In couple days, Mino had learned the difference between being alone and being lonely.

 

 

 

He felt lonely, when he read in the group chat how the others had gone to a party, but Mino was afraid to move or couldn’t move anywhere from home. Even Gunhee had gone to that party, but not Mino. Also that, that Mino had turned this situation so, that only he suffered and not Seunghoon, made him even more wistful. He still felt like he owed something to Seunghoon.

 

Seunghoon had wanted to meet on Friday and Saturday, but Mino just couldn’t. He couldn’t do anything. Even breathing made him feel guilty.

 

 

 

His dad had been busy in his office for the couple past days - which didn’t bother Mino at all, because he had been in a very sensitive state. He had just gone from his bed to the couch his phone tightly in his hands and texting Seunghoon. He felt like he was sick.

 

 

Only one question wandered in his mind during the couple days; who?

 

 

Who had seen the text at Jinhwan’s house, and told to all of his friends and taken the situation in his hands like he was the boss of Mino’s life?

 

 

 

 

The scariest thing was, that the answer for all these questions was within reach for the whole time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

 

On Sunday Mino decided to do something. He could ask permission from his dad to go to the store a.k.a to go to smoke. He could meet Seunghoon, and maybe he could make his mind work probably, but life had other plans for Mino.

 

 

 

”Mino. Are you awake?” his dad asked well dressed and cracked his room’s door slightly. Mino raised his brows and turned his gaze from the computer’s screen.

 

”I have been awake for the past three hours.”

 

”You should get dressed now and come to the living room.” his dad said hinting, that something important was happening. Mino didn’t understand, but didn’t even try, and put on black sweats and a black long-sleeve shirt and went to the living room while yawning, but froze from the view.

 

 

A female social worker, Gunhee and his dad were sitting in the living room with a perfect sitting posture all looking at him. This situation wasn’t familiar for Mino, but when he looked at Gunhee, who looked pale Mino figured out what was going on.

 

The social worker already looked very annoying; with a compassionate expression, like she had pity on everyone who’s life wasn’t as good as hers. They shook hands in silence, which was scary and explosive.

 

He and Gunhee looked at each other for a moment, and Mino noticed, that Gunhee bit his lower lip like trying not to utter anything. Something in the boy’s essence was strange. 

 

”The thing is, that Gunhee has enjoyed his stay quite a lot here.” the social worker started, which Mino already wanted to interrupt.

 

”And we wanted to leave Gunhee live here, but when we heard about your moving we talked about it again and we can’t allow Gunhee going with you.”

 

Mino sat on the farthest armchair and looked and Gunhee, who was probably already aware of the result.

 

”We understand and now that Mino has joined this conversation I would like him to give a clear picture of what Gunhee has been doing during lately. ” his dad said confidently and looking at him like the devil. Mino’s throat felt dry and he froze, because his dad wanted him to tell about Gunhee’s .

 

 

”I, umm..” Mino started, but didn’t know what he was going to say. He peeked at the sad Gunhee, who was watching at the wall like he was reading something. It suddenly made Mino confident, of what he would say.

 

”Gunhee, has been using .”

 

Gunhee’s head turned slowly towards him and he looked angry, angrier that ever. Like his eyes were on fire.

 

”Is this true?” the social worker wondered and looked at everyone alternately and Mino saw his dad nodding. Mino couldn’t brake the eye contact with Gunhee. The boy’s lower lip shook and his eye’s were burning with hate.

 

”I have something to say too.” Gunhee announced with a shaky voice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

”Mino is gay.”

 

 

Mino didn’t hesitate for a second from what he heard and was ready to hit the boy, who he had protected and guarded so much. Like hate had made him get up from his chair Mino walked towards Gunhee and grabbed his collar and tried to lift him up so he could drop him on the floor. They looked at each other really closely and Gunhee smiled slightly. Mino moved his hand on his throat.

 

”Get your hands off the boy, Mino” his dad yelled, but Mino didn’t listen to him. This bastard in his hands was two-faced and he had ruined his life, Mino couldn’t calm down.

 

His dad grabbed his shoulders and got them apart, but Gunhee stood up from his chair his neck reddish. His dad stood between them.

 

”You have been seeing that guy a lot haven’t you?” Gunhee tested Mino’s anger.

 

”Even though I’ll go, no one will forget what I said to them.”

 

”Gunhee, quiet now.” the social worker tried to calm him down panicky. It still worked. They just looked at each other eyes full of hate and closing everyone else around them.

