Woohyun was sitting outside of the store, which he shouldn't be as he was still on the clock. He should be still be behind the cash register waiting for customers that rarely come at this hour. But…he wanted to be here, sitting on the hard plastic furniture in the cold night air, staring at his friend whom he just met for the first time. He was speechless. Which was alright. He didn't need to speak right now. His hand was furiously writing on the small scrap of paper he found, silently cursing himself. This small piece of paper couldn't hold all of the questions that he had for the other. You'd think he'd be satisfied with the answers that Sunggyu had already given him, but it only left him with more and more things to ask.

Finally, Woohyun clicked his pen and leaned back into his seat as he pushed the paper over to the man across from him.

Is that what you do all day? Giving advice to strangers online. 

Sunggyu read the paper and smirked. He gestured over to Woohyun to hand him the pen, which Woohyun did, cautiously. Something about the two of them finally meeting had put the cashier on edge. Yes, he had questions, many of them, but mostly because he never really thought that 'answerking12' was real, or that the two of them would actually meet. But they did, and had meet several times before, nearly every night. Every night, the person who Woohyun was the most intimate with in this great city would come into the store. Sunggyu knew so much about him, but Woohyun knew nothing at all about the other, other than that one day Sunggyu was 'fine.' But Sunggyu was old, more like an uncle than a friend. And Sunggyu was deaf. And all the sudden, the person that Woohyun felt closest too, he didn't feel that close to him anymore. It was like instead of a table between them, there was this great chasm separating them, almost impassable.

But then the small scrap of paper crossed that chasm and nudged against his knuckles. Woohyun picked it up and read it. At night. I'm a counselor and give motivational talks. "Pbft," Woohyun sputtered and he felt the tension, which was tight across his chest, loosen. He looked up at the other, who was tilting his head, silently asking what was so funny. Soft chuckles fell from Woohyun's lips; his shoulders shook up and down with each one. He reached over the small table and grabbed the pen from Sunggyu's hands. He quickly jotted down the next few words and then slid it across the table, still chuckling to himself. Who can't speak? 

"I'm deaf not mute, ."

"Oh," the laughter stuck to Woohyun's throat almost choking himself. In fact, he had to clear his throat before he could speak again, "You can talk?" It was the last thing he had expected. And yet he felt foolish for not doing so. His cheeks grew hot with embarrassment, seeing Sunggyu nodded smugly as he read the other's lips. "Why didn't you ever speak to me before?"

Sunggyu leaned back into his chair as he rubbed the front of his throat tenderly. "I might sound funny. And people tease," he confessed. And honestly, the old man did sound a bit off. His words weren't connecting properly on his tongue. It was an odd mix of over pronouncing some syllables while letting others drop carelessly from his mouth. And, yes, Woohyun heard it too, the tiniest trace of a lisp, which even under normal circumstances, people would point out and mock. It was no wonder why Sunggyu would feel discouraged from speaking. Even a simple 'hello' or 'thank you' would be a dead give away that he was disabled. All this time, Sunggyu preferred to appear shy and socially awkward than what he really was because…"Even though I can't hear them, I can still feel them talking about me," Sunggyu continued. Because people can be cruel. Sunggyu's fingers were still running up and down the front of his throat, and his smug smile was replaced with a grimace. He inhaled a sharp breath through gritted teeth. "Besides, it hurts," he remarked quietly as he lifted his gaze up to the younger (well, up to his lips at least).

"It hurts?" Woohyun asked, leaning forward. He watched the elder, who was still rubbing his throat as he nodded in response. Woohyun's fingertips brushed against the surface of the table. "Why?"

"Because I don't speak often. It's like using a muscle you haven't stretched in a while," he explained, his hand finally leaving his neck and resting on the table.

Woohyun eyed him curiously. "But you're talking now. Doesn't it hurt?"

Sunggyu shrugged, but then his shoulders kept moving. He was laughing. The elder was actually laughing, and at Woohyun. "You look like a kid who's just seen a magic trick. It's amusing," his voice was like a hoarse whisper between laughs. Even just this small conversation was taking a toll on his vocal chords. But you couldn't judge based on Sunggyu's face. He was smiling, effortlessly.

Woohyun smiled too, laughing at himself. He sat back in his chair as an attempt to regain his cool. He felt his eyes return back to their normal size, which was odd. He never noticed how wide he must have held them. "It's just weird. Meeting you in person," Woohyun admitted. "You know I tried to imagine who you were."

Sunggyu rested both of his forearms against the table. Woohyun had to remove his own hands because their was barely any room for the two of them to rest their arms on the small table comfortably. It was as if it was quickly shrinking. "What did you think?" Sunggyu asked.

"Well, you obviously weren't a woman because you were too tactless," Woohyun said carefully. He could feel himself unconsciously speaking louder and over-enunciating things for Sunggyu's sake, as if the old man was hard of hearing instead of completely deaf. But then again, it didn't really matter because Sunggyu was completely deaf. The old man didn't even notice and nodded along to Woohyun's theory. Woohyun felt his smile grow wider. "For a bit I thought that you were one of those automated robots." Sunggyu began laughing again, and Woohyun along with him. The younger waited until Sunggyu opened his eyes again (or until it looked like his eyes were actually opened) before continuing, "But you sounded a little too human for that." He remarked, cocking his head.

