Everything will be okay. It will be okay.
Things Get Better
Woohyun watched carefully as Sunggyu closed his door, eyes tracing his every move, every shake of the elder’s head, every time his shoulders jostled up and down from his silent laughter, the downcast eyes. Woohyun wanted to remember this moment perfectly, when Sunggyu was finally his, when a door closing in his face didn’t shut him out for once in his life. Woohyun dragged his knuckles down the shut door. With a simple knock, the door would swing open again, even if it were just so Sunggyu could snap at him and send Woohyun on his way again. But the point was, the door would open. It would always open for him because Sunggyu loved him. Woohyun retracted his hand from his door and stuffed it into his pocket as he walked down the hallway with a wide but shy smile on his face (he was afraid of appearing too happy).
And this was the first time in a long time when he felt uplifted after leaving the elder’s place. He was so uplifted that he felt light. His heart was light, his feet as well. He was skipping down the street back to his own apartment. He took in a deep breath and then let out a contented sigh as he suddenly halted his step and threw his head back, staring up at the night sky. He sighed again. Stars, thousands of star glittered dimly in the light-polluted sky. It was surprising that he could see any at all. But the stars must have been burning at their brightest, fighting to be seen by the millions of people in this packed city. Woohyun smirked. My star…I’m going to be one of those stars. Everyone is going to see me shining bright.
After all, he’d just won over Kim Sunggyu. Winning a simple singing contest should be easy in comparison.
Woohyun was tying his shoelaces, when someone came into the practice room. He immediately got to his feet before Heechul could snap at him for not greeting his coach properly. He almost stumbled when he caught sight of who it actually was. “Oh Dongwoo,” Woohyun mumbled, surprised. “You’re here today?” Did he get the time for his meeting wrong? The two of them weren’t allowed to practice together anymore.
“Yea,” Dongwoo sounded just as unsure as his friend. He scanned the room searching for their mutual coach, but came up dry. “Heechul-hyung called me in. Did he call you too?”
“Yea,” Woohyun answered as he walked up to the other. He then put his arm around Dongwoo’s shoulders, shaking him in his hold. “It’s just like old times,” Woohyun added with a grin.
Dongwoo snorted. “You mean like a few weeks ago,” he amended the other’s statement and easily turned the hold into a tight yet quick hug. Dongwoo patted his friend’s back before letting him go, but not entirely. His hand intertwined with Woohyun’s, and he pulled the other down to sit down with him.
Woohyun looked down at their joined hands, gripped so tightly that he could feel the several rings that Dongwoo was wearing cut into his skin. He wiggled his fingers as much as he could (which wasn’t much), and Dongwoo got the hint and let go with a light laugh. But Woohyun couldn’t laugh along. No, it was stifled by the lump quickly forming in his throat. The dim stars from the night before shot across his mind like a shower. Only one of them will join their numbers. Only one will make it. A strange feeling pulled at the bottom of Woohyun’s stomach, a mix of guilt and ambition. “Yea when we used to be a team. Instead of…” he couldn’t finish that thought.
“Eh,” Dongwoo interjected, placing his hand on the other’s knee. “We’re still a team.”
Woohyun’s lips pulled across his face into a tight smile. He put his hand over the other’s as he leaned towards the other. “Our team won,” he said in a smug voice.
Dongwoo gave a sharp nod. “Yes, we did.”
“That’s because of me,” an unmistakable voice broke into the conversation. Woohyun didn’t need to turn his head towards the door to know that his coach was standing there, but he did. He needed to greet his coach properly. He and Dongwoo got to their feet immediately and gave a short bow. Heechul’s usual, sly grin painted his face, proudly watching his two mentees. “I chose really well,” he boasted.
“Right, coach!” Dongwoo chimed in, and luckily covering Woohyun’s scoff. “Why did you call us in here?”
Heechul stepped forward, crossing his arms over his chest and raising an eyebrow. “Do I really have to remind you guys?” he asked as if it would be a pain to explain it.
Dongwoo lowered his head, tilting it to the side as he searched through his mind’s eye. He was lost. Woohyun sighed and replied, “The finale is next week.”
Heechul snapped his fingers and pointed vigorously at Woohyun. “That’s right. The finale. The grand finale!” the coach’s voice raised as he got more and more worked up, raising his hands up in the air at the last statement. But then he brought his arms down and also bought his excitement down a notch along with it. “So here we are, having one of our last team meetings,” he spoke in an unaccustomed softness, or at least unaccustomed to Woohyun, who only remember Heechul yelling at him or talking in a distracted voice. But now, even the coach’s eyes seemed to lose their piercing gaze and the smile wasn’t so smug, but almost fond. Woohyun glanced over at Dongwoo, about to whisper ‘who’s this guy and where’s our coach’? But Heechul cut him off, in both words and action: “So come on, team. Bring it in for a team hug!” The mentor approached the two with outstretched arms.
“Do we have to?” Woohyun grumbled. Indeed, he didn’t have a choice, not with Dongwoo, for whom skinship came as natural to him as breathing, by his side. Dongwoo pulled his teammate to his side and walked the both of them into Heechul’s arms, hugging the both of them tightly.
Heechul rested his head on top of theirs, revealing in being taller than his two protégés. “I know that we’ve had our differences, and this has been a long road, but we made it,” he spoke like an actual coach for once.
And that little speech amped Dongwoo up, who was now jumping up and down so fast that he was practically vibrating (and because Woohyun was attached so closely to his friend’s side that he had no choice but to vibrate along with him). “Whoo! Grand finale! Yea!” Dongwoo yipped in excitement.
Heechul pulled away. “I like your enthusiasm. Now let go of me. Let go!” he finally snapped and the other two pulled away from him quickly, bringing their arms behind their backs. Heechul then clapped his hands together, causing the other two to jump up slightly. “Yosh! We got to get down to business.”
Woohyun nodded along. “Right. The stages,” he spoke quietly. The odd feeling from before soaked through him again as he casted a cautious glance over at Dongwoo. Is it okay for him to hear it? Is it okay for me to know about his stage?
“Eung,” Heechul grunted casually, so casually that it snapped Woohyun out of his funk. Heechul looked mischievous, and it scared Woohyun a bit. “Not only your own personal stages, but I just had it cleared by the PD that you two get to do a duet together.”
“Huh?” Woohyun gasped, half from shock and half because Dongwoo gripped him tightly again, crushing the air out of his lungs.
“Really?” Dongwoo, as always, sounded happier about this news. “Nam-goon! This is great! I’ve always wanted to!” he exclaimed and was vibrating yet again.
Woohyun pushed his worries aside and joined the other in excitement. “Me too!” he chirped, giving the other a hard squeeze before letting him go. The two of them turned their attention back to their mentor, awaiting more instructions.
“The public has been wanting a duet from you two ever since you guys randomly sang to each other backstage,” the coach announced, eyeing the two.
Woohyun chuckled embarrassed, recalling when Sungjong revealed that he indeed sang love songs to anyone with ears. What did I do this time? “When was that?” he asked, almost not wanting to know the answer.
“I can’t remember,” Dongwoo admitted sheepishly. The both of them (and sometimes Myungsoo too) fooled around quite often backstage, awaiting their turn to go on stage. And with the stress and lack of sleep, who knows what they had done in their delirium?
“Try almost every week,” Heechul revealed. He waved his hands in between the both of them. “Your ship sails itself. Fish and penguin! Match made in Antarctica!”
Woohyun winced at that. Especially after what happened last night, he was less than enthused to be paired up like that with his teammate. But Dongwoo didn’t take the situation as seriously. He nudged the other and begged with a pout, “Don’t eat me.”
Woohyun sniggered. “I can’t make any promises,” he threatened and then snapped at the other.
Dongwoo shoved him away playfully. “You have to catch me first!” he yelled as he ran away and around the practice room.
“Save it for the cameras, you two!” Heechul shouted, watching Dongwoo dart across the room for a bit before sighing, shaking his head, and turning his attention back to Woohyun. “I have the song selected already. I think you’ll like it, Penguin,” he said as he took the sheet music rolled in his back pocket and handed it over to the younger.
“Stop calling me that,” Woohyun grumbled as he accepted the roll of paper. After unfurling it, he nodded. He did like it. This song would suit the both of them very well. It had the same feeling as the song that put him back on the map again. It was by the same artist too.
While Woohyun was skimming through the lyrics, Heechul leaned in and spoke in a low voice, “Also have you given any thought to your final stage.”
Ah, so we still are keeping those stages a secret. Woohyun whispered back, “A bit.” That was a lie. He’d been thinking about what song that he’d sing for the final stage even before he auditioned for My Star, before he’d come to Seoul. He’d been dreaming of this moment years ago in those four walls of a small room that he shared with his father. The song always changed, switching along with his mood. He dreamed of singing more difficult songs as he’s gotten older and his skills grew. The songs also got older as well. He used to imagine himself singing popular songs of the day, but now he saw himself singing those songs that his father used to play when he was younger, nostalgic songs. But even though he’d given it years of thought, Woohyun still couldn’t settle on a song.
Thankfully (or not), Heechul was more than ready to offer advice: “Do yourself a favor and don’t sing another sad, boring ballad.” Woohyun snapped his head up, looking caught. He’d been wavering between a couple of ballads and wasn’t considering anything else. And Heechul must’ve sensed it. After ‘mentoring’ Woohyun for several weeks, he learned how to read the younger well. “People love seeing the happy-go-lucky side of you. It makes them happy. And you get the most votes that way too,” that truth pierced through Woohyun. Is it because people only like that side of me? Only those songs? Woohyun let out a huff and hung his head. Heechul patted his dejected shoulder. “You play the romantic dreamer very well. That’s a great thing. Very likable.”
“True,” Woohyun mumbled and raised his head again. He was still conflicted on the inside. He would score better if he sang a peppy love song, probably even better if he sang rock. But neither genres felt right. They didn’t settle well with him. However winning should take precedent now. Pop and rock would be safer choices.
Heechul pulled out another roll of paper from his back pocket and put it underneath Woohyun’s nose, teasing his upper lip with the paper’s edge until Woohyun got fed up and ripped it out of the elder’s hands. As he was playing with the younger’s patience, Heechul said, “I thought of a couple of songs that you could do. Just look them over.”
Curious as to what the idol would suggest and slightly scared, Woohyun unfurled the paper and scoffed at the titles on the page. “But these are all Super Junior songs.” He should’ve known better. Looks like Woohyun would have to choose a song himself. Better him than to let Heechul have free rein or else he’d be singing “Pajama Party” while dressed in sleepwear.
“Are they? Huh, imagine that,” Heechul played it off coyly. He began backtracking, making his way over to Dongwoo, who was on the other side of the room. “We’re a set, Woohyun! A set!” he yelled before turning around and yelling at his other mentee. “Fish-y, I’m going to reel you right in! Catch of the day, Jang Dongwoo!”
Woohyun watched as Heechul began ‘reeling’ in Dongwoo to his side. Those two, they had a good relationship. They agreed on most things, when in came to performing. Because of that, Dongwoo would probably be given better song suggestions. Woohyun’s eyes fell back down to the page.
What should I do?
Gyu-hyung: Have you eaten yet?
Woohyun: No, not yet. Practice ran late.
Woohyun: Have you eaten?
Gyu-hyung: Yes.
Gyu-hyung; But I can always eat again.
Woohyun: Do you want to have dinner with me?
Gyu-hyung: Sure.
Woohyun: Great! It’s a date! J <3 <3 <3
Gyu-hyung: Stop that!
Gyu-hyung: Meet me at my place.
This was it: their first date, or at least Woohyun was going to consider it as one. In any case, it was their first gathering after confessing and accepting each other’s confessions…which Woohyun was afraid that Sunggyu was going to see it as, just another gathering. Woohyun was afraid that Sunggyu wouldn’t be feeling the same jitters that he was feeling right now as he was waiting outside of the elder’s building. Ultimately, he was afraid of Sunggyu feeling different, feeling less than he felt for him. It was beginning to seem that way. Woohyun was standing outside of his building as usual. Sunggyu had suggested a place that they’ve been to several times before. It was nothing fancy, nothing special, nothing different.
But once Sunggyu walked out of the front doors of the building, Woohyun’s fears were chased out of his head. Well, he didn’t walk so much as he did jog out, slowing his step when he was outside. Sunggyu swung his head to either side quickly, looking for Woohyun, and he had overlooked the younger initially. Sunggyu took another step forward and looked again. This time he caught sight of Woohyun, who was walking towards him and waving. Then the elder smiled widely.
Jitters, Sunggyu had them too. Woohyun could almost sense them flowing through the elder’s body and frying his nerves with great sparks. Woohyun was feeling the same. Once the two stood face-to-face, they were at a loss as to how to greet each other. Sunggyu waved, not saying anything but his smile spoke for him. Woohyun followed his lead and waved again.
And finally, words came. “Did you wait long?” Sunggyu asked, shifting his weight from side to side.
Woohyun shook his head. “Not at all,” he spoke and signed.
Sunggyu was the first to break the silence between them, and he was also the first to break the invisible wall between them. He tapped the younger on his upper arm. “Let’s go.”
Woohyun made the second move, placing his hand on the small of Sunggyu’s back and giving him a slight push forward. “Eung. Let’s go.”
The jitters only seemed to amplify once they were sitting at a table and forced to face each other head-on. At first, both of them busied themselves with getting things in order, pouring water for themselves and greeting the owner. Woohyun nervously played with the spoon in his hands as he asked the elder how his day was. When Sunggyu didn’t answer, Woohyun realized that he’d forgotten again and grew hot with embarrassment as he reached over and cautiously touched the elder’s hand to get his attention. And then the elder was now the one blushing after jumping out of his seat at the sudden touch. Woohyun chuckled to himself. Even though there was a twelve-year between the both of them, first dates are nerve wrecking no matter the age or experience. He took comfort in that and repeated his question in sign language. Sunggyu answered that it was “fine” and returned the question. And apparently asking questions had put Sunggyu at ease because he kept asking more and more, even before Woohyun could answer some. It was different in a good way. Woohyun liked to be the one doing all of the answering after some time.
Eventually, the conversation shifted towards the inevitable, and Sunggyu began asking questions about the finale. “What are you going to sing?” he asked casually. The elder was more comfortable now that the food came (and Woohyun would’ve never been able to tell that Sunggyu had already eaten because the man was shoveling food into his mouth). But while he grew relaxed, Woohyun tensed up.
“I don’t know,” Woohyun replied, freezing in his spot. He dropped his gaze but continued signing. “Heechul said not to sing another boring ballad, but…I don’t know.” He lowered his hands in the middle of that sentence before ending it haphazardly. Woohyun raised his head back up and saw Sunggyu staring at him intently as he was rolling food into his mouth. Woohyun gave a half-smile. “People like it when I sing upbeat songs, rock songs.”
“But do you like it?” Sunggyu spoke aloud, his voice cutting through the silent air between them. And that pierced through Woohyun more violently than when Heechul had said to him.
But he didn’t try to show it. Woohyun shrugged, lowering his hands to his lap, and answered with words this time: “I guess. I like them enough. I like making people happy.” I need to win. I need to play it safe. That’s more important, Woohyun held those words back on his tongue. It wasn’t that he was afraid that Sunggyu would disagree with that line of thinking. No, he was more afraid that he would agree with Heechul, that putting on a good show was most important. After all, Sunggyu was well aware of how the industry worked.
Sunggyu also knew how Woohyun worked too. “You don’t seem happy talking about it now,” he pointed out. He then put down his utensils and began speaking, not through sign though. He pointed straight at the younger. “If you want to sing a ballad, then sing a ballad,” he spoke in a commanding tone. “It suits you.” Woohyun scoffed. Sunggyu might not have heard it, but he definitely caught the exaggerated roll of Woohyun’s eyes. Sunggyu huffed before continuing (quite loudly), “I can tell that you’re good at expressing emotions because of your face when you sing. You look like you cry after every stage.”
“I do not,” Woohyun immediately refuted.
Sunggyu dismissed the other with a wave of his hand. He then began signing (probably after feeling others stare at him for speaking too loudly), “In any case, many people can sing. Some can sing well. But few can make people feel something when they sing.”
Woohyun sat in his seat, picking at his food while all of what Sunggyu had said sunk in. He did like singing ballads more than any other genre. Woohyun had a tendency to feel more and to feel more deeply than the average person, whether it be of joy or sadness. And with that he emotional depth, he would like to be able to reach out to people and sharing the same emotion, crying at the same sadness. It would be cathartic for him and for them. That was a sign of a great singer. But did Woohyun do that? “Which type of singer do you think I am?” the younger asked the man across from him.
“I don’t know,” Sunggyu replied quickly. “I can’t hear.”
How convenient, Woohyun thought as his eye twitched in annoyance. He let out a deep sigh before plastering on an (obviously) fake smile and reaching over to place his hand over Sunggyu’s. “Let’s not talk about things like this. Work,” he suggested. “Let’s talk about date stuff, things you normally talk about on a date.”
Sunggyu sputtered into a laugh. “Like what?” he challenged, withdrawing his hand from underneath Woohyun’s in order to sign that.
