Unspeakably strong vomit reflex woke Mino up and he jumped up on his bed, but without knowing where he even was, so he decided to throw up on the floor. To his surprise stuff came out with the vomit. His head felt like it was filled with pressure and soon his head would blow up. He raised his gaze to look around him.

 

 

 

 

He was home.

 

 

, he would need to clean up that vomit himself. He cursed to himself and wondered about the situation. Where did he remember being last time… On the sofa talking to couple years older girls about how it was a short way to the bedroom. No, maybe it was when he and Bobby took two bags of snuff in one go and how their feet broke down like a mat was pulled under them. Or when he got pot from some guy and smoked it. He couldn’t get things in place no matter how hard he tried. There were huge gaps in his memory too. But he of course remembered Jin, bathroom and those ing pills.

 

Puffing annoyed he decided to stay to sleep for another moment, but saw his phone next to him. Innumerable calls from Bobby at nine in the morning? Mino panicky looked at the time, which was four pm.

 

What the . What the . What the .

 

 

He laughed, how confused he was about the last moments, but in some way it wasn’t funny AT ALL. He wanted to see a movie about the past fifteen hours, nothing else. He looked at his phone and saw calls from couple other people, but he couldn’t ignore Bobby’s messages’ haze in the morning,

 

 

”ING CRAP ANSWER ME.”

 

”I WILL BRAKE IN IF YOU WONT COME TO THE DOOR NOW.”

 

”DON’T BLAME ME IF YOUR DOOR BRAKES BUT I’M COMING IN NOW.”

 

 

In the evening he had send a little nicer texts.

 

 

”Come eupstrair si fyou wana get laid”

 

”FFine ethers more for me then _)))”

 

 

The texts where almost from everyone, funny or rage texts, but luckily none from anyone older, otherwise he would have been very pissed off. He was used to get texts like that when he had got drunk. He still knew, that this day would probably be the worst day ever. He forced himself up, if Bobby was there.

 

 

”Hello?” his voice was really raspy, when he dragged himself as he leaned on the walls like looking for something.

 

He turned towards the front door and it looked intact, but there were few shoes in the hallway which he couldn’t connect perfectly to anyone.

 

”Mino?” he heard Taehyun’s voice from the kitchen annoyingly perky. Taehyun peeked from the kitchen more serious than usual, which made Mino have a bad feeling. He even looked neat and clean.

 

”Which one of you threw up just now? You or Bobby?”

 

”Bobby is here?”

 

”He was supposed to sleep on your bed.” Taehyung wondered and started to march to the bedroom, because he probably saw how slowly Mino had walked earlier.

 

Mino walked to the kitchen and saw the usual vitamins of their hangover day. Pineapple soda, sweets and pizza smelled from the kitchen. This wasn’t usual behavior of Taehyun, but there surely was a reason for it..

This time the smell of food made Mino feel sick, but he really tried to swallow his vomit.

 

”Bobby is just sleeping on the other side of your bed, on the floor.” Taehyun announced as he walked to the kitchen and sat at the table and left a bucket next to Mino’s feet. Mino could only think, why was Taehyun helpful.

 

”Do you want to hear everything or do we proceed slowly?” Taehyun asked as Mino sat down really slowly. Even a small motion felt like his head was kicked from every direction. He gazed at Taehyun and somehow it felt like that same expression on Taehyun’s face stared at him for the whole night. Mino shrugged and decided to just listen, what the boy had to say.

 

 

 

And there were a lot to tell, but Mino knew that not everything was told to him.

 

 

 

”Because some things were better to stay forgotten.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

Mino had spent the whole saturday only in his home and these two had kept him company. He didn’t want company, but he was still a little disorganized that they refused to leave. Mino found out of his trip to home and thanked Taehyun, that he was alive. He had brought him home and Bobby became so worried, that had got himself to their place too.

He hadn’t got the food down his throat and he was told, that all his blood cells and liver functions where probably messed up, because he had weird bruises, blood veins protruding and he was as white as a bed sheet. And when Mino had fainted in the shower, they almost took him to the hospital. Mino would never agree to that, so they had let the matter rest.