"Human?"

"Too cocky. Too snarky. So this," he gestured around all that was Sunggyu, "actually fits. This makes sense." It was like the more Woohyun was with Sunggyu, the more things fit together and began making sense. It was like seeing a puzzle come together. Woohyun had all of the puzzle's edges sorted out when they meet, but now he was slowly filling in the inside, and a clear picture was forming. But the picture wasn't complete just yet.

Sunggyu scoffed and lowered his head, shaking it back and forth at the other's words. Woohyun patted his forearm, calling his attention, and then pointed at his own chest. "What about me? Did you ever try to imagine me?" Woohyun asked.

"I told you," Sunggyu said in his rough voice. "I thought you were a teenage girl."

Woohyun crossed his arms and slunk down in his seat. "I told you I wasn't," he grumbled, turning his face away from the elder.

But even if he couldn't read it, Sunggyu could still sense and definitely see Woohyun's disgruntledness. "People lie to me about who they are all the time," he explained himself. "So I thought you were too. But I never imagined you like this."

Woohyun looked back at the other and asked loudly, "Like what?"

Sunggyu pointed at his own lips, which were spread thin into a smile. "So happy. So smiley," he said.

Woohyun felt his chapped lips tearing at the corners from smiling so widely. It hurt, but at the same time, it felt so nice. Woohyun wanted to hold onto this happiness for as long as he could. Things were finally looking up for him. A family, new friends…a Sunggyu, whatever he was (Woohyun still hadn't decided whether this feeling he had for the other was like one for an uncle or a mentor or a friend).

"It's because I finally met my friend."

(Or had he?)

---

 

Or were they really friends? A customer came to break up their conversation, Woohyun had to return to work, and Sunggyu ran away, while yawning, almost as if he couldn’t get away fast enough. The atmosphere had been comfortable between them before, but it ended on such an awkward that Woohyun started to wonder if Sunggyu was only being nice to him again because the old man saw him as a needy client. A counselor, Woohyun thought as he bagged a customer’s items. Sunggyu probably felt the same way about Woohyun as Woohyun felt about this semi-drunk man right in front of him. Instead of filling up a bag full of junk food (and something that Woohyun refused to acknowledge), Sunggyu would fill Woohyun’s emptiness with compliments and a healthy dose of realism before sending him happily on his way. Woohyun sighed and slumped over the counter after the customer left.

He then began laughing at himself. He was so happy less than an hour before but know his thoughts dragged him deep, deep down away from that happiness into sadness. Maybe he did need a counselor like Sunggyu.

---

 

“Instead of this,” Sungyeol said grabbing the Tupperware from Woohyun’s hands and placing it back into the communal fridge. He closed the door and leaned against it. “Let’s go out for breakfast,” he suggested, widening his eyes in order to expand their strength. It looked like he was trying to will Woohyun with his mind to follow his suggestion. Woohyun laughed, wondering if the cop used the exact same gaze on the hooligans that get drug into the police department.

“Out?” Woohyun asked through his chuckle.

“Yes, go out.  What night walkers like us aren’t used to doing at this time of day,” Sungyeol joked, laughing slightly along with his friend.

Woohyun crossed his arms over his chest. He cocked his head. “I can’t even remember the last time I ate out,” he mused aloud.

“For me,” Sungyeol picked up on his thought. “It was the spring of last year.”

And for Woohyun, it had been even longer. Jungyeop didn’t take Woohyun out often because he didn’t want to show favoritism, even though Woohyun was his only foster child. And excluding quick snacks from a convenience store and the internet cafe, the last time he ate out was probably his birthday the winter of last year. “That’s sad,” he remarked, talking more about himself than the other.

“I know. I lead a pathetic life,” Sungyeol replied with a resigned sigh. He grabbed onto Woohyun’s shoulders and turned him around, pushing him out of the kitchen. “So let’s go.”

I guess I’m going out for breakfast, Woohyun thought with a smile. Sungyeol didn’t leave him with much of a choice, which meant that Woohyun could place the blame entirely on the cop if the meal turned out poorly (or even worse, expensive). But it also meant that he was going out for the first time since he moved to the big city, sure it was just an early morning breakfast and not a fiery Saturday night out. Still, still it was his first time out and under the warm Seoul sun.

---

 

They stayed under that warm sun for awhile. The restaurant Sungyeol was leading Woohyun to was blocks further than he had expected. However, unsurprisingly, it was right across from Sungyeol’s department. Woohyun began to grow excited. Sungyeol might’ve been taking him to a police joint, where all the cops congregate and talk about cases and suspects over coffee. Woohyun grinned in anticipation. Then what if Woohyun himself could offer some valuable insight on the cases? Then they could hire him as some sort of special consultant like on those crime dramas. And he and Sungyeol could be the snarky odd couple that the audience would love (you know, if life were like dramas). But it was obvious once they stepped inside, that this wasn’t what Woohyun had envisioned. The crowd was full of old, wrinkled faces. Retired folk, was all Woohyun could think. He sighed, frowned, and turned to Sungyeol. “What is this place?” he whispered.

“I don’t know,” Sungyeol said with a shrug. But his feigned nonchalantness was not fooling Woohyun. Sungyeol’s eyes were darting around the place, searching. “This is my first time,” the cop carried on cooly, “but from the outside it looks interesting.”