 

”You should take Gunhee and leave.”

 

”Yes, I’ll do that.” the woman said tenderly and grabbed the boy’s hand carefully and started leading him out of the house. After the door closed, Mino finally evened his breath and relaxed his hand, but he was still very angry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

”What was that?”

 

 

 

 

Mino didn’t know, he was speechless, betrayed, alone, lost, angry….

 

 

 

And he surely wasn’t excited about the next school day.

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

 

On the next morning he tried to wake up like the normal Mino. He had barely slept and it was shown from the reflexion on the mirror. Seunghoon had kept him awake with his messages, when he tried to explain things, which made Mino’s thoughts elsewhere for a moment.

 

Mino dressed up like the Mino everyone knew - a.k.a the other one, bad boy Mino. He put on black pants, which were loose in the crotch, an old familiar hoodie and a snapback on his head. Somewhat familiar failure looked back at him in the mirror with dark circles under his eyes, with his messy hair - this Mino, which had been hidden during the last week. He already missed that mysterious glare. 

 

 

He was pleased of what he looked like on the outside, but it was storming inside of him. 

 

 

 

”Mino is gay.”

 

”Mino is gay.”

 

”Mino is gay.”

 

 

He could do anything to prove that was wrong.

 

He wasn’t gay.

 

 

 

 

And today he was ready to do anything to get his old life back and to show everyone that he was right.

 

 

Now was his time to raise from the bottom and defend himself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

but what would be the price?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

His heavy and determined steps echoed in the empty hallway, when he walked to school late. His heart was beating hard in his chest, but the banging sound gave him the strength to keep moving forward. He had nothing else but his decisiveness.

 

 

It was literature lesson, when he walked to the classroom late - like he usually did. Sangwoo, Junhoe, Jinhwan and Hanbin were on the same class with him, his place was next to them also. His goal was to act as normal as he could, which he succeeded in quite well in his opinion.

 

 

”Hey.” he said tired as he sat on his seat and Hanbin looked at him with his big eyes lifelessly, which was his usual expression.

 

”Hi.” Hanbin answered a lot later and then turned to concentrate on the lesson.

 

 

Mino couldn’t concentrate on the lesson at all, because he felt like the whole class didn’t want him there and the options about what he would do after the class ended played in his head like a horror film. He couldn’t listen to Junhoe and Jinhwan whispering about the boring party last weekend. Moreover he could hear Sangwoo whispering the word ’gay’ to his friend and looking at him rudely after that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

”Sangwoo, wait.” Mino was able to open his as dry as the desert mouth and followed his instinct. Sangwoo turned around immediately and looked at him with a strange smile, which Mino interpret as he tried to annoy him.

 

”Are you going to Chanyong?”

 

”Yeah, and you are coming with me?” Sangwoo asked like it was something obvious. Now Mino was suspicious.

 

”Yeah, I have something to say to Chanyong.”

 

”Even though we already know what it is.” Sangwoo said in a interrogative tone, when they started walking forward in the full hallway. Sangwoo really knew how to be snide. 

Also more glares started directing them, especially people who were their age.

 

”So, I would like to bring up some facts.” Mino tried to stay calm, but a storm of emotions bustled inside of him step after step.

 

 

You can do this… You can do this…

 

 

Sangwoo didn’t say anything, when they both saw Chanyong with Jiyongin, Taeyang and Minwoo. It had been a while since Mino had seen the whole group of five together. No one could miss seeing that group together. They all stood their backpacks hanging low always empty looking, dark clothes on like some gangsters and that aura around them as if inside everything weak and made them stronger, that was what Mino felt like, when they turned to look at them.

 

They didn’t even smile. Did they predict this?

 

”Well hello there.” Minwoo blurted out at them and Sangwoo walked inside the group and they changed as if invincible.

 

”Hey.” Mino blurted out while nodding and putting his sweating hands in the pockets of his hoodie.

 

 

”What’s up Hugeboy?” Minwoo continued the asking, when Jiyong and Taeyang barely ever talked anything nice or didn’t feel like it. Mino remembered that he had talked to them only couple of times.

 

”Nothing. I just came to talk to you because I think I have something I need to explain.”

 

”Don’t even bother.” Chanyong said while laughing lightly and the others smiled too - also Mino. He had to.

 

”I’m serious. You want to hear what I have to say.”

 

The group went silent for a moment and looked at each other questioning, until Chanyong shrugged his shoulders.