“When you fell for me,” Woohyun signed, half-jokingly (and half-serious because he was all-curious).
Sunggyu laughed even louder this time, and for much longer. He covered his gaping mouth with the back of his hand, while his other hand slapped against Woohyun’s shoulder. “You haven’t been on many dates, have you?” he teased through his laughter. Woohyun frowned. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. Before when Woohyun tried to tell Sunggyu that he hadn’t dated, it wanted to reassure the elder that they had something special between them, that Sunggyu was someone very special to him (even though he was old and deaf). But now his lack of experience (and Sunggyu’s reaction) was making him feeling younger, which is exactly the opposite of how he wanted things to be with Sunggyu.
Woohyun brushed the other’s hand from off of himself and grumbled lowly (and defiantly because he knew that it would irritate Sunggyu), “Forget it.”
Sunggyu, however, wasn’t deterred or irritated, He brought his hand back on Woohyun’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “I can tell you this much. It was before you fell for me,” he revealed. The elder than retracted his hand and signed, “But that’s all I’m going say about it.” He then zipped his mouth shut cheekily and smiled smugly at the other’s reaction.
“Huh? What?” Woohyun blubbered in disbelief, searching for any hint from other other, but found none. The younger then pointed at the other and smiled slyly. He caught him. “You’re lying,” he retorted. There’s no way he did. Not possible. Not with the way he acted before.
Sunggyu looked lost. He signed, “Why would I lie about it?”
“To make me feel better,” Woohyun quickly signed back.
“I’m serious,” Sunggyu insisted, appearing almost hurt now.
Woohyun smirked and yielded with a simple sign: “Okay.” But he still didn’t believe it.
“So why do you like me?”
Woohyun choked on his food. “I thought you don’t talk about stuff like that on dates,” he gestured and then wiped his face, lips upturning into a real smile.
Sunggyu sat back in his seat and wiped his hands roughly with a napkin before signing, “Well, you’re different than everyone else I’ve dated, so we should talk about different things.” He then pointed to Woohyun and commanded, “Answer the question.” The elder pushed his lips out into a pout. “I answered yours.”
Woohyun chuckled at the other begging and signed, “Okay.” He then thought for a couple of seconds (and watched Sunggyu grow nervous and slowly regret ever asking the question). As the elder opened his mouth about to retract it, Woohyun finally answered. “You’re handsome, enough…and smart, enough,” he teased. “You treat me like an adult, sometimes. But most importantly, you’re always there, and you support me. It also helps that you smile like an angel and your is…”
Sunggyu suddenly grabbed the other’s hands to keep him from signing any further and gripped them tightly. “Okay you can stop now,” he growled through clenched teeth. He then let go of Woohyun’s hands. But as soon as he did, Woohyun tried to continue from where he left off. Sunggyu lunged over the table to grab at his hands again. This time he interlocked his fingers with Woohyun’s and brought their joined hands down onto the table, holding them down. “Please stop,” he begged, staring the other down. Woohyun grinned and nodded, silently promising that he would stop. Sunggyu glared at him as he slowly removed his hands from the other. Woohyun folded his hands together, and that’s when Sunggyu relaxed again, sort of. The man drug a hand down his face and groaned. “Aish, how can you say such cheesy things?”
“It’s easier if you sign it,” Woohyun replied with his hands again. There was no way that he could say those things to Sunggyu’s face normally and especially not in public. It didn’t make what he said any less true.
Sunggyu eyed the other suspiciously. He slowly raised his hands from the table but quickly put them back down again, only to lift them again a few seconds later. “You’re my star,” he signed with lightening fast speed. Sunggyu then clasped his hands together and placed them over his now bowed head. “Nope. It’s just as embarrassing,” he spoke aloud. The hands fell down to cover his reddening face. Woohyun laughed softly, biting his lip to stifle it from becoming too loud. He was overjoyed that the other at least tried (and more so by what he had said). This was becoming the best first date ever, even though his date now was too embarrassed to look him in the eye right now (It was not like Woohyun had much to compare it too in the first place).
Sunggyu finally raised his head again and tugged roughly at the neck of his shirt. “Can we have some more water? It’s so warm in here,” he asked as he began fanning himself. Woohyun pushed his glass across the table and watched amusedly as Sunggyu muttered ‘thanks’ and drained it.
“Aren’t you hot?” Sunggyu asked, sliding the empty glass back across the table.
Woohyun smirked. “Oh, I know I’m hot,” he signed.
“Stop it!”
Woohyun probably should’ve stopped while he was ahead because Sunggyu went to pay for the meal soon after he snapped at him and came back to the table announcing that he was tired. Woohyun hoped that didn’t mean that the elder had grown tired of him already (or worse, regretful). Sealing his lips tightly, Woohyun stuck closely to Sunggyu’s side and walked him back to the apartments. Once they reached the doors of the building, Sunggyu didn’t say anything, including asking Woohyun to leave. So the younger took it as a sign that he was welcomed inside.
As for how they closed the night, Woohyun wasn’t expecting too much. The entire night, Sunggyu had been more tentative and reserved. And Woohyun knew that this relationship would develop (excruciatingly) slowly. Sunggyu didn’t want to push the younger into anything that he wasn’t ready for, and Woohyun assumed that some things, Sunggyu wasn’t ready for either. And so Woohyun didn’t expect more than a quick hug good night, and maybe even a quicker peck on the cheek if Woohyun was adept enough to sneak it in. Sunggyu might be reserved, but Woohyun wasn’t. He really wasn’t. The brash twenty year-old already began pushing his luck and wrapped his arms around the other’s back as Sunggyu began unlocking his door. Woohyun couldn’t see his reaction; he couldn’t see the elder’s face. Sunggyu never turned around to return the hug, but instead he stepped inside of his apartment, dragging the young man behind him.
Once inside and the door had shut behind them, Sunggyu spun around to face Woohyun, who still couldn’t see the other’s face as the room was dark, but he felt him; he felt Sunggyu’s hands travel up his body slowly and cup his cheeks, tilting up his face so that their lips could meet. A good night kiss, that was entirely more than Woohyun expected. Perhaps Sunggyu wasn’t as reserved or restrained as he judged him for, but at the same time…The kiss was soft and lingering. It wasn’t passionate, but it felt more intimate than any one of the kisses that they’ve shared before. Woohyun felt closer to the elder then he’d ever been before too. It was a strange feeling. But Woohyun felt like the two of them were finally at the same place in life at the same time. And he was eager to recapture that feeling once Sunggyu pulled away. Woohyun gripped the other by the nape of the neck, bringing his face, his lips back down. It was a bit rougher, a bit longer than the first kiss, but Woohyun thought it was just as good, if not better.
When they parted this time, Sunggyu rest his forehead against Woohyun’s and spoke lowly and tripping over his words (but Woohyun still could make it out), “Just sing what you want to sing, okay? You’ll do great no matter what.”
The young man pulled his head away, surprised at that comment (almost as surprised as Sunggyu was when he felt Woohyun’s forehead slip out from under his). But then a smile tugged at the corners of Woohyun’s mouth. This finale had been weighing as much on Sunggyu’s mind as it had been on Woohyun’s.
“Thank you, hyung,” Woohyun replied quietly. “Will you come to the finale?” As soon as the question left his mouth, he felt foolish. They were still veiled in darkness and Sunggyu couldn’t read him. And so Woohyun tried to express his gratitude the best that he could without words. He took one of Sunggyu’s hands from where it was on his shoulder, clasped it in between both of his hands, and pressed his lips gently against the knuckles of the hand, once, twice.
“Aish,” Sunggyu groaned. His other hand left its place on Woohyun shoulder and began searching the wall for the light switch. It found the switch, and the room was flooded in a blinding light. After blinking a few times, chasing away the spots in their eyes, they looked at each other again. “It’s weird when you’re too quiet. I don’t like it,” Sunggyu spoke. His eyes were more fixed on Woohyun’s lips than anything else, either waiting for the younger to speak…or to do something else.
“I tried saying something, but you didn’t hear me,” Woohyun confessed, still not letting go of the other’s hand but patted it apologetically. “Sorry.”
“I knew it,” Sunggyu boasted with a half-smile. With his free hand, he beckoned the other. “Come on, spit it out. What did you want to say?”
“Will you come to the recording for the finale?”
“Oh.” Sunggyu straightened up, looking like the picture of ‘pleasant shock.’ He probably had expected Woohyun to say something silly or cheesy like he had all night. But this, apparently Sunggyu hadn’t expected this, like Woohyun hadn’t expected the kiss. His lips flew from a pout up into a broad grin. “I thought that you’d never ask.”
“But I did,” Woohyun retorted. “So are you coming?”
Sunggyu responded with the same simple sign that Woohyun had flashed for most of the night: “Okay.”
“Okay,” Woohyun returned the sentiment, and this time, he showed himself out of the door before the elder could ‘throw’ him out as usual. But Woohyun didn’t leave without planting a quick peck on the elder’s cheek.
Yes, things between them were the same yet different and new. Woohyun got to see a new side of Sunggyu tonight, one that he rather liked, one that he wagered to be more genuine than sides of the man he’d seen before.
Maybe, just maybe, Woohyun could be like this on the night of the finale, the same yet different and exciting at the same time. He hoped that the audience would like this side of himself, even though it wasn’t happy or romantic. But it would be more true to Nam Woohyun.
“I want to sing another boring ballad,” Woohyun blurted out as soon as Heechul entered the practice room. His coach had only taken one step into the room and hadn’t even shut the door. But after listening to his mentee’s declaration, the idol slammed the door behind him.
“I knew this day would come,” he remarked with a groan. His loud steps came closer and closer to Woohyun as the idol raised his voice. “The day that you’d defy the mentor who had coached you from day one, who poured sweat and shed tears for you, who wore matching outfits with you. And this is how you repay me?” He was looking down at Woohyun with eyes boring into Woohyun’s, chest heaving up and down a little too dramatically.
Woohyun smirked and didn’t back down from the other or blink. “Are you disappointed?”
Heechul stepped back and flashed a grin, his eyes softening almost immediately. “No, I couldn’t be more proud,” he remarked as he walked towards the piano on the other side of the room in order to look at the sheet music laying there. “Alright, Penguin. What song will you be squawking for me?”
Squawking seemed derogatory then, but nearing the end of the week, Woohyun did end up singing so much that his voice went hoarse. He didn’t only have to prepare for one routine but two. It was twice the singing, twice the hours in the awful red practice room, using about half the amount of sleep that they normally got. On a good night, Woohyun could catch about three hours of sleep, on a bad, none at all. It was starting to take a toll on his body. Even the burst of energy that is Jang Dongwoo, slowly started dying out. They’ve already caught their second winds and their thirds, but now they had now wind left to blow in their sails. The two of them were sitting on the floor of the practice room just panting, after going through the routine three times. They had stopped singing and rapping after the first go around. They needed to save their voices for now. Woohyun barely had any left, and Dongwoo was actually talking slowly, languidly, tying his tongue with almost every thing he spoke. It was safe to say, they were both exhausted.
“Nam-goon,” Dongwoo called out to the other as he laid down on the floor. Woohyun thought that the other wanted water too, so he offered his friend the bottle that he was drinking from. Dongwoo denied it with a quick wave. “Let's do this for real,” he blurted out between pants.
“Die?” Woohyun guessed with a chuckle.
“No, perform!” Dongwoo clarified and gave the other a slap on his thigh for being silly. “When the show is over, let’s do a song together. Or even an album!”
Woohyun tossed the water bottle aside and laid down next to his friend. “Together?” he repeated. “That sounds nice. But…”Doubts began flooding his mind. We both can’t win, so how could we?
Dongwoo had the answer. “We’ll sing and dance on the streets, if we have to, hold a guerilla concert. Our fans would like it.”
Woohyun gasped. “We have fans?!” He was feigning surprise.
Dongwoo slapped him gently again. “Of course,” he chirped back. “We wouldn’t have made it this far without them.” Dongwoo looked the other up and down before rolling back onto his back and staring at the ceiling. “We made it really far.”
As far as you possibly could go. A strange feeling washed over Woohyun as he fixed his eyes onto the ceiling too. It wasn’t the same feeling that he had in the beginning of the week, but he’d felt it before, when he graduated from high school and was going to embark on a different journey than the rest of his classmates. Things were coming to an end. Woohyun let out a deep sigh. “I wish that we both could win and we could debut together,” he thought aloud.
Dongwoo hummed in agreement. “I know,” he mumbled. “When this is all done, it’ll be weird. I won’t practice with you anymore, or hang out with you backstage. Everything is going to change. It might change for the better. I know it will for the both of us. But I’m still going to miss this. I’ll miss you, Nam-goon,” Dongwoo ended his rambling and scooting over to Woohyun’s side, clinging onto him.
Woohyun chuckled and pushed his friend away. “You’re acting like I’m dying,” he remarked as he sat himself up. “We’ll still see each other. I won’t let you forget me. And we’ll still meet backstage, as a duo or solo or even as a group, we’ll still meet. I have a feeling.” And he did. Although this competition was coming to a close, Woohyun knew that his relationship with Dongwoo wasn’t going to too. No, they still had a long journey to take together, as colleagues, as rivals, as fellow dreamers.
Dongwoo sat up too and propped himself up against the wall. “I do too,” he spoke, his voice laced with relief. It was nice that there was something that they both could count on after all of this was over.
Suddenly the door to the practice room swung open. The two of them were prepared to get onto their feet as usual in order to greet their coach, who randomly decided to crash their practice session. But it wasn’t Heechul. It was Myungsoo. He must’ve been interviewing the other contestant competing in the finale (a young girl named Park Yoonha from Hyunmi’s team, who was the maknae for the entire competition and won the audience over with her sweet, innocent voice). The MC was still wearing his sponsored clothing and looked as exhausted as Dongwoo and Woohyun were.
Woohyun grinned warmly at the other as he plopped back down on the floor. “You tired?” he asked the younger who was walking towards them. Myungsoo nodded. Woohyun patted the spot next to him, signaling the MC to sit there, but instead Myungsoo wedged himself in between Woohyun and Dongwoo, ignoring their sweating and smelly state, opting for comfort instead. Woohyun chuckled and patted his famous dongsaeng on the thigh. “Busy day?” he spoke in a voice like one would to a child.
Myungsoo grunted, his eyes now sealed shut as he leaned his head on Woohyun’s shoulder. “Photoshoot in the morning. Drama shooting. Interviews,” he grumbled, barely moving his lips.
“Our L is a busy star,” Dongwoo spoke in a gentle voice, petting the celebrity’s head, who responded with a tired groan, wanting to sleep but didn’t have the time. For now, this was the best that he could do.
Woohyun chuckled to himself. How often did the three of them find themselves in this position backstage? Myungsoo often came to Woohyun or Dongwoo or both like a ship coming to harbor. He felt safe, he took a break, and then he’d return to MC-ing and his other schedules revitalized. Yes, Kim Myungsoo, in spite of his new name and fancy career, was still a shy kid at heart and still looked to his old hyung for comfort and a bit of fun. Woohyun was grateful that the other could now rely on Dongwoo too. He sighed and brushed the bangs away from the model’s face. Woohyun wouldn’t be able to fare through this competition as well if he didn’t have these two by his side. Would they have been the same if he never auditioned? A part of him hoped so.
“Rest well, Myungsoo. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. This show is nothing without you. We’re nothing without you,” Woohyun joked, trying to draw a laugh from the other. And he did. Myungsoo picked his head up and chuckled a little.
“You know, this might happen for you guys soon too,” the model remarked. He brought his head back down, slowly blinking his eyes until they closed again. “So busy that you can’t even close your eyes. You might miss something if you do,” his voice drifted off as he spoke.
“Ah! That’s the dream, isn’t it?” Woohyun joked, leaning his head back against the wall. “We don’t need sleep anyway, right JjangDdong? Dongwoo?” But the other never answered the call. Woohyun rolled his head to the side and saw his teammate passed out with his head on Myungsoo’s shoulder. And from the feeling of Myungsoo’s heavy head on his own shoulder, the MC was asleep too. “These two babies,” he muttered under his breath.
But one of those ‘babies’ wasn’t quite asleep just yet. “Hyung?” the model mumbled, still half-asleep.
Woohyun looked down and only saw the younger’s mop of hair, slightly curling at the ends. Some things never change. “What is it, Myungsoo?” Woohyun asked.
“When you become a star, you won’t forget me, right?”
Woohyun chuckled at the irony of a big star himself asking that of an old store cashier. The laughter stopped in his throat when he remembered that there was a time that he had forgotten about Myungsoo, when they reunited at the store some months ago. If he had forgotten or didn’t recognized Myungsoo, Woohyun wouldn’t have felt so low, so jealous back then. He had wished that the model had never even walked into the store to begin with. But now, Woohyun’s heart changed. He was grateful that Myungsoo walked back in his life and that he hadn’t forgotten his dongsaeng and that Myungsoo didn’t forget him either.
“Of course not. I’d never be able to forget you,” Woohyun said as he leaned his cheek against the other’s head. He might as well catch some shut eye with the other two. But before he closed his eyes, he looked over at Dongwoo. I won’t be able to forget either of you….