Woohyun rolled his eyes at the other, but Sungyeol missed it. The two of them sat down in a booth, wordlessly looking over the menus. Woohyun was about to ask his friend something and looked up only to see Sungyeol beaming brightly at something over Woohyun’s shoulder. Woohyun craned his neck slightly to see a girl, around their age (maybe slightly older), looking like she had just rolled out of bed just like the rest of the crowd. Her hair and clothes rumpled, but her face looked bright and awake. “Good morning,” she greeted the two men as she put water and glasses onto the table. “Would you like anything else to drink?”

“I would say coffee, but I just worked the night shift. I really shouldn’t have any,” Sungyeol commented, resting his forearms against the table. Woohyun scoffed. Everything was starting to make sense.

“Good idea. You wouldn’t want to have a fitful sleep,” the waitress continued the friendly chatter. “So is this like dinner for you then?”

Woohyun decided to join in on the fun (and perhaps give Sungyeol a bit of a scare). He looked over at the waitress and flashed her a charming smile. “I guess you could say that,” he responded. “We’re just a couple of night-walkers, aren’t we, Sungyeol?” Woohyun tried to make the statement sound as scandalous as possible. The girl narrowed her eyes on the two in scrutiny.

Sungyeol started to make some sputtering noises until he finally blurted out, “I’m a cop! He…he’s just works the graveyard shift as a cashier!” He was pointing right in between Woohyun’s eyes. Woohyun started chuckling. His trick had worked, and Sungyeol was sweating.

“Oh a cop!” the waitress exclaimed. “Should I thank you for keeping the streets safe for us?”

“Eung,” Woohyun cut Sungyeol off before he could say anything. “He’s the best at handling those dangerous teenagers,” he teased. “Ah,” he suddenly gasped, his hand shooting down to rub the shin that Sungyeol had just kicked under the table. Woohyun glared at the other, who was mouthing curses at him (he didn’t have to read lips to be able to understand the profanities Sungyeol was spilling).

The waitress giggled, the back of her hand politely covering her broad smile. “I’ll give you a few more minutes to decide what you’d like to eat, okay?”

“Ah okay,” Sungyeol stuttered, while watching the waitress walk away from the table. His smile didn’t quite look natural. It made Woohyun uncomfortable to look at.

 “So it looked interesting, huh?” he remarked after the waitress was out of earshot.

Sungyeol heaved a heavy sigh and rubbed his face in his hands. “Is it obvious?” he groaned, his voice slightly muffled.

“That you think she’s pretty, or that you’re a creep?” Woohyun asked.

Sungyeol lowered his hands so that his large eye peered over the tips of his fingers. “Both?” he asked.

Woohyun nodded, grinning widely. “Yup.”

A thud echoed at their booth as Sungyeol dropped his head onto the table, digging his scalp into the grain. Sungyeol was muttering nonsense under his breath. Woohyun laughed lightly, patting the cop’s shoulders in consolation. The cashier’s eyes darted about the room, wondering if anybody else was witnessing Sungyeol’s mental breakdown. And there was. The waitress was watching them from a couple tables over, with an amused smile on her lips.

---

 

When Woohyun woke up the next day, he was restless. Even at dinner with his family, he was still restless, his knees bouncing under the table. His aunt chided him for shaking the table (which made Woohyun happier than it should because a few seconds later she told Sungmin the same thing). “What has gotten into the two of you?” she asked the boys, side-eyeing them.

“I’m just getting so much energy from this meal,” Woohyun said and then took a big bite. “Mmm. It’s good!” he exclaimed, bouncing in his seat.

The landlady laughed warmly and patted Woohyun’s head, while the youngest brother retched, pretending to throw up at Woohyun’s sudden burst of cuteness. Then Sungmin mumbled something about how he was supposed to be the cute one, which didn’t go unheard by his mother. She also cooed and his head too.

“I’m glad that some of my boys are getting something out of this meal,” she said pointedly, gazing directly at Sungjong who was just pushing food around his plate again.

“Right,” the father chimed in. “Growing boy should eat. You don’t want to end up short like Woohyun.”

Woohyun’s face dropped. “Uncle!” he protested, pouting. The man just shook his head and laughed heartedly at his own joke.

“It’s okay,” his aunt tried to console him. “The size of the man doesn’t matter. The size of his heart does.”

“And that’s small too!” Sungmin teased his hyung.

“Why you little…” Woohyun growled at the young boy between gritted teeth, but it quickly just turned into a smile. Family was like this, right? Playful teasing, saying the opposite of what they really mean. Sure Woohyun was short (the boys were quickly catching up to him), but there was no way Sungmin thought that his new hyung had a small heart to go along with his small stature. Not with the way Sungmin’s eyes were normally trained on Woohyun, or how he’d always ask Woohyun to help with a difficult math problem. It was growing more noticeable. Woohyun was Sungmin’s favorite hyung.

So although Woohyun was smiling, he restrained it just a bit and his eyes drifted down towards the end of the table. Sungjong wasn’t looking at any of them, just at his plate. He was shut off from the rest of them, as if a glass box surrounded him. But then he got up. “May I be excused? I have a lot of homework,” he declared.