In the evening Mino’s temperature had raised and without the boy’s permission his friends had called Jin very angry, but Jin hadn’t known, how Mino ended up in that condition. For the rest of the evening and night Mino stayed in bed, and neither of his friends were willing to leave, no matter how Mino asked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And on Saturday his cousin was brought.

 

 

 

A knock in the quiet house, but all probably thinked who would open the door and who was even coming there. Mino had been lying on his bed and falling asleep between the fever. However, he thought that it would be his responsibility to open the door, because he already felt a little better. His muscles sore he stood up from his bed to walked to the door first.

 

No matter how tired and sick he felt he was able to realize that cleaning had been done in his house and he was almost angry that they treated him so well. He feared that he never could make as good service in return. The living room was vacuumed and things were put in place, the windows had been washed and no dust particles were in the air. The place almost looked like home.

 

The shoes in the hallway were in a clean row, and no coats were lying on the floor. As a precaution Mino decided to watch through the door’s peephole, because you can never be too careful. Mino’s tired body felt it had done an internal backflip and he had to look again to be sure of that nightmare like sight.

 

Only in his pajamas the youngster panicked, but hit himself on the cheek a few times and reminded himself, what he should say. And he opened the door.

 

 

That unpleasant duo stood before him staring at him censoriously, probably because of his looks. How bad feverish and nauseous boy could look like?

 

”Hello.” that old man in his blue uniform wished with a tight voice and with his hairy face. It was seen from his expression, that he didn’t want to be there right now. With that other one Mino didn’t want to make eye contact. He could see with his sides of his eyes those heavy and restlessly tired eyes under his brown hair.

 

”Hello.”

 

”Is your dad home?”

 

”On a trip, will come back on the beginning of the week.” the police’s face slumped a little from that lie and he pressed his mouth to a line. Mino knew, that he couldn’t leave that to their house, if there weren’t any adults home, but he hadn’t meant that. Even though he wished.

 

”Well..” really unpleasant silence descended upon them, when the police starter to hesitate if he would leave the boy here. Very proper thing to do.

 

”It can stay here.” It. Maybe not very polite to talk like that about a person who is standing next to you, but they both knew that neither of them were cooperative. He just didn’t have any other place.

 

”Do you promise?” the police’s expression lightened a little and Mino just nodded, when the police let go of the boy as a sign.

 

”I will come to check the situation later.” Hopefully you won’t. Again Mino just nodded and backed off from the hallway, when the police waved his hand as a goodbye. He started feeling, how the responsibility started to gather on his shoulders.

 

When he turned from the door he saw Taehyun and Bobby staring confused behind a corner just woken up, hair up and half-. They were waiting for a really good explanation. Mino d his hair nervously and, when the door closed behind him, he collected himself.

 

 

”Here’s my cousin Gunhee.”

 

 

Both boys raised their brows as like the same character at him and at the shorter, but only a year younger Gunhee walked beside him with his backpack. The boys didn’t do any contact, which Mino had guessed, because if someone was sensitive, it was Gunhee.

 

 

”Come. I’ll show your room.” Mino said already tired about the upcoming days and went to show the way for Gunhee, who was staring at the floor like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

 

 

 

There was a office room next to Mino’s room, which’s sofa was the place where the guests usually slept on. It was small, but neat, because Mino’s dad didn’t have the time to work there a lot. There were only a computer desk in the room, and a bookshelf, sofa and a TV.

 

Gunhee threw his backpack on the sofa and sat nicely on the sofa his head slouching down. He started touching his bracelet, when he didn’t know what else he could do. A sympathy spike hit Mino, when he looked at the boy with thought. Gunhee had been allowed to go on a holiday from the unit, and the only place where he could go to was to their place and Gunhee was probably enjoying this more than Mino could imagine. He wanted to help, but he couldn’t.

 

”I’m still a little sick but ask if you need something.”

 

Gunhee muttered quietly as a response and before Mino left the room he looked for a remote control for the boy. He was just about to leave the remote on the couch’s armrest, but startled at the hands of the boy who was taking off his jacket. Why where there so big purple and yellowish bruises under those cuts on his hands.. Gunhe must have done those a long time ago.

