*Knowing is one thing. Believing is another.

September 24, 2014

Dreams we’re never on my favor. They don’t show what I want to see. Every time I wake up, it feels like I didn’t rest at al. it just worsens and I guess I don’t look like the same old me. I feel drained of every happy thought I can conceive, and damn, I even feel like drowning myself. I started to enjoy hitting myself just to vent it out without hurting anyone. Free falling is the right term here, the difference is that the end of this trail is like the underworld (guess I won’t reach the pit of Tartarus yet, just the asphodel). I’ll end up as a wandering soul without any memory to hold on.

“We’ve reached our destination…”

Everything’s in haze, the sounds seem like fading murmurs in the ears. I didn’t bother to let my eyes linger on what’s outside the window. I’d rather end up rotting on this seat than to explore out there. Who cares about those creatures lurking on the ocean’s depth and was held hostages within a gigantic aquarium for everyone’s entertainment?

I’ll just see myself within that glass, moving carelessly in any direction; just an insignificant bubble in the ocean.

“Excuse me, but we’re supposed to be out there a minute ago.”

“Then why didn’t you go first? You don’t need to wait for me.”

“But I’m one of the tour guides here, and I need to ensure that everything goes as planned, with every tourist enjoying and-”

“Fine, I’ll get moving now. Stop being a walking advertisement.”

It didn’t made sense to the wolf wearing a lamb skin named Jinwoo, when he saw the taller male respond with a genuine smile. He wasn’t being nice, nor was he meant the words to come out as the fruit of his sense of humor. He thought, that the guy in front of him supposed to be creeped out by his looks and demeanor (because who wears a gray hoodie matched with black pants on a hot summer day looking petrified on his seat the whole ride not even minding to complain and curse global warming?).

“Don’t give me that face. Just go.”

“After you.”

Jinwoo’s brow was raised due to the tour guide’s answer. He shouldn’t be the one giving an effort in making others move out his way, they go away on instinct. He wasn’t Jinwoo if the people adore him. He guessed, nature had some problem when completing the whole existence of the man in front of him, for he’s doing the opposite of what the now frowning Jinwoo expects.

“Hey, no need to look at me that way. I just need to ensure that you’ll keep your words and really go out into the open air and not hide here. So, let’s go?”

“Who told you to link arms with me?”Jinwoo asked, his natural doe eyes turning into slits, sending off a dark aura and a glare to the grinning man (that he doesn’t even want to be close with), and if looks can pierce the soul and cut limbs, the guy would be armless by now.

“I told you just now, so you won’t escape and run away. By the way, I’m Min Ho, but it’s fine to call me just Mino.”

He didn’t replied and just put all his focus on prying off the tanned (more like dark) guy who call himself Mino, but the latter’s hold is that of an iron clamp. He let out a sigh of exasperation, stomped loudly and started to walk out the bus (with an obnoxious dark monkey clinging on his right arm, giving him goose bumps because, does that mean he looks like a tree now? Nah, his height doesn’t agree. He’s even sure he didn’t use any banana-scented perfume, so what’s with the arm loop?).

“Hey that’s-”

“I’m not asking.”

“And that’s-”

“I’m not interested.”

“Anyways, that’s-”

“Point another one and speak another word and I’ll cut that finger off your hand!”

Every eye fell on them due to Jinwoo’s outburst, but he doesn’t mind the looks they give him, not at all. It’s a faster way of saying, “Hey, I’m a bad guy, don’t come near me.” It’s just that, Mino is either an alien or just plain stupid to understand Jinwoo’s obvious irritation.

“I’m not the only tourist here, go bother someone else. And stop trying to link arms with me again.”

“But you’re the only grumpy one here, so it’s my job to be your personal guide for today. Aren’t you lucky?”

“In what part am I lucky? And when did the job description of a tour guide include that incentive? And why did they hire someone as loud and clingy as you?”

What he expected to hear was a retort (with a couple of punches here and there) due to his straight insults, he didn’t expect to feel the man’s warm hand ruffling his hair and giggling like a school girl (for a man with looks of him, he’s obviously exudes feminine actions once in a while which is kind of awkward for the innocent looking guy), coughing immediately to avoid embarrassing his self further.

“You’re cute.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes you are.”

“I’m not.”

“I said you are cute, you haven’t looked at yourself in the mirror?”

September 25, 2014

Nothing goes with what I plan. I keep on going anywhere even though I always end up like a lost puppy.  I don’t like the weather. Sunlight makes me want to cower where the brightness won’t reach me. The breeze is having fun with tickling my expose neck. I hate it. And, what’s the name of that monkey? Right, Mino. I hate him. The definition of his name should sound something like ‘mischief’. He looks happy, well almost everyone around me looks happy and content. That’s also one of the parts I hate. Why did I even choose to let my feet bring me to this place? Everything shouts colors and laughter and warm cocoa drink before going to bed. I hate it.

“What are you doing?”

Jinwoo snapped out from his diary recorder because of the taller guy’s sudden appearance. He clutched the gadget closer to his chest, like his life depended on it (well, it’s the casket of all his secrets so it’s a really valuable item, at the moment).

“Who told you that you can go sneaking on people because you just want to?”

“I’m not sneaking on you, you’re too paranoid Jinwoo-ssi. I just came here to give you this. You’re looking paler than yesterday. Are you not feeling well?”