“Oh alright,” the mother answered with a resigned sigh. Sungjong then said good night to his father. Afterwards, the teenager looked at Woohyun with his mouth open, as if he wanted to say something. But then he clamped it shut, turned around, and made for his bedroom.

“I guess he’ll be needing a bigger study snack tonight as well,” the mother spoke absentmindedly as she got up to pick up Sungjong’s dishes. “And just once I wish that he could put these away properly.”

Woohyun then got up with his own dishes in hand. “I should take my leave too,” he announced.

“Already?” Sungmin objected.

“There’s something I want to check out,” Woohyun spoke carefully, placing his dishes in the sink.

“A job posting?” his uncle guessed.

Woohyun rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Something like that.” Actually, it was nothing like that at all.

“Good luck,” his uncle wished.

“Ah thank you,” Woohyun responded. He felt like he would need it.

---

 

It was funny. Woohyun felt like he was rushing all day to get here, but once he was in front of his usual computer at the internet café, he was still. His hands were glued to his lap, eyes on those hands. He let out a deep breath.

Throughout the day, and even the night before, Woohyun had caught himself wondering several times what would happen when he’d enter the chatroom next. He began to fiddle anxiously with the fingers in his lap. Sunggyu had honestly thought that Woohyun was a teenage girl (or was he joking), and Sunggyu was honestly…old and deaf and kind-hearted. Kind-hearted enough to tell a young man going through a tough time in his life white lies that would make him feel better. Woohyun closed his eyes and threw his head back. He was starting to think that it would’ve been better if they had never met because Woohyun’s image of answerking12 was shattered.

But a new one was forming. The puzzle wasn’t complete just yet. He couldn’t make it out.

But, before they had ended awkwardly, things were good, right? Comfortable? Almost like it was online (except for a lot of shouting on Woohyun’s end). Woohyun nodded to himself.

It was now or never.

nwh91: hi

Crap, wasn’t he supposed to start with a question? What if it would get rejected? What if it wasn’t Sunggyu’s shift? Woohyun half-smirked to himself, reassuring himself. It was normally the old man’s shift this time at night. “Ugh, why do I care?” he found himself asking that question again. He hid his face behind his hands.

Bing!

This was the reason, curiosity. How their encounter yesterday would change their dynamic. Would he even answer? What would he say? And Woohyun preferred to do this over the chatroom rather than face-to-face (which would inevitably happen as well). Like it was before.

Woohyun slowly lowered his hands and read the message.

answerking12: I wondered when you’d show up.

Woohyun smirked.

nwh91: Did you miss me?

answerking12: I don’t answer questions like that. Ask me another.

nwh91: Fine then…

Woohyun retracted his hands from the keyboard. Yup, still the same. Still that snarky, realistic butthead that Woohyun grew to…appreciate. But for the question, he knew which one he wanted to ask. He had been holding onto it for awhile. It was the whole reason why he came to the internet café in the first place, before he got stuck in a rut.

nwh91: How do I find out what I want to do?

There was a pause, a lengthy one, until finally the reply popped into the chatbox.

answerking12: You know what might be easier

A pause again. Was Woohyun supposed to guess? His fingertips grazed the keyboard, ready to answer, but before he could type anything in response.

answerking12: Let’s meet up.

---

 

“Come inside. Make yourself at home.”

Sunggyu shut the door behind Woohyun as the younger stepped inside the apartment. “Let’s meet up,” turned out to be Sunggyu inviting Woohyun over and sending his address because the elder needed to be by his computer in case anybody needed to webchat with him. This wasn’t what Woohyun was expecting when he began the conversation, but he liked where it was taking him.

Woohyun looked around the place as he dug his fists deeper into his pockets. It almost felt like one of those places where you were allowed to look but not touch. Everything looked expensive. And Woohyun felt out of place with his hand-me-down coat from Jungyeop and jeans torn from age and wear rather than for fashion reasons. Is this really a home?

“I might have to answer some questions whenever they roll in,” Sunggyu’s muffled voice announced, his tongue stumbling over a few words. Woohyun chewed on his lip as he concentrated on the other’s words. He needed to learn how to sign soon, if he wanted to keep this relationship up. Sunggyu then appeared in front of Woohyun with beers in his hands. He pressed one into Woohyun’s chest. “But other than that, I'm all yours,” he said with a smile. Woohyun just looked up at Sunggyu and then back down to the beer can in his hands. He really shouldn’t. He had to work in an hour…as a cashier. And it was an hour away, enough time for it to go through his system. So he better drink it fast. He followed Sunggyu to the couch and sat down on the other side. He popped the tab and began chugging from the can.

"Wah! You must've been a rebel,” Sunggyu commented sarcastically, as he watched Woohyun wipe his chin. “Look how easy you drank that down. You're barely legal. It shouldn't be that easy."

Woohyun placed the nearly empty can on the table. It was made out of some, absurdly expensive dark wood, Woohyun was sure of it. He sighed as he looked around, "Not all of us are as lucky as you."

"I'm not lucky,” the old man quickly dismissed, finally taking a sip from his own can. “I work hard.” He placed his can on the table next to Woohyun’s. “You know, maybe that's your problem. You're always blaming something else when things don't go your way, but maybe you should start putting the fault on yourself. You're not perfect. Nobody is."

Woohyun was already well aware of that. There were a lot of things he’d like to change about himself, too many things. But he didn’t want anybody to know about his insecurities, his weaknesses. "But I'm pretty darn close," he snapped back with a smug smile.

