At the end of lunch, when the students come back, we wait in our seats for Teacher Clark to come get us and lead us to his classroom.

When he does, Nam Joon follows behind me because we line up accoring to seating pairs from the front of the class to the back. His towering frame behind me makes me feel like I'm about two feet tall and insignificant, but I don't say anything.

We follow in a line to the English classroom and sit like robots.

"Hello class. Did you enjoy your meal?"

A few of us answer the blond American Teacher, Mr. Clark. I don't. I don't even offer a simple nod or smile.

Teacher Clark notices me and says, "Can I get a class greeting from the Class president?"

Of course Ah Na stands up, all 5 foot 4 inches, even in heels, and push-up bra, glides to the back of the class.

"Attention," she sneers.

All of us sit up straight.

"Bow."

We bow a greeting from a sitting position. And then of course, Nam Joon grins and waves his arm in the air.

"Anneyonghaseyo, Seungsaangnim. Cheonun Kim Nam Joon ibnida."

Teacher Clark points his diciplin stick at Nam Joon, who is sitting across the isle and two seats away from me.

"Ah. A new student?"

"Neh!" Nam Joon's cheerfullness is compromising. A small part of me finds it cute that he's outgoing...but there's also a part of me that doesn't want to like anything about him. Because things always happen when I start to like people.

Avoiding eye contact with the entire room, I get up and bow.

"Teacher Clark. Please excuse me. I need to pee."

I need to get out of here at least and I need a valid reason to go or the teacher won't grant me a hall pass

I lower my head, walk to the front and wait for the teacher to sign a dismissing slip in the event I am caught in the hall by a teacher.

~

I'm not caught by anyone and I make it to the bathroom and hide in a stall. I close the toilet lid and sit on the top, my head on my hands and a headache beginning to grow in my right temple.

I'm well aware of my strange habbit of being cold to people. But it's just armor. I used to be smiling and happy just like them.

But the people I like, leave in one form or another.

"I'm Ji Yoon Kim,"....the first boy, jumped.

"My name is Soo Yuk Li"...the second, ran away from home.

"I am Hyuk Jae Hyun!"...the third, was kidnapped and I was never allowed to know his fate.

So this coldness is armor. It's all it can be.

I'm sitting, quietly sobbing, tears falling and my shoulders shaking a bit when the class alarm chimes.

I gasp and stand up, blurry-eyed. I had not noticed that I have been in here all hour.

I wipe my tears, wash my face in the sink and wait until I have gained my composure before walking out into the hallway.

I almost run into Nam Joon as I walk out but stop myself before actually touching him.

"Ah. Mianhe," Nam Joon says quietly.

I give him a weird look and then look behind him as the last of our class files down the hall in a line.

"Wae? What are you doing here?"

He scrunches his eyebrows together and runs his fingers through his hair. I stare at him, waiting for an answer.

"I-ah, I was waiting for you. Since we sit together and I didn't want you to-"

He stops mid-sentence as a tear escapes my eye and rolls down my cheek. I turn my head and wipe my tears on my blazer sleeve.

"Kwenchana? You-"

Nam Joon boldly tries to touch me and I grab his hand, pushing it up against his own chest forcing him to step back.

"Don't touch me. Your hands..." I say through clenched teeth.

Soo Yuk Li's face flashes through my mind, waving at me the day he disappeared from the neighborhood. I remember Soo Yuk's smile as he held my hand on our way to the movies the week before and when he had come to my house to celebrate my birthday. I was brushing my teeth and listening to music when two hands covered my eyes. I could see between his fingers though and saw our reflection in the mirror. I remember what his hands looked like; large, gentle, callused from many years of farming before moving closer to the city for school.

Nam Joon's hands remind me of Soo Yuk. I can't have that happening.

"Soo Ni..."

I let go of him and exhale sharply, "Don't put your hands on me."

I move down the hall and Nam Joon waits for a few seconds before walking behind me, with his hands in his blazer pockets.