 

Mino coughed once, when his pulse became uncontrollable thick.

 

”Gunhee went back yesterday.” Mino started and looked at the group’s reaction. Only Sangwoo and Chanyong knew Gunhee and only they frowned their foreheads, but the other’s looked confused too. They anxiously changed their standing positions and waited him to continue.

 

”I don’t know, has Gunhee even talked about it but that’s how it is and about what Gunhee has told you, you could think more deeply about it being true or not.” Mino couldn’t look into their eyes, but he was able to say it without any interruption - which was a miracle. He could already breathe in pace.

 

”Gunhee told that on your birthday you had stayed at a playground with that to play?” Chanyong’s tone changed as he crossed his arms. Mino didn’t like it, how Chanyong expressed the thing, but he had already thought about the answer.

 

”Did I mention anything about Gunhee’s schizophrenia?”

 

The whole group’s expressions slumped and Mino enjoyed this. Many others on the hallway had stayed to listen to this situation from far, trying to be inconspicuous.

 

”I guess you have some kind of prove for this?”

 

”I can get you papers of Gunhee’s health, I guess you’ll believe then.” Mino tried to use all his energy for the sentence’s confidence. It impressed Chanyong and he looked at the others frowning his eyebrowns, whom just shrugged their shoulders like they were ready to believe him.

 

”So—”

 

”Hey look at that!” Minwoo laughed with a wide mouth pointing at the other side of the hallway. Mino followed his finger and saw, how his plan flowed away like sand between his fingers. Seunghoon was on the other side of the hallway.

 

 

He saw the group and froze.

 

The whole group changed their positions and mischievousness was glowing in their eyes.

 

 

”Mino. Do you want to prove you’re not gay?” Chanyong smiled widely, but Mino’s heart broke and he felt like throwing up. He was ready to throw up, at that place and cry. He knew, what he meant and he had huge problems keeping his expression deadpanned, so he just turned to look at Seunghoon, who looked at them like a deer in front of a car, but he just walked towards them.

 

No, no ,no no don’t come here… don’t come here…. Mino cried internally.

 

 

Jiyong signaled for Seunghoon to come with his hand, but Mino felt like he wasn’t ready. There wasn’t anything compassionate about this.

 

”Hit hard.” Sangwoo whispered in his ear victoriously.

 

Mino’s whole body started to shake. Of fear? Mino didn’t know, what this feeling was, but he knew that he liked it the least from all feelings.

 

Seunghoon stood a meter away from them and Mino saw his body’s tensions, when the whole group took a step back and he and Seunghoon were in so-called spotlight. It always had been meant to go like this, but not in this way.

 

 

”What does our little ballet boy think. Is Mino gay with you?” Jiyong managed to say and seeing with the corner of his eye, Seunghoon’s face slumped slightly and his face looked nauseated. Mino could see from his expression, that he tried to shake his head, but he definitely didn’t expect this happening.

 

He managed to barely shake his head, but it wouldn’t change anything. Mino tried to fight his last fight between good and bad, right and wrong, but he couldn’t tell which is which. He maybe made his choice, but he had to jump over the edge mentally, which he didn’t know even existed - until now.

 

 

Mino glared at the boys who were quiet and the people around them, who were staring. It was only five minutes left of the break - it wouldn’t save him.

 

Nothing would save them.

 

He saw Chanyong nodding and Mino knew, what he was supposed to do - and so did Seunghoon.

Mino wished he could get into Seunghoon’s mind and say something, what he was thinking.

 

 

That one sentence gave him the strength.

 

 

And with the help of that one sentence he took his white knuckles out of his hoodie’s pockets and took one step closer towards Seunghoon. He had closed his eyes and was bitting his lip like crazy. Mino wanted get it done quickly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

That one sentence, which Seunghoon had said one time was echoing in his head, when he swallowed his tears and quickly hit Seunghoon hard to the floor.

 

 

”You can’t do anything about it. It’s your role.”

 

 

 

 

Mino still had his eyes closed after a minute, when he heard shouts and claps in the hallway. He was torturing himself by thinking everything, what he had said to Seunghoon.

 

”I promise in my mom’s name that I’m not like that.”

 

Maybe his mother wasn’t that important after all. Maybe the only thing, what was important to Mino was lying on the floor next to his feet probably with a black eye on his face - because of his hands’ work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

 

He had become busy during the next days almost without him wanting to. He couldn’t say no, when Chanyong’s group wanted to hang out with him. This was what he had asked for, that’s what he got now. He didn’t even have time to go through his thoughts after the hit. He was seeing his friend even more (which his dad didn’t like) and the time with Seunghoon was replaced.