Sunggyu laughed. "You're pretty darn cocky too.” He then leaned back and faced Woohyun head-on. “So what's your deal?" he asked.

"My deal?" Woohyun sputtered. He was in the middle of finishing his drink when the older had asked. He ended up having to repeat himself because Sunggyu couldn’t quite read it.

"Your life story,” Sunggyu clarified. “Why you have no one better than a 32 year-old deaf man to talk to?” He laughed to himself, “It's kind of ironic, actually."

"What? That you're a whole zodiac older than me,” Woohyun teased.

"No. That you're asking questions from a deaf man, and you don't even know how to sign,” the old man explained. Then he narrowed his eyes on the younger, and Woohyun chuckled. He had gotten under the old man’s skin. “But thanks for concentrating on my age," Sunggyu spoke darkly.

Woohyun pushed it further, "You could be my father."

Sunggyu rolled his eyes and scoffed, "I would've been 12."

"Ah! So you discovered women at an early age," Woohyun joked, wiggling his eyebrows. "I'm not your dad!” Sunggyu shouted. His words became more slurred and almost incomprehensible because he was shouting so quickly. “Do you even see a photo frame around here? No, because I don't have a family. I'm an eternal bachelor."

It was just like Woohyun had thought. This place wasn’t a home, not one with a family or heart. No wonder why it felt cold and unlivable. "I don't have a family either,” Woohyun admitted. Yes, he was gaining some semblance of a family. But it wasn’t a family in a traditional sense. “I'm an orphan, and I just left the orphanage a while ago."

"And you moved into the city alone,” Sunggyu had calmed down and his voice with it.  Woohyun nodded, placing his empty can onto the table, wondering in retrospect if he should’ve used a coaster. But then the old man interrupted that thought, “What's your plan?"

Woohyun faced the other, grinning even though he felt hopeless. "Isn't that the question I asked you?” he turned it around. “I don't even know what to plan for." "You're still young. You can be anything," Sunggyu tried to offer the other strength.

"I want to be a chaebol."

Sunggyu chuckled slightly and rolled his eyes. "Within reason."

"You didn't say that,” Woohyun retorted teasingly. But he froze after seeing Sunggyu’s stern eyes fall onto him. Woohyun then dropped his gaze to his hands. He wasn’t here to joke around. He was here for help. He raised his head and asked, “Will you help me find it?"

"Find what? What you want to do? Your purpose in life?” Sunggyu asked, and Woohyun nodded enthusiastically to each question. The old man sighed, “You must think that I have nothing else better to do."

"Well do you?" Woohyun blurted out, almost regretting it.

Sunggyu sighed again. This time he looked away, gazing at his surroundings. "Not really,” he finally admitted, facing the younger again. “So what are you interested in? What are you good at?"

Woohyun thought for a second, pulling at his lips. One thing quickly came to the forefront of his mind. “I can sing,” he suggested.

“No,” Sunggyu immediately rejected without even sparing it a thought.

Woohyun pulled himself up and looked at the other defiantly. “Sunggyu-ssi, you’ll have to trust me on this one,” he spoke loudly, carefully pronouncing every word. And if that wasn’t enough to get his point across, he tried to put on his most determined expression. “Even though you can’t hear it, I’m very good. I won prizes at school.”

Sunggyu laughed again, at him, dismissing him. All of which was starting to make Woohyun’s blood boil. “Being the best out of 30 students doesn’t mean anything,” he retorted. “I’ll tell you right now. You don’t have what it takes. Don’t even try.” Woohyun narrowed his glare on the other even more at those words, but Sunggyu tried to mollify him with a smile (it didn’t work).

“What else can you do?”

---

 

Woohyun left Sunggyu’s place with a homework assignment to make a mock resume. Woohyun grimaced as he crumpled Sunggyu’s instructions into this pocket. It felt like he was in school again. He had an assignment and a due date, tomorrow evening. Which meant he’d have to still think about this today, even after talking with Sunggyu about his lack of skills for about an hour. And when Sunggyu suggested maybe returning to school, Woohyun felt disheartened. He’d love to go, but where was the money for that? Where was the time?

He heaved a great sigh, kicking the ground underneath his feet as he made his way to the store. His eyes caught the other assignment that the old man had given him in his other hand. Woohyun laughed, recalling how the man unceremoniously tossed it too Woohyun before he’d left for work.

It was a book about sign language.

---

 

A few nights later, Woohyun was at the dinner table, once again joking with his aunt, uncle, and Sungmin. And once again, Sungjong was distant and distracted. It had almost been a week with the teenager acting moody. It was easy to dismiss it as teenage angst, but…Woohyun knew that Sungjong was struggling with his classmates (and probably his parents did too because their son came home late one night suddenly battered and bruised). When Sungjong left the dinner table, grumbling excuses and leaving a plate of food behind. Woohyun’s uncle leaned over to Woohyun and spoke in a low voice so Sungmin couldn’t hear.

“I know that you two have your secrets, like when Jjongie came home with all those bruises and you guys acted like nothing unusual happened,” so the parents did know. Woohyun looked over at his uncle with wide eyes, scared, but the man only looked at him with tenderness and forgiveness. It’s okay. “Do you know what’s going on now?”

