I change into regular clothes and sit at my desk on the floor in my room to do my homework while listening to Zico and Block B in my headphones until my mother comes in and asks me if I want to eat. I say yes and follow her to the kitchen where the adults all are served before me and we eat in silence for a while before my grandmother asks me how my day went.

"It went as every day does. Only thing different is there's another person who is now getting education in the school," I say, filling the space with as much words as I can at once.

"Oh? Who's the new student?" my grandfather asks, looking interested.

I look at the table before speaking,"Kim Nam Joon," I say before slurping up noodles.

"Is he smart?"

I give my mother a strange look, "How should I know if he is intellectually sound? He sits next to me in class, but he's a senior."

"Well that's nice, dear," my mother says before falling silent and again the aerospace above the dining table empties again.

-

After the meal, I carry all the dishes to the sink and then take the trash out. Outside, it's already getting dark and the street and residence gate lights are on, illuminating my whole street and the street Nam Joon apparently lives on.

I put my hands in my pockets and wander down the street to the corner despite having no real reason to do so.

Nam Joon walks through his gate entrance and simply closes it behind him. He steps to the side of it and leans against the wall, tilting his chin up. From where I'm standing, a street light shines on white headphones, indicating the idea that he's listening to music.

There's an apprehensive feeling in the air and I can't tell if it's me or him.

I impulsively come out of hiding so as not to feel weird about spying on the new kid, and approach him casually.

I get right up next to him and he doesn't react, because his eyes are closed and his music is real loud.

I tilt my head to the side and watch this really tall and slightly thug-looking teenager listen to music, completely oblivious to my presence.

I wave my hand in front of his face and Nam Joon opens his eyes, and looks at me, raising his eyebrows.

"Whoa."

Nam Joon pulls out his phone and turns off his music before putting his phone and headphones all in his white windbreaker jacket.

"Where did you come from?"

"I-" I point my thumb over my shoulder in the direction of my house and think better of it, "I live around here, actually."

"Jinjja?"

I scrunch my eyebrows, sure that I didn't stutter.

"Yeah. I do..."

Nam Joon looks at me and smiles shyly.

"What are you doing out here? You look a little upset. Kenchana?" I ask more out of habit than of concern.

"Ah. Ne. Kenchanayo."

I don't believe his words, but it's really none of my business.

"Do you wanna...walk to the park with me?" Nam Joon suddenly suggests in a quiet voice and his eyes are on the ground, not on me.

I shrug my shoulders, part of me really not wanting to do anything but go home, and part of me wanting to go ahead and spend time with Nam Joon just for the hell of it.

"Sure. Kah-jah."

So, out of nowhere, the events unfold as they do and we make our way through the lit and shadowed streets of our neighborhood to the typically abandoned and somewhat spooky playground about three blocks behind Nam Joon's house.

The playground is entirely shadowed over, but the privacy fences on three sides are lit up so we have a proverbial sense of privacy despite the avid tensity and feeling of isolation.

We sit on the rarely-used swings in opposite directions, but still able to talk to each other face to face.

"I've never been here before, in the dark," I say to start conversation.

"I go here around this time every night, actually. The air in my house is too stuffy so I come here to breathe...and think."

I watch the black mass that is Nam Joon's body in shadow, swing back and forth gently.

The darkness makes it easier to talk to him.

-

I close my eyes and start to swing by myself listening to the sound of the wind rustling through the trees around the playground.

"Julie is a nice girl. How long have you been friends?"

I smile, "She's been with me for a long time and I'm lucky to have such a good friend," I reply to him.

He sounds sad when he says quietly, "I miss my friends. I keep in touch with the same boys I grew up with in Elementary school."

"Where are you from?"

"I'm from Seoul, but not this side. I'm from closer to Incheon."

I make a noise, "That's a bit of a trip. I was born here."

The silence grows between us and for a second, I think that he has fallen asleep on me.

"Do I intimidate you?"

Nam Joon stands up suddenly and I can see the black shape of his body walk away from me and toward the slide.

No," I say as he walks away,"It's not that I don't like you Nam Joon."

He's too far away, so I get up and walk to him.

"It's not that you scare me. You just... remind me of someone. And the memories are hard to handle sometimes..."

"I- I'm sorry."

I put my hands in my pockets and look down at the ground even though it's too dark to see anything.

Before I can stop it, a flood of emotions I've been harboring for a longtime, suddenly overwhelm me and I start to cry.

I can feel Nam Joon looking at me, which makes me feel foolish and embarrassed.

Without even really being aware of it, only the sadness in my mind, I'm embraced gently and I feel the fabric of a windbreaker against my face.

Half of me is freaking out and saying that I should go home, the other half wants to pretend that this is only temporary, just like everybody else I know.

A flash of lighting shoots across the sky and thunder rumble as gradually the rain comes toward us from off in the distance. I close my eyes, not minding the rain and the wind anymore, taking advantage of this new kid's kindness. I forbid myself from getting attached, however.

I won't commit to anybody again. Not gonna have it.

I make all these promises to myself and yet I'm still standing in his embrace, and we've only known each other a whole day.

I bury my face in his windbreaker until I'm all cried out, and by then, we are both very much soaked by the rain shower. Surprisingly, the rain isn't cold, but the wind makes it seem colder.

Are you okay now?" Nam Joon's voice is soft and low, almost drowned out by the occasional thunderbolt rumbling overhead.

It's intimidating but I'm okay because I feel safe here.

I step out of his grasp and try not look at his face.

"Neh. Kenchanayo. We should go back now though, because it's raining."

In silence, we walk out of the playground shadows and at the turn in the road, before Nam Joon walks to his gate, he pulls out his cell phone and holds it out to me, with both hands in a respectful gesture.

"Can I have your number? Just to make sure that you're really sure that you're really sure that you'll be okay. I promise no tricks. I'm not flirting. Just friends, okay?"

I look at him in the light of a street lamp and the rain has made his hair hang into his face, partly covering his eyes. I look at his hands and unconsciously stretch my own fingers at my sides, opening and closing them in fists.

It seems like it takes a long time to reach out and take his phone, but I do. I put my number in and then snap a photo of the street lamp that lights up this small space we're standing in, and use it as the contact picture. I silently give him back his phone, offer a half bow and a small, "See you tomorrow," before going home without looking back.

Once inside my house, I kick off my shoes at the landing and walk across the dark house to my room. The butterflies in my stomach are kamikaze pilots and I'm shaking, either from the cold or from the feeling of unfamiliar closeness to another person after a long time of not letting people touch me. I can't tell which and I don't really care right now.

I change into warm dry clothes, dry my hair, and hang up my wet clothes in the bathroom before going to lay down in my bed.

I plug my phone in and leave it on the desk after setting the alarm for tomorrow morning. Sighing heavily, I watch the shadow of the rain from my window, on the wall and the door of my closet.

I slowly drift off, only faintly hearing my phone buzz with a simple message from an unknown number, "Good night. Stay warm."

As I sleep, I see Soo Yuk Li again and I miss him. His face alone, smiling at me, makes me cry in my sleep.

"Yuk Li... Where did you go?"

Ji Yoon Kim and Hyuk Jae Hyun appear beside Yuk Li and I miss them so much it hurts my heart.

-

I don't sleep well. I need some space before coming to grips with the fact that I have let Nam Joon hold me, so quickly.

I get up for school again, and it's still raining.