 

The old Mino would have felt himself new born, but now, during the last days Mino had hesitated, that did he do the right choice when he hit Seunghoon. Seunghoon was living normally, he didn’t even try to ruin Mino’s life as a revenge. Seunghoon could have just shown couple of messages from his phone to the gang and their roles would have changed - but no, Seunghoon was loyal. It made Mino feel even worse.

 

 

Mino was on a wrong road and Seunghoon wasn’t on that road.

 

 

 

 

It was a cold fact, which Mino didn’t know how to put up with.

 

 

And now he didn’t if he wanted to.

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

It was thursday and Mino was still lying on his bed in the morning, because he had stayed up late with his new friends. He had heard his dad leaving early in the morning for work so he could ditch school today. Only a week was needed and Mino had already fell behind in school, when he didn’t do his homework. He would move in a week, so why even try to be good in school?

 

 

Mino had seen Seunghoon in school last time on Monday after school walking to home from school - with a black eye. After that, Mino hadn’t heard anything about the boy. He had always been in school, but now it had been calm on the hallways. Did the things between them get into his feelings? Should he go talk to him?

 

Mino wanted to say all sort of things, even though in the other hand he didn’t know at all, what to say.

 

 

The same situation was with Taehyun. He was a person, who he couldn’t assure about him not hanging out with Seunghoon. Taehyun knew him too well and because of that, Mino had pushed the boy imperceptibly away from his life little by little. Mino didn’t want any drama and he thought Taehyun would bring it to his life.

 

The phone on his nightstand vibrated.

 

 

 

 

Chanyong

you’re not is school?

 

Mino

Well yeah, not interested :D

 

Chanyong

haha, surprising. Come to the school at two?

 

Mino

Sure

 

 

Mino knew already, what he meant by that.

 

 

 

—

 

 

He had gone to the school and they had left from there, like before, straight for a smoke, but first stopping by a store first. After that they went to town to sit around, where every time, also today, was full of strangers for Mino, but they all seemed boring, but chatty, using intoxicants for their whole life, guys older than him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even at this point, a little part of Mino thought that they were cool.

 

 

Did someone think he was cool, when he hang out in this group? It felt weird for Mino, because he felt like a garbage in a dump. He felt like he couldn’t get out of that dump unless someone would pick him up.

 

He missed the group his age a little, but he didn’t want to change a group again. Like always, he would take the easy way out. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

”Do you need a ride home Mino?” Taeyang asked him placing his hand on his shoulder and leather jacket wearing Mino woke up from his thoughts now. He hadn’t even realized, that it was already late and the group had disappeared. He looked around him and the park they had a while ago ’conquered’ was left with only five people. He just recognized Jiyong and Taeyang.

 

”Umm..I’m alright. I’ll walk.” Mino answered and smiled slightly to Taeyang, who seemed like he was always smiling, even though he was quiet. His eyes reminded him of Seunghoon…

 

”Okey, sure thing. See you later!” Taeyang answered smiling even wider and waved his hand when he jumped on his motorbike. The whole loud motorbike gang started and left Mino alone on the park’s bench. He wasn’t in a hurry, so he decided to stay there for a while.

 

 

He looked at people passing by in the park. He didn’t know anyone, because this was his second time in this side of the town. Mino peeked at his phone and noticed that time was already seven p.m and he was supposed to walk home from there. Mino smiled shortly amused to himself, it was a really long way home, maybe six kilometers.

 

 

Mino started to hear aggressive yelling and saw a group of five girls walking towards a girl on the other side of the park, and the girl was walking slowly and despondent in ahead of them. Mino was sure they were a year or two years younger than him.

 

They girls yelled all kinds of disgusting things and names to the girl. Mino couldn’t hear, what where they so annoyed about, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to.

 

Something unexpected happened and the lonely girl started running, but didn’t get too far, when she was knocked over and sand was thrown on top of her.

 

 

 

An as unexpected automatic reaction happened in Mino and he stood up from the bench his pulse rising.

 

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

”Stop.”

 

 

The three girls looked at him like he was an idiot for the first second, but when they noticed, who was talking to them their faces’ became red.

 

They looked very young. Everyone had a colorful hairband on their hands and even same ones, but different colored shoes. Their school uniforms finally revealed that they were in elementary school.