“No,” Woohyun confessed. He could guess at what was wrong, but he didn’t know. “Want me to find out?”

“Could you?” the other pleaded. “He’s just at that age where he won’t let me in as much as he used to. Like relying on your dad is a bad thing, you know?” Now it was his turn to look at Woohyun with wide-eyes, afraid that he said something offensive. But this was okay too. Woohyun nodded. He understood perfectly. His uncle clasped a hand on Woohyun’s shoulders, rubbing it. “Thank you.”

Woohyun nodded again and smiled to himself. He hadn’t felt like this in awhile, needed. So he was going to take his mission and serve it out to his fullest.

“Yah! Lee Sungjong!” Woohyun yelled as he threw the younger’s door opened. Sungjong was at his desk, facing the window. He turned to see the intruder and groaned.

“Hyung, I’m not in the mood,” he said, then he turned back towards the window. “I have work.” Funny, Woohyun couldn’t see any books open, nor even a pen or pencil nearby. Even the desk lamp was off, like Sungjong wanted the room to be dark. Well, Woohyun was prepared to light it up and lift up this heavy atmosphere. He flopped onto Sungjong’s bed and rolled around, nestling his head into Sungjong’s pillow. “Hyung!” Sungjong protested, giving the other his best irritated glare.

Woohyun tried to ignore the other, like Sungjong had been ignoring them all week.  He turned over onto his side, facing away from the teen. “What I’m sleeping?” he grumbled.

He heard the younger scoff. “Didn’t you just wake up?”

“Eung,” Woohyun grunted still laying still.

“So you’re not here because my parents think there’s something wrong with me?”

Woohyun finally flipped over onto his other side, looking at Sungjong curiously. “Is there?” he asked.

“No,” the other answered bluntly.

“Then alright,” Woohyun replied while letting out a deep breath and laying down on his back. And they stayed like that for awhile, in silence with Sungjong pretending to do homework and with Woohyun pretending to sleep, until Sungjong finally muttered something.

“I’m in love. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Woohyun bolted straight up and looked at the other with sheer amusement. “What?!”

Now Sungjong looked like he was starting to regret not holding this secret inside. “I like someone, okay?” he tried to play it off coolly. But Woohyun wouldn’t let him.

“Uh huh, before you said love. You’re in love,” he teased as he sat on the edge of the bed and leaned forward to poke Sungjong in the cheek. The teen rolled his eyes and slapped Woohyun’s hands away. But Woohyun was chuckling, “Who is it? Don’t tell me. It’s one of the guys from the other day?!”

“Hyung!” Sungjong snapped back, baring his teeth at the elder. Woohyun leaned back, not expecting this outburst. “You’re just as bad as they are! Just because I look and sound like this, am I supposed to be gay?” he shouted, placing a hand over his heart. He was fuming, seething. His nerves were raw and Woohyun had poked them.

“No, of course not,” Woohyun retracted, feeling guilty for jumping to conclusions. He rubbed the back of his neck. He felt uncomfortable again, unwanted. For many reasons. He shyly looked up at Sungjong. “But there’s nothing wrong with it if you were, right?”

The teen rapped his fingers on the desk as he stared at Woohyun suspiciously. “Right,” he carefully answered. “Nothing wrong at all.”

“So who’s the lucky girl?” Woohyun was in a rush to change the topic.

Sungjong sighed sadly, but there was still a faint smile on his lips. Gaxing down at his hands, he answered, “Hwayoungie,” speaking the name with affection that Woohyun wasn’t used to hearing (mostly because the younger’s voice normally sounded irritated when they spoke).

“Was she the girl you tried to protect? The one who told you not to fight?” Woohyun asked, leaning in closer to the younger again. Sungjong nodded with his gaze still downcast. “Did those guys say…bad things about you in front of her?” he asked cautiously. With the way Sungjong reacted seconds ago, the answer was obvious.

Sungjong finally lifted his head, looking Woohyun in the eye. “And they said crude things about her too,” he added.

Woohyun nodded, soaking in the situation. “Is she still talking to you?” he continued.

Sungjong shook his head and looked away. “Not as much as before,” he admitted.

“Why?”

Sungjong sighed again, like the air was too hard to breathe in. He then confessed, “She’s disappointed in me.”

Woohyun cocked an eyebrow. “Disappointed in you for standing up for her and yourself?” he challenged.

“Fighting doesn’t make me any more of a man,” it sounded like Sungjong was repeating something word-for-word. He smiled sadly and shook his head. “She liked me because I was mature. And now….” He couldn’t finish and swallowed the words instead.

Woohyun put his hand on Sungjong’s shoulder and kept it there until Sungjong met his gaze again. “You’re a teenager. You’re supposed to f**k up and get hot-headed,” Woohyun assured him.

Sungjong chuckled softly and shook his head, “Not me.”

“Yes, you,” Woohyun retorted. “Jjongie, you are mature. More than some adults I know. Definitely more than me.”

Sungjong smiled genuinely this time. “That’s not hard,” he joked.

Woohyun laughed and patted the teen, a little harder than he should. “So it’s okay to act your age sometimes,” he said, now digging a finger into Sungjong’s cheek. Sungjong slapped it away. “And if Hwayoungie is upset by that, then she doesn’t deserve you.”