…But Kim Heechul I’d like to forget.
Time had slipped through Woohyun’s fingers all week, but now it seemed to come to a halt as he waited for his turn to take the stage. He and Dongwoo had already performed their duet with a roaring applause from the audience. Yoonha had performed a trot duet with Hyunmi, and she was onstage now performing her final solo stage. Woohyun monitored it from a television in the back room. The little girl was performing well, singing a less difficult version of BoA’s Atlantis Princess, but it brought some of the audience to their feet. I can beat that, Woohyun thought. His knees were bouncing up and down as he waited in his seat. After her comments from the judges, Woohyun would be up next. He jumped up from his seat as she sang her last note. As he did, Dongwoo (who’d been stretching in a corner of the room) came over to wish him luck as usual, giving him a quick hug, but even though it was quick, it was interrupted by a staff member, urging Woohyun to come on standby. And there he waited, as seconds turned to hours, and milliseconds passed more slowly than molasses. He took in a deep breath and hazard a peek between the curtains. Luckily, most eyes were on Yoonha who was talking with L right now. But a few, special eyes were trained on that current, waiting for Woohyun to pop his head through them (as he would sometimes, being impatient). Jungyeop had joined his sister and her family for Woohyun’s last performance. Several people from his hometown volunteered to watch over the orphanage so that his dad could watch him on stage. Jungyeop gave him a thumbs up, and Sungmin was pointing at Woohyun and nudging Sungjong to wave at Woohyun with him. Reluctantly, Sungjong gave a short nod. Woohyun chuckled at his silly family and waved back at them. He was about to let go of the curtains, but his eye had caught someone from behind the Lees, waving back at him, just as enthusiastically as Sungmin did. Woohyun perked up. It was Sunggyu, sitting right behind his family in a strange coincidence. It almost looked like he came along with them. Woohyun waved again in a slight daze. Well, that’s going to be awkward, he thought before ducking behind the curtain. And he did so just in time. Yoonha was running off the stage, and Woohyun could congratulate her before he went on. He didn’t go onstage quite yet. Before he could, Woohyun had to wait again. A commercial break. Those were just as infuriating for him as they were for the audience. Woohyun was about the peek behind the curtains again, maybe rile up the crowd by throwing a few hearts here and there (and a well aimed heart between Sunggyu and his family). But a hand pulled him back. Heechul had come backstage.
“Look at me kid. I’m only going to say this once, so remember it,” he urged him a flurry of words that blew past the younger. Woohyun gave a small nodded, shocked that once again, his coach was acting like a coach and giving him a pep-talk. “I’m proud of you, Woohyun.” The contestant didn’t know what was more surprising: the fact that Heechul said that he was proud of him twice in one week or that Heechul called him by his real name. “I’m glad that you challenged me and chose this song. You’re sticking to your guns. You’re sticking to who you are, like I do. You’ll go far. You’re going to be a big star one day, not as big as me, but you’re going to make it.” Heechul reached over and patted the younger on his shoulders. “We butted heads a lot, but don’t think that I never liked you.”
“Really?” Woohyun shouted. The murmur from the crowd began growing as the break was coming to an end. After his eyes flittered around as he soaked in his coach’s words. Something was off. He narrowed his eyes on the other. “You told Dongwoo this too.”
Heechul nodded sharply. “That’s right. I did,” he shamelessly admitted. “But you two have something special. Not everyone has it. I…I was lucky to have you on my team.” That admission, however, came a little more reluctantly.
“Hyung…” Woohyun started, but didn’t know what more to say.
His coach didn’t force him to finish it, but he did force the younger onto the stage, pushing him from behind. “Now shut up and get on stage.”
Before his performance, his interview with Myungsoo aired on the video screen over the stage. This time, Woohyun was dressed for the occasion and freshly washed. Sadly, it did not mean that he looked any better because he had bags under his eyes that sagged down to his cheeks. However, his smile seemed to erase those tired lines away as he casually chatted with his dongsaeng about his journey to the final stage. Then finally, the MC asked the question he’d been waiting for:
“After you win, sorry, if you win, you’d receive a contract along with a cash prize. What are you planning to do with the money?”
“If I win,” Woohyun repeated with a strong emphasis. “Of course, I’d want to give some to my father and to the orphanage that I grew up in, but…” he paused and bit his lip. He’d been toying around with this idea for some time now. He knew that this probably wasn’t the appropriate venue for it, given how last time Sunggyu reacted. However, his excitement (and sleep deprivation) got the better of him, and Woohyun spilled out his deep secret: “I’m sure that you remember my friend that I sang for a few weeks ago. Well, there’s this procedure, a cochlear implant, that I want to give to my friend. I hadn’t told my friend this before, but that’s what I was planning on doing with the prize money. I want my friend to hear my voice, hear me sing just once.”
“Is your friend going to be in the audience?” Myungsoo asked.
“Yes,” Woohyun chirped back, grinning to himself at the memory of the elder promising that he’d come. “But my friend is shy, so my friend will stay hidden, for now.” The contestant then looked straight at the camera, past Myungsoo and signed: “This song is for you. Thank you for always giving me advice and encouraging me.”
Myungsoo laughed, at a loss for what to do with all of that gesturing. “What did you just say?” he asked.
“Thank you,” Woohyun summed up simply. “I said ‘thank you.’”
Myungsoo grinned. “Well, thank you, Woohyun-hyung for singing. And good luck.”
Time ran out, and the lights came on, shining brightly on Woohyun. He couldn’t see very well with the lighting, but he tried to fix his sight on a particular spot in the audience. Once he saw that familiar (blurry) face, Sunggyu watching him while biting his thumb nervously, Woohyun closed his eyes, took in a deep breath, and immersed himself into the song.
“I don’t know, but now I can understand
The reason why you’re here right now
Don’t think I’m always a child
It’s not just your world that’s dark.
Little by little, every part of me is going to your side
Can you take just one step forward for me?
Don’t say anything.
What else do we need? When it’s you and me
I feel so small because I have nothing to give you
Don’t cry my dear, I love you, even your tears
Little by little, every part of me is going to your side
Can you take just one step forward for me?
Don’t say anything
What else do we need? When it’s you and me
I feel so small because I have nothing to give you
Don’t cry my dear, I love you, even your tears
What else do we need? When it’s you and me
I feel so small because I have nothing to give you
Don’t cry my dear, I love you, even your tears
What else do we need? When it’s you and me
I feel so small because I have nothing to give you
Don’t cry my dear, I love you, even your tears.”
Woohyun’s heart stopped once the song ended. The applause wasn’t as loud as he was used to it being, and it was delayed. A few seconds after the song ended, there was a clap or two until a moderate shower of claps rained down on his ears. Did I make it right choice?
But then the lights lowered as L joined him onstage, and Woohyun could see the faces of the audience better. They were sad, every single one of them. Their smiles like a tight, straight line across their faces, on the verge of falling into a frown. Few even shed tears, including one of the judges, who was currently was turned to the side as she accepted a tissue from a staff member and began dabbing her face with it.
“Uh, Ali-ssi, are you okay?” L called out to the crying judge, whose face flushed even more from embarrassment.
“Yes, yes I’m fine. I just…” Ali paused in order to take in a deep breath before continuing. “This song reminds me of my dad. He’s still alive, don’t worry,” she added quickly. “But…still reminds me of a lot of tough times that my family has been through together.” She then clenched the tissue in her hand and looked up at Woohyun with an embarrassed smiled. Her hand was planted on her forehead. “I’m supposed to talk about the performance, aren’t I?”
“I’ll speak for you,” Yoon Sang cut in, realizing that his colleague was a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Ali smiled and thanked him as she tried to chase away the tears from her eyes. Yoon Sang then turned his attention away from the judge next to him onto the singer. “Woohyun-ssi, you have such a sincere way of expressing emotions. You’re how young?” he asked with a slight chuckle. “And you’re singing that you experienced things beyond your years.”
Woohyun nodded proudly. “I have a very vivid imagination,” he explained.
Yoon Sang chuckled with an amused smile. “You do,” he agreed without hesitation.
“Hyunmi-ssi?” L went to the next judge. The MC was fiddling with his earpiece, probably receiving instructions from the staff to speed things along, (which was unfortunate because it looked like Yoon Sang had more to say). “Any words?”
“I knew the person who originally sang this song,” the trot star announced. “Unfortunately, I didn’t know him for very long. However, he told me that this was his favorite song, and I think that he would be proud of how you sang it tonight.” People from the audience clapped in agreement. Hyunmi nodded along and leaned forward in order to speak into the microphone again. “A good song can resonate within all who hear it, but it takes a good singer to have a song fulfill that purpose. I think that you did that.”
“Thank you,” Woohyun shouted with a deep bow.
L cocked an eyebrow and turned to the last judge: “Heechul-ssi? It’s your turn.”
“I already talked to him backstage,” Heechul declined his turn, almost. “But he did really well tonight. He orchestrated the whole stage himself. I just picked out the outfit,” he revealed to the rest of the judges.
Ali faked a gasp, her tears finally abated. “That was the one thing that I didn’t like!” she fellow-judge.
“Yah!” Heechul snapped back. “He looks like a prince in that waist coat!”
And as Woohyun was playing around with the idea of flinging off his vest (his hands were even on the buttons), the MC applied pressure to his lower back, lightly shoving him off-stage with a sorry smile. “Woohyun-hyung, you did well tonight,” he spoke to his hyung. Afterwards, L faced the cameras. “Next up is…”
Woohyun didn’t hear the rest as he was whisked offstage. Time for the recording was cramped as there were more stages and more interviews. But Woohyun didn’t go to the waiting room in the back. He stayed by the side of the stage to watch his friend perform his last stage. He wagered that it was down to the two of them. One of them would walk away as the winner.
The voting for the finale was different than the rest: it was live. The audience at the recording could vote as well as those watching from home through social media and a pre-vote. The three contestants waited backstage as the results were calculated. This wait, however, flew unexpectedly fast. Woohyun felt as if he just sat down when he was called onto the stage again. Before they went on, the stylists ‘tidied’ them up, getting them camera ready. Woohyun was pulled through a whirlwind of stylist and dragged onto the stage. And once onstage, he became grounded again, holding onto Dongwoo’s hand tightly. This was it; this was the end.
L began by small-talking with the judges, asking them to sum up the night. He then turned to the contestants and asked them to do the same. Woohyun couldn’t remember what he said, let alone what anyone else had said. It was probably all word vomit anyway. He could barely hear anything except the pounding of his heart. Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum. “PARK YOONHA!” L shouted.
Woohyun’s head whipped to his side and watched the young girl leave the stage with a bowed head. She lost. Woohyun had narrowly missed the announcement. Dongwoo clutched his hand even more tightly and leaned over to whisper, “It’s down to you and me, buddy.”
Woohyun nodded with a strained smile and squeezed the other’s hand back. He then tried his best to regain his senses. He took in a deep breath, placing his free hand over his heart. Calm down, he willed himself. But it didn’t quite work. At least he could pay better attention now.
“And the winner is…”
Woohyun held his breath and shut his eyes tightly, saying a prayer to anyone that was listening. Please, please, please, please, let it be…
“JANG DONGWOO!”
The moments following the announcement were like a blur, probably because Woohyun couldn’t see properly through the tears welling in his eyes. He even couldn’t make out Dongwoo’s face very well which was only centimeters away from his own. Woohyun bit his lips, swallowing harshly, as his friend wrapped him in an excited hug. Woohyun hoped that he wished Dongwoo ‘congratulations,’ but the only thing that ran through his mind was: It’s over. It’s all over. I’m done.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t true. Admidst the chaos and the confetti raining down on them, Woohyun was pulled off of the stage by the staff and set down into a chair in their changing rooms. There, he finally let go of his tears, sobbing miserably. Every part of his body was sore, every part ached as he fell apart piece by piece. And Woohyun wanted to completely fall apart until there was nothing left. He wanted to disappear. He was embarrassed. Covering his face with his hands, he muttered into them, “Why did I have to say that? Why did I promise that? He hates when I talk about him and now…aish! I screwed up!” He dragged his hands roughly down his face, pulling at it. His heart raced faster in his chest, thumping wildly and painfully. He couldn’t catch his breath, inhaling as soon as the air left his body and exhaling back out. Woohyun panicked. I really screwed up. What am I going to do? This was the only thing that I planned…I’ll have to start all over again with the auditions. Start all over from the beginning. More auditions. More rejections. I don’t know. I don’t know if I can do it. Is it too late? It is. I f***ed up. It’s over. I’m over. And I hadn’t even started yet.
“NO!”
Woohyun snapped his head back up. That shout wasn’t from him. There was someone at the doorway. Woohyun grabbed some tissues from the table behind him and began cleaning himself up (or burying his face in them).
“No, I don’t want to do this. Do I have to? Do I really have to?” the voice dropped to an angry whisper.
Myungsoo? Woohyun turned his head towards the door and saw his dongsaeng hotly arguing with his manager. And judging by the look on the model’s face, he knew that he was fighting a useless fight. His manager was giving him a tired look as he listed off the duties of the MC again. But Myungsoo still fought because he was fighting for Woohyun. Woohyun looked down at the ball of wet tissue in his hands. The exit interview, the last appearance of all the ‘losers’ on the show. And it was Woohyun’s turn now. But Myungsoo…Woohyun cracked into a small smile. Myungsoo was trying to stall for as long as he could, giving Woohyun enough time to collect himself, which he now did.
Woohyun swallowed down the lump in his throat before he spoke, hoping that he would sound stronger. “It’s okay, Myungsoo. I can do it,” he told the two hovering at the doorway. His voice just barely cracked. “I can do the interview.”
“Hyung!” Myungsoo exclaimed when he faced the other. The MC immediately walked up towards Woohyun and embraced him tightly. Woohyun hugged him back, hooking his chin over the other’s shoulder. This wasn’t like his hug with Dongwoo earlier. That one was all excitement and not an ounce of warmth, because Woohyun had none to give at that time. But this one was warm and comforting, for the both of them. “I hate this,” Myungsoo lamented. “I wanted hyung to win too.” He was crushed by the loss too, not to the extent that Woohyun was, but Myungsoo still felt it. He wanted Woohyun to win just as badly as Sungmin did or Jungyeop. Woohyun knew it. Myungsoo had always talked, behind the scenes, about Woohyun winning as if it were a matter of course. But it wasn’t. “Ah I hate it,” he repeated as he pulled away. He winced and cocked his head. At that moment, while Myungsoo was hanging his head, Woohyun noticed the cameras trained on him at this moment. Woohyun looked directly into the lens of the camera for a few seconds before giving it a resigned smile. I’m not done yet.
He patted the younger on the back. “Myungsoo, it’s fine,” he urged him. “I can talk.”
The interview was conducted a bit differently from the others. Usually, Myungsoo sat across from the contestants as he asked the questions. But given the circumstances (and to play up their ‘brother-like’ connection), Myungsoo sat beside Woohyun. It was easier to get through it if they pretended like it was a conversation between the two of them, ignoring the staff that was flanking their side. Woohyun just looked at Myungsoo, never letting his gaze wander, when the MC asked the question: “How do you feel?”
Woohyun took in a deep breath and fixed a smile onto his face. “I’m disappointed, of course I am,” he answered honestly with a sheepish chuckle. His shoulders shook more than actual laughter came out. But then the tenuous laughter abated. He tilted his head to the side. This time, he smiled genuinely, choosing to focus on the positive and on the things that he was grateful for. “At the same time, I lived my dream of singing on stage, performing in front of the world. And that dream isn’t over. It’s still unfulfilled because it grew bigger. There’s more that I want to do now. I want to come out with an album, compose songs, maybe even act.” Woohyun finally tor his eyes away from the other and looked into the camera. He pointed straight at it, and the audience behind it. “You haven’t seen the last of Nam Woohyun, I guarantee it. I was born to be a great singer ahjussi,” he ended with a heartier chuckle.
Myungsoo laughed along and lightly slapped the other. But then someone of the staff cleared his throat, urging the MC to continue his duty and not get carried away. “Oh right,” Myungsoo muttered below his breath as his gaze dropped down to his cue cards. He then read the next question without any emotion: “Any words about Dongwoo-hyung?”
This question was to be expected. He and Dongwoo had traveled down the same path for throughout this whole journey. And we’re not done yet. “Dongwoo and I are close, very close. I don’t think that we could’ve come this far without each other, or at least I couldn’t. His happiness is my happiness. So even now, I’m happy. This is a great opportunity for him. He really deserved it. He’s your star,“ he ended, addressing the camera again. He then faced Myungsoo again and shrugged. “I’ll just be someone else’s star.”
Myungsoo leaned forward and patted his leg. “You’re my star, hyung,” he said, going off of his script for the first time this interview.
Woohyun laughed, his mood already improving. “Then I’ll keep shining bright.” He promised. He then turned to the camera for one last time. This was going to be the last time the audience was going to see him, and he better make it count. “Twinkle twinkle,” he burst with aegyo before crumbling into laughter. He had started the competition by throwing hearts at the audience and now he was going out in a cute blaze of glory. And that was the Nam Woohyun that he wanted the audience to remember, not the boy who lost with tearstained and ruddy cheeks but the man smiling cheerfully who was undeterred and unbroken.