 

The girls’ intensions stopped immediately and the girl on the ground pulled into a fetal position. 

 

”Go home, okay?” Mino tried to use his low and serious sounding voice, so that they wouldn’t say anything back. They looked at each other frightened, until they took their backpacks and left with fast steps without looking behind.

 

 

”Are you okay?” Mino turned his attention to the girl, who sat on the ground when she noticed that the other girls left. Her cheeks were red and dirty from the sand and from her own tears.

 

”Thank you.” the girl sighted from relief with round eyes. She probably didn’t believe this was true, neither did Mino. Mino thought that he did the right thing and felt a strange light feeling in his chest. He hadn’t doubter at all, unlike usually.

 

Mino nodded to the girl, who grabbed her backpack and started walking while slightly limping.

 

 

 

A small fate opposing feeling came to his thoughts.

 

 

 

How much would this situation have changed, if he had protected Seunghoon?

 

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

 

 

A warm wind shuffled his hair and he also felt the warm sand around him. Mino opened his eyes and noticed that he was sitting at a empty beach couple meters away from the sea… He looked at the sky and though, that it had been a while, since he saw the sun on the sky without any clouds. He hated beaches, but this time he wasn’t even bothered, that he was wearing a sleeveless shirt, which exposed all of his scars to people.

 

”Mino!” Seunghoon’s happy voice called him from behind. His heart was attracted like a magnet towards him and looked behind him, but Seunghoon had already ran to him and hugged him from behind tightly.

 

When the situation couldn’t get any better, Seunghoon placed his lips on his cheek gently. Mino’s stomach was full of thousands - no, millions of butterflies.

 

”Why are you alone?” Seunghoon asked as he sat next to him, but still tightly close to him, which Mino liked surprisingly a lot. Seunghoon kissed his shoulder and held his hand.

 

”I don’t know..” he answered wistfully, but now Mino didn’t understand his feeling anymore. Why was he suddenly sad?

 

Suddenly he didn’t feel Seunghoon next to him, even though he was.

 

 

 

”But you are here.” Mino said as he stared the sand between his toes, which started disappearing.

 

Everything started disappearing like it was into a black hole somewhere in the horizon. The colors disappeared and the sun’s light started to dim. Mino panicked and turned to look at Seunghoon, who had tears on his cheeks, which he wanted to wipe off.

 

 

 

 

”No I’m not.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

His eyes burst out open and he stared at his rooms’ ceiling slightly out of breath. What the hell was that dream about… Mino couldn’t get that dream out of his thoughts. The dream frustrated him, but at the same time Mino liked that dream or he just liked the feeling he had in the dream. Was it happiness?

 

 

Had it been happiness?

 

Whatever it was, now Mino had felt another kind of  longing towards Seunghoon than friendly. It was something Mino was afraid of, so he stood up quickly from his bed to get ready for school.

 

He had to go to school for many reasons.

 

 

First, - he needed to be with people to get his thoughts elsewhere from the dream he just saw. And the second thing was, that he needed to check, if Seunghoon was in school, because if not,  then Mino would get a reason for himself to be worried, because it would mean that Seunghoon hadn’t been in school for a week.

 

 

 

 

 

Like it was Mino’s worry at this point, but he couldn’t help himself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

He wasn’t in school.

 

They had had history, but Seunghoon’s place was empty. Mino couldn’t get thoughts and question out of his head, where Seunghoon was. He blamed himself, that Seunghoon hadn’t been in school. He couldn’t be sick either. What were the chances that Seunghoon had gotten sick right after that day? Mino didn’t believe in it in any way.

 

 

 

”Mino? Are you coming?” Sangwoo waved his hand in front of Mino’s face, when they were sitting on the benches in the school’s yard.

 

”Huh, where?” Mino woke up from his thoughts and d his black hair with his fingers restless.

 

”For a beer tonight?” Sangwoo cleared looking at him with his puppy eyes, which never looked happy.

 

”Depends where.”

 

”To my car.” Taeyang would probably start boast about his drivers license. He was born in the beginning of year and his dad had probably gave a nice amount of money as a lawyer so his son could get a drivers license by spring.

 

”Who’s coming?”

 

”Why are you questioning so much?” Chanyong asked while laughing slightly and blowing his cigarette smokes. Mino always had to accept everything, what was suggested to him…

 

”I’m just asking.” Mino laughed back at his stupid question.