 

In some scary way they were too similar to sleep under the same roof.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mino just went to lay on his bed and tried to do some of his homework for the rest of the day. Taehyun, Bobby nor Gunhee, no one, came to disturb him. Neither of his friends had even left, because he heard voices and smelled the food to his room, which made him realize that he still wasn’t hungry. Like both of the boys had stayed to live there.

While doing his homework and sleeping Mino listened carefully, what was happening in the house and he was more than surprised, that Gunhee managed to go out from his room - somewhere else than to the bathroom and Mino even heard the boys talking to him. It would end

either very good or very bad. As long as they wouldn’t give him any visions of blood, self-esteem, family, intoxicants, everything should go fine.

 

 

In the evening, still paying attention to the boys’ conversation from his room he noticed that Gunhee liked talking about motorcycles and games with Taehyun and Bobby. They even started to watch TV together. He woke up when hot waves went through him and he became cold. His fever started to raise again and at the same time Bobby and Taehyun had to go home - quite rightly so.

 

Mino forced himself to get up and look, what was Gunhee doing and to take medicine. Not that he didn’t trust the boy, because if Gunhee would do even a small stupid thing he would need to go back. His feet were hurting, maybe because of the fever, or because he had stayed in one place for a whole day. A day. He had been without snuff and a cigarette for a day. That was a little pride for him.

There were still clean and cosy everywhere, when Mino saw Gunhee sitting on living room’s couch, feet on the table and a hood on his head.

 

Gunhee looked at him his eyebrows raised with a foxy expression.

 

”Have you eaten?” Mino asked with his low and sleepy voice. A tender nod came as a response, which Mino answered with a nod continuing his way to the kitchen for the medicine.

 

 

 

 

”When have you done those?” Gunhee asked from the sofa curious, but serious. The black muff didn’t get the question at all and peeked at Gunhee from the kitchen astonished.

 

”What do you mean?”

 

 

 

 

”You have been cutting.” Gunhee blurted out, his expression not budging, looking at Mino’s arms and then Mino realized, that he had a short sleeve on - a big mistake, but he wore these kind of shirts only at home.

 

 

”Umm..” Mino muttered while looking at his bruised arms and walked to the kitchen while thinking, what to say. He didn’t want to encourage the boy to be like him - certainly not.

 

”Occasionally.”

 

There was silence at Mino’s respond and he quickly took the medicine to continue his sleeping, but a thing came to his mind about cutting.

 

 

”What about you?!

 

 

Gunhee turned his attention towards Mino from the criminal show on the TV. He was thinking about the answer.

 

 

”When it hurts.” Gunhee was serious with his answer and Mino understood, what the boy meant, even though the answer was a little unclear. Shyly smiling comfortingly to the boy Mino started walking to towards his room wishing him a good night.

 

 

 

He couldn’t sleep yet, because the things he did in the party where spinning in his head and the consequences tomorrow at school.

 

 

 

And he was really sure, that he heard movement from the kitchen at night.

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

Waking up in the morning, feeling better, Mino started to put on his black, little saggy pants and his black hoodie and packed his bag on time. He didn’t want to stay laying on his bed for another day, but he wasn’t tempted about the school either.

He patted his face cream on his face, he pulled hair gel on his hair with his fingers - like always and drank his coffee. Gunhee was of course still sleeping, but Mino wanted to trust him and leave confidently the boy home alone.

 

It was a little warmer outside than the last time, but again pulling his hood on his head and lightened his cigarette Mino walked to school a little late.

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

So many weird glances.. Mino thought while walking to his second class, as he couldn’t make to the first one. Even a few middle schoolers looked at him and immediately after that started to explain something to their friends. Really disturbing.

Even some strangers greeted him, which was a little suspicious, but he just played along.

 

Fortunately Bobby was in school.

 

 

”Mino goddamit.” Bobby turned smiling widely from his group of friends when he saw him. There were Hanbin, Junhoe and Jinhwan with Bobby. Mino smiled to the boy, because knew this day would be full of gossiping about the latest party and Mino happened to make drinking a little too big thing at the party.