He will shine bright again.
But that confidence waned as Myungsoo and the staff left the room, and he was alone again, with only his thoughts to keep him company. He leaned back into the chair and let out a deep breath. “What am I going to do? I just want to sing. Why is it so hard? Why can’t do it?” he thought out loud, closing his eyes tightly again and squeezing out a few more tears.
Woohyun wasn’t in much of a mood to see his family either; he wasn’t in the mood for their pity and their attempts to cheer him up. And, honestly, he was a bit terrified to run into Sunggyu again because of the stupid promise that he made in front of millions of viewers. Right now, the only thing Woohyun wanted was not pity or cheering up but a solution. He didn’t really expect one to come, but it did. It came knocking at the door.
“Woohyun-ssi? There you are!” Woohyun lowered his head and saw a staff member at the door. He was about to greet her, but she stepped out of the room again to call at someone: “I found him. He’s in here.” She pointed into the room. She then gave Woohyun a short bow, which he returned as he quickly got to his feet, and left.
Woohyun dabbed his face roughly with the ball of tissue still in his hands, preparing himself for whoever was coming. “I’m sorry, I…” he muttered as he lifted his head, but the words stuck in his throat as soon as he saw one of the judges standing in front of him. What is this? “Yoon Sang-ssi? Wh-what are you doing here? Did I forget something? Am I supposed to go onstage again? I already had my interview,” Woohyun explained. His voice was haggard. He didn’t think that he could do anything for the show anymore, at least not alone. Maybe if it’s an interview with Dongwoo, then I could…
“No, Woohyun-ah, you’re done for the day,” Yoon Sang cut off his thoughts. The man stepped inside of the room and stood in front of the former contestant. He offered a warm, but hesitant smile, shifting his weight from one foot to another. “You did a fantastic job. You touched a lot of people out there.”
Not enough, Woohyun thought with a sigh, but he still returned the other’s smile with a slender one of his own. “Thank you. I tried my best,” he insisted, as if he still needed to convince the other.
“And you did,” Yoon Sang agreed as he leaned against the counter top in the waiting room. He was slowly growing more at ease. It was strange for both of them to talk outside of the competition. He wasn’t Woohyun’s coach. He had no need to talk to Woohyun before. But now, what did he have to say?
“Woohyun, do you remember what I said to you at your audition?” the judge asked.
Woohyun nodded vigorously. “You said that I had potential,” he replied. It wasn’t a comment that he could forget very easily. A man like Yoon Sang thought that he had potential. It had helped him keep his confidence through the first half of the competition.
“That’s right. And you do. You have greater potential than I had anticipated,” Yoon Sang confessed with an embarrassed smile, like he should’ve known better. “I didn’t expect you to grow so much through this program. I didn’t expect you to grow this much in general. And I think…you’ve got a lot more growing to do. And I want to help with that.” What? Help? Woohyun’s eyes darted around the room as he tried to wonder what the ‘help’ could entail. Can I sing? For real? Yoon Sang cleared his throat, and Woohyun snapped his head to look meet his eye. “Woohyun, what are you doing this weekend?” he asked.
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing,” Woohyun blubbered in response as if the deal were to be quickly snatched away.
“Good,” the judge said with a light laugh as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a business card. He handed it over to the younger. “Why don’t you stop by my studio? I probably won’t have a contract written up by then, but I can show you around, introduce you to people, and we can discuss things,” he offered. “We’ll see if this is something that we both want to pursue.”
“It is!” Woohyun almost cut the other off. The younger then swallowed harshly, realizing that he might’ve stepped on the other’s toes. To make amends and show his gratitude, he bowed deeply. “Thank you, Yoon Sang-ssi. I will definitely see you this weekend. Thank you.”
The judge pat his back, signaling to the younger that he could stop now. But Woohyun still couldn’t look him in the eye. His eyes were fastened to the business card in his hands, with the name of the studio embossed on the top. It might be his studio soon. He could be a part of it. No, not could. He would be. The answer to his question earlier was laying right in his hands. He was still going to be a singer. Yoon Sang cleared his throat once more to draw the other’s attention away from the car. “I better get going. Your family is waiting outside,” he announced before taking his leave. Woohyun tore his eyes from the card and lifted his gaze to the man in front of him, and then to those people behind him, hovering at the door. His family was, indeed, waiting for him. Sungjong was pulling Sungmin back by his collar, who was eager to greet his hyung. But Jungyeop looked even more eager to console his son, but was trying to not act like it and was pacing back and forth in the hallway. “I’ll see you later,” Yoon Sang said before taking his leave.
“Yes,” Woohyun chirped back. “I’ll see you then.” But for now, he had to see his family, who infiltrated the room as soon as the judge left. Woohyun was soon smothered by a heap of hugs. Even Sungjong wrapped his arms limply around him. Yes, now Woohyun could accept their comfort. He hugged them tightly back. Now this was what he needed. They would help to lift his spirits even further. He was determined to walk out of this place like the winner.
And he felt like he had won. He was flanked by his family, chatting happily with his brothers. His loss was already becoming a distant memory. He was about to put Sungjong in a headlock for a smart alec comment that he made, when Woohyun realized that he had almost forgotten something else, someone else.
To be honest, Woohyun didn’t forget about him, but Woohyun didn’t expect Sunggyu to be waiting outside of the venue, especially not in this cold. Woohyun’s arm immediately fell away from Sungjong, after he caught sight of Sunggyu sitting on a ledge near the end of the stairs. “Uh,” Woohyun mumbled as he spun on his heels, coming face-to-face with Jungyeop and his aunt. “I need to go talk to someone. Him,” he confessed with a small voice and gestured with his thumb to the man at the end of the stairs. Woohyun cast a glance back at the man, and Sunggyu must’ve felt his gaze (or fate wanted to take this opportunity to make things awkward for him). Sunggyu twisted in his seat, smiled, and waved as soon as he saw the younger. But then the smile fled his face and he dropped his hand. Sunggyu must’ve noticed that he wasn’t alone. The man turned back around and got to his feet, preparing to walk away.
“Woohyunnie, who is that?” Jungyeop asked.
“That’s Sunggyu-hyung,” Woohyun quickly answered as he walked ahead of his family down the stairs.
“Oh,” his father muttered.
Woohyun hazard a quick glance back. Great, his father looked concerned, narrowing his eyes on the retreating man. “I’m going to talk to him for a second. Do you mind waiting?” Woohyun asked, wresting his attention away.
Jungyeop shook his head, but did not shake the expression away from his face. “No. Go ahead,” he relented, nevertheless.
With that, Woohyun took the stair by two, almost tumbling at the last step, but he couldn’t risk the other leaving. Sunggyu had stayed. In spite of what Woohyun had said during his interview, Sunggyu was still there and smiling. Maybe the elder just wanted to comfort Woohyun too, and Woohyun would be more than happy to take it from him.
Woohyun caught up to him and caught the other’s hand as well, intertwining it with his own. He yanked on Sunggyu’s arm, pulling him back to his side. The elder looked at him with wide eyes, stunned. “What are you doing?”
“They already know,” Woohyun retorted. His eyes darted back to his family behind him. Okay, so they didn’t know about the two of them entirely. They knew that Woohyun had feelings for the other. They just didn’t know that Sunggyu had returned them. But Sungjong and the rest were sharp enough to connect the dots. Woohyun looked back at Sunggyu, determined. “It’s fine,” he insisted with a voice so strong that he believed it himself.
Sunggyu bought it. “Then this is fine too.” He then used his free hand to bring the younger towards his chest, wrapping him in a one armed hug, unwilling to let go of the younger’s hand. “You did a good job, Woohyunnie,” he whispered into the other’s ear. “You were the best tonight.”
Woohyun pressed his forehead against the other’s shoulder; he pressed his weight on him, wanting not only his comfort but support too. Sunggyu, Woohyun knew fully well that Sunggyu wouldn’t have liked that he mentioned his deaf ‘friend’ again. It brought up bad memories. It made him think that Woohyun was using his story for the public’s pity. That’s why Woohyun had been afraid to meet with him again, remembering the disappointed look on the elder’s face. But it seemed like he worried for no reason. A shudder shot through his body as he dragged in a shaking breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made that promise. I don’t think I can keep it,” he confessed. He inhaled deeply again and squeezed his hands, frustrated with himself. “I wasn’t trying to win the audience’s favor with it either. I just…really really want it.”
“What are you saying?” Sunggyu asked, slightly aggravated but trying to hide it. He pulled his shoulder away from the younger and dropped his arm away from him.
Woohyun raised his head so that the other could read him, but his eyes were still downcast. “Thanks, hyung,” he gave little voice to his words, mostly just moving his lips.
But even though Woohyun was trying to hide it, Sunggyu still saw them. ““Hey, hey. You have no reason to cry,” he insisted, brushing away the tears roughly with the edge of his coat’s sleeve. Woohyun stepped back, letting go of the other’s hand. Only a few tears spilled down his face. Woohyun was just so overwhelmed right now that the slightest thing could set him off. He did his best and fended off the tears when his family said how proud they were. But his emotions got the best of him this time. Sunggyu stuffed his hands in his pockets, unsure what to do now. “Don’t cry. You did well.”
Well, that chased the tears away. Woohyun laughed as he signed, “You can’t even hear me.”
Sunggyu grinned too. “I can hear you in here,” he answered, signing as well, pointing at his heart. “I don’t need these.” He gestured around his ears.
Laughter bloomed again in the younger. He wasn’t used to Sunggyu acting like this or saying these things. “That’s cheesy,” he retorted.
Sunggyu snorted and poked at the other’s cheek. “You like it. You’re smiling,” he spoke with a smug smile. He opened his mouth to speak again, looking a bit more serious, his eyes sharpened, but he was interrupted.
“Woohyun.”
“Dad!” Woohyun exclaimed with a small jump. He had forgotten that his entire family was only a few steps away, waiting in the cold. Sungmin was shivering in his spot. But Jungyeop reminded his son as he walked up towards the couple.
“Dad?” Sunggyu repeated, his eyes wider than Woohyun had ever seen before. Woohyun hadn’t really told the other that he’d been adopted. It had slipped his mind (just like it had ‘slipped’ his mind to tell the others about Sunggyu). But he had said that he had a father. Here was the proof now.
Woohyun stepped away from Sunggyu and closer to his father, making room for the large wave of awkwardness now looming over all three of them. “This is Sunggyu-hyung,” Woohyun quickly introduced. He then turn towards Sunggyu and signed while he introduced the old man, “Hyung, this is the man that raised me.”
“Oh,” Sunggyu gasped. Woohyun could see the pieces clicking in his mind. Jungyeop had come up several times before in conversation, but never as ‘dad,’ always as ‘the head of the orphanage.’ However, Sunggyu would’ve been ‘glad’ to meet the man under any title just for the sole reason that he cared for Woohyun when no one else would. Sunggyu stepped forward, stretching out his hand to Jungyeop. “Nice to meet you.”
“Same,” Jungyeop responded in an embarrassingly loud voice, as if Sunggyu was hard of hearing and not deaf. But he still took Sunggyu’s hand and shook it warmly. Once introductions were over, Jungyeop placed his hand on Woohyun’s shoulder. “I’m sorry to in, but we have to get going,” once again he spoke far too loudly.
“Oh right. Of course,” Sunggyu’s voice dropped, slurring more of his words than he usually did. Woohyun didn’t want to quite leave just yet either. He had some things that he wanted to ask the other, but now wasn’t the time. Now it was time to go home and ‘celebrate’ his loss with his family. He hesitated, thinking of inviting Sunggyu to come along. But the tug on his shoulder, dragging him away, told him that it wasn’t the time for that either. Sunggyu would have to properly meet the family later, preferably when it wasn’t freezing cold. And so Woohyun sadly waved at the other, gesturing that he’d message the elder later that night. Sunggyu nodded and buried his face in his coat. I guess that could’ve gone worse, Woohyun thought as he and Jungyeop were rejoining the rest, his father’s hand was still tightly gripping his shoulder.
Suddenly, Woohyun was turned around and he was facing Sunggyu again. Jungyeop turned with him. “You should stop by sometime…with Woohyun, of course,” Jungyeop shouted to the other. Woohyun looked at his father, eyes wide in shock, then back at Sunggyu, who didn’t seem to have caught that but realized that Jungyeop was talking to him. Woohyun quickly repeated what his father had said in sign language.
Sunggyu raised his head from the shelter of his coat, showing off a toothy grin. “Oh, I will!” he shouted back, louder than Jungyeop had shouted to him. Woohyun winced. He had a feeling that shouting at each other would quickly become a regular thing between those two.
Woohyun sighed and shook his head at them. “Bye hyung. I’ll call you. Love you,” he signed before returning to the rest with his father (this time, Sunggyu signed the same in return). Although grinning broadly, Woohyun chided his dad in a low whisper: “That was awkward.”
“Oh shush!” Jungyeop snapped back, obviously flustered by the whole interaction. Yes he was flustered but that was only because the man was shy. If Woohyun wasn’t mistaken, Jungyeop seemed to like Sunggyu or was at least willing to give him a chance. That, in addition to the card and offer from Yoon Sang, made Woohyun feel like a winner at the end of the night.
Woohyun: I got an offer from Yoon Sang-ssi to join his company.
Gyu-hyung: That’s fantastic, Woohyunnie! Congratulations!
Good he’s awake, Woohyun thought. He was now in his apartment with Jungyeop. The elder was passed out on the bed, but Woohyun couldn’t shut off his mind. He had to talk to Sunggyu about this. And tomorrow, he and his father were going to go back to the orphanage. Woohyun was going to help him out while getting mentally prepared for the coming weekend. But because he was leaving town, this seemed to be the only chance Woohyun could have this conversation. While dialing in Sunggyu’s number, Woohyun snuck out of the apartment and went into the communal kitchen, which like always, was abandoned at this late hour. Woohyun quickly fixed his hair as he waited for the other to pick up the video call. He was growing nervous. Sunggyu was taking longer to pick up than he usually did, but when he did, Woohyun chuckled to himself. The elder was still wearing his glasses at this hour and his hair was also unusually neat. The jitters were creeping out again. Before they could get ahold of Woohyun, he blurted out, “I’m going to the company this weekend. Do you think that I should join?” He chewed on his lower lip nervously as he waited for the other to reply. Sunggyu had gone through this before, and Woohyun didn’t know many people who had (and he wasn’t going to ask Heechul). Also, Sunggyu would be brutally honest like always. And brutal honesty is what Woohyun needed now.
“It’s too soon to tell,” Sunggyu was more than willing to offer his own opinion (like always). “Wait to see if you feel like you fit in there.”
Woohyun lowered the phone, propping it on the table with the salt and pepper shakers. He lowered himself next, resting his head in his folded arms. “How did you choose?” he asked, enunciating the best he could without making much noise.
“It was the only one that chose me,” Sunggyu replied with a sheepish grin. Woohyun watched him as he walked into his bedroom and lie down on his bed, but Sunggyu never stopped talking. “You might get more opportunities than I was given. I’m jealous,” Sunggyu admitted, cutting it with a slight laugh. He looked at Woohyun in the screen again and grinned. “But you deserve it,” he ended.
“Thanks.” Woohyun grinned, pressing his cheek into his arm. Sunggyu really meant all of that. It wasn’t the type of comment that he was used to: Nam Woohyun, you deserve to be successful. A strong current flowed through his limbs, causing himself to sit upright again. It wasn’t jitters though, not from Sunggyu. Those dissipated shortly after their conversation began. No, it was excitement, nervous excitement. His mind ran with all the things the could go wrong this weekend along with the things that could go right. This was the reason why he couldn’t sleep. He hoped that Sunggyu could eradicate that feeling too like he did with the jitters. “I’m nervous. I can’t sleep,” Woohyun signed and then ruffled his hair with those hands in frustration.
“I know. It’s late now,” Sunggyu spoke through a gaping yawn. His mouth closed in a warm smile. “But you’ll be fine. Yoon Sang already knows you. You don’t need to impress him. It’s his turn to impress you,” he reminded the younger.
“That’s true,” Woohyun yielded. That calmed him down a bit. Just a little bit more, and his worries should be put to rest. “What should I look for?” he asked. He wanted to be fully prepared for the weekend.
“In a company?” Sunggyu asked for clarification. Woohyun nodded. The elder sighed as he rubbed his tired eyes underneath his glasses. Woohyun felt guilty as his eyes flittered to the time. It was only getting later into the night. Woohyun was still young enough to be able to pull himself together with little sleep. But Sunggyu, that old man, needed his sleep. Woohyun was about to say ‘forget it’ and wish the other a good night. But then Sunggyu began talking again with that warm smile once again on his face, “How they do things might be different now, but what’s always important is money.” In addition to money, Sunggyu kept listing off other aspects of a company and contracts that Woohyun should keep in mind. At some point, his listing became rambling as his heavy lids dropped down further and further, and he began to make less and less sense. The last thing that he told Woohyun before finally passing out on his bed was to make sure that Yoon Sang buy him (Sunggyu not Woohyun) a puppy or the deal was off the table. Although Sunggyu couldn’t see it, as his eyes were already shut, Woohyun promised that he would. He then laughed as Sunggyu’s head rolled to the side, knocking his glasses askew.