A hand was shoved in front of him, holding a cup of mocha latte. Something within him felt like being struck. It was the first time someone asked him about his very own welfare. Not that he needed that kind of attention from anyone.

“Not feeling well is an understatement. And keep your being nosy to yourself. I don’t need it.”

“Won’t you stop being a brat and pain in the ? Just this once, until you’ve completed the tour package?” Mino said with so much conviction, Jinwoo almost believed he was possessed. Almost.

When his composure returned, Jinwoo pulled the coffee out of Mino’s grasp, gave him a glare and immediately pointed the straw the latter’s slightly parted lips.

“Drink.  That’s your money. I don’t need it. I don’t need your attention, so stop sparing me one. You’re the only one who makes me speak this long, and I don’t want to continue trying to control myself from hitting you straight on the face and just break that nose of yours.”

“You always use the negative words. It doesn’t suit your face and physique at all.”

“Stop looking at me and just go away.”

“Don’t be so cold at anyone who’s trying to befriend you. It’s not like I’m sneaking at your life so quickly. And it’s not every day that someone would have the courage to befriend you.”

“I don’t need any form of connection from you, or from anyone. I’m good with just myself and my shadow, and I don’t need anyone to be a burden to me.”

Instead of another sharp angry reply, Mino’s tough image melted into his old self, the smiling and trying to be adorable (though really, aegyo doesn’t suit his masculine appearance) in front of the deer guy.

“You know what? I hate myself too. I guess it will take long for this man in front of you to be worn off from trying to befriend the likes of you.”

September 26, 2014

I’m home. No one to come to, no one to welcome me. But, I enjoy this silence and comfort right? No one’s going to bother me again. I’m totally fine. And after that trip to Manila, my next stop would be-

He was cut off by the knock on his apartment’s door.

I was talking about my great solitude and then someone tries to bother me, just my luck.

When there was no more sound, he tried to continue recording for his diary, but was cut off again. He immediately went to know who’s trying to be a nuisance to him as early as 8:22 in the morning.

What he saw was not what he expected. It would have been better if it was Dara, the bubbly lady who lives at the end of the hall and trying to pursue him to cross dress for her just to pull a prank to her group of friends (Jinwoo is not sure why they call themselves 2ne1 when all of them are not 21 years old anymore), or Seungri, the guy who lives next door and is trying to give him a blind date because he said Jinwoo needs some ‘spice’ in his life. But no.

It was Mino, in all his glory and horrible grin.

At least it wasn’t a serial killer or a kidnapper or a bad guy (no, he’s not considering Mino to be a good guy either).

“Hello Jinwoo-ssi! I just decided I should drop by to know if you’re alright and you haven’t tried to jump off this building. Yet. Anyways, here, I brought you breakfast. I don’t think you have cooke anything yet.”

“How did you even know the location of my apartment? And why are you so sure of what I’ll do and I won’t do? Who the heck do you think you are? A mind reader?”

“Hey, with that face you’re giving me, you’re making me feel that I look like a bloody murderer, that I am not, I assure you. So, can I come in?”

Knowing that he couldn’t do anything (he thinks so) to shove the man away, he let him in, not without some cuss words here and there. It’s not that much to make your ears bleed.

“”

“Hey Jinu hyung, you sound like a cussing machine.”

His head snapped into the younger male’s direction after hearing the nickname he gave him (because  he doesn’t like it at all, or he believes so).

“What did you call me?”

“Ah, nothing, I just guess it fits you. But don’t worry, I won’t say it again. Don’t mind me.”

“How would I not mind you if you’re here within my very own personal space?”

“Let’s just say, you can totally trust me.”

And Jinwoo couldn’t understand why he believes he can trust Mino without being afraid at all. And that’s why he fear any connection, he thinks it would end up abruptly, the way it started to fast.

His façade is as cold as always. But the next words from the monkey guy, as how he call him in his mind, broke it.

“By the way Jinwoo-ssi, happy birthday!”

Saying he was surprised is an understatement.  He was definitely shocked. The not so familiar warmth seeping within him again.

In front of him was a chocolate cupcake with an unlighted candle on top. After noticing, Mino immediately panicked and find for any match or lighter within his black backpack.

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry, I just want to surprise you and all I forgot to bring a lighter or some matches and I guess I totally screwed this up but-”

“Stop this. Just go.”

“But Jin-”

“I said go! What’s hard to understand with that statement?!”

Rejection that harsh should make him angry right? But then again, he remembered Mino was not normal. No part of the monkey guy is normal.

“Alright Jinwoo-ssi! I’ll just leave this breakfast meal and cupcake here on your table. Don’t say you won’t eat, okay? Bye!”

He literally slammed the door on the still smiling Mino (doesn’t he get tired with the never-ending happy face at all?) who tried to say another goodbye to the angry male (that’s what he’s telling his self the reason for feeling the unwanted warmth) and locked his self within his room.

He saw his diary recorder and turned it on. He considered it his best friend, really. It doesn’t try to talk to him and annoy him (of course it’s a plain gadget).

Nothing that’s happening today is right. Nothing at all. He should be moving away from me, not trying to be closer. What should I do?! He’s like a gum that’s hard to scrape off.  I want him out of my life! The nerve of that guy to irritate me like this! I hate him! I hate him, I hate him!

I hate him, I guess.

*The first part is up. I'm not sure when would I post the next one, but I hope you'll be patient to wait too guys. (-_-)v

*Thank you for reading.