 

”We heard some things.” Junhoe laughed with his deep voice with a familiar annoyingly spiteful tone. Mino didn’t even want to know.

 

”Apparently you made out with some girl who is two years older.” Hanbin said amused. He did remember it somehow, but he didn’t remember how did he end up outside after that, where Taehyun had took him home.

 

”Actually three years.” Bobby cleared proudly and Mino just rolled his eyes, when the boys seemed so proud of him messing up.

 

”What class do we even have now?” Mino sighted heavily and gave a laugh, when he didn’t want to continue the topic.

 

”History.” Hanbin blurted out from under his fake glasses. . Mino managed keep his expression deadpan, even though Seunghoon came to his mind and how he had a strange feeling about the boy nowadays. Like his name was mentioned in the party or something..

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

 

Seunghoon had been late - again. Everyone else had gone to finish up their project, when Mino was still sitting in the class room while playing on his phone.

There was a weak knock on the door and Mino could already feel the boy’s essence and smell his scent.

 

”S-sorry that I’m late.” his quiet voice was heard and he walked to the classroom. When was the last time they saw each other? Why did it feel like it hadn’t been that long ..

 

They looked at each other almost for a second in the eyes and something in the boy’s essence felt like darkening every time. Those three familiar cuts were decorating Seunghoon’s cheek, but they were open. That lifeless gaze from under his hair made him get up from his seat and move.

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

They walked with a familiar distance to a familiar place - put this time for the last time. After this day Mino was supposed to leave Seunghoon alone.. they sat on a bench under a blooming tree, but they were more silent than usual. They didn’t say anything for couple of minutes.

 

 

 

”Is it ready?” Mino broke the silence and looked at the boy’s reddish cheek, where those cuts located. Seunghoon pretended to read his essay, but the boy’s lips and lids just shook for some reason, and his eyes didn’t jump from row to row like usual.

 

 

 

”Yeah.” the boy answered, but continued curious: ”What where you doing on thursday night?” Seunghoon turned his steady gaze to Mino, who bit his hoodie’s strings like a kid. Oh . He almost felt, how Seunghoon all the information from him with just one gaze.

 

”I was home. Why?” Mino frowned his black brows as convincing as possible, but his gaze moved elsewhere restlessly.

 

”Well because..” Seunghoon started story telling, but then looked at Mino’s eyes and felt like pulling a wall between them after all. ”Nothing.” he muttered dropping his gaze on the paper in his hands.

 

 

”No, tell me.” Mino tried to get the boy to trust him, because he was interested, all though knew really well, what the boy would say. Seunghoon hesitated for a while touching his grey sweater’s sleeves.

 

”I was just outside and someone found my cat and I thought it was… you.” the boy told the story very summarily, but it was seen from the boy’s expression that he regretted, that he had said this. Mino just stayed silent, because he couldn’t decide how to react.

 

”But I guess I was just imagining this.” Seunghoon ended the story in a dismissive tone and stood up from the bench quickly. Mino stayed steady as he looked, how the boy started walking with the ready essay in his hand.

Under the black muff he fighted between the truth and lying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

”Wait.”

 

 

 

 

 

After all he didn’t want to lie to the boy. Seunghoon stopped after few meters and turned around, when Mino walked haltingly in front of Seunghoon his pulse raising.

 

 

”It was me.”

 

Seunghoon’s expression changed shyly judgmentally, when he didn’t know how to react. Mino wouldn’t know either. Or maybe he would - he would’ve got angry, but it was a different thing, if he could get angry at Seunghoon.

 

 

”Well…” Seunghoon muttered looking at the green grass trying to lighten his thoughts. Mino was afraid from the bottom of his heart for a question: ’Why?’ Mino himself didn’t know yet and it could sound really stalkerish.

 

 

 

”Thank you, I guess.” the boy sighted and put his mouth in a line, his brows frowning a little bit. After a moment he looked at Mino, who felt how they would never talk again. Seunghoon was starting to walk straight, when from left side, steps were heard from the school’s smoking corner. The worst what Mino managed to imagine - happened. Sangwoo and Chanyong walked towards them with cigarettes in their hands and with bloodthirsty grins on their faces. Mino suddenly felt really hot and his head was hit by thoughts, but he didn’t manage to say anything. What were the boys even thinking about the situation? Did they know about the pair project? They didn’t think they were just chatting outside, right?