“He should take those off,” Woohyun muttered. He tried to put the glasses back on with his finger. He then laughed and whispered, “Good night, hyung. Have sweet dreams of me.” With a press of a button, he ended the call and laid the phone flat on the table. He then leaned back in his chair and raised his arms high above his heads, stretching and yawning. He was yawning. He was finally tired too. After such a long and emotional day, Woohyun was finally ready to put an end to it and go to bed. His heart was easy at last.
After spending the rest of the week chasing around kids in the orphanage, and then having them chase him, the weekend finally came, and it was time for him to return back to Seoul. His time at home gave him the opportunity to reflect about what he wanted to next, whether he really wanted to pursue singing even if it meant he might fail again. He did. His time away from Seoul, from the entertainment world, filled him with longing. He wanted to jump right back in, before it was too late, before he was forgotten by all of those ‘fans’ that came to love him. There, by his fans’ side, singing on a stage, it was where he belonged.
And hopefully, Yoon Sang’s company was another place he could belong to.
But right now, Jungyeop was the only thing he belonged to. The old man was latched at his side as they walked down the streets in the capital city. Woohyun was embarrassed. You’d think Jungyeop was a country bumpkin for the way his eyes lit up and how he was ‘ooh’-ing and ‘aah’-ing at everything they passed by. His father just didn’t get out much, and now he was enjoying his free time. Woohyun side-eyed him. His lips pulled tight across his face. He needed to get his father out more. Jungyeop was starting to age more quickly. Woohyun could see several patches of grey hair that he’d never noticed before, glistening under the Seoul sun. He’s a lot older than I remember.
After spending the morning downtown and having lunch at Solji’s place (Woohyun was hoping for some service, and the chef did not disappoint), the two of them made it to Yoon Sang’s studio. The tour there didn’t last for long. The building was small, and there weren’t many people for Woohyun to meet. They were all very important though, with impressive resumes and accolades to their names, who left Woohyun feeling intimidated. Can I really fit in with these people? Woohyun’s knowledge of music surpassed most, but now he was shaking hands with musical geniuses and professors at universities. They all made him feel very little.
Most of the time that he spent at the studio was in Yoon Sang’s office with just him and his father. Yoon Sang went into further detail about his plan for Woohyun. And the plan was different, or at least different from what Sunggyu had told him nights before about what the ‘ideal’ plan was. Woohyun wasn’t going to be a trainee; no, it seemed like he’d be more of an apprentice. And as an apprentice, he’d have to learn the tools of the trade and study strenuously, which meant that he had to go back to school (Sunggyu would be overjoyed to hear after pressuring him to do so months ago). Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be at university where Yoon Sang taught as it was an all-girls school (Sungshin Women’s University), but that’s why Woohyun met with those professors. They were interested in taking Woohyun under their wings too and teach this little birdling how to sing. It made Woohyun feel more like a student on a scholarship than an actual trainee because one thing was ultimately missing from this plan: his debut.
“It’s going to take awhile,” Yoon Sang finally breeched the subject. “I want to teach him well, so his debut won’t be anytime soon.”
Jungyeop shifted awkwardly in his seat and cocked his head. That didn’t sit well with him. “But shouldn’t we strike while the iron is hot? While people remember him?” he argued.
“His official debut will take awhile,” Yoon Sang reiterated, feeling a little flustered. He obviously knew that this was a flaw in his plan. However, he did have a solution of sorts: “But if he gets offers for other projects like shows or duets, we could pursue that. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” Woohyun and his father exchanged glances. Woohyun wagered that he’d have very few bridges to cross with the popularity that he had now. He wouldn’t go very far with them, and there were bigger gaps that he needed to cross. He might have a few schedules this year, but then what? What happens after he used up all of his fame from My Star? How can I catch up to Dongwoo? We’re supposed to be doing this together.
“I will make sure that his debut will be memorable,” Yoon Sang interrupted his thoughts. “With Woohyun being who he is, it wouldn’t be hard to do that. He leaves quite an impression on people. But I’m sure that you already knew that.”
Jungyeop nodded, the corner of his mouth picking up into a smile. “I do.”
“Other companies might be able to debut Woohyun more quickly, but…” Yoon Sang paused, contemplating about whether he should complete that line. He eventually did with a pained smile. “They might only keep him for five years or so. I want your son…I want you, Woohyun,” he shifted his focus from Jungyeop to Woohyun. “I want you to make singing and composing your career and not just a job that you did for a few years. And I think I can help you with that.”
Woohyun grinned giddily at that. Sure, Yoon Sang wasn’t the best of negotiators. Yoon Sang wasn’t a businessman. He was at his core, a musician, an artist, what Woohyun wanted to become. He had a passion for music that marveled Woohyun. Woohyun was not only by that, but also by how much faith Yoon Sang already had in Woohyun. With Woohyun being who he is, it wouldn’t be hard to do that. He leaves quite an impression on people...he had said that. Yoon Sang had said that about him!
Woohyun felt like he was being welcomed into the company with open arms.
However, walking out of the studio after bidding goodbye to the owner, Jungyeop didn’t look so convinced. “So what did you think?” Woohyun decided to get this conversation rolling. He’d rather make a decision soon about all of this. He felt like precious time was slipping through his fingers.
Jungyeop didn’t look the other in the eye as he responded. His gaze was stuck on the ground. “If you join this company, it won’t be easy, Woohyunnie. You’ll learn a lot, but…you might be more successful somewhere else.” His father then looked at Woohyun and placed a firm hand on his shoulder, stopping the two of them from walking further. They sat down at a bench nearby. “I’ve been getting phone calls from other agencies, small ones, asking about you,” Jungyeop confessed. “But maybe a bigger company will try to recruit you. You could wait. You don’t have to sign today.”
“Dad,” Woohyun muttered in frustration, shaking his head. Over the last few days, he had seen the elder sneaking off to answer phone calls, but Woohyun assumed that those were calls about the children and not himself. Why didn’t he say something earlier? And Jungyeop acknowledged that he might’ve done wrong and was apologizing by rubbing his son’s shoulder and back gingerly. Woohyun accepted the apology (his muscles were sore anyway) and thought it over. But even though he gave it more thought, even though he and this new information, his decision didn’t change. “True, those companies can turn me into a singer too, but I don’t want to be just a singer. I want to reach people’s hearts with my songs. I want to write songs,” Woohyun spoke. He in a sharp breath through his teeth and nodded before continuing, “For that, Yoon Sang-ssi could help me the most.”
Jungyeop removed his hand from the other and put it into his pocket. He gave his son a playful nudge. “And you won’t be just another trainee to him. You’ll be his pupil. He made that clear,” he added. “I liked that.”
Woohyun turned around and looked at Yoon Sang’s building. They hadn’t gotten far from it. But there was no reason to escape. Woohyun smirked. “You like it here.”
“I do,” Jungyeop readily admitted. But the worried look didn’t flee his face. “But this is such a big decision. Are we being too rash?” he asked.
Woohyun shook his head. “I don’t think so,” he argued. “It feels right. It feels like fate. I belong here.”
“I think so too,” Jungyeop was starting to look and sound more at ease with the situation. He then glanced over at Woohyun. “So do we go back in and tell him ‘okay’?”
Woohyun looked at the building once again. “Nah, let’s call him tomorrow,” he concluded as he sprung off of the bench. “Today I’m going to pretend that I’m too high in demand. There’s other companies looking for me, don’t you know?” he spoke cockily, walking backwards as his father followed him.
“You’re too embarrassed to walk back in there after leaving five minutes ago,” Jungyeop saw through his bravado.
“Y-yea,” Woohyun stuttered, spinning around and turning his back against the other. “Just a little bit.”
Jungyeop sighed contentedly as he put an arm around Woohyun’s shoulders. “You really are my son,” he joked. “You even inherited a little bit of shyness from me.”
“Thanks for that,” Woohyun mumbled in response. He then slithered out of the other’s hold. “And don’t do that. What if they can see?” Woohyun growled, nodding back to the studio behind them.
“They’re inside the building.”
“Yea, but there are windows,” Woohyun snapped back. And the two of them continued pettily arguing over it as they walked down the street.
The next day, Woohyun did call Yoon Sang and accepted the other. The day after, Woohyun signed a contract and became a ‘trainee.’
Woohyun had thought that his stint on My Star would be similar to being a trainee, spending hours on end in one room, singing and dancing. However, Woohyun wasn’t the typical trainee. He spent several of his hours attending lessons. Some were vocal lessons or on musical composition, but then there were some stranger lessons here and there, like ‘how to build up a strong mentality.’ Apparently Woohyun’s mental health was just as important as his ‘vocal’ health to Yoon Sang, and Woohyun should’ve felt flattered by it. But sometimes he felt as if he was wasting his time doing things like ‘image training.’ He hadn’t been able to enroll at a university yet either. Even with Yoon Sang’s recommendation, he had to pass an application process. Everything just seemed to be eating up more of his time.
In the meantime, Dongwoo came out with a single, just a few weeks after winning the show. While promoting it, he asked Woohyun to join him on one of his stages, and then another. They had several stages together, especially for the year-end festivals. However, with each appearance that he made, Woohyun felt his popularity slipping. He wasn’t Nam Woohyun anymore. He was a featuring artist, someone who just appeared with Jang Dongwoo from time to time. Jang Dongwoo’s friend.
Speaking of friends, he kept in contact with Myungsoo after the show, as promised. That model was thrilled to have someone to eat meals with at odd hours in the night, but also someone to share worries with. Woohyun was a bit afraid to talk about his declining popularity with Dongwoo, but talking about it with Myungsoo was easy. He was a good listener. Or at least he didn’t interrupt Woohyun’s rants as long as there was food in front of him. But at the end of the rant, Myungsoo always came back with some encouraging words and advice, showing that he had been listening (and stuffing his face at the same time). Woohyun would also listen to him in turn. Myungsoo’s worries were a bit…mundane for a celebrity. However, that comforted Woohyun to know that his dongsaeng was living his life well. Mundane was good. It was safe.
And at the end of the meal, Woohyun would stop being the hyung and Myungsoo would pay for it, never mentioning it, never saying that Woohyun owed him. Spending time like this was payment enough for Myungsoo.
But there was friend that Woohyun probably should’ve been paying more attention to, Sungyeol. And now, the cop was at a critical juncture in his career. He was taking the test in order to become a detective, his dream. The test was still months away, but Sungyeol crammed every night as if the test were the next day. So even if Woohyun wanted to pay attention to Sungyeol, the cop kept himself cloistered in his room. Not even Solji was allowed to enter sometimes, which put a strain on their relationship. She understood, but she also knew that her boyfriend was going to have a mental breakdown unless he came out for fresh air every once in a while. Woohyun knew this because whenever Solji was turned away from Sungyeol’s door, he’d talk with her for awhile. He liked Solji. Woohyun genuinely hoped that Sungyeol wouldn’t screw this up.
Perhaps it was because he was seeing Sungyeol and Solji’s relationship on the rocks, or perhaps it was because Woohyun wanted to progress something in his life, whatever the cause, Sunggyu met his family. First, it was a dinner with the Lees. Woohyun’s aunt and uncle were welcoming enough to Sunggyu; however, every once in awhile, they’d ask Sunggyu an uncomfortable question. “How old are you again?” “How can you sing if you can’t hear?” “What do you think of Woohyun’s company?” “Woohyun said that you met at the store, is that true?” Luckily, Sunggyu hadn’t seen most of those questions, and his aunt or uncle were often too embarrassed to ask it a second time. They also tried to delicately skirt around the fact that Woohyun and Sunggyu were dating, for Sungmin’s sake. As far as the youngest brother knew, they were just very close friends. Sungjong, on the other hand, knew the truth and often made remarks, trying to get either Woohyun or Sunggyu to slip-up. “I like hyung’s new haircut. Sunggyu-ssi, wouldn’t you say that it makes hyung look handsome?”
“I didn’t get my haircut,” Woohyun quickly nipped that attempt in the bud before Sunggyu could stumble through an answer. However, moments before Woohyun had fallen for one of Sungjong’s traps and said “Yea, I like Sunggyu-hyung,” without even realizing it.
It wasn’t the easiest dinner, but the two of them made it through unscathed. Everyone seemed to like Sunggyu at the end, and so Sunggyu came over for dinner once more before the year was done. And that one went a lot better.
However, the greatest test in their relationship was when they spent Christmas together, at the orphanage. Jungyeop and the rest of the staff always seemed in need of help this time of year, and Woohyun had always intended on going back to help. He made that decision before he started dating Sunggyu. Luckily, Sunggyu had no other plans and would rather spend the holiday with Woohyun, several kids, and Woohyun’s father than spend it alone. Also luckily, Sunggyu didn’t seem to regret his decision about coming. He wasn’t a hit with the children. He was a bit awkward with them for the most part. However, there were a few that grew attached to him. And the older ones just thought Sunggyu was funny in general, even laughing when he just said “hello.” Together, they taught the children a little bit of sign language (because Sunggyu could never guess what the younger children were saying with their poor enunciation), and children began using the few signs amongst themselves as if it were a secret language that they shared.
Sunggyu also got along well with Jungyeop, which wasn’t too surprising. Woohyun had a feeling that they would. And Woohyun’s other hunch was right. Those two yelled happily at each other more often than not.
However, not every moment of their Christmas holiday was so cheery. When the kids and the old man (not Sunggyu) were in bed with images of sugar plums dancing in their heads, Sunggyu and Woohyun took this rare moment alone to exchange gifts. Woohyun was ecstatic about his. There was a television series that Sunggyu had gotten into; however, he was losing patience while waiting for another season. The show just so happened to be based on a novel series which Woohyun just so happened to buy in its entirety (not at a cheap price either. Those books were thick). Woohyun delighted in seeing his hyung’s pleasantly shocked face as he opened the gift. “How much was it?” was the first thing he said after seeing the watch that Sunggyu had bought him. It was a designer brand, and the more Woohyun looked at it, the more expensive it looked. The strap didn’t even feel like cow leather, but it was from some other animal, an expensive one.
“It doesn’t matter,” Sunggyu tried to dismiss the issue, but the glare Woohyun shot him told him that Sunggyu wouldn’t get let off the hook that easily. “Okay, it cost a bit,” he confessed.
Woohyun shut the box with a snap and set it aside. “All I got you was a stupid book,” he signed, jerking his hands around. It was the only way he could show how frustrated he was without speaking. It wasn’t fair, for the both of them. The gifts were too unequal.
“Books,” Sunggyu corrected him, signing back. “I love my stupid books. These stupid books are exactly what I needed.”
Woohyun shook his head as he got up from his chair. “Maybe I can get you something else later,” he signed before leaving the room with a heavy sigh, and leaving the watch on the table. It was already past midnight, and Woohyun was already exhausted from dealing with the children. This exchange only wore him out further, rubbing at his already raw nerves. Woohyun wagered it was high time for bed. So he walked up the stairs to the bedrooms, and he felt the elder follow him closely. He could feel Sunggyu’s frustrated sigh on his back.
“You’re so difficult,” Sunggyu grumbled under his breath. “You beg me to buy you food all of the time, but the moment that I buy you a nice watch, you act like I spent too much. I probably spent more on the food than this.”
Woohyun stopped at the top of the stairs and looked down at the other. Sunggyu was gripping the box tightly in his hands. He won’t let this go. Woohyun grumbled, barely moving his lips before turning around, “I won’t ask for food anymore.”
“You know I hate it when you mumble like that,” Sunggyu hissed lowly so that he wouldn’t wake up the rest of the house. He ascended the last stair, catching up to the younger. Woohyun was reaching for his bedroom door, but then he felt a tug on his back. Sunggyu had grabbed the back of his sweater and was pulling him away from the door and towards him. Sunggyu then wrapped his arms around the younger, more so that the other wouldn’t escape and so he could finish his piece rather than giving Woohyun a hug. “But god damn it, I still love you,” Sunggyu whispered in a tired voice. “And I understand that you don’t have much to give. I bet you’re sending some of your paycheck to this place too. I would’ve understood if you didn’t buy me anything at all. I wouldn’t have like it, but I would’ve understood.”
Woohyun scoffed as he wiggled out of the other’s hold, but he stayed close to Sunggyu. “I know. You can be such a child,” Woohyun signed. “That’s why I got you something.”
Sunggyu grinned, even after that slight insult, because Woohyun wasn’t going to try to run away anymore. “Right, something that I’d been talking about for weeks. You listened to me,” he responded back in sign.
“I did,” Woohyun retorted with a broad grin, but then the grin faltered. Woohyun had to force it back onto his face painfully. He wasn’t really mad at Sunggyu, and he wanted to show that. He was angry with his situation. “I just…I don’t want to be…I want to be on equal footing with you. I don’t want you to feel like I need to be taken care of, looked after, like a child or a charity case,” he struggled to express himself with both word and sign. It was a difficult feeling to express and an embarrassing one.
