over my lips as if wiping away my smile. So i smiled wider, putting my legs on the couch and facing her, smiling wider and wider as i moved my face closer to her. "Idiot." She muttured, pushing me away, as she held her laugh. "Are we that close already?" I asked. "Im kinda glad we are." She said. 

  I ended up spending the night at her house, pulling off my shirt and wearing just my pants to bed I layed on the bed thinking about Amber and her child. I didnt know if what i was thinking was okay to ask her, or if it would hurt her even more. I didnt know what Jonghyun was doing, I didnt know if i should call him, I didnt even know if he was upset about us, me and him. My thoughts switched back between the two, until i thought of Taemin, but i couldnt have even him in on this. I was so busy being attacked by all these thoughts I didnt even notice when I fell asleep. 

  The next morning, during breakfast, which had come from Ambers mom i suggested my plan to her. "You know, about the news." I began. "Yeah?" She asked while stuffing her face with rice. "I think im going to have my company confirm it." I said. "What why?" Amber swallowed. "Not that I would mind or anything but arent you...like you-" "It has nothing to do with that." I cut her off. "Its because of." I didnt know how to say it so i pointed at her stomach. "Dont you think that would be a little unbelivable?" She placed her fish on my plate and i placed my green onions on hers. "We can just say we've been togather longer. and we dont have to announce your health right now. We can do it afterwards." I suggested. "Are you being serious?" I couldnt tell if she was mad or not. " I dont know if i should say yes, it would be a really big favor that i would be asking you." She put down her spoon. "But youre not even asking for it, im suggesting it." I said. "We'd have to do all these odd couple like things in public." Amber said. "Well we hugged yesterday and i dont know about you but i was completly fine with it." I drank my juice in hopes that i wouldnt be reminded of how i felt when we did hug. "Fine." She agreed. "You know, youre the only person who took that long to say yes to date me." I sarcastically said, brushing off invisible dust from my shoulders. "No more shirtless Minho in this house." She used her spoon to point at my body. "Dont discriminate." I flexed my arms. "I thought we were only supposed to act like a couple in public?" Amber flushed. I laughed. "Youre crazy." I smiled at her. 

  Later that day i decided to answer the nonstop calls from my company. "Minho! You crazy idiot!" Mr.Kim yelled. "Are you really dating her?" His voice was still really loud. "Yea." I looked at her who came to sit next to me. "Why didnt you tell us before the media !? Do you want my company to be ruined!" He said. "Sorry." I said. "Sorry." He mocked me. I laughed. "How can you laugh at a time like this?" He scolded. "Anyways, theres tickets that i have, do you want to visit Australia?" He asked. "I dont think i can go alone." I said. "Of course you can. Think about it." He said. "Alright, ill let you know." I said before shutting the phone.  Amber placed her head on the arm rest of the couch. "Minho." It felt as if she had never said my name before. "I.. I dont think I want to have this child, but."She inhaled. "But I dont want to ... I dont think i can live knowing i took the life of someone even before." She stopped talking and silently cried. She sat up then, "Sorry for crying so much." Amber wiped her tears, and she had stopped crying. I placed my arm around her and shre brushed it off. "You dont have to. Im fine." Amber leaned against the armrest and faced me. I thought of how i couldve made her forget this, or atleast try to. Australia. We could go to Australia. "Amber. I dont know if this is the right time to suggest this but we could go to Australia." I turned my head towards her. "Mr. Kim said he had tickets. I'm not sure how much he has, but that doesnt even matter, we can buy our own too." I nervously waited to see what she would say. "I dont think either of us want to be in a place where we, so far, only have these horrible memories." I broke eye contact with her and Jonghyun came into mind. "Will you be okay with all this?" She asked. "Theyre going to say horrible things about you if they find out about my health and that we're only just dating." She said. "I dont care about them. They'll always have bad things to say." I looked at her again. "It's going to help me forget I was right?" Her words gave me goosebumps. It was the first time either of us had said and it and I didn't think there would be a time where we would say it. "I'll try my best to help in that." I said. 

  After we agreed to go I confirmed with Mr.kim and then the both of us didn't see each other much for almost two days as we were busy packing. But after I was finished  But after I was finished I grabbed snacks on the way to Amber's place. I wasn't expecting reporters to be around her place at this time of day but of course I was bombarded with reporters as I made my way into her house. She opened the door, her pale complexion showed her weak she was. "Amber. Are you okay?" I set the luggage and bags of snacks by the door. Placing my hands on both sides of her face and examining how sick she looked. "Did you eat?" I asked. She nodded, stepping back. "I made some for you too." She pointed towards the kitchen. "I'll go finish the small amount of packing I have left, the plate is on the table and just search the kitchen for some utensils." She walked away before I could say anything, so I did walked over to the table, the smell of the spaghetti watering my mouth, I went and found a fork, quickly swallowing the food. By the time I was done Amber appeared in front of me, wearing a loos fitting dress, her hair was damp, covered with a top-hat, her lips were red and plump. I again couldn't help but stare. "Done?" She asked. I nodded, getting up from my chair and walking over to my suitcase. Amber had opened the door slightly, I walked up to her. "I called the driver, I'm sure he's outside." She avoided eye contact with me. We stepped outside and I remembered Jonghyun. And then I noticed amber hesitating as she walked closer and closer towards the gate to where the car stood on the other side, waiting for us. I slid my hand into hers and her grip around my hand tightened. "Let's go." I pretended I didn't see her staring at me as I opened the gate and went into the car.