 

Seunghoon tried to walk towards the school, but Chanyong jumped in front of the boy and poked him with his shoulder so strongly, that Seunghoon needed to look for his balance.

 

”Going somewhere?”

 

The boy shook his head like crazy and Mino saw, how his whole body just wanted to run and run.. Mino pulled his own bad boy mask on his face, even though his pulse had raised even more.

 

”Hello.” the boys greeted and took the situation in their control like Gods.

 

”Hey.”

 

”Is there a problem here?”

 

Mino glared at Seunghoon, who was squeezing the essay in his hand so much, that the paper was just a ball as he watched down. How could he save the situation for the boy? He probably couldn’t..

 

”I hope not.” Mino blurted out coldly and put his hands in his jeans’ front pockets as he raised his brows to Seunghoon and leaned back lazily. This had to be easy, to be a jerk.

 

”Are you trying to pick a fight, huh?” Chanyong laughed as he lowered himself trying to meanly stare the boy in the eyes, although Seunghoon didn’t want to. Sangwoo accompanied with his low laughter. They tried their all, so they’d have a reason to hate Seunghoon.

 

”Do you still have a hangover?” the boys changed the topic, but without letting Seunghoon go. Mino laughed at the boys’ talk - like he meant it.

 

”We heard some things.”

 

”We probably know more about that night than you do.”

 

”Very possible.” Mino rubbed his neck while laughing awkwardly.

 

 

”Next time be careful that you won’t make out with my little sister again.” Chanyong stared at Mino using the same expression as before, the other side of his lip slightly raised, his eyes glittering with special kind of madness and eyebrows slightly raised. Mino didn’t know how to react, not in any way. He just stared back his dark eyebrows puckered. Sangwoo moved his hand with a cigarette in it scarily towards Seunghoon’s hand and the reason cleared up, when he pressed the cigarette’s burning tip on Seunghoon’s wrist. Even though Mino couldn’t endure to watch, how the boy bit his lip water (or tears) in his eyes and didn’t move, he saw the situation as a test and tried to not to care.

 

”I-I didn’t know.”

 

The boys probably started to leave and threw the cigarettes away. Seunghoon grabbed in pain - but quietly his wrist and started to walk inside.

 

 

”Of course you didn’t.” Chanyong muttered scarily and turned his leather jacket back towards him as he walked towards the school with Sangwoon.

 

 

 

Mino breathed heavily as he stayed to stand there alone like a statue. Had he read the boy’s tone correctly, that he was suddenly mad at him?

 

 

 

Mino was a coward, because he could feel, how the fear flowed in his veins from just imaging, what those boys could do to him, if he would become their new target.

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

It was time for the last lesson and Mino thought that the day couldn’t become worse.

 

He couldn’t stand maths at all, so he decided to sneak to the bathroom for a while during the class. It was ghostly quiet in the hallways as he walked to the second floor’s small boy’s toilet, which never had anyone in it.

 

As he arrived to the door he noticed, that this time there was, because the door didn’t open and boys’ laughing and excited voices were heard from there. Mino could bet who were there, so he stayed to listen.

 

 

”Ew what the you are disgusting.”

 

”Keep the mouth open.” Mino wanted to disappear after that sentence, because he didn’t have a good feeling about this…

 

”It’s going to throw up again soon.”

 

”Ahh, I’m already fifteen minutes late from class.”

 

”Let’s go.” Mino panicked and with few steps he jumped in the girls’ toilet, because it was the closest door and thank god there wasn’t anyone in there. He opened the girls’ toilet door slightly and observed like his life depended from it.

 

”Maybe it will survive out of school sometime.” they walked out of the bathroom and Mino’s pulse raised as he was afraid, what would he find in the toilet. Slowly he started to inch towards the boys’s side and a smell of urine reached his nose - more than usual.