But Sunggyu nodded as if he understood; however, the lost look in his eye showed that he had a hard time processing it or at least a hard time coming up with a response. Nonetheless, true to form, Sunggyu had always found something to say. “Woohyun, I do want to take care of you, dote on you, because…” he stopped to sigh and there was an odd glint in his eye. “I love you,” he signed. He then dug through his pocket and pulled out the watch again. “But if this is too much, then I can always return it,” he mumbled. Woohyun then, much to the elder’s surprise, plucked the box from his hand. Sunggyu’s head shot straight up. “No, it’s fine,” Woohyun mouthed as he opened the box again and took the watch out. He shot the other a sly smile. “I want hyung’s time to be my time.”
“Okay, then I’m definitely taking it back,” Sunggyu retorted as he reached for the gift.
“No! Mine!” Woohyun yelped, forgetting how late it was. He turned to the side, protecting the watch, and he hurriedly slipped it onto his wrist. It was his now. He wasn’t going to let Sunggyu take it back.
Sunggyu relented with a pout. “You’re so difficult,” he signed before lightly slapping the other on the side of the head. It eventually turned into caress, and Sunggyu patted his head.
Woohyun couldn’t erase the smile off his face. Usually when Woohyun felt like the other was treating him like a child, he would’ve backed away, not letting the other pat him on the head like some puppy. But now, Woohyun understood him better. Sunggyu wasn’t trying to patronize him in those situations. That wasn’t it at all. Woohyun signed, “But god damn it, you still love me.” Before Sunggyu could snap back with another remark, Woohyun pointed down the hall. “Your bedroom is down there. Night, hyung.”
“Night, Hyun,” Sunggyu gave in. It was late after all, and neither of them would go to bed angry. It was a decent way to cap off their first Christmas Eve together. After kissing good night, they bid each other ‘good night’ again, and Woohyun watched the elder walk down the hall into the guest room. When the door closed behind Sunggyu, Woohyun sighed contentedly and went into his own room.
“I never thought talking in sign language would be so loud.”
Woohyun yelped and grabbed at his heart. Jungyeop was still awake and was laying in his bed, reading a book. He looked pleased to have startled his son like that. “Sorry, dad,” Woohyun mumbled out an apology as he got himself ready for bed. He didn’t realize that his dad could hear that well through the door. How embarrassing.
“Everything, okay?”
“Huh?” Woohyun pulled his head through his pajama shirt and looked at his dad. Jungyeop looked slightly worried. He was also feigning to read because the book in his hands was upside down. How much could he hear? Woohyun looked down at the watch and smiled. “Everything is great. Really great,” he assured the other before jumping into his own bed. “Night, Dad. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, Woohyun,” Jungyeop wished him before turning off his bedside lamp, putting his book down, and going to bed.
But Woohyun couldn’t fall asleep so easy. He stared at his watch. Even in the dark, it was glistening. After narrowing his eyes, Woohyun could make out tiny stars within the face of the watch, like a constellation. He chuckled to himself. My star, Sunggyu had called him that once. And it was true for the both of them. Sunggyu was like a star for him too. They lit each other’s paths in the darkest of nights and through the most tumultuous of storms; they survived through it all, thanks to each other’s shining, warm light.
The new year was heralded in shortly afterward. And with the new year came new opportunities. Woohyun was asked to sing a duet for a project. All proceeds from the song would go to disadvantaged youths. He eagerly snapped that opportunity up, and the song was mildly successful. Shortly after that, he was asked to sing an OST for a cable drama. The show didn’t pull in high ratings, which meant his song wasn’t heard by many. But he did the best that he could. He always did.
Another person who was trying his hardest was Lee Sungyeol. However, just like Solji had expected, the cop soon snapped and was banging on Woohyun’s door one night. When Woohyun opened it up, Sungyeol was on his hands and knees, begging him to free him from the ‘study Hell.’ Woohyun was more than glad to do so, but he had already promised to meet with Myungsoo. Well, that didn’t stop Sungyeol, and the cop stealthily followed Woohyun on his way to meet with the model. He then dragged a chair over and joined them at their table, once inside of the restaurant. After explaining that Sungyeol wasn’t an insane fan and that he was just insane, Myungsoo finally relaxed, and he and Sungyeol got along surprisingly well. The three of them hanging out together soon became a regular thing (and sometimes Dongwoo would join too).
Their meetings out had a good effect on Sungyeol. His spirits were up, he also began spending time with Solji again, and he felt more confident about the test. And so it was no surprise when he later passed the exam with the highest score in the precinct. He then promised Solji that he’d never act as horrible to her again as he did when he was studying. He promised that for her whole life, and the two of them were engaged.
Like that couple made amends, Woohyun felt like he made some amends of his own. After the competition, he and Dongwoo grew apart. Sure, they had stages together, but Woohyun was having a hard time swallowing down the envy welling up inside of him, seeing the other be more successful. But he did overcome the jealousy every time it crept up because Dongwoo never acted on it. Dongwoo never brought up his success or popularity. Dongwoo just carried on like he always did. He was infallible. Not even the limelight could make his head hot and arrogant. But something did change in him after the promotions were done. “I don’t wanna be a solo artist,” he announced to Woohyun one night. Dongwoo came to the conclusion that he’d much rather collaborate with someone else. He felt like he performed better when there was someone else that he could play off of and feed off of their energy. “I mean, having a solo was nice. But I want to work with someone else, mainly. I hope that my company will let me.”
“It doesn’t hurt to ask,” Woohyun commented.
Dongwoo shot the other an apprehensive glance. “They would agree if it was you, I bet,” he blurted out. Then he quickly added as he raised his hand, stopping Woohyun from speaking, “Don’t worry. I won’t ask. You need to go solo. You’re too good for me.”
He chuckled for a bit before continuing. “It’s just that we made a good team. It’ll be hard to find someone else that I mesh with as well.”
Woohyun scoffed. “Jang Dongwoo is actually worried about being able to get along well with others?” he teased.
“You know getting along well with someone socially is different than getting along well with them professionally,” Dongwoo remarked before taking a swig from his drink. “I need to find someone who has a similar work ethic, similar view on music.”
“Howon-hyung might know some people,” Woohyun responded. “You said that you respected him, right? Maybe he can help.”
And so Woohyun put Dongwoo in contact with Howon, who then gave Dongwoo a bevy of artists that he could work with, including himself. Howon visited Korea more often now and was playing around with the idea of starting his own label. And Woohyun was grateful that Howon came by more often because Woohyun might’ve been putting Sunggyu on the back burner recently. On top of his outings with his friends, Woohyun had also enrolled at a university and became a full-time student. He soon moved out of the neighborhood in order to be closer to the school, which meant that he moved farther away from Sunggyu. And the two of them began meeting less and less, which made Sunggyu obviously frustrated at the younger.
“This is what it must be like to date someone younger than you,” he remarked after letting Woohyun into his apartment one night. It was the first time that they had seen each other all week, and it was a Friday night. Sunggyu plopped down into his sofa and glared at the younger. “For finally seeing me, thank you. For putting me after all of your friends, thank you. For staying up all night working instead of coming to see me, thank you.”
Woohyun rolled his eyes as he sat down besides the elder, which was hard because Sunggyu had spread himself on the sofa, leaving barely any room. “Who was the one to told me to train and study until I felt like dying?” Woohyun retorted with a flurry of gestures.
“For always listening to me, thank you,” Sunggyu responded dryly before getting up from the sofa and going into the kitchen.
“Which one of us is the dongsaeng?” Woohyun muttered to himself. He then got up from the sofa and followed the other into the kitchen. All in all, being with Sunggyu was easy. Every once in awhile, Sunggyu needed to vent his grievances like this, but he always understood. Sunggyu just wanted to come first more in Woohyun’s life. And it was time that Woohyun show him that, although it didn’t seem like it, Sunggyu was always his first.
Woohyun put his hand on the other’s back. Sunggyu was pouring himself a glass of water and glared at the younger out of the corner of his eye. “I’m here now. I’m here for the whole night,” Woohyun signed.
Sunggyu put down the pitcher and replied, “You’re not going back to the studio?”
Woohyun shook his head. “Not tonight. What do you want to do?” he asked. And he was a bit frightened by the slick smile that Sunggyu gave him in response.
What Sunggyu wanted to do was to make up for lost time. The two of them spent most of the night talking and eating. They talked about everything from what Woohyun was learning at school to Sunggyu’s work to why was Woohyun still wearing that beat-up sweatshirt. It was comfy, as comfy at Sunggyu’s shirts that fit more like dresses, as comfy as it was for them to sit on the sofa like this. And apparently Sunggyu was too comfy. He started to fall asleep with his head on Woohyun’s thigh. Before his eyes closed, Woohyun pushed him off, saying that the might as well go to bed and that he was staying the night. And Sunggyu had no objections to that (although he gave the younger a rough shove for pushing him off of the couch).
After changing into some sweatpants that he found and washing up, Woohyun jumped onto the bed where Sunggyu was already trying to fall asleep. “Hyung,” Woohyun whined as he (not-so) gently shook the other.
Sunggyu rolled over onto his back, groaning. He didn’t even open his eyes when he hummed “Hm?” as if he were listening. Like that would work. Woohyun promptly hit the elder in the gut so that Sunggyu’s eyes would shoot wide open. And they did. Good.
“Let me be your first,” Woohyun signed before the elder could swear at him. He had to repeat it because Sunggyu only responded with a confused expression, which still remained on his face even after seeing Woohyun ‘say’ it again.
“Woohyunnie, you’re a little too late for that,” he remarked. He was now laughing at the younger. Woohyun frowned. “Especially since we’ve already—“
“No, not that,” Woohyun cut him off with a furious shake of his head. “Let me be your first love.”
“What?” Sunggyu muttered as he propped himself up against the wall.
“Let me be your first love,” Woohyun repeated. Why wasn’t Sunggyu getting any of this? Wasn’t he being clear? Woohyun guessed not and tried to make it perfectly clear to the other. “What we have now is better, right? It’s real. I won’t hurt you like Jiyu did. So just let me. Forget him.”
Sunggyu started chuckling again. Woohyun wasn’t liking how the elder was looking at him either. “I don’t think it works like that,” Sunggyu replied.
“Why not?” Woohyun fought back. His voice grew loud and agitated (and this became one of the several times that he wished Sunggyu could just hear him). “You’re mine.”
Sunggyu stiffened, back laying flat against the wall. “Really?”
“Well…yea,” Woohyun spoke, dropping his hands to his side and slouching. Even after all this time, Sunggyu didn’t know how many first place positions that he held in Woohyun’s life. Or maybe the elder was starting to realize. A proud smile swept across Sunggyu’s face, which quickly fell as his mind began calculating exactly how many ‘firsts’ that he’d taken from the younger.
It wasn’t supposed to go like this. Woohyun flopped down on the bed, hiding his face in the pillow. “What am I saying?” he didn’t care that the other couldn’t hear. “I was jo—“
“Hyunnie,” Sunggyu called to him, placing a hand on his back. “You’re not my first love, but…there’s something else you could be.”
Woohyun raised his red face from the pillows. “What?”
“Well, you have your first love, and that’s first. But then you have that other one that’s not. It’s the last one. And…” Sunggyu tried to explain himself, but he was starting to look as flustered and frustrated as Woohyun felt moments before. Probably because Woohyun was just as confused as he was. “Do I really have to say it? It’s that one. The last one!” Sunggyu signed and yelled.
“Sunggyu,” Woohyun started as he sat up and faced the other. Now he was grinning smugly. “Are you trying to say that I’m your…true love?”
“Oh god, please don’t say it like that,” Sunggyu begged, closing his eyes. “Gross.”
“I’m not the one who said it. You did! Or at least you tried to. You’re gross,” Woohyun combatted even though the other’s eyes were still closed.
But Sunggyu didn’t need to see it to know how smug the other was being. Woohyun’s huge grin was practically pressing against his neck as he hugged Sunggyu tightly. Sunggyu tried to shove the other off as he laid down on his stomach. “Forget it. I take it back,” he growled.
Woohyun sighed and pulled back. Instead, he laid beside the elder, keeping his hands to himself. Once he was flat against the bed, Sunggyu must’ve felt his presence, his weight near him. The elder cautiously opened one eye, and then the other, staring at Woohyun. “I want it. Let me have it. Let me be your everlasting love,” Woohyun mouthed clearly.
“Stop it!” Sunggyu snapped. He gripped at Woohyun’s shirt, about to shake him or throw him off the bed. Woohyun never knew what the other was going to do to him because he had taken advantage of the situation instead. He grabbed onto Sunggyu’s shirt too, pulling him in closer, and kissed him. “Sto—“ Sunggyu tried to object, but Woohyun pecked him again, stifling him. “You’re so—“ Woohyun sealed his mouth with his own again. Woohyun let go of the other and smiled triumphantly. Sunggyu sighed. But he wasn’t upset, not really. He leaned in closer and pressed kisses against Woohyun’s lips and face. “You…drive…me…crazy.”
Another year passed, and there was still no debut in sight. Now Woohyun felt more like a student than a trainee. However, he began to mind the delay less, or he changed his mind, his perspective, about the situation He could see the ‘bigger’ picture now. Yes, he could’ve debuted earlier, but the timing wasn’t right. He wasn’t ready. After taking classes and lessons, he realized how much he didn’t know, how much he had to improve. Now was the time to study and grow as a singer and a song-writer.
Along with the year came another season of My Star and another winner. Heechul didn’t participate in this season. He said that he wanted to leave the show on top. But Woohyun liked to think that he and Dongwoo ruined Heechul for any mentees that would follow them. But the three of them soon became a distant memory as the season went on. New bromances appeared. There were new conflicts. New everything. And Woohyun was now old news.
Years later, he would look back on this time period and call it his ‘slump’ (not that he was majorly successful before, but during this time he just fell so low). It didn’t seem like it then. He was just so focused on crawling out. He could see the rays of the sun peaking over the horizon. He knew that he’d have his day in the sun soon. But now was the time for suffering, for writing and studying. He has to finish his album first and make it perfect.
When he first began composing songs for his album, Yoon Sang had told him “When you’re writing lyrics to a song, you’re writing a story and not just music.” Woohyun took that to heart. He had told life story several times before on My Star, but through song, he could better narrate those feelings that he experienced during those times, and how he felt now.
My story, Woohyun thought as he sat down to the piano in order to work out his latest composition that he’d spent most of the previous night tweaking. It was nearly ready to share with the others in the studio.
“Stand by me
Make me breathe
Don’t leave me
Because a world without you is without me too
I try calling out, I try holding on
Hold me, though I have nothing
I have no one to blame but myself
In your arms that protected me
I felt trapped in my life
Like a small and thin child
Stand by me
I’m telling you
I can’t go on without you
Can’t we turn things back?
But you said you can’t love me anymore
When time passes, I’ll forget everything
Hold me, though I have nothing
I have no one to blame but myself
In your arms that protected me
I felt trapped in my life
Like a small and thin child
My endlessly flowing tears
I’m looking at you and saying, stay
Can’t you love me?
I have no one to blame but myself
In your arms that protected me
I felt trapped in my life
Like a small and thin child
Stand by me”
Throughout all of this time, someone was standing by his side, not only loving and protecting him but also encouraging him. Woohyun was sure that Sunggyu only had more grievances against him right now, and Woohyun surely wasn’t that bright-eyed youth anymore that Sunggyu had fallen for. Because of that, Woohyun was worried Sunggyu was staying by him out of force of habit. His weak voice of reason kept telling him that wasn’t the case; however that voice was more often than not drowned out by the anxious voices in his head. His parents had left him, so had his fans. Would Sunggyu?
Once, these anxious voices escaped from the confines of his head, and Woohyun gave them air. Those voices scared Sunggyu as much as they scared Woohyun. He asked the younger why he couldn’t just be happy with the way things are now. And that set Woohyun off. The two of them fought and argued like they never had before. In the end, Woohyun was pushed out into the hallway with a slammed door in his face. No matter how hard he begged, that door wouldn’t open up again, at least not tonight. So he left.
Afterwards, they didn’t talk for three days, although later Sunggyu would keep insisting that it was only two because right before the sun set on the third day, Sunggyu came to Woohyun’s dorm and asked the younger to drink with him. Both of them apologized and decided to move on.
There were people who left Woohyun, but Sunggyu wasn’t one of those people. There are people in like who are like meteorites, who show up for a brief moment and then disappear forever, or like comets that reoccurringly show up but for only a flash before going away for an extended period of time. Stars are fixed points. They cannot move. Only you move towards or away from it. Sunggyu was a fixture in his life, and Woohyun was the same for him. They just had to make sure not to burn each other every once in awhile when the other got too close.
While Woohyun was a star, Sunggyu also had a comet in his life. And Woohyun was there once to witness its appearance. The two of them were sitting in a popular restaurant. They had waited in a long line just to get into the place, but the food was well worth it. It always was. They had come here several times before, but this was the first time the comet appeared.