That caused the smile to flee from the younger’s face. “Whatever,” Sungjong mumbled.

“Yah!” Woohyun yelled with mock anger. He wrapped his arms around Sungjong’s neck in a headlock and brought him on the bed with him. Sungjong wrestled against him, but Woohyun was pinning him down. “When I say something like that you should smile and say ‘Hyung you’re so cool.’ “ Sungjong shook his head and clenched his jaw refusing to speak a word, so Woohyun started to tap underneath his chin, urging him, “Say it! Say it!”

---

 

“Yeol, are we going to come here everyday?” Woohyun asked after the slid into their usual booth. They have been coming here so often that the boys greeted some of the retirees by name and made small talk about the weather and their grandchildren with them. It was nice to be a part of a community, but Woohyun preferred it to be with people around his own age (why was he hanging out with so many old folk lately? It was a huge shift from the orphans that he used to be surrounded by).

“I’m so close,” Sungyeol whispered with a slight whine. “She almost knows our names.”

Almost was the keyword. “She calls us Wooyeol and Sunghyun,” Woohyun reminded him.

“Just a little mixed up,” Sungyeol defended the waitress (whose name was Heeyeon. And Sungyeol remembered that name as soon as he heard it). The cop then began to rub his ear in between his fingers as he sheepishly asked. “Which one am I again?”

“Aigoo! Our little Sunghyunnie forgot his name,” Woohyun cooed, Sungyeol under his chin.

Sungyeol slapped the other’s hand away and was about to respond with some choice words, but then he noticed something out of the corner of his eye, Heeyeon.

“Happens to me all the time. I’m awful with names,” she confessed as she placed the waters and some herbal tea on the table. She then smiled brightly at them. “But I’m great at recognizing faces. Especially such handsome ones. I put in your orders as soon as you guys walked in,” she told them, tapped the table, and went to go wait on others.

Sungyeol’s eyes followed her, watching her gently talk to the elderly couple at the next table. She leaned over to listen to the grandpa’s order. Beaming, he turned his attention to Woohyun and slapped his forearm. “See! She thinks I’m handsome,” he boasted.

“She said we’re handsome,” Woohyun corrected him. And it also wasn’t hard to be the most handsome in a sea of men over 65.

“Yea,” Sungyeol gave him that much. “But her eyes were on me.”

Woohyun sighed. Were they? Woohyun couldn’t tell. All he was paying attention to was the prices. The more and more he talked with Sunggyu, the more and more it seemed like he’d have to go back to school. And to do that, he needed money. He needed to save money. He needed to stop indulging Sungyeol’s whims. “I…I don’t know if I have enough money to keep doing this,” he confessed.

Sungyeol groaned and slid down in his seat, “Right? Neither do I.” He looked down at his thumbs, twiddling them. “Should we stop? Is this hopeless?”

While the cop was busy indulging in his self-doubt, Woohyun glanced to his right, catching sight of Heeyeon staring straight at them. She quickly looked away, grimacing because she had just been caught staring. “No it’s not,” Woohyun spoke up. “Let’s just come once a week.”

That lifted Sungyeol’s dampened spirits quite quickly. “Okay!” he exclaimed, sitting up straight again, looking taller than ever.

Heeyeon came over soon afterwards, placing their meals in front of them. And that’s when Woohyun noticed that Sungyeol had a larger portion that he did, and when he pointed it out, Heeyeon responded, saying that cops needed their energy, especially to fight of 12 year-old boys.

And that’s when Woohyun felt it for the first time this season. He looked out the window, and he watching the fallen leaves pick up in the wind. It was fall. The weather was growing colder, and people were starting to find love to keep their hearts warm for the winter. Everyone seemed to be falling in love besides Woohyun (and literally right beside Woohyun as well).

---

 

That feeling of bitter loneliness followed him into the next day. It wasn’t the same kind of loneliness that he felt earlier that year. Then he felt like a ghost. But now, he felt like things were good, but they could be better if he had someone to share them with.

But instead, he was sharing his time with his old-man friend again. Okay so 32 isn’t that old, and if Woohyun was honest, the man seemed younger every time they met. The atmosphere between them was becoming more akin to older brother and younger brother, especially with the way they would antagonize each other. And even Sunggyu’s apartment appeared to be most hospitable. Woohyun was starting to learn where everything was. Like now, he was getting himself a cup of water. He looked over at Sunggyu who was reading a new message on his computer screen earnestly. “Sunggyu-ssi is old and dumb,” he shouted at the back of Sunggyu’s head. “He’s ugly too. The rats in my apartment are better looking.” He then glared at oblivious Sunggyu as he took a long sip from his cup. Yes, yelling insults at the elder had made him very thirsty indeed.

Woohyun chuckled sadly to himself as he sat back down on the leather couch. He was being petty and he knew it, all too well. Sunggyu was just doing his job. This time he was talking with an actual teenage girl whose boyfriend dumped her for someone “much prettier and skinnier,” in her own words. And Woohyun might’ve been reading their conversation over Sunggyu’s shoulder. But then the elder quickly shoved him away and told him to wait on the couch and “God damn it, learn how to sign already. My voice hurts.”

Woohyun spun the sign language book in circles on the table. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been studying. It was that he only knew the basics so far. And Sunggyu yelling at him to learn it faster wasn’t exactly motivating. Woohyun was stubborn and hated being bossed around. He also hated being ignored.