 

On the left side there were three toilet stalls and the door of the last one was open and a small stream of yellow liquid flowed from it. He started to  his hair from the unpleasantness and turned up his nose, and he truly wouldn’t have wanted to go there unless it was Seunghoon. 

 

Trying to avoid stepping on urine he came to the stall’s door and saw the boy on the curled up on the floor, shaking and his face buried in his hands - all covered with urine. It seemed very awkward, because he was so tall. There was vomit like liquid in the toilet seat. Seeing that felt even more bad what Mino could’ve guessed. Seunghoon probably thought he was one of the bullies. He locked the toilet’s door and returned to the boy.

 

”Seunghoon..” he said quietly, full of pity, when he hesitatingly put his hand on his wet shoulder. The smell was disgusting.

 

”Go away.” Seunghoon answered so quietly that Mino barely heard him.

 

”No I won’t.” Mino answered sharply and started to plan his way to his locker to get his gym clothes, which (thank god again) were in the second floor too. Seunghoon didn’t say anything, he just shook, but still the boy didn’t cry.

 

”I’ll be right back.” Mino announced when he left running to his locker which was few meters away. He hoped the whole run to the locker that no one would go to the toilet before him. His speed was as fast as he could. In some way besides feeling pity, he felt like he owed him. 

 

 

The toilet still looked the same when he came back and again locking the door he crouched next to Seunghoon. He started to dig his gym clothes from his bag, which were black Adidas college pants and a white sleeveless shirt. To Mino’s disappointment he noticed he had left home his jacket which matched with the pants.

 

 

”Seunghoon..” Mino tried again and this time he shook the boy really gently. He still didn’t react at all. But if only he had knew that Mino wouldn’t give up on him.

 

 

”I have clothes for you.” Now Seunghoon moved his hand from his face and peeked shyly at Mino, amazed. Mino thought the boy needed some encouragement so he offered his hand to help. Seunghoon’s face reddened and his pretty dark eyes seemed irritated and they were judging Mino. Mino knew that he couldn’t avoid his help forever and he pulled down his wall and grabbed Mino’s hand which was shaking. A small smile tried to form on Mino’s lips, when he helped Seunghoon up from the floor. He didn’t seem very thrifty, he was pale and it wasn’t just because of the lightning of the toilet.

 

Seunghoon sat down slowly on the level of the sink’s marble, and still couldn’t stop himself from shaking. Mino handed the clothes to the boy, and looked at him unsurely.

 

”So that it would be easier I recommend you to leave school right away.” Mino thought aloud, because his friends would probably recognize his clothes right away and the bullies would notice, that someone had helped Seunghoon. The size of the risk made him regret slightly.

 

”Mm..” Seunghoon muttered as he changed his gaze towards Mino.

 

Seunghoon raised his eyebrows questionly at Mino, which made Mino freeze, when the boy had already started to button his sweater open. Without saying a word Mino turned around and could not notice a side of him, which wanted to look. Oh .

 

Mino heard, how the boy took off his clothes and heard Seunghoon washing himself with the water of the sink. A thought started to heat him up, that Seunghoon had probably undressed completely. ’ Mino, stop!’ He tried to calm himself, but the situation was just weird.

 

”Mhm.” Seunghoon muttered when he was ready and Mino turned to look at him positively surprised, how good he looked in his clothes. Seunghoon didn’t seem that he was enjoying how closely Mino was staring at him.

 

”I’m sorry.” Mino blurted out to brake the silence.

 

”For what?” Seunghoon raised his eyebrows confused and leaned on the sink weakly.

 

”For what happened outside.” Mino answered and could feel, how the weight from his heart lightened. Seunghoon looked at him surprised, that Mino was able to be smart.

 

”You can’t do anything about it. It’s your role.”

 

”I know, but.. sometimes I just hope that it wouldn’t have to be.” Seunghoon looked at him suddenly with new eyes. There weren’t any tiredness or judging. Those eyes, which he had seen last time on that one night.

 

”I forgive you.” judging from Seunghoon’s little smile, Mino felt that in a long time he had done something right.

 

 

 

__________________

thank you again 

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