While they were eating, Sunggyu kept glancing over to the side at a table along the wall. Curious, Woohyun followed his gaze. At the table was a small party, two men eating with a woman. Woohyun’s gaze drifted back to Sunggyu. “What is it? Do you know them?” he asked.
A suspicious smile crept onto the elder’s face. “I knew one of them,” he signed. He chuckled but his face remained stiff with apprehension. “You know him too,” Sunggyu revealed. “I’m surprised that you don’t recognize him. You used to ask about him all the time.”
Woohyun slowly put his spoon down onto the table. He knew the comet’s name. Jiyu. Woohyun craned his neck and peered at the table again. The man looked different from the pictures he found on the internet. Not a stitch of make-up on, an aged face, maybe some tweaks done, but that face was undeniably Jiyu’s.
Woohyun had imagined this happening several times before. He had rehearsed what he would say to the man if they ever met, what he would do. Woohyun had wanted to hurt him as much as Jiyu had made Sunggyu suffer, and then some. It used to be a favorite fantasy of his. But now…
“Oh, that’s interesting,” Woohyun remarked and picked his spoon back up to continue eating.
Sunggyu snorted. Woohyun glanced up at the elder, confused. “Interesting?” Sunggyu signed. “It’s interesting that you’re not making more of a scene.”
The younger put down his utensils again. “He’s your ex and not mine,” Woohyun responded, signing carefully. “It’s not my concern.” Woohyun actually believed what he said. And Sunggyu’s approach to his ex seemed to be fitting, let karma deal with Jiyu. The years had not been kind to the visual. He was aging at a faster rate than Sunggyu was. His crows feet reached his temples, and deep lines cascaded down his face around his mouth. And he was alone, it would seem. A third wheel on a date between the other man and the woman. No one seemed to care that he was there, none of the other patrons at the place, not even his ‘friends.’ And he’s still considered an actor. Jiyu was suffering enough as it was.
And Sunggyu, on the other hand…Woohyun looked back at his boyfriend. Despite all of the stress that the two of them had been through, Sunggyu didn’t age a day. . “When did you grow up?” The elder asked through sign and was grinning proudly at him. His eyes still had a youthful in them. Sunggyu was happy, and he was sitting with someone who deeply cared about him. Everything was alright. Everything was fair.
Jiyu must’ve felt wronged in this situation because he abruptly got up from the table, getting ready to leave. And to leave, he had to pass by Woohyun and Sunggyu’s table. Just as quickly as Jiyu was leaving, Sunggyu’s hand slid across the table and grabbed Woohyun’s. He then began laughing, almost mechanically. Woohyun cocked an eyebrow and laughed along with him just as awkwardly. But eventually the laughter turned genuine as they were just laughing at each other. And their uproariously laughter drew stares from several people, including Jiyu who halted for a second at the sight before moving along.
When he passed, Sunggyu withdrew his hand, and his laughter slowly died down. But Woohyun’s didn’t. “What?” Sunggyu muttered, flustered. He signed, “Like you said, he’s my ex.”
Right, Jiyu was just an ex, just a comet. But Woohyun was his star, his forever.
And after what seemed like forever, Woohyun finally debuted. He didn’t write every song on his album, but most, even though it wasn’t a full album (and Woohyn had written enough songs to fit 4 full albums). Most importantly, Woohyun wrote the song that he was promoting, “Nostalgia.” All in all, it was an album that he was proud of, an album that shared his story that he wasn’t finished writing. And so he named it “Write..” (the two dots were super important and symbolic).
Before his first stage, Yoon Sang arranged an interview for him. Multiple media outlets showed up. Woohyun’s solo debut was garnering more interest than expected. But Woohyun wasn’t a new artist. He was a familiar face and voice to the public, and he hadn’t been entirely forgotten. His connections with Dongwoo and L also made him more interesting. And so Woohyun wasn’t surprised when a reported asked if those two were showing support. They were. He shared a text with them that Myungsoo had sent him that very morning. But there was a question that was surprising.
“Your fans what to know about your promise on the last stage of My Star. You said that if you won, you’d buy cochlear implants for your friend.”
“Oh yea,” Woohyun stammered into the microphone. “That was a long time ago.” He didn’t think anyone would remember (but he himself never let go of the idea).
“Do you still have that friend?”
“Yes, I do,” Woohyun replied without hesitation. And along with that reply, this also flowed off his tongue before he could realize it: “And if I make enough money with this debut, I’d still want to pay for the surgery, since things didn’t work out well last time. But this time, I am more confident. I’ll get them for my friend.”
The reporter gave a warm smile. “I hope that you do.”
Then his promotions started, and Woohyun performed on music shows, had several more interviews, and even appeared on a few variety shows. His schedule was jam packed. He was busier than he’d ever been in his life. However, a lot of that time was spent waiting. Waiting for his turn to perform, waiting for his interview to start, waiting for a chance to speak during recordings without stepping on a senior’s toes, waiting for him to get more popular, to become a smash hit. But it didn’t seem to be happening anytime soon. Most of the time that he walked down the streets, he was still just a passerby to people, no one worth recognition. When will that change?
However, there was someone who wanted to remain anonymous.
“Can you stop talking about me in interviews?” Sunggyu snapped.
Woohyun looked up at the other. He was sitting on the elder’s couch. Sunggyu’s place was actually closer to where his schedule was early the next morning. So he decided to spend the night at Sunggyu’s place. However, Sunggyu was less than thrilled. “Why?” Woohyun asked.
“Well for one, they’ll catch onto this,” Sunggyu argued and then gestured between the two of them. “How do you think people will feel once they find out I’m a guy? You confessed to me on national television!”
Woohyun winced at the other shouting in his face. He then got up from the couch and stood in front of the elder. “If they do, they do. It’s not like I have much to lose now. I can’t hide who I am forever either,” Woohyun signed angrily as he spoke. Sunggyu scoffed. He thought that the younger was taking the situation too lightly, Woohyun knew it. But he wasn’t. He just took something else more seriously. “Plus isn’t it romantic? I learned sign language for you, I publically confessed to you in spite of the risks, and we’re still together. What isn’t sweet about that?”
That line of reasoning won Sunggyu over, for only a second. His broad smile quickly morphed into a pout. “You’re walking a thin line, Nam Woohyun,” he warned, wagging a finger in the younger’s face. Sunggyu then sat down on the couch, right in the spot that Woohyun had just left.
Woohyun huffed and then spun around to face the other. “Are you worried about yourself?” he signed. “Your own career if people would find out?” If that was the case, Woohyun could be more cautious.
Sunggyu winced and rubbed his temples, closing his eyes tightly. “No, I hadn’t thought of that yet. Thank you for that,” he grumbled.
Woohyun knelt down in front of the other. There was something that Sunggyu wasn’t telling him. Woohyun had thought that Sunggyu didn’t like talking about him in interviews because he’d suffered some sort of trauma. No, that wasn’t it. And the elder wasn’t concerned about his career. What was on his mind? Woohyun didn’t know, but he knew how to wheedle out of the other. He shook the other’s knee gently until Sunggyu looked at him. He pouted. “What is it? There’s something else, isn’t there?” he signed, careful to keep the gestures close to his face, acting cutely.
Sunggyu sat up straight. He gnawed on his lower lip, as his eyes darted all over the place, anywhere but Woohyun. “What if I don’t want it? The surgery? You didn’t think about that, didn’t you?” he confessed. His flitting eyes then fell on the younger. “Woohyun, I could’ve gotten the surgery already, if I wanted it.”
Ah, that’s true. Woohyun dug his chin into the couch cushion. He hadn’t thought of that. “Why don’t you want it?” he asked.
“I’m scared, okay,” Sunggyu spoke lowly.
Woohyun lifted his head. “Huh? Why?”
Sunggyu signed so quickly that Woohyun almost didn't catch it all. “What if I’m not a candidate for it and I give my hopes up? What if something goes wrong, and it fails, and I die on the table?”
Woohyun grinned unconsciously. “You won’t die,” he retorted.
“You don’t know that!” Sunggyu shot back. He didn’t like Woohyun treating his fears as if they were childish. “Also…if it succeeds…I could hear before, Woohyun,” he stumbled through this thought. He didn’t know how to phrase it in any language. “The world, it won’t sound the same. Nothing will sound the same. How could it?”
Woohyun finally got onto his feet, only to climb onto the couch right next to the elder. He signed, “It might not sound the same, and you won’t die on the table, trust me.” He then reached over and grabbed Sunggyu’s hands, bringing them to his chest over his heart. “But don’t you want to hear me?” he spoke, trying his best to convince the elder. Is it selfish for me to think this way? Am I the only one who wants this?
“I do. But…” Sunggyu replied as he dragged his hands away from the other. He opted to sign the rest of his thought. “…that doesn’t change the way I feel about it.”
Woohyun sighed. “Okay, I’ll stop talking about it, if…” he almost yielded to the other, which almost made the other happy. Sunggyu frowned deeply as soon as he saw Woohyun lay out the condition. “If you’re willing to give the implants a second thought.” Woohyun laid a hand on Sunggyu’s thigh. “It’s not something that you have to go through alone anymore. You have me. That should change things…right?”
“It does,” Sunggyu admitted as he laid his own hand over Woohyun’s. “Now I really don’t wanna die on the table.”
“You’re not going to die!”
Woohyun never knew if Sunggyu agreed to the bargain, but the singer tried his best to uphold his side. He never mentioned Sunggyu or the implants again, even when asked about it. He would circumnavigate it with some lame joke, making the reporter repeat the question and then saying that he must be losing his hearing and needed the implants more. So those questions soon stopped as did his promotions. At the end, Woohyun had been deemed a ‘success’ by his company, but wasn’t necessarily a hit. He had sold more albums than anticipated. For a solo debut, it was enough. But Woohyun personally had anticipated more for himself.
As Woohyun was wondering if his own expectations were too high, he was approached by a P.D. from an upcoming show. The show featured singers who had flown largely under the radar, and the show was amassing a sizeable following, which helped give those singers the spotlight that they deserved. Or at least, that’s how the P.D. presented it to Woohyun, who had doubts about appearing on another singing competition. He still agreed to it, with hopes that it would turn out better than My Star.
And it did.
Once promotions were over, Sunggyu had thought that Woohyun would be able to spend more time with him, but that wasn’t the case. Woohyun was still busy, still gone (and Sunggyu was still lonely). Woohyun had mentioned something about having a follow-up promotion, stoking the flames of the public’s interest before it died out again.
They were out of synch again. For a brief while, they’d been in step. But Woohyun now had falling behind, struggling with the stumbling block that was his career…or had Sunggyu sped up?
A month ago, the two of them attended Sungyeol’s wedding. Sunggyu met with Woohyun’s friends and talked with them. It made him feel old. He felt like he couldn’t relate to them well. He began to think that he had more in common with Woohyun’s father than his friends. But once the ceremony started, Sunggyu began to feel young. Here was this lanky kid, getting married and starting a family with this beautiful girl, his wife.
Marriage, he didn’t know if he could legally have one with Woohyun, but that didn’t make him want it any less. If not marriage, Sunggyu at least wanted Woohyun to move in with him, and some time soon. But when did Sunggyu have time to even breach the issue with the younger? He barely saw the other as it was. And when they met, Woohyun was barely awake for most of the time. And because they couldn’t talk about it, Sunggyu could only dwell on it.
Would Woohyun even want to? Was Woohyun ready to make that kind of commitment? Was Sunggyu wanting too much? All he wanted was to be with Woohyun for the rest of his life. Yea, that’s too much to ask of him now, Sunggyu thought. Woohyun had a bit more growing to do (professionally) before that could happen.
But they say that misery loves company, and so Sunggyu invited Howon, his fellow ‘bachelor,’ to hang out tonight. Howon had been also focusing on his career and was in the process of setting up his own label and producing an album for Woohyun’s little friend, Jang Dongwoo. But tonight, he was taking a much-needed break from work and was ‘chilling out’ on Sunggyu’s couch, flipping through the channels on the television before settling on one. Sunggyu walked into the living room with two beers in his hand. Howon was watching the screen with an odd intensity.
“What are you watching?” Sunggyu asked as he handed the other a beer.
Howon took the drink and set it on the coffee table before signing a reply, “Masked Singer. I haven’t watched it before, but this guy has been on a hot streak lately. He’s won three episodes in a row. They say he’s good. If he wins tonight, he breaks the record.”
Sunggyu smirked. That would explain it. Howon was piqued. “Do you want him to fail or succeed tonight?” Sunggyu asked.
“I don’t know. I’ll have to hear him first,” Howon answered. Sunggyu scoffed. His friend was lying. He could tell that Howon had a certain outcome in mind. Having been caught, Howon sheepishly glanced at the other out of the corner of his eyes and signed, “I’m a fan of the former record holder. I’m just making sure that he can really match up to my girl.” After that confession, Howon’s focus returned to the television. The show’s introduction was playing.
But Sunggyu wasn’t about to let his friend off of the hook. “My girl?” he teased the other, nudging him with his beer can. “Yah! When are you ever going to find somebody and settle down? I can’t believe that I found someone before you did. Don’t make a label. Make a family instead,” he lectured to the other.
Even though Howon was facing forward, Sunggyu could see him swear and mouth, “You sound like my mom.” Howon then faced him and spoke while signing. “Don’t act like you’re married yourself. You’re not! Besides, Woohyun is still young.”
Well, that didn’t help Sunggyu’s growing anxiety. “What is that supposed to mean?” he snarled.
Howon saw that he’d hit a nerve, so he tried to dismiss the issue, “Don’t worry about it. You two are good for each other. It’s starting.” He pointed to the screen. Sunggyu huffed, but still turned to watch.
After seeing the first performer walk onto the stage, Sunggyu glanced at the other out of the corner of his eye. What kind of show was this? “They all sing with masks on,” he remarked.
“Half the fun of it is to guess who’s behind the mask,” Howon signed as his eyes were still glued to the screen.
No fun for me, Sunggyu thought. It was bad enough that Howon wanted to watch a music program, but now Sunggyu couldn’t even read their lips. All he could do was read the captions and watch the contestants sway to the beat on stage. This is fun at all. “I’ll order us something to eat,” he offered as he pulled out his phone and placed an order online. He then continued to play on the phone as the show went on. When the Chinese food arrived, Sunggyu began focusing on that, eating more than he should. But it was better than watching a show that he couldn’t fully enjoy (although it was entertaining to see their masks and odd names attached with them).
But just as Sunggyu was about to return to the game on his phone, Howon nudged him excitedly. Sunggyu looked over. “It’s the guy!” Howon signed and pointed to the screen.
Sunggyu looked up and watched the reigning champion on the show walk onto the stage. He scoffed. For someone who was supposed to be impressive, he was rather small with a name to match his stature, “Tiny Sprout.” His mask was shaped like an acorn with a green leaf sprouting from the top. He was wearing a dark brown suit to match his mask. In comparison to the other outfits that Sunggyu had seen, it was rather plain, but…There was something about the singer that still drew his eye. For the first time since the show started, Sunggyu couldn’t tear his eyes away from the screen. It was the way the singer walked onto the stage and bowed to the audience, his size, his proportions, it felt all too familiar to Sunggyu.
Then the song started, and Tiny Sprout placed his hand over his heart as he sang the first notes, before extending his open palm to the audience. Sunggyu had seen this before, several times, when he was monitoring My Star with hawk-like precision.
Howon gripped Sunggyu’s arm, trying to get his attention. Sunggyu finally snapped out of it and turned towards his friend. Howon began signing, “He sounds…”
But Sunggyu abruptly cut him off, “That’s Woohyun.”
Howon was laughing at him. He waved his hand at that silly notion before responding, “Eh, doesn’t sound like him. This guy is a pro.”
“Woohyun is a pro. He is!” Sunggyu insisted, raising his voice. He jumped up from the couch and walked up to the television. He pointed to Tiny Sprout. “That’s Woohyun! Look! Look at his hand right there, like this,” Sunggyu commanded. He then mimicked the singer’s hand movements. And when the singer dropped his hands to the side and nodded along to the song briefly, Sunggyu jumped and pointed at the screen again. “And that! That’s Namu too!”
Howon cocked an eyebrow. “Don’t all singers do that?” he challenged, but he walked up closer to the television as if he could see what Sunggyu was seeing upon closer inspection.
“Not like that!” Sunggyu exclaimed. He then waved his hand over the singer’s. “And those hands.” He made a deep, throaty noise before continuing. “I can recognize those anywhere.” Howon shot the other a curious glance but still leaned in and began squinting. “He’s got very unique hands, all white and crooked.” Sunggyu then nudged him. He’d seen this stance before. Tiny Sprout was getting ready to hit a big note. “Watch. Watch, he gets into a note, he’ll go like this.” Sunggyu then bent over, pretending to sing into a microphone, at the same time as Tiny Sprout was doing so on screen. Sunggyu then straightened up again and saw that he was right. With a smug smile, he wagged his finger at the screen. “It’s Woohyun. That is Nam Woohyun.” Sunggyu finally peeled himself away from the television and sat back down onto the couch. And as he was sinking into the cushion, the fact that Tiny Sprout, the champion singer, was Nam Woohyun, his Woohyun, began sinking into him. “It’s Woohyun,” he sounded startled this time when he said that. Sunggyu’s eyes slowly lifted to the screen. Tiny Sprout was finishing his song. There were a few reaction shots from the audience and the judges. They were all immersed into the song. Some of them were even crying. Sunggyu wanted to cry to, but for a different reason. All of things, he could see. But there was still the deafening silence ringing in his ears. Sunggyu closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the headrest. Nothing, absolutely nothing at all, no matter how much he strained his ears. Silence was the only song he could hear.