 

”Mino is probably afraid that there won’t be any ladies.” Jiyong laughed annoyingly with his perfect teeth showing. They had painted him as a player, even though Mino barely talked to girls expect when he was drunk or if he had to.

 

”Yeah… I can come.” Mino answered and put his hand to his leather jacket’s pockets and looked at the empty school yard. Everyone were smoking expect him. He had been still so nervous about his dream, that he had smoked his whole box of cigarettes in fifteen minutes.

 

”We thought about going to Taeyang’s summer cottage when school ends.”

 

Mino’s throat started to feel dry and hot waves went through his body, but he just nodded. ing America, again.

 

”Sounds good.”

 

”You don’t seem interested.” Chanyong wondered the behalf of the whole group.

 

”Well yeah, I don’t know if we’ll go to Busan before summer break with my dad.”

 

”Busan?”

 

”Don’t ask. Dad’s stuff.”

 

The boys looked at him strange, but they gave small nods and they went silent for a while. They were probably wondering, why hadn’t Mino said anything earlier. Also that. that they knew with their  judgement skills, that Mino didn’t have a very good relationship with his father, it was probably suspicious to them.

 

”My little sister has a crush on you.”

 

”On me?” Mino asked in surprise and looked at Chanyong half amused while raising his brows.

 

”Do you want Mino?” Sangwoo asked and shoved already a little burned cigarette to his face, which Mino took pleased.

 

”Yeah, on you.” Chanyong blurted out very serious.

 

”How do you know?”

 

”She asked if you are coming to a party tonight.”

 

Mino was amused by the thought, that he never thought Chorong would have a crush on him, after how messed up Mino was when he made out with her. They avoided each other on the hallway always too.

 

”Where is the party?”

 

”At Oh Sehun’s place.” Jiyong answered and rolled his eyes at the name. Sehun always got everything and here he was rich. Mino had been at a same daycare as him and had noticed then, that Sehun had his own values. He turned up his nose  at everyone and everything, which showed even nowadays.

 

”Are we going?” Mino asked and the others laughed.

 

”You are the oldest, who’s allowed to go there and if my little sister is there, I’m so not going there.” Chanyong laughed with his low and husky voice witheringly.

 

”I think I’ll go.” Mino thought out loud and the cigarette he got from Sangwoo at the same time while he stared at the emptiness in front of him.

 

 

Mino thought ridiculously desperate, that he could prove to the whole world that he was the most straight dude in this town.

 

That’s what he was, wasn’t he?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

 

”Call if you need a ride home.” Taeyang yelled out between the noise after Mino, who walked away from the car with a heavy backpack on his back.

 

Mino was sick of the boys, because they were annoying. They had called probably to every girl they knew and said everything ert, flipped off and showed other finger signs to other drivers.

 

And the time was only nine p.m.

 

 

Mino had other plans and it consisted of getting drunk, that he could stand the boys during the ride home.

 

With confident steps Mino walked to a completely unfamiliar door, but the noise coming from the house was telling, that he was at the right house. He rang the doorbell and soon the door flew open, and Sehun was standing behind it with his perfectly silky hair combed back, in a clean black blouse and jeans. Even thought Mino had similar clothes back home, the ones on Sehun costed way more.

 

”Hi.” Sehun said with a frozen expression, his basic expression, which didn’t let any feelings stem from him.

 

”Hey.” he answered as casually as possible, even though the situation was a little uncomfortable.

 

Girls who were couple years younger than him walked behind Sehun at that moment and luckily saved him from the almost embarrassing moment. Mino immediately recognized familiar looking face in the group and the girl smiled at him.

 

”Hi Mino.” the three girls said to him almost in sync and cider cans in their hands. Mino though, that those drinks were their first and the girls probably thought they were already drunk.

 

”Hello.” Mino said smiling slightly and Sehun looked judgmentally at the girls and then Mino, until he accepted the situation and let Mino walk inside.

 

Mino walked inside and noticed a huge living room in front of him full of people, who were all younger than him or his age. He even spotted Bobby and Taehyun on one of the white couches sitting with black mugs in their hands.

 

Everything was white and black in the house, which was almost annoyingly fake looking. If the couch was white, there were black pillows on it. If the kitchen’s marble floor was black then the cupboards were white, and there were no exceptions. Except, the floor was at least normal wooden floor.

 

The girls were whispering about something vehemently behind him and Mino could almost hear the conversation. They tried to get Chorong follow Mino.