“Kim Sunggyu is a butthead and smells like poop.”

“What was that?” Woohyun perked up his head to see Sunggyu staring straight at him. “Keep your head up when you’re talking or I can’t read you,” he chided.

Woohyun shrugged and signed to the other, “Nothing.”

“Ah! Finally learning something,” Sunggyu exclaimed, getting up from the desk and joining Woohyun on the couch. “Sorry,” he signed. “It was important. Sorry.” He kept his vocabulary basic and phrases short for the younger, and to Woohyun’s surprise, he actually understood. Maybe I did learn something.

“It’s okay. It’s your job,” he responded. His gestures a little unsure and shaky for now, but he was sure that they’d get better in time.

Sunggyu sighed, pausing for a minute. “You’re not happy,” he signed.

Woohyun started to get that feeling again, the one that he got after the met for the first time. Like Sunggyu was being nice to him because he felt obligated to.

“Sunggyu-ssi, how do you see me?” Woohyun asked, with words this time. The older man pointed at his eyes and sniggered. But Woohyun wasn’t having any of that. “Seriously,” he emphasized. “You said we were friends that one time. Are we?”

“When I said it, I meant it,” Sunggyu spoke again. “Most people I talk to online, I only talk to once. You were the only one I talked with regularly. Friendly feelings would normally develop.”

That answer didn’t leave Woohyun satisfied. It also sounded like something that the elder told himself repeatedly to explain their strange relationship. Woohyun scooted in  closer. “So I’m not just one of your clients?” he asked.

Sunggyu broke out into a laugh. “Sorry,” he signed as he chuckled. After regaining composure, he explained, “I work with newly disabled people, helping them adjust to life again. And unless you’re hiding it really well, I don’t think you’re like them.”

Woohyun looked down and picked at his socks. Maybe there’s more than one way to be disabled. He felt like there was something holding himself back from living life normally, happily. He raised his head again, watching Sunggyu’s head follow his (he must’ve lowered it in case Woohyun had said something under his breath). “But…now. I feel like you pity me,” Woohyun admitted.

“I do,” Sunggyu quickly responded and Woohyun’s stomach sank. “But can’t friends pity each other sometimes?”

“Can we really be friends?” he blurted out. Sunggyu cocked his head, looking a little saddened. So it is something different. Woohyun smiled and twisted his own words, turning it into a joke, “I really be friends with an old man like you? It’s really bringing down my reputation.”

Sunggyu scoffed, “Because the Flower Boy of the convenience store has a very delicate image to maintain.”

“I do.”

Sunggyu laughed again, shaking his head at the other. “You did it again,” he spoke with a slight groan.

Woohyun tapped his knee, getting his attention, and signed, “What?”

“Every time I want to pity you. Two seconds later, you say something that makes me want to slap you across the face,” he declared.

And despite the threat of violence, Woohyun grinned. This was definitely something different that what Sunggyu had with his clients. You’d never tell a client that you’d want to him them. You’d get your sued. But with a friend, you can remove that professional filter and share your true, unadulterated opinion. Maybe if Sunggyu actually slapped him, they’d be less like friends and more like brothers (like how he was with Sungjong and Sungmin). Woohyun laughed at that thought (and also at the egregious number of Sungs that he acquired these past months).

“So,” Woohyun began. “What did you tell her?” he asked, pointing to the computer behind Sunggyu.

The elder narrowed his eyes on Woohyun. “It’s classified,” he spoke sternly.

“It’s also anonymous,” Woohyun added.

“Right,” Sunggyu nodded. He looked over at the computer, thinking for a few seconds, and then turned back to Woohyun. “I told her not to give up hope. Love is something that dies but never completely lost. I told her that she’ll find it again. But first she has to love herself because if you don’t love yourself, then who will?” he answered.

Woohyun chuckled. “That’s awfully romantic coming from an eternal bachelor,” he teased.

“Just because I’m a bachelor, doesn’t mean I don’t know love,” he pointed out. Sunggyu looked the younger up and down before pointing at him and combating, “I probably know more than you.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Woohyun quickly fought back.

Sunggyu blinked at him in confusion, his jaw slightly ajar. “Hm? Are you in a relationship?” he finally asked. Woohyun shook his head. “Ah! There’s someone that you like,” the old man guessed.

Was Woohyun in love? He looked next to him, seeing the middle-aged man surreptitiously pick at his nose. No, no he wasn’t. And when did he have the time to fall in love? He worked nights and spent his free time getting career advice from an old man. No, right now was the time when he needed to concentrate on himself. He needed to improve himself, find direction, learn how to be proud of himself again. Now wasn’t the time for Nam Woohyun to fall in love with someone else. He needed to fall for himself first.

“No,” Woohyun admitted. “But I have been.”

“Whoever dated Nam Woohyun must’ve been out of their minds,” Sunggyu joked.

But Woohyun spun it around, “That’s right. My love drives people crazy.”

“That’s not something that you should brag about.”

---

…

…

“Woohyun-ah, what are you doing next Thursday?”

Woohyun stopped from putting on his shoes. He stood straight up as he pushed his foot into his old sneakers, looking at the elder in mild shock. “Hm? Nothing.”

“Good. There’s something I want you to see.”