He felt a hand shaking him on his shoulder. Sunggyu opened his eyes again and saw Howon sitting next to him. “It’s Woohyun,” his friend finally admitted.
“I told you,” Sunggyu signed back, too afraid to speak now lest his voice give out.
“He’s…really really good now. I didn’t think that there was much room for improvement,” Howon praised. He then shook his head, grinning broadly. His shoulders moved up and down. Howon was chuckling too. “This kid keeps proving me wrong,” he signed. But then he looked away from the screen and focused on Sunggyu. “What are you going to do? Are you going to tell him that you know?”
“Yes,” Sunggyu answered without thinking. He wouldn’t be able to keep this inside; it’d come out the next time he felt frustrated with the younger. So it was really only a matter of time before it slipped out. “But other than that, I don’t know. I don’t know.”
Howon probably noticed that his friend was on the verge of a mental breakdown. He rubbed Sunggyu’s shoulder a few times before offering, “Do you want me to get you another drink?”
This answer also came out easily: “Yes, please.”
As it would turn out, the next time Sunggyu felt frustrated with Woohyun was the very next time Sunggyu saw his face again. The younger had barely settled into his apartment when Sunggyu barked, “Nam Woohyun!”
“What did I do?” Woohyun blubbered, looking completely lost.
“How? How were you able to keep it from me for so long? Huh? You love bragging about the simplest thing,” Sunggyu began ‘yelling’ at him (okay he was also actually yelling). “The other night you boasted that you made the best cup of tea!”
Woohyun smirked, still proud of that achievement, and signed back, “It was the perfect temperature.”
Sunggyu groaned and dragged a hand down his face. This kid. “See, you brag about that, but when you’re trending all over the place and becoming a big star, you don’t tell me?” he finally revealed his hand.
Woohyun got up from where he was sitting on the couch. He looked around the room searching for something (words? A solution? A way out?). “How did you know? You don’t even watch that show,” he signed, still unable to meet the other’s gaze.
“I did. I watched it with Hoya,” Sunggyu replied. He then put his hand on the younger’s shoulder, and Woohyun finally looked up at him. “And it was obviously you onstage. Don’t deny it.”
“I’m not,” Woohyun spoke. He then narrowed his eyes on Sunggyu. There was an amused twinkle in them. “But…what do you mean it was obviously me?”
Sunggyu dropped his hand and backed away. He was offended. “I know you. I know you better than anyone else,” he argued.
The twinkle glimmered again as the corner of Woohyun’s mouth hitched up into a smirk. “Hoya told you, didn’t he?” he fought back.
“No! I was the one who figured it out. It was me!” Sunggyu’s throat felt hoarse. He could feel his voice ripping through it. He then lowered it and showed his anger through sign instead. “Go call Hoya if you want proof. He’ll tell you that I knew it was you. You’re so obvious. Your hands, your gestures gave you away. Don’t you think that…”
“Okay, okay,” Woohyun stopped him, grabbing at his hands. His expression went from mischievous to grave. “You can’t tell anybody. You’re not supposed to know,” he spoke clearly and carefully.
Sunggyu nodded, showing that he received the message loud and clear. “I won’t,” he promised. He slipped his hands out of Woohyun’s loose hold. He walked over to his desk. His shift in the chatroom was going to start soon. He sat down in his chair and turned the computer on. “No one will believe me anyway. Why should they? It’s not like I can hear you,” he didn’t even realize that he was talking out loud.
There was a tap on his shoulder. He glanced over and saw Woohyun gripping onto his chair and crouching next to him. “You see me better than anyone else does,” he signed.
Sunggyu felt cheered up by that. “I do! I probably smell you better too,” and he felt utterly embarrassed after saying that joke…
…Until it made Woohyun laugh. “Me too. I know Kim Sunggyu the best,” he added. He must’ve felt tired after crouching because he decided to sit on the floor again.
Sunggyu watched as the other sat on the floor and propped himself next to the desk. Looked like Woohyun was planning on sitting there while Sunggyu worked, right by his side. Warmth spread all over his body, starting with his heart, just looking at the younger. “Yea, you do,” Sunggyu admitted. “I’ve told you things that I’ve never told anyone.”
Woohyun looked up at him with wide eyes. “Like what?”
Sunggyu cleared his throat and turned his attention to the computer screen. He needed to log in. But he still answered Woohyun’s question: “How I really feel.” He tried to play it off as it were a passing comment. After logging on and a few moments passed, Sunggyu glanced down at the younger, who was waiting patiently for the elder to look at him again.
“You do. So…how do you feel right now?” Woohyun always seemed to know when there was something bothering him, when Sunggyu wanted to talk about something but talked circles around the issue instead of being direct.
Sunggyu looked at the computer screen again. “I’m frustrated,” he confessed. “I’m frustrated with life, especially my life.” He glanced down at Woohyun. “I want to be happy for you. I really do. This is great. But I’m frustrated more than anything.” The younger’s mouth dropped, grappling with something to say in reply, to defend himself. Sunggyu stopped him. It wasn’t Woohyun (in particular) that he was aggravated with. “You’ve improved, but Hoya told me that. He had to. I didn’t know. I couldn’t. How could I know these things, if I’m not told? But I’d rather if you told me, not anyone else.”
Woohyun’s hand warmly gripped his knee. He stared at the other earnestly. “I’ll tell you next time, okay,” Sunggyu could see Woohyun mouth the words carefully. “I’ll tell you. No one else will.” Sunggyu could see it. He could feel it, but…
“Actually, I’d rather…I’d rather hear it for myself,” he confessed in a small voice. He buried his face in his hands, shutting himself off from everything. “I’m tired of being told.”
Woohyun’s hand was now shaking his knee, with growing intensity, silently begging Sunggyu to look at him. And Woohyun was most likely actually begging too, calling out to him. “Hyung…Hyung!”
Sunggyu turned his face into one hand as he used the other to swipe at Woohyun’s. “I’m frustrated, and I’m tired,” he grumbled. He then lowered his head on the desk, still looking away. “I’m just…so sick of everything. Sometimes, I just want to h…I want to give up,” he bit his lip after finishing. He almost (and probably did) reveal too much. Sunggyu’s eyes darted up to the computer screen. How can I help anybody when I can’t even fix my own problems? And Woohyun must’ve gotten fed up with Sunggyu acting like a child throwing a tantrum. The younger got up from his spot, pressed a kiss onto the side of Sunggyu’s head, and then left. Finally. I made him just as frustrated as I feel. Sunggyu raised his head again, rubbing his face and rubbing away his aggravation. I got to work. I have to work. When he opened his eyes again, Sunggyu saw a note laying next to his keyboard.
Don’t give up! Things get better.
Sunggyu picked up the note and began cackling. “How annoying,” he didn’t mean it. Not one bit.
Two hands fell onto each of his shoulders, and his desk chair spun around until he was now facing Woohyun. He was wearing his coat and had put his shoes back on. Is he leaving? that panicked thought shot across the elder’s mind. He wasn't. “Work from your phone or table, and let’s go out, hyung, while I’m still a nobody,” Woohyun signed while speaking with that usual sly grin. “I’m going to be a big star soon, big as the sun. Once I take my mask off onstage, I’ll always have to wear one offstage so that I don’t get mobbed by fans everywhere. You might have to wear one too.”
Sunggyu scoffed. He turned off his monitor and sat up. “Like I said, how did you manage to not brag about it for so long?” he joked with the other.
“It was killing me,” Woohyun replied. “It was killing me not to tell you.”
Before he went to put on his coat and shoes, Sunggyu kissed him with all of the tenderness that he was feeling at the moment. “Thank you.”
Yes, Woohyun was a big star right now, like he’d always dreamed of being. Unfortunately, his popularity came at the price of anonymity. It was ironic. Everyone knew who he was when he lost. But now that he was winning, no one knew who he was at all. But it’ll all pay off soon, he kept telling himself. And he wasn’t lying when he said that keeping this secret from Sunggyu was killing him. It kept eating him from the inside, whenever he was with Sunggyu, until he felt as if he were going to be devoured whole. So he’d always cut the conversation short or distract the other somehow (which he got pretty good at).
However, there were some perks to being a masked celebrity. Woohyun could hear others talk about him freely, especially those around the studio (and if he was ever asked about it, he would just shrug and say that he was too busy studying to watch the show). He also read articles both praising him and trying to figure out who he was. Only a few guessed correctly. One of those few weren’t Kim Heechul, who, as fate would have it, was one of the judges on the show. One of his fellow panelists (a girl group member whose promotion overlapped with Woohyun’s) brought up Woohyun’s name. At that, Heechul scoffed. “That’s not my penguin. It’s a musical actor. I guarantee it!” And that was the end of that debate. But Woohyun continued to have fun messing with him, even waddling off-stage again like he’d done years before. Heechul yelled at him, “Stop pretending to be cute!” But Woohyun was cute, and Tiny Sprout was a star.
Now that Sunggyu knew that Tiny Sprout and Woohyun were one in the same, Woohyun felt less burdened. Maybe that’s why he was able have his best performance to date on the next show.
And for once, Woohyun was grateful that he was wearing a mask. Tears started falling during the performance, and they wouldn’t stop even when he got down from the stage. The song reminded him of his struggles that he had to get to that point, his slump that he was pulling out of. And it had all paid off.
Woohyun was a star.
The following night, Woohyun spent it at Sunggyu’s, unable to keep his excitement to himself, still high off of his win. Once again (perhaps purposefully this time), they talked for too long, and it was late. So Sunggyu told him to stay the night (not like he minded much anyway). While Woohyun was getting ready for bed, brushing his teeth with Sunggyu’s spare (actually Woohyun’s) toothbrush. The elder shuffled over in his pajamas and leaned against the bathroom’s doorframe. “Woohyun, I want it,” he announced.
Woohyun clamped down his lips, keeping his toothbrush in his mouth as he signed with a surprised expression. “Now?”
Sunggyu shook his head and smiled in embarrassment. “No, no, no. Not that…well, maybe later, if you’re offering.”
Woohyun looked him up and down curiously. He spat into the sink and put the toothbrush down. “What do you want now?” he asked.
“The implants. I want to hear you. Umph!”
Woohyun tackled Sunggyu, hugging him tightly. “I knew it! I knew you wanted to! I’m so happy. Hyung, this is great!” he murmured into Sunggyu’s chest. He knew that the other couldn’t hear him, but one day he would. One day Sunggyu would be able to hear everything.
And while Sunggyu was ready to gain something, Woohyun had to lose. Give and take. His winning streak was finally over, and Tiny Sprout revealed his identity on national television.
“Yah! Penguin! You traitor! First you leave me for Yoon Sang, now this? Come out,” Heechul shouted at him after the MC went to the judges for comments. Woohyun pretended to hide behind the MC for protection. But Heechul wasn’t done with him. “You! When did you get this good?” he asked in all honesty.
“After you stopped coaching me,” Woohyun teased, and Heechul almost sprung onto the stage again. Woohyun revealed that he was joking and that he’d been studying music at the University as well as being tutored by Yoon Sang. “Without Heechul-hyung, I don’t think I’d be where I am today. He gave me some valuable advice about performing,” he ended cleanly.
“Hear that, Yoon Sang-ssi?” Heechul spoke to the musician through the camera. “I gave good advice. Practically hatched Woohyun from an egg.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Woohyun retorted with a of his head.
“Yah!”
The MC then stepped in before Heechul could charge the stage for a third time and thanked Woohyun for his time on the show. And Woohyun, in turn, thanked everybody for their love. With that, his time on the show was over. Once again, he lost, but he’d won so much more.
And although the MC could stop Heechul from approaching Woohyun on the set, now that the recording was over, the idol began making his way to Woohyun, and Woohyun started panicking, wondering if he took it too far with his teasing remarks.
“I wasn’t lying when I said that I liked you,” Heechul began with an odd remark. “The three of us should get back together sometime. Penguin, Fish, and Eskimo. We should all find an igloo to drink in.” Woohyun was surprised but agreed to the reunion.
When the three of them got together, it was more fun than Woohyun thought it would be. Heechul considered them more as colleagues now than mentees and treated them as such, especially since Dongwoo’s new single produced by Hoya had hit number one on several charts. And so Woohyun met up with Heechul a couple of more times and even introduced the idol to Sunggyu, the famous ‘friend.’ Woohyun was still wondering if introducing those two was a good move or a big mistake. The two of them got along too well and often ganged up on him. But at least it meant Sunggyu had another friend, so Woohyun decided that it was okay.
Along with a budding friendship with Heechul, another unexpected thing happened. Because of his appearance on Masked Singer, Woohyun was asked by several stations to come on their music shows again and promote his album. He did so, and the following week, he won on those programs (and his song knocked off Dongwoo’s from the number one spot).
Taking advantage of this situation, his company decided to make a second album with the songs that didn’t quite make the first cut (after a lot of revamping). Once released, that album sold even more than his first.
Woohyun had finally made it. Everything finally turned out okay, great even. And it was about to get even better.
It took a long time for the fervor to die down and Woohyun’s schedules along with it. When Woohyun had a chance to take a break, he knew exactly how to spend it, keeping the promise that he made to Sunggyu years ago.
After several trips to the hospital, and the longest wait of Woohyun’s life while Sunggyu was in surgery, came the moment that the both of them had been looking forward to. They were in a small, hot room with white walls, sitting in uncomfortable chairs, but to Woohyun, it felt like a dream. He was holding onto Sunggyu’s hand tightly, who had a vice-like grip on Woohyun’s hand as the doctor was carefully putting the device on the side of Sunggyu’s head.
And then she turned it on.
Sunggyu’s eyes went wide, hearing Woohyun didn’t know what. It wasn’t him He couldn’t speak. His throat clamped up. Nothing could come out.
The first voice Sunggyu had heard was the doctor’s as she checked up on Sunggyu’s condition and the device’s. After her voice, Sunggyu heard his own. He made a couple of sounds, testing his ears as if he was testing a microphone. That’s when something finally was able to come out of Woohyun’s tight throat, a laugh.
Sunggyu stopped and glanced over at the man next to him. “Woohyun,” he said the other’s name like he always had. Apparently Sunggyu didn’t like the sound of it. He screwed up his face and tried pronouncing it better, “Woo-woo-woohyun.”
“Sunggyu,” Woohyun croaked through his tight throat. In spite of that, Sunggyu knew it was his name and wide grin overwhelmed his face. And that made Woohyun all the more nervous. That big reaction for something so small (or what seemed small to him). For a long time, Woohyun had planned out exactly what to say, but now his mind was blank from the nerves (and the fact that the doctor was still there and could hear everything). He ended up stammering in a low voice, “M-marry me.”
He had spoken too quietly for anybody but himself to hear. “Huh?” Sunggyu leaned in closer. “Speak up,” he urged the other.
Out of the corner of his eye, Woohyun noticed that the doctor got up from her seat and walked over to the side of the room, acting as if she had all-important file to look over at the moment. Woohyun was grateful for the space she gave them. But he still was cautious. He scooted closer to the other and whispered into his ear: “Marry me.”
He was too loud this time. Sunggyu recoiled and shivered, hiding his ear from the other. The elder looked like he was in pain. Woohyun had misjudged how sensitive he would be, and now he ruined the moment. Woohyun sighed and hung his head.
Then Woohyun felt the other’s hand shift in his, and Sunggyu’s other hand clasped around their already joined hands. “I wanted to say that.” Woohyun looked up. Sunggyu still look slightly peeved, but happy. “I’ve been wanting to ask you that for awhile.”
“Really?” Woohyun asked. Since when?
“Yea, I have,” Sunggyu repeated. He then shot a glance over at the doctor still in the room. “Let’s do it,” he vaguely put as he then put his arms around the younger in a tight embrace.
Woohyun hooked his head over Sunggyu’s shoulder and squeezed the other in his arms. “I love you. So much,” now that he could talk, he couldn’t keep it in anymore.
For the first time, Sunggyu had ‘heard’ him speak without looking at his face. “Me too. I love you, Woohyun.”
And at that moment, Woohyun didn’t know how things could possibly get any better.
A/N: Thank you, everyone, for your patience. I know it has been a long wait. My original plans for the ending got tossed out after Woohyun's solo. And I'm glad that they did. This way I was able to show personal growth in Woohyun and growth as a singer, comparing his first stint on IS2 and his most recent. Our Tiny Sprout grew up so much! I'm really proud!
And I'm proud of myself for finally finishing this...but not really.
Although I'm marking this as "complete," I'm going to add an epilogue: things from Sunggyu's perspective. But Woohyun's story is finished! Thank you all for reading. I hope that you enjoyed it!
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