 

Mino tried to not to feel himself uncomfortable, even though he didn’t have a close friend with his to keep company, like usually, but he was older than most of the people and maybe someone from the interesting group would come and talk to him. For example, Chorong.

 

 

 

 

 

”What’s up?” Chorong almost already giggled. Hopefully she didn’t try to pretend being drunk. Her dress was even shorter and tighter than last time.

 

”Nothing.” Mino answered boringly and left his leather jacket somewhere in the kitchen and dig up a really strong alcohol bottle, which he poured into a soda he found in the refrigerator.

 

”What about you?”

 

”Nothing much.” Chorong answered with a wide smile and her steps were uneasy, she even staggered a little.

 

”How much have you drank?” Mino asked and laughed slightly and frowned his brows finding the girls actions odd.

 

”Five of these.” Chorong answered proudly with her red cheeks and lifting up her cider.

 

”That’s a lot for a girl.” Mino blurted out as he sat on a bar chair and Chorong tried to do the same, but staggered almost off her chair. The kitchen’s worktops were dirty and full of empty and full cups, cans and empty cans. How many people were there? There weren’t anyone in the kitchen besides them.

 

”But I have drank before.” Chorong tried to defend herself, but Mino didn’t think it was necessary, because five ciders was nothing to him.

 

Mino just nodded and listened the loud music, which filled up the whole house. Couple of loud teenagers came to the kitchen to get their drinks and looked at them.

 

Mino drank the first cupful without breaks and started filling up his cup again and again. He wanted to be drunk by ten, so he had a lot to catch up.

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

 

”And them we ran away from the police in our underwear.” Chorong told almost without finishing the story, because she laughed so much. Mino too smiled wide at the story and looked his empty cup. He only had one third of his bottle left, which told that if he would go to the bathroom now he would waver from wall to wall. If he would be sober, he wouldn’t probably listen to the girls story or look how the girl was plying her s, supposedly imperceptibly - ridiculous.

 

 

 

There were more people in the kitchen, but Mino recognized only Tao and Suho with Sehun probably drinking white wine subtly from their cups. They looked so elegant compared to everyone else and a strong sent of cologne spread from their direction through the alcohol smell.

 

”I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” Chorong said with a wide smile and she had a drunken’s glow and redness on her face. Why did girls even do makeup for parties if it’s going to disappear during the night.

 

”Yeah.” Mino answered careless, but looked after the girl, took his bottle of alcohol in his hand and stood up from his stool. He felt, how the walls were swaying slightly. He didn’t know how long he had been sitting, but now the alcohol came up to his head and his head was banging in sync with the music.

 

The house had one floor, that was what Mino had noticed earlier. He started walking around the house bumping into people, who were more drunk than him so they didn’t even notice him.

 

 

 

”Is that Mino?” he heard a voice, but couldn’t understand where it was coming from and turned around, until he looked at Taehyun who was standing close. He almost missed when he drank out of his bottle.

 

”Hey!” Mino cheered up maybe more than he should have from seeing his friend. They haven’t talked at all after that one time.

 

”You’re here.” Taehyun said carefully and 

grabbed Mino’s shoulder and started walking through the living room to a long hallway. Maybe a bathroom would be here?

 

”Yeah, of course.” Mino answered and looked at Taehyun, who looked like he was swaying with the walls. Mino rubbed his face with his free hand and pulled his hair back. He was afraid to be sober - with Taehyun.

 

”Can I ask you something?” Taehyun started and Mino was almost going to say no, because he didn’t feel like listening to Taehyun’s smart talk. He had a mission for tonight, and Taehyun was just on the way with his questions.

 

”Sure.” Mino said without being able to cover his tone, which wasn’t interested. He leaned on a wall and felt the burning alcohol in his throat.

 

”Are you gay?” Taehyun asked very frankly and leaned on the wall the opposite of Mino. Mino’s reaction was stronger because of the alcohol, and he couldn’t cover up that he was pissed off.

 

”What the ?” Mino almost yelled at Taehyun. He was sick of people judging everything. He was so sick of that word, which was nowadays heard in his daily life.

 

”Why would I have hit him then?” Mino just threw words out of his mouth and his bottle almost fell on the ground. Taehyun looked at him baffled, but shook his head and looked elsewhere.

 

”You think so? Why? What have I done?” Mino felt how too many emotions bursted out. Taehyun  turned to look at Mino, who wasn’t leaning on the wall anymore, but took restless steps in order to stand.

 

”I know. I know you.”

 

”You don’t know me!” Mino yelled and almost grabbed Taehyun, but one of the hallway’s doors opened and the peace maker Chanwoo come out and wondered about the situation. He had been listening them.

But it was enough, that Mino’s fastly grown aggression didn’t need to explode and he backed off.

 

”What the hell is happening here?” Chanwoo blurted out and walked between them looking at both of the from head to toe.

 

”I want to go to the bathroom.” Mino changed the topic completely and glared at Taehyun before turning away. He left the situation childishly and loped with long unsteady steps to the bathroom without looking behind him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

Mino was leaning on the hallway’s wall an almost empty alcohol bottle in his hands and he felt like he wasn’t even that drunk after that amount of alcohol. He hadn’t wanted to go to the large crown of people, because now he felt like everyone was against him. Maybe they were?

 

 

When the last drop had drifted in his throat he dropped the bottle on the floor and tried to balance without the wall for a while before he started walking in a bad posture and his black hair messily in front of his watery and restless eyes.

 

 

At this point Mino didn’t even have the strength to think clearly, when he started looking for the one person in the large crown of people. Now was his time.

 

 

 

 

”Mino, I was looking for you.” the girl’s voice was heard behind him in the living room, when people were swinging in every direction.

 

 

He turned and saw his target swaying in front of him with a familiar, but more drunken smile on his face.

 

Mino had planned this in his head already, so his act happened automatically with adrenaline’s impact. He realized he was already pressing Chorong against the wall his lips on hers and Chorong answered to it as passionate as Mino had suspected. The girl was always crazy for him, like Mino had selfishly thought.

 

Everything didn’t go as planned though.

 

 

No, this hadn’t crossed Mino’s mind for a second.

 

 

 

 

When Mino kissed the girl’s neck, lips or nibbled her skin, he started thinking a different person instead of the girl. He thought, what would he sound like, when Mino would bite his neck like this girl’s. What would it feel like, when he could really kiss his lips with all his passion and what it would feel like, when he could hold him close to him, listening to his heavy breathing. What it would feel like, making him feel passion towards Mino.

 

 

Without noticing, Mino had stopped kissing Chorong back and just stood there, looking at the girl, but in his own thoughts, his hands on the girl’s hips. He was like a statue.

 

Mino was shocked about his mental images, but couldn’t deny it any longer. He couldn’t blame the alcohol for this. It wasn’t possible.

 

”What? Did I do something wrong?” Chorong panted worried and tried to get Mino’s attention. Without saying a word Mino loosened his grip of her and turned to look how many people peeked at their direction, as it was imperceptibly.

It didn’t even interest Mino, but he ran panicky, almost falling over, to get his things and getting out of the house.

 

—

 

He accidentally walked to the house’s backyard, but would find the front yard. He wasn’t that drunk. It was raining outside, but it wasn’t cold. Mino breathed the fresh air to his lungs and tried to calm down in every possible way, but he felt like he was mentally very messed up - not just because of the alcohol.

 

Mino ran across the wet grass under a tree, where no one could see him, because Mino started pressing his phone’s screen panicky - without getting any press right on the first time. When he found the right number his pulse was already so unnaturally high and he felt hot.

 

He was scared, he was a coward. With shaky hands he lifted the phone up to his ear and leaned to the tree without coming up with what to say.

The call went to voicemail, which was expected, but Mino didn’t think at all, how he could form words out of his thoughts. He had a lot to say, but he didn’t know how.

 

”S-seunghoon..” Mino started and all kinds of thoughts were in his mind, what he wanted to say. It was too much. He wanted to say, that he missed him, that he was sorry, that he would do anything to get him back.

But the only thing, he was able to do was something else. Mino noticed something else on his cheeks than rain and a voice of a crying person got out of his mouth, almost like a heartbreaking panting.

 

”Seunghoon…” Mino cried copiously and fell of the grass. Mino couldn’t stop his crying, because everything he had tried to assure to himself and everyone else was pointless and meaningless at this point.

 

 

”Forgive me…” Mino managed to say and then quickly quit the call and continued his crying, which wasn’t ending. He felt the disgusting wet moistness through his clothes and his hair was wet on his forehead too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He had a crush on Seunghoon.

 

 

He had had a crush on him for a while unlike anyone had guessed.

 

Mino just hadn’t realized it - until now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

____________________

 

Tadaa!

So many things happened in

this chapter haha !

As always, feel free

to leave a comment